The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (1007 page)

God gi' go-den.--I pray, sir, can you read?

Romeo

I can read my fortune and it is miserable.

Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.

Servant

Perhaps you have graduated from the school of hard knocks, but can you read words?

Perhaps you have learned it without book: but I pray, can you read anything you see?

Romeo

If I know the language, I can read it.

Ay, If I know the letters and the language.

Servant

Wise guy, eh?  Well, have a good day.

Ye say honestly: rest you merry!

Romeo

Stay, man.  I’m just in a foul mood.  I can read.

(Reads.)  Sir Martino and his wife and daughters; Count Anselmo and his beautiful sisters; the widow of Vitruvio; Sir Placentio and his lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine uncle Capulet, his wife, and daughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; Sir Valentio and his cousin Tybalt; Lucio and the lively Helena.  A good list you have here.  (Returns the paper.)  For what is this list?

Stay, fellow; I can read. [Reads.] 'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters; County Anselmo and his beauteous sisters; the lady widow of Vitruvio; Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine uncle Capulet, his wife, and daughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin Tybalt; Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair assembly. [Gives back the paper]: whither should they come?

Servant

A party?

Up.

Romeo

Where?

Whither?

Servant

A dinner party is being thrown at our house.

To supper; to our house.

Romeo

Whose house?

Whose house?

Servant

My master’s house.

My master's.

Romeo

I should have asked who your master was in the first place.

Indeed I should have ask'd you that before.

Servant

I’ll tell you.  My master is the great and rich Capulet, and if you are not related to the Montagues, then come to the party.  Good Evening!

Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the great rich Capulet; and if you be not of the house of Montagues, I pray, come and crush a cup of wine. Rest you merry!

(Exit Servant.)

Benvolio

Rosaline is going to be at the party with all of the other beautiful girls of Verona.  Let’s go and compare her to the others.  I’ll show you she is not as perfect as you think.

At this same ancient feast of Capulet's Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lov'st; With all the admired beauties of Verona. Go thither; and, with unattainted eye, Compare her face with some that I shall show, And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.

Romeo

Finding someone as beautiful as her is impossible.  Even speaking of such a thing makes you a liar and makes me want to tear out my eyes.  The sun has never set upon another as beautiful as Rosaline.

When the devout religion of mine eye Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires; And these,--who, often drown'd, could never die,-- Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars! One fairer than my love? the all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.

Benvolio

Well, it won’t hurt to just look.  If you don’t see anyone as beautiful, fine, but if you do…

Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by, Herself pois'd with herself in either eye: But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd Your lady's love against some other maid That I will show you shining at this feast, And she shall scant show well that now shows best.

Romeo

Fine, I’ll go with you, but only to see my love.

I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, But to rejoice in splendour of my own.

(Exit Benvolio and Romeo.)

Scene III:  Room in Capulet’s House

(Enter Lady Capulet and nurse.)

Lady Capulet

Nurse, where’s my daughter?  Bring her to me.

 Nurse, where's my daughter? call her forth to me.

Nurse

I swear on my virginity; I already told her to come.  Juliet!  Foolish Child!  Where are you?

Now, by my maidenhea,--at twelve year old,-- I bade her come.--What, lamb! what ladybird!-- God forbid!--where's this girl?--what, Juliet!

(Enter Juliet.)

Juliet

What is it?  Who calls me now?

How now, who calls?

Nurse

Your mother is asking for you.

Your mother.

Juliet

Yes, mother?  What do you want?

Madam, I am here. What is your will?

Lady Capulet

Hold on.  Nurse, can you give us some privacy.  Wait, on second thought, stay.  You know my daughter as well as me.

This is the matter,--Nurse, give leave awhile, We must talk in secret: nurse, come back again; I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou knowest my daughter's of a pretty age.

Nurse

I’ve know her since the hour she was born.

Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.

Lady Capulet

Then you know she is only thirteen.

She's not fourteen.

Nurse

I would bet fourteen teeth, if I had that many, she is only thirteen.  How long before August 1
st
?

I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,-- And yet, to my teen be it spoken, I have but four,-- She is not fourteen. How long is it now To Lammas-tide?

Lady Capulet

Two weeks and a few days.

A fortnight and odd days.

Nurse

She will be fourteen on August 1
st
.  My daughter, Susan, God rest her soul, would be the same age.  Susan was too good for me, so God called her home.  So, Juliet will be fourteen on August 1
st
.  She will be able to be married then.  I remember the earthquake, only eleven years ago, when she was weaned.  I will never forget it.  I had just put something bitter-tasting on my breast while sitting under the dove-house wall, and she was struggling to nurse.  The earth began to shake and we took off.  She could already stand alone and run a little, for the day before she had fallen and bumped her head.  My husband, God rest his soul, loved the child.  He picked her up and said, “Did you fall on your face?  You will fall in love when you are older, won’t you?”  I swear, she said, “Yes.”  Just like that, she stopped crying and said, “Yes.”  I’ll never forget it.

