The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (38 page)

A number of people dedicated much-appreciated time, insights, and valuable brainpower to this endeavor: Barney Pell, Mark Herschberg, Artem Boystov, Joshua Keay, Natalie Philips, and Zachary Burt.

William Bosl at the Harvard-MIT Health Sciences and Technology program, Stephen Kosslyn of Stanford’s Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, and Maxine Rodenthuis at the UC Berkeley Haas School of Business provided fantastic research work.

Many of these great business minds were so kind as to contribute insights: Chris Ashenden, Gilles August, Hayes Barnard, Sunny Bates, Steve Bell, Charles Best, Michael Feuer, Tim Flynn, Scott Freidheim, Matt Furman, Carl Guardino, Catherine Dumait Harper, Ira Jackson, Ken Jacobs, Randy Komisar, Jim Larranaga, Jack Leslie, Maurice Levy, Dan’l Lewin, Angel Martinez, Jeff Mirich, Farhad Mohit, Peter Moore, Elon Musk, Tom Schiro, Nina Simosko, Kevin Surace, Peter Thiel, Duncan Wardle, Bill Whitmore, and Bill Wohl.

With great skill, dedication, patience, kindness, and generosity, Courtney Young led Penguin’s impressive team effort. Adrienne Schultz worked wonders, making the writing clearer and more
concise, and greatly improving the flow. Rebecca Gradinger at Fletcher & Company took a chance on a first-time author.

I was blessed to have wonderful help, comments, and encouragement from William Bachman, Silvia Console Battiliana, Clark Bernier, Devon and Pablo Cohn, Malcolm Collins, Fabian Cuntze, Daniel Ford, Darius Golkar, Joe Greenstein, Omar Sultan Haque, Jaden Hastings, Rich Hecker, Chris Hill, Samantha Holdsworth, Jesse Jacobs, Alex Kehl, Eric Keller, Emma Berntman Kraft, Jessamyn Lau, Greg Levin, Greg Lory, Ana Rowena McCullough, Patrick McKenna, Shauna Mei, Xavier Morelle, Earl Pinto, Judah Pollack, Semira Rahemtulla, Dom Ricci, Professor John Paul Rollert and his Harvard class, Jean Yves SantaMaria, Katharina Schmitt, Jon Teo, J. R. Wurster, Justyna Zander, and Roni Zeiger.

I would also like to dedicate this book to my clients, as together we’ve shared in discoveries, confessions, laughter, struggles, revelations, triumph, pride, and joy. I’m looking forward to continuing our journey together.

To the teachers whose wisdom guided me along the path: Tara Brach, David and Shoshana Cooper, Michele McDonald, Linda McDonald, and Victoria Moran.

To my family and extended family: Bernard Cabane and Celie Fox Cabane, Guillaume Cabane and Marine Aubry, Gerard Cabane, David and Doris Schoenfarber, Barney Pell and Nadya Direkova, Deepak and Nalini Bradoo, Ruth Owades, Anusheel Bhushan, and Michael McCullough.

And always, to Privahini Bradoo, Fabian Cuntze, Joe Greenstein, Joshua Keay, Judah Pollack, Seena Rejal, Natalie Philips, David Dayan Rosenman, and Torsten Rode. You have made me who I am today. You keep me grounded. You own a piece of my heart.

Introduction

1
. Recounted by
Redbook
editor Robert Stein, who followed Marilyn throughout this episode (
American Heritage
magazine, November/December 2005).

2
. B. J. Avolio, D. A. Waldman, and W. O. Einstein, “Transformational Leadership in a Management Game Simulation,”
Journal of Management, Group and Organizational Studies
13 (1988): 59–80; B. J. Avolio and B. M. Bass, “Transformational Leadership, Charisma, and Beyond,” in
Emerging Leadership Vistas,
eds. J. G. Hunt, B. R. Baliga, H. P. Dachler, and C. A. Schriesheim (Lexington, MA: Lexington Books, 1988), 29–49; Hater and Bass, “Superiors’ Evaluation and Subordinates’ Perceptions of Transformational and Transactional Leadership,”
Journal of Applied Psychology
(1988): 695–702; G. A. Yukl and D. D. Van Fleet, “Cross-Situational Multimethod Research on Military Leader Effectiveness,”
Organizational Behavior and Human Performance
30 (1982): 87–108.

3
. B. Shamir, M. Arthur, and R. House, “The Rhetoric of Charismatic Leadership: A Theoretical Extension, a Case Study, and Implications for Research,”
Leadership Quarterly
5 (1994): 25–42.

4
. Robert J. House,
The Rise and Decline of Charismatic Leadership,
The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, rev. January 26, 1999,
http://leadership.wharton.upenn.edu/l_change/publications/House/Rise%20and%20Decline%20of%20Charismatic%20Leadership%20-%20House.doc
; R. J. House and B. Shamir, “Toward the Integration of Charismatic, Transformational, Inspirational and Visionary Theories of Leadership,” in
Leadership Theory and Research Perspecties and Directions,
ed. M. Chemmers and R. Ayman (New York: Academic Press, 1993): 81–107; R. J. House and J. M. Howell,
“Personality and Charismatic Leadership,”
Leadership Quarterly
3, no. 2 (1992): 81–108.

