The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (480 page)

seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward

shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two

pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

Yes, by these gloves he did, if he didn't may I

never enter my own bedroom again; there were

seven groatsworth of silver sixpences, and two Edward

the Sixth shillings that cost me two shillings and tuppence

each from Ned Miller, by these gloves.

FALSTAFF

Is this true, Pistol?

Is this true, Pistol?

SIR HUGH EVANS

No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

No; if a pocket has been picked, it is false.

PISTOL

Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.

Word of denial in thy labras here!

Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

Ha, you Welshman! Sir John and my master,

I reject the challenge of this tin sword.

Deny it with your lips!

Deny it: froth and scum, you are lying!

SLENDER [pointing at Nym]

By these gloves, then, 'twas he.

Then I swear, it was him.

NYM

Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say

'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's

humour on me; that is the very note of it.

Be careful, sir, and mind how you go: if you

try and play the policeman with me, you might

fall into your own trap; that's the long and short of it.

SLENDER

By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for

though I cannot remember what I did when you made me

drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

Well I swear by my hat, then, that the one with the red face took it;

although I can't remember everything I did when you made me

drunk, I'm not a complete ass.

FALSTAFF

What say you, Scarlet and John?

What have you got to say, Scarlet and John?

BARDOLPH

Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk

himself out of his five sentences.

Why, sir, I would say that the gentleman was drunk

out of his five sentences.

SIR HUGH EVANS

It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

The phrase is “his five senses": my goodness, how ignorant!

BARDOLPH

And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and

so conclusions passed the careires.

And being drunk, Sir, was, as they say, fined; and

so things got out of hand.

SLENDER

Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no

matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,

but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:

if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have

the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

Yes, you spoke in Latin then as well; but it doesn't

matter: I'll never be drunk again as long as I live,

except in honest, civil, pious company, due to this trick:

if I get drunk, I'll get drunk with those who have

the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

SIR HUGH EVANS

So Got 'urge me, that is a virtuous mind.

As God is my witness, that is a virtuous thought.

FALSTAFF

You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following

You have heard all these allegations denied, gentlemen; you have heard it.

PAGE

Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.

Exit ANNE PAGE

No, daughter, take the wine inside; we will drink it in there.

SLENDER

O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

Good heavens! This is Mistress Anne Page.

PAGE

How now, Mistress Ford!

Hello there, Mistress Ford!

FALSTAFF

Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:

by your leave, good mistress.

Kisses her

Mistress Ford, upon my word, it's good to see you:

with your permission, good mistress.

PAGE

Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a

hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope

we shall drink down all unkindness.

Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS

Wife, welcome these gentlemen. Come on, we have

a hot venison pie for dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope

we can swallow our differences over a drink.

SLENDER

I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of

Songs and Sonnets here.

Enter SIMPLE

How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait

on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles

about you, have you?

I would rather have my book of songs and sonnets here

than have forty shillings.

Hello there, Simple! Where have you been? I have to

serve myself, do I? You haven't got the book of riddles

with you, have you?

SIMPLE

Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice

Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight

afore Michaelmas?

The book of riddles! Why, didn't you lend it to Alice

Shortcake at last Halloween, a fortnight

before Michaelmas?

SHALLOW

Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with

you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a

tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh

here. Do you understand me?

Come on, cousin; come on, cousin; we are waiting for you. A word

with you, cousin; in fact, this, cousin: there is, as it were,

a plan, a kind of plan, hatched by Sir Hugh

here. Do you understand me?

SLENDER

Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,

I shall do that that is reason.

Yes, sir, you will find me understanding; if I am

I shall do what is understandable.

SHALLOW

Nay, but understand me.

No, you must understand me.

SLENDER

So I do, sir.

I do, sir.

SIR HUGH EVANS

Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will

description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

Listen to what he says, Master Slender: I will

explain the matter to you, if you can understand it.

SLENDER

Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray

you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his

country, simple though I stand here.

No, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I beg you

excuse me; he's a justice of the peace in his

neck of the woods, as true as I'm standing here.

SIR HUGH EVANS

But that is not the question: the question is

concerning your marriage.

But that's not what we're talking about: the subject is

your marriage.

SHALLOW

Ay, there's the point, sir.

Yes, that's the thing, sir.

SIR HUGH EVANS

Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

Indeed, it is; absolutely the subject; to Mistress Anne Page.

SLENDER

Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any

reasonable demands.

Well, if that's the case, I will marry her under any

reasonable conditions.

SIR HUGH EVANS

But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to

know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers

philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the

mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your

good will to the maid?

But can you capture the woman's affections? We want to

hear the sort of thing that will come from your mouth or your lips;

for many scientists say that the lips are part of the mouth.

So, tell us exactly, can you convince the girl

that you love her?

SHALLOW

Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

SLENDER

I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that

would do reason.

I hope, sir, I will do it in the manner of someone

doing the right thing.

SIR HUGH EVANS

Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak

possitable, if you can carry her your desires

towards her.

No, God's lords and his ladies! You must speak

positively, if you are going to convince her

of your desire.

SHALLOW

That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

That's right. Will you, if you get a good dowry, marry her?

SLENDER

I will do a greater thing than that, upon your

request, cousin, in any reason.

I will do bigger things that, if you ask me,

cousin, for any reason.

SHALLOW

Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do

is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

No, understand me, understand me, sweet cousin: what I'm doing

is for your pleasure, cousin. Can you love the girl?

SLENDER

I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there

be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may

decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are

married and have more occasion to know one another;

I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:

but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that

I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

I will marry her, sir, if you ask me: but if there

is no great love at the beginning, then heaven may

make it even less as we get better acquainted, when we are

married and have more chances to see each other;

I hope that familiarity will breed contempt:

but if you say, “marry her," I will marry her;

I've made my mind up to that, dissolutely.

SIR HUGH EVANS

It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in

the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our

meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.

That is a very good answer; except there's a mistake in

the word “dissolutely”: the word you want is