The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (1080 page)

Her home is India; she lies there, a pearl;

between our Ilium and her home

is the wild and open ocean;

I am the trader, and this Pandarus

is my uncertain hope, protector and means of access.

AENEAS.

How now, Prince Troilus! Wherefore not afield?

 Hello there, Prince Troilus! Why are you not at the battle?

TROILUS.

Because not there. This woman's answer sorts,

For womanish it is to be from thence.

What news, Aeneas, from the field to-day?

Because I'm not there. This woman's answer is suitable,

because not being there is to be like a woman.

What happened on the battlefield today, Aeneas?

AENEAS.

That Paris is returned home, and hurt.

Paris has come home, wounded.

TROILUS.

By whom, Aeneas?

 By whom, Aeneas?

AENEAS.

Troilus, by Menelaus.

 Troilus, by Menelaus.

TROILUS.

Let Paris bleed: 'tis but a scar to scorn;

Paris is gor'd with Menelaus' horn.

[Alarum]

Let Paris bleed: he's got what he deserves;

he's been wounded by the one he cheated on.

AENEAS.

Hark what good sport is out of town to-day!

Hear what good sport there ison the battlefield today!

TROILUS.

Better at home, if 'would I might' were 'may.'

But to the sport abroad. Are you bound thither?

There would be better sport at home, if I had my way.

But I'll go to the sport outside. Are you going there?

AENEAS.

In all swift haste.

As quickly as I can.

TROILUS.

Come, go we then together.

Exeunt

Come on then, we'll go together.

Enter CRESSIDA and her man ALEXANDER

CRESSIDA.

Who were those went by?

Who were those people who just passed?

ALEXANDER.

Queen Hecuba and Helen.

 Queen Hecuba and Helen.

CRESSIDA.

And whither go they?

And where are they going?

ALEXANDER.

Up to the eastern tower,

Whose height commands as subject all the vale,

To see the battle. Hector, whose patience

Is as a virtue fix'd, to-day was mov'd.

He chid Andromache, and struck his armourer;

And, like as there were husbandry in war,

Before the sun rose he was harness'd light,

And to the field goes he; where every flower

Did as a prophet weep what it foresaw

In Hector's wrath.

Up to the eastern tower,

where there are views over the whole plain,

to see the battle. Hector, whose calm is usually

unflappable, was angry today.

He scolded Andromache, and hit his armorer;

and, showing what a well-organised warrior he is,

before the sun rose he had his armour on,

and went to the battlefield; every flower there

wept like a prophet at what it saw would happen

due to Hector's anger.

CRESSIDA.

What was his cause of anger?

What caused his anger?

ALEXANDER.

The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks

A lord of Troyan blood, nephew to Hector;

They call him Ajax.

The rumour has it, this: amongst the Greeks there is

a lord of Trojan blood, Hector's nephew;

they call him Ajax.

CRESSIDA.

Good; and what of him?

I see; and what about him?

ALEXANDER.

They say he is a very man per se,

And stands alone.

They say he's an extraordinary man,

he stands alone.

CRESSIDA.

So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no

legs.

So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.

ALEXANDER.

This man, lady, hath robb'd many beasts of their

particular additions: he is as valiant as a lion, churlish as the

bear, slow as the elephant-a man into whom nature hath so crowded

humours that his valour is crush'd into folly, his folly sauced

with discretion. There is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a

glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he carries some stain of

it; he is melancholy without cause and merry against the hair; he

hath the joints of every thing; but everything so out of joint

that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind

Argus, all eyes and no sight.

This man, lady, has taken on the qualities of many animals:

he is as brave as a lion, vicious as a bear, ponderous as an elephant–

a man whom nature has filled with so many moods that

his bravery has become recklessness, his recklessness touched with

discretion. There is no virtue in any man that he hasn't

got a bit of, and there's no bad quality missing either;

he gets depressed for no reason and is jolly when he shouldn't be;

he has all the good parts of men, but strangely put together so that

he is like Briareus, with many hands but so full of gout that he can't

use them, or shortsighted Argus, with a hundred eyes but still blind.

CRESSIDA.

But how should this man, that makes me smile, make Hector

angry?

But why does this man, the sound of whom makes me smile, make Hector

angry?

ALEXANDER.

They say he yesterday cop'd Hector in the battle and

struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since

kept Hector fasting and waking.

They say that yesterday he fought against Hector in the battle and

struck him down, which wounded Hector's pride so much that he hasn't

eaten or slept since.

Enter PANDARUS

CRESSIDA.

Who comes here?

Who's this coming?

ALEXANDER.

Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

CRESSIDA.

Hector's a gallant man.

Hector's a brave man.

ALEXANDER.

As may be in the world, lady.

As much as anyone in the world, lady.

PANDARUS.

What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that?

CRESSIDA.

Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.

Good day, uncle Pandarus.

PANDARUS.

Good morrow, cousin Cressid. What do you talk of?- Good

morrow, Alexander.-How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium?

Good day, cousin Cressida. What are you talking about?–

Good day, Alexander.–How are you, cousin? When were you at Troy?

CRESSIDA.

This morning, uncle.

This morning, uncle.

PANDARUS.

What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector arm'd

and gone ere you came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?

What were you talking about when I arrived? Was Hector armed

and gone before you came to Troy? Helen wasn't up, was she?

CRESSIDA.

Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.

Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.

PANDARUS.

E'en so. Hector was stirring early.

I see. Hector was up early.

CRESSIDA.

That were we talking of, and of his anger.

That's what we were talking about, and about his anger.

PANDARUS.

Was he angry?

Was he angry?

CRESSIDA.

So he says here.

So this one says.

PANDARUS.

True, he was so; I know the cause too; he'll lay about

him today, I can tell them that. And there's Troilus will not

come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell

them that too.

It's true, he was; I know the reason too; he'll do some damage

today, I can tell them that. And Troilus won't be far behind him;

let them look out for Troilus, I can tell them that too.

CRESSIDA.

What, is he angry too?

What, is he angry as well?

PANDARUS.

Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

CRESSIDA.

O Jupiter! there's no comparison.

O Jupiter! There is no comparison.

PANDARUS.

What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man

if you see him?

What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you recognise a man

when you see him?

CRESSIDA.

Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.

Yes, if I've seen him before and know him.

PANDARUS.

Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

CRESSIDA.

Then you say as I say, for I am sure he is not Hector.

Then you're saying the same as me, for I am sure he is not Hector.

PANDARUS.

No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.

No, and Hector is not Troilus by a long shot.

CRESSIDA.

'Tis just to each of them: he is himself.

That's fair to each of them: he is himself.

PANDARUS.

Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were!

Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I wish he was!

CRESSIDA.