5
. A. Erez, V. F. Misangyi, D. E. Johnson, M. A. LePine, and K. C. Halverson, “Stirring the Hearts of Charismatic Leadership as the Transferral of Affect,”
Journal of Applied Psychology
93, no. 3 (2008): 602–16; C. G. Brooks Jr., “Leadership, Leadership, Wherefore Art Thou Leadership?”
Respiratory Care Clinics of North America
10, no. 2 (2004): 157–71.

1. Charisma Demystified

1
. A group of enterprising behavioral scientists demonstrated the feasibility of increasing people’s level of charisma in a controlled laboratory setting through a series of multiple controlled experiments. They analyzed which verbal and nonverbal behaviors could be used to increase or decrease charisma. Their test subjects’ levels of charisma rose and fell depending on which behaviors they were instructed to demonstrate. As long as you know how to exhibit the correct body language and behaviors, you will be seen as charismatic. J. M. Howell and P. J. Frost, “A Lab Study of Charismatic Leadership,”
Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes
43 (1989): 243–69.

2
. R. E. Riggio, “Charisma,” in
Encyclopedia of Leadership,
eds. J. M. Burns, W. Goethals, and G. Sorenson (Great Barrington, MA: Berkshire Publishing, 2004), 1:158–62.

2. The Charismatic Behaviors

1
. Li, W., R. E. Zinbarg, S. G. Boehm, and K. A. Paller. “Neural and Behavioral Evidence for Affective Priming from Unconsciously Perceived Emotional Facial Expressions and the Influence of Trait Anxiety,”
Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience
20 (2003): 95–107.

2
. Daniel Gilbert has done some fascinating research on happiness. Daniel Todd Gilbert,
Stumbling on Happiness
(New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2006).

3
. S. T. Fiske, A. J. C. Cuddy, and P. Glick, “Universal Dimensions of Social Cognition: Warmth and Competence,”
Trends in Cognitive Sciences
11, no. 2 (February 1, 2007): 77–83.

4
. Alex (Sandy) Pentland,
Honest Signals—How They Shape Our World
(Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press, 2008).

5
. J. I. Davis, J. J. Gross, and K. N. Ochsner, “Psychological Distance and Emotional Experience: What You See Is What You Get,”
Emotion
11, no. 2 (2011): 438–44. J. J. Gross, G. Sheppes, and H. L. Urry, “Emotion Generation and Emotion Regulation: A Distinction We Should Make (Carefully),”
Cognition and Emotion
25, no. 5 (2011): 765–81. doi:10.1080/02699931.2011.555753.

6
. P. Ekman, R. J. Davidson, and W. V. Friesen, “The Duchenne Smile: Emotional Expression and Brain Physiology: II,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
58, no. 2 (1990): 342–53.

7
. R. A. Hahn, “The Nocebo Phenomenon: Concept, Evidence, and Implications for Public Health,”
Preventive Medicine
26, no. 5, part 1 (September–October 1997): 607–11.

3. The Obstacles to Presence, Power, and Warmth

1
. M. T. Gailliot, R. F. Baumeister, C. N. DeWall, J. K. Maner, E. A. Plant, D. M. Tice, et al., “Self-Control Relies on Glucose as a Limited Energy Source: Willpower Is More Than a Metaphor,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
92, no. 2 (2007): 325-36.

2
. See Jeff Bell,
When in Doubt, Make Belief
(Novato, CA: New World Library, 2009).

3
. S. Harris, S. A. Sheth, and M. S. Cohen, “Functional Neuroimaging of Belief, Disbelief, and Uncertainty,”
Annals of Neurology
63 (2008): 14.

4
. Image generation has a powerful impact on emotions and physiological states and a high impact on brain function. See A. Hackmann, “Working with Images in Clinical Psychology,” in
Comprehensive Clinical Psychology,
eds. A. Bellack and M. Hersen (London: Pergamon, 1998), 301–17.

5
. T. J. Kaptchuk, E. Friedlander, J. M. Kelley, et al., “Placebos without Deception: A Randomized Controlled Trial in Irritable Bowel Syndrome” (2010),
http://www.plosone.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0015591
.

6
. I highly recommend Robert Sapolsky’s fascinating—and free—Stanford University lecture “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” on iTunes.

7
. David Rock, “SCARF: A Brain-Based Model for Collaborating with and Influencing Others,”
NeuroLeadership Journal
1 (2008).

8
. P. R. Clance and S. A. Imes, “The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention,”
Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice
15, no. 3 (1978): 241–47.