Even or odd, of all days in the year, Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she,--God rest all Christian souls!-- Were of an age: well, Susan is with God; She was too good for me:--but, as I said, On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen; That shall she, marry; I remember it well. 'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years; And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it--, Of all the days of the year, upon that day: For I had then laid wormwood to my dug, Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall; My lord and you were then at Mantua: Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said, When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool, To see it tetchy, and fall out with the dug! Shake, quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow, To bid me trudge. And since that time it is eleven years; For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood She could have run and waddled all about; For even the day before, she broke her brow: And then my husband,--God be with his soul! 'A was a merry man,--took up the child: 'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit; Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame, The pretty wretch left crying, and said 'Ay:' To see now how a jest shall come about! I warrant, an I should live a thousand yeas, I never should forget it; 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he; And, pretty fool, it stinted, and said 'Ay.'

Lady Capulet

Okay, Nurse!  Be quiet.

Enough of this; I pray thee hold thy peace.

Nurse

Yes ma’am.  But, I can’t stop laughing, thinking about Juliet crying and then stopping and saying, “Yes,” with a big goose egg on her head.  It was a terrible bump and she cried, but my husband scooped her up and asked, “You will fall in love one day, won’t you?”  Juliet stopped crying and said, “Yes.”

Yes, madam;--yet I cannot choose but laugh, To think it should leave crying, and say 'Ay:' And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow A bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly. 'Yea,' quoth my husband, 'fall'st upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou com'st to age; Wilt thou not, Jule?' it stinted, and said 'Ay.'

Juliet

It’s your turn to be quiet now, Nurse.

And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I.

Nurse

I have done my best by you.  You were the prettiest baby I ever nursed.  I just hope I live to see you married one day.

Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace! Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nurs'd: An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish.

Lady Capulet

Marriage, that is what I wanted to talk to you about.  How do you feel about marriage, Juliet?

Marry, that marry is the very theme I came to talk of.--Tell me, daughter Juliet, How stands your disposition to be married?

Juliet

I haven’t really given it much thought.

It is an honour that I dream not of.

Nurse

Haven’t thought of marriage?  As your nurse, I think you aren’t very smart to not think about it.

An honour!--were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat.

Lady Capulet

Well, think of marriage now.  Many girls your age are already married and having families.  I was your mother at thirteen.  But to get to the point, the valiant Paris seeks your hand in marriage.

Well, think of marriage now: younger than you, Here in Verona, ladies of esteem, Are made already mothers: by my count I was your mother much upon these years That you are now a maid. Thus, then, in brief;-- The valiant Paris seeks you for his love.

Nurse

A man, Juliet, and what a man.  He’s a hunk!

A man, young lady! lady, such a man As all the world--why he's a man of wax.

Lady Capulet

He is handsome.

Verona's summer hath not such a flower.

Nurse

He is a spiritual man, too.

Nay, he's a flower, in faith, a very flower.

Lady Capulet

So, what do you think?  Do you think you could love him?  He is coming to the party tonight.  Take a look at him and consider if he would make a good husband.  You two would make a beautiful couple, and you have nothing to lose.

What say you? can you love the gentleman? This night you shall behold him at our feast; Read o'er the volume of young Paris' face, And find delight writ there with beauty's pen; Examine every married lineament, And see how one another lends content; And what obscur'd in this fair volume lies Find written in the margent of his eyes. This precious book of love, this unbound lover, To beautify him, only lacks a cover: The fish lives in the sea; and 'tis much pride For fair without the fair within to hide: That book in many's eyes doth share the glory, That in gold clasps locks in the golden story; So shall you share all that he doth possess, By having him, making yourself no less.

Nurse

Nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Like a baby!

No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men

Lady Capulet

Do you think you could love Paris?

Lady Capulet. Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love?

Juliet

I’ll take a look at him, but I cannot promise you I will fall in love.

I'll look to like, if looking liking move: But no more deep will I endart mine eye Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.

(Enter a Servant.)

Servant

The guests have arrived and the food is being served.  People are asking for Juliet and cursing the Nurse.  It is a little chaotic, so I must ask you to come along.  

Madam, the guests are come, supper served up, you called, my young lady asked for, the nurse cursed in the pantry, and everything in extremity. I must hence to wait; I beseech you, follow straight.

Lady Capulet

I am coming.  Juliet, the count is waiting.

We follow thee. [Exit Servant.]-- Juliet, the county stays.