The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (148 page)

That is enough, sir.

FALSTAFF.

I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?

I am much obliged, good Feeble. Who's next?

SHALLOW.

Peter Bullcalf o' th' green!

Peter Bullcalf of the green!

FALSTAFF.

Yea, marry, let 's see Bullcalf.

Right, now, let's see Bullcalf.

BULLCALF.

Here, sir.

Here, sir.

FALSTAFF.

'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf till he roar

again.

By God, a good fellow! Tick off Bullcalf so we can hear him roar.

BULLCALF.

O Lord! good my lord captain,--

O Lord! My good lord captain–

FALSTAFF.

What, dost thou roar before thou art prick'd?

What, roaring already?

BULLCALF.

O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.

O Lord, sir! I am an ill man.

FALSTAFF.

What disease hast thou?

What disease have you got?

BULLCALF.

A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing

in the king's affairs upon his coronation-day, sir.

A rotten cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I got celebrating

the King's business on coronation day, sir.

FALSTAFF.

Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we will have away thy cold;

and I will take such order that thy friends shall ring for thee.

Is here all?

Come, will make sure you're wrapped up warm; we'll get rid of

that cold; and make sure your friends take over your duties.

Is that the lot?

SHALLOW.

Here is two more called than your number; you must have but four here,

sir; and so, I pray you, go in with me to dinner.

You have two more than you asked for; you only wanted four,

sir; and so, please, come in with me to dinner.

FALSTAFF.

Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am

glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.

Come, I will have a drink with you, but I can't wait for dinner. I am

glad to see you, I swear, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.

O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the windmill

in Saint George's field?

Oh, Sir John, do you remember the time we stopped all night

at the sign of the windmill in St George's?

FALSTAFF.

No more of that, Master Shallow, no more of that.

That's enough of that, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.

Ha, 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?

Ha, that was a jolly night. And is Jane Nightwork still alive?

FALSTAFF.

She lives, Master Shallow.

She's still alive, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.

She never could away with me.

She couldn't stand me.

FALSTAFF.

Never, never; she would always say she could not abide Master

Shallow.

Never, never; she always said she couldn't stand Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.

By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. She was then a bona-roba.

Doth she hold her own well?

I swear, I could drive her mad. She was a fine lass then.

Has she kept her looks?

FALSTAFF.

Old, old, Master Shallow.

She's old, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.

Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old; certain she 's old;

and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.

Yes, she must be old; she can't help being old; it's certain she's old;

she had Robin Nightwork with old Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.

SILENCE.

That's fifty-five year ago.

That's fifty-five years ago.

SHALLOW.

Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I

have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

Ha, cousin Silence, you should have seen the things this knight

and I have seen! Aren't I right, Sir John?

FALSTAFF.

We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

We have heard the clock strike midnight, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.

That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith, Sir John, we have:

our watchword was "Hem boys!"  Come, let 's to dinner; come, let 's

to dinner:  Jesus, the days that we have seen!  Come, come.

We have, we have, we have; Sir John, we certainly have:

our motto was “down the hatch, boys!" Come, let's go to dinner,

let's go to dinner: Jesus, the times we had! Come, come.

[Exeunt Falstaff and the Justices.]

BULLCALF.

Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend; and here 's four

Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you.

In very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go:  and yet,

for mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather, because I am

unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my

friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part, so much.

Good master Corporate Bardolph, be on my side and I have

a pound in French crowns for you.

To tell the truth, Sir, I would just as soon be hanged, as go:

not on my own account, sir, I don't care about that; but because I

want to stay with my friends; otherwise, Sir,

for myself, I don't care so much.

BARDOLPH.

Go to; stand aside.

Get away with you; stand aside.

MOULDY.

And, good master corporal captain, for my old dame's sake, stand my

friend:  she has nobody to do any thing about her when I am gone;

and she is old, and cannot help herself:  you shall have forty, sir.

And, good master corporal captain, for the sake of my old woman,

do me a favour: she has nobody to help if I go;

and she is old, she can't help herself: I'll give you two pounds, Sir.

BARDOLPH.

Go to; stand aside.

Get away with you, stand aside.

FEEBLE.

By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once; we owe God a death:

I'll ne'er bear a base mind:  an 't be my destiny, so; an 't be not, so:

no man's too good to serve 's prince; and let it go which way it will, he

that dies this year is quit for the next.

I swear, I don't care; and man can only die once; we owe God a death:

I won't behave dishonourably: if it is my destiny, so be it, if it's not, so be it:

no man is too good to serve a Prince; whatever happens, anyone

who dies this year won't have to pay next year.

BARDOLPH.

Well said; th'art a good fellow.

Well said; you are good fellow.

FEEBLE.

Faith, I'll bear no base mind.

I swear, I shan't be dishonourable.

[Re-enter Falstaff and the Justices.]

FALSTAFF.

Come, sir, which men shall I have?

Come, sir, which men shall I take?

SHALLOW.

Four of which you please.

Whichever four you want.

BARDOLPH.

Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to free Mouldy and

Bullcalf.

Sir, a word with you: I've been offered three pounds to

excuse Mouldy and Bullcalf.

FALSTAFF.

Go to; well.

Right, that's fine.

SHALLOW.

Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

Come, Sir John, which four will you choose?

FALSTAFF.

Do you choose for me.

You choose for me.

SHALLOW.

Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.

Well then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.

FALSTAFF.

Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home till you are past

service; and for your part, Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it:

I will none of you.

Mouldy and Bullcalf: you, Mouldy, stay at home until you are too old

to serve; as for you, Bullcalf, wait until you are old enough for it:

I don't want either of you.

SHALLOW.

Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong:  they are your likeliest

men, and I would have you served with the best.

Sir John, Sir John, don't do yourself down: they are the best

men available, and I want you to have the best.

FALSTAFF.

Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man?  Care I for the

limb, the thewes, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man!

Give me the spirit, Master Shallow. Here's Wart; you see what a ragged

appearance it is:  a' shall charge you and discharge you with the

motion of a pewterer's hammer, come off and on swifter than he that

gibbets on the brewer's bucket.

And this same half-faced fellow, Shadow; give me this man:  he

presents no mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim level

at the edge of a penknife.

And for a retreat; how swiftly will this Feeble the woman's tailor

run off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the great ones.

Put me a caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph.

Will you tell me, Master Shallow how to select my men? What do I care about

the build, muscles, height, bulk and appearance of a man!

It's the spirit that's important, Master Shallow. Here is Wart; you can see

what a shabby fellow who looks: but he will load and fire quicker

than a metalworker's hammer, advance and retreat quicker than a

bucket on a pulley.

And this skinny fellow, Shadow; give me this man: he

makes no target for the enemy; he might just as well try and hit

the edge of a penknife.

And in a retreat, how quickly this Feeble the dressmaker

will run off! Give me the weak men, don't give me great ones.

Put a musket into Wart's hand, Bardolph.

BARDOLPH.

Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.

Wait, Wart, march; left right left right.

FALSTAFF.

Come, manage me your caliver. So:  very well:  go to:  very good,

exceeding good. O, give me always a little, lean, old, chapt,

bald shot. Well said, i' faith, Wart; thou'rt a good scab:  hold,

there's a tester for thee.

Come, show how you use your musket. Yes, very good, very good,