4. Overcoming the Obstacles

1
. David Rock,
Your Brain at Work
(New York: HarperBusiness, 2009).

2
. D. J. Simons and C. F. Chabris, “Gorillas in Our Midst: Sustained Inattentional Blindness for Dynamic Events,”
Perception
28, no. 9 (1999): 1059–74,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_object_identifier
.

3
. James J. Gross, “Emotion Regulation: Affective, Cognitive, and Social Consequences,”
Psychophysiology
39, no. 3 (May 2002): 281–89.

4
. Ibid., 289.

5
. T. J. Kaptchuk, E. Friedlander, J. M. Kelley, et al., “Placebos without Deception: A Randomized Controlled Trial in Irritable Bowel Syndrome” (2010),
http://www.plosone.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0015591
.

6
. Andrew Hunt,
Pragmatic Thinking and Learning: Refactor Your Wetware,
rev. ed. (Raleigh, NC: Pragmatic Bookshelf, 2010).

7
. Robert B. Cialdini,
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion,
rev. ed. (New York: Harper Paperbacks, 2006); and B. J. Sagarin, R. B. Cialdini, W. E. Rice, and S. B. Serna, “Dispelling the Illusion of Invulnerability: The Motivations and Mechanisms of Resistance to Persuasion,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
83, no. 3 (2002): 526–41

8
. Hunt,
Pragmatic Thinking and Learning.

5. Creating Charismatic Mental States

1
. David Rock,
Your Brain at Work
(New York: HarperBusiness, 2009)

2
. Ibid., and Jeff Hawkins,
On Intelligence,
adapted ed. (New York: Times Books, 2004).

3
. On a scale of suicides per 100,000 since 1990, MIT had a rate of 10.2, compared to Harvard with a rate of 7.4, and Johns Hopkins, the third-place school, with a rate of 6.9.

4
. R. A. Emmons and A. Mishra, “Why Gratitude Enhances Well-Being: What We Know, What We Need to Know,” in
Designing Positive Psychology: Taking Stock and Moving Forward,
eds. K. Sheldon, T. Kashdan, and M. F. Steger (New York: Oxford University Press, 2011); R. A. Emmons, “Gratitude,” in
Encyclopedia of Positive Psychology,
eds. S. J. Lopez and A. Beauchamp (New York: Oxford University Press, 2009), 442–47.

5
. Martin E. P. Seligman,
Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment
(New York: Free Press, 2002).

6
. K. D. Neff, “Self-Compassion,” in
Handbook of Individual Differences in Social Behavior,
eds. M. R. Leary and R. H. Hoyle (New York: Guilford Press, 2009), 561–73.

7
. K. D. Neff, “Self-Compassion, Self-Esteem, and Well-Being,”
Social and Personality Compass
5 (2011): 1–12; K. D. Neff and P. McGeehee, “Self-Compassion and Psychological Resilience among Adolescents and Young Adults,” 
Self and Identity
9 (2010): 225–40; K. D. Neff, K. Kirkpatrick, and S. S. Rude, “Self-Compassion and Its Link to Adaptive Psychological Functioning,”
Journal of Research in Personality
41 (2007): 139–54.

8
. K. D. Neff, “Self-Compassion,” in
Handbook of Individual Differences.

9
. Ibid. Self-compassion deactivates the threat system (which generates feelings of fear, insecurity, and defensiveness) and activates the soothing system instead.

10
. T. Barnhofer, T. Chittka, H. Nightingale, C. Visser, and C. Crane, “State Effects of Two Forms of Meditation on Prefrontal EEG Asymmetry in Previously Depressed Individuals,”
Mindfulness
1, no. 1 (2010): 21–27; T. Barnhofer, D. Duggan, C. Crane, S. Hepburn, M. J. Fennell, and J. M. Williams, “Effects of Meditation on Frontal Alpha-Asymmetry in Previously Suicidal Individuals,”
NeuroReport
18, no. 7 (2007): 709–12; B. R. Cahn and J. Polich, “Meditation States and Traits: EEG, ERP, and Neuroimaging Studies,”
Psychological Bulletin
132, no. 2 (2006): 180–211; G. Feldman, J. Greeson, and J. Senville, “Differential Effects of Mindful Breathing, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, and Loving-Kindness Meditation on Decentering and Negative Reactions to Repetitive Thoughts,”
Behaviour Research and Therapy
48, no. 10 (2010): 1002–11; A. Manna, A. Raffone, M. G. Perrucci, D. Nardo, A. Ferretti, A. Tartaro, et al., “Neural Correlates of Focused Attention and Cognitive Monitoring in Meditation,”
Brain Research Bulletin
82, nos. 1–2 (2010): 46–56.

11
. Paul Gilbert, Mark W. Baldwin, Chris Irons, Jodene R. Baccus, and Michelle Palmer, “Self-Criticism and Self-Warmth: An Imagery Study Exploring Their Relation to Depression,”
Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy
20, no. 2 (2006): 183–200.