The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (144 page)

I swear, I'm kissing you very truly.

FALSTAFF.

I am old, I am old.

I am old, I am old.

DOLL.

I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of

them all.

I love you more than I have ever loved any of these young rascals.

FALSTAFF.

What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o'

Thursday:  shalt have a cap to-morrow. A merry song, come:  it

grows late; we'll to bed. Thou'lt forget me when I am gone.

What material would you like for a dress? I'm getting money

on Thursday: I'll buy you a cap tomorrow. Let's have

a merry song: it's getting late; we'll go to bed.

You won't remember me when I'm gone.

DOLL.

By my troth, thou'lt set me a-weeping, an thou sayest so:

prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return:  well,

hearken at the end.

I swear, you'll start me crying, saying that:

I shall keep myself looking nice to wait for your  return:

you'll see.

FALSTAFF.

Some sack, Francis.

Let's have some sack, Francis.

PRINCE & POINS.

Anon, anon, sir.

At once, sir.

[Coming forward.]

FALSTAFF.

Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art thou not Poins

his brother?

Ha! A bastard son of the king's? And aren't you his brother Poins?

PRINCE.

Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead!

Why, you old world full of sin, what a life you lead!

FALSTAFF.

A better than thou:  I am a gentleman; thou art a drawer.

A better one than you: I am a gentleman, you are a beer puller.

PRINCE.

Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by the ears.

Very true, sir; and I've come to pull you out by the ears.

HOSTESS.

O, the Lord preserve thy grace! by my troth, welcome to

London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet face of thine!  O Jesu,

are you come from Wales?

May the Lord preserve your Grace! I swear, you are welcome

to London. May the Lord bless your sweet face! O Jesus,

have you come from Wales?

FALSTAFF.

Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light

flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

You majestic old son of a bitch, you are welcomed

by this light body and corrupt blood.

DOLL.

How, you fat fool! I scorn you.

What, you fat fool! I reject you.

POINS.

My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all

to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

My lord, he'll make you forget your revenge and make everything

jolly, if you don't do something now.

PRINCE.

You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of

me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!

You great bucket of fat, you, how horribly you just spoke of me

in front of this honest, good, polite gentlewoman!

HOSTESS.

God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by my troth.

May God bless your good heart! That's what she is, I swear.

FALSTAFF.

Didst thou hear me?

Did you hear me?

PRINCE.

Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by

Gad's-hill:  you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose

to try my patience.

Yes, and you knew it was me, as you did when you ran away

at Gadshill: you knew I was behind you, and said it on purpose

to annoy me.

FALSTAFF.

No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing.

No, no, no; I didn't; I didn't think you were within earshot.

PRINCE.

I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse; and then I

know how to handle you.

Then I shall make you admit your wilful abuse; and then I

know what to do with you.

FALSTAFF.

No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour; no abuse.

There was no abuse, Hal, I swear; no abuse.

PRINCE.

Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and bread-chipper and I

know not what!

Not when you were putting me down, and called me a pantry man and a bread trimmer,

and I don't know what else!

FALSTAFF.

No abuse, Hal.

There was no abuse, Hal.

POINS.

No abuse!

No abuse!

FALSTAFF.

No abuse, Ned, i' the world; honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before

the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with him; in which

doing, I have done the part of a careful friend and a true subject,

and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal:  none,

Ned, none:  no, faith, boys, none.

No abuse, Ned, not at all; honest Ned, none. I was just putting him down

in front of these wicked people, so that they wouldn't love him;

doing that I was being a good friend and a true subject,

and your father shall thank me for it. No abuse, Hal:

none, Ned, none: no, I swear, boys, none.

PRINCE.

See now, whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not make thee

wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us.  Is she of the wicked?

is thine hostess here of the wicked? or is thy boy of the wicked?

or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?

Let's see if your pure fear and great cowardice has made you

insult this good gentlewoman here. Is she one of the wicked?

Is your hostess here one of the wicked? Or your servant?

Or honest Bardolph, whose passion burns in his nose?

POINS.

Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

Answer, you rotten tree, answer.

FALSTAFF.

The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable; and his

face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he doth nothing but roast

malt-worms.

For the boy, there is a good angel about him; but the devil

attends him too.

The devil has got Bardolph written down as a definite victim;

his red face is like Lucifer's private kitchen, where all he does is roast boozers.

As for the boy, he has a good angel with him; but the devil

has got his eye on him.

PRINCE.

For the women?

What about the women?

FALSTAFF.

For one of them, she is in hell already, and burns poor souls.

For the other, I owe her money; and whether she be damned for

that, I know not.

As for one of them, she is in hell already, and burns poor souls with the pox.

As for the other, I owe her money: I don't know whether that means she's damned or not.

HOSTESS.

No, I warrant you.

Not, I swear.

FALSTAFF.

No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry, there

is another indictment upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in

thy house, contrary to the law; for the which I think thou wilt howl.

No, I think you're not; I think you will get away with that. However,

there is another charge against you, for allowing meat to be eaten in

your house, against the law; I think you'll be punished for that.

HOSTESS.

All victuallers do so:  what 's a joint of mutton or two in a

whole Lent?

All innkeepers do that: what's the harm in one or two

joints of mutton over the whole of Lent?

PRINCE.

You, gentlewoman,--

You, gentlewoman–

DOLL.

What says your grace?

What are you saying, your Grace?

FALSTAFF.

His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

He's saying something to be polite that he knows isn't true.

[Knocking within.]

HOSTESS.

Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the door there, Francis.

Who's knocking so loudly at the door? See to the door, Francis.

[Enter Peto.]

PRINCE.

Peto, how now! what news?

Peto, hello there! What news?

PETO.

The king your father is at Westminster;

And there are twenty weak and wearied posts

Come from the north:  and, as I came along,

I met and overtook a dozen captains,

Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,

And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.

Your father the King is at Westminster;

and there are twenty exhausted messengers

from the North: and, as I came along,

I met and overtook a dozen captains,

in a great rush, sweating, knocking on all the tavern doors,

everyone asking for Sir John Falstaff.

PRINCE.

By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame,

So idly to profane the precious time,

When tempest of commotion, like the south

Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt

And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.

Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.

By heaven, Poins, I feel very guilty

at wasting away precious time

when a great storm like those carried

on the south winds is beginning to

empty its black clouds on our unprotected heads.

Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.

[Exeunt Prince, Poins, Peto, and Bardolph.]

FALSTAFF.

Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must

hence, and leave it unpicked.

[Knocking within.] More knocking at the door!

[Re-enter Bardolph.]

How now! what's the matter?

Now we come to the sweetest part of the night, and we must

leave, and can't enjoy it. More knocking at the door!

Hello there! What's the matter?

BARDOLPH.

You must away to court, sir, presently;

A dozen captains stay at door for you.

You must go to court sir, at once;

there are a dozen captains waiting at the door for you.

FALSTAFF.

[To the Page].

Pay the musicians, sirrah.  Farewell, hostess; farewell, Doll.

You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after: