The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (40 page)

conscious mirroring, 146–50

consultants, 100

continuous partial attention, 16

conversations, 7, 123–26, 127, 232

exiting, 125–26, 127, 179–80

hostile, 100

cortisol, 38

creativity, 107

critical thinking, 106

criticism, 165, 175–80, 186

self-, 38–39, 40, 42, 50, 86–87, 90

Dalai Lama, 5, 19, 87, 88, 98, 103, 104, 112

Darius, 147–49

Darwin, Charles, 74

Deckers Outdoors, 83

dedramatize, 46, 59, 66, 198, 202

defensiveness, 177

Deloitte, 83

delving into sensations, 61, 62–64, 100, 129

DeNiro, Robert, 68

depersonalization, 176–77, 233

depression, 86, 90

desperation, 75

destigmatizing, 43–46, 47, 51, 58, 59, 65, 66, 198, 202, 236

Deutsche Bank, 124–25

Diana, Princess of Wales, 112

difficult people, 7, 165–72

discomfort, 47, 60–61, 66

delving into, 61, 62–64

destigmatizing, 43–46, 47, 51, 58, 59, 65, 66, 198, 202, 236

mental, 31–41, 43, 44, 65

physical, 28–31, 42, 43, 44, 59, 65, 66

practice with, 62–63, 64–65

Disraeli, Benjamin, 9, 20, 124, 133

dissatisfaction, 37, 40, 42

distractions, 15–16

dramatic pauses, 196–97

Drucker, Peter, 220

Edison, Thomas, 74

Egypt, 120

Ekman, Paul, 111
n

e-mails, 73, 97, 183, 185, 186

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 74

emotional contagion, 145–46, 164

emotions, 91, 144, 163, 211

empathy, 82, 145, 160, 170, 171, 176, 233

while delivering criticism, 175–76

facial expressions and, 174

energy, 92

engineers, 24

entertainment, 138, 142

enthusiasm, 139, 156, 185

envy, 207–11

equanimity, 201–2, 234

executive presence, 5

executives, 23

external skills, 23

extroverts, 108

eye contact, 111, 122, 153–56, 162, 164

“Eye of the Tiger” (song), 71

eyes, 28–29, 30, 31, 42

facial expressions, 14, 21–22, 38–39, 47, 91, 97, 111, 130–31

apologies and, 181

criticisms and, 179, 182

delayed, 184

empathy and, 174

Fauré, Gabriel, 196

fear, 40–41

feedback, 106, 107

Fehmi, Les, 154

Feuer, Michael, 184

fidgeting, 106, 149, 160, 161, 173

fight or flight, 5, 38, 41, 52, 117, 144, 159, 197

firelight, 174

fireside chats, 194

first impressions, 115–27, 149, 232

“firsts,” 177

Fisher, Helen, 153

“Flying” (song), 71

focus, 183–84, 191

focus charisma, 98–101, 103, 107, 109, 110, 112, 166–67, 181, 214, 231

Franklin, Benjamin, 167–68, 178

French Revolution, 201

frustration, 130

functional MRI scans, 80

funerals, imagining, 78–79, 83

Galbraith, John Kenneth, 115, 169

Gandhi, Mohandas, 112, 201

Gates, Bill, 19, 99, 112

Germer, Christopher, 87, 90

gestures, 139

Gilbert, Daniel, 16

Gilbert, Paul, 82

Gladstone, William, 9, 20

glucose, 29

goals, 107, 110, 113

Goldsmith, Marshall, 215, 220

Goleman, Daniel, 146

good feelings, 138, 142

goodwill, 79–82, 97, 103, 111, 114, 199, 231

criticism and, 182–83, 186

practice of, 81, 83

Google, 119, 135

gorilla exercise, 158, 159, 164, 193, 242

graffiti metaphor, 49, 50, 66

gratitude, 75–79, 97, 103, 231, 238

practice of, 77–79

gravitas, 92

Gross, James, 22
n

Gruenfeld, Deborah, 158, 159

Gulf War, 203

handshakes, 119–23, 127, 240

Hanson, Rick, 82

happiness, 53
n,
81

Haque, Omar Sultan, 201

Harvard Business Review,
144, 146

Harvard Medical School, 55

Harvard University, 73, 91, 116–17

Hayes, Stephen, 49, 51

hedonic adaptation, 76

Hill, Napoleon, 74

Hitler, Adolf, 220

House, Robert, 3, 203

Howard, John Newton, 71

How to Win Friends and Influence People
(Carnegie), 168

hugs, 73, 198

human resources, 116–17

hunter-gatherers, 117

Iacocca, Lee, 137

IBM, 99–100, 119

imaginary situations, 24–25, 26, 44, 55

compassion and, 83

funeral, 78–79, 83

immune system, 86

impact, 210

impatience, 63

impostor syndrome, 39–40, 41

income, 2

inferiority, 90

information, 138, 142

insecurity, 160

inspiring, 102

internal critic, 86

interrupting, 129, 130, 182

interviews, 38, 96–97, 113, 116–17, 119, 130, 159

intonation, 10, 106, 139–40, 141, 142, 194–95, 233, 241

introverts, 10, 98, 108

Iowa, University of, 119–20

iPhones, 189

iPod Nano, 136

irritants, 192

irritation, 155

Izuma, Keise, 168

JALIR sequence, 210–11

Joan of Arc, 101, 112

Jobs, Steve, 2, 101, 108, 112, 146, 189–90

increasing charisma of, 4–5

presentations rehearsed by, 192

Jones, Franklin, 175

Jones, Jim, 102

Jordan, Michael, 104, 216

Jungle Book, The
(Kipling), 118

justification, 209

Keeler, Jack, 99–100

Kelleher, Herb, 146

Kennedy, John F., 129

Kerry, John, 107–8

Khurana, Rakesh, 215

kindness charisma, 98, 102–4, 107, 109, 110, 112, 133, 158, 171, 175, 214, 231

King, Martin Luther, Jr., 101, 112

Kipling, Rudyard, 118

Kosslyn, Stephen, 68

Krauss, Stephen, 70

Langer, Ellen, 25

language, 20, 136, 144, 186

Lao Tzu, 24

“lasts,” 177

leadership, 2, 3

compassion needed for, 83

Leahy, Robert, 32

lectures, 139–40

left frontal lobes, 88

life, enjoying, 17–18

limbic resonance, 146

Lincoln, Abraham, 74, 136

listening, 14, 17, 26, 100, 128–31, 142, 184, 231, 232, 241

Little Prince, The
(Saint-Exupéry), 185

logic, 144, 163

lovable book, 90

love at first sight, 153

Lowndes, Leil, 185

Lurie, Bob, 40

Madonna, 98

Mao Zedong, 112, 220

marketing, 169

Martinez, Angel, 83

meditation, 12, 15, 16, 18, 45

meetings, 72–73, 96–97

memory cards, 189–90

mental discomfort, 31–41, 43, 44, 65

metaphors, 189, 190, 233

Method acting, 12, 68

Metta, 87–90, 239–40

Michelangelo, 27

microexpressions, 22, 182

mindfulness discipline, 15, 45

Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, The
(Germer), 87

mindset shift, 15–16, 224

mind wandering, 16

mirror, 155

mirror neurons, 145

Miss Piggy, 92–93

MIT, 73

MIT Media Lab, 20, 126, 140

moms, 3

Monitor Group, 40

Monroe, Marilyn, 1, 4

Multiple Sclerosis Association, 203

Muppet Show, The,
92–93

music, 70–71, 95, 96, 174

Musk, Elon, 98–99

Mussolini, Benito, 104, 220

Napoleon I, Emperor of the French, 74, 201, 204

narcissism, 85

neediness, 75

Neff, Kristin, 86

negative associations, 131–34, 142

negativity, 37, 38–39, 40, 42, 46

neutralizing, 47–51, 58, 59, 65, 66, 202, 236

suppressing, 52

negativity bias, 48–49

negotiations, 100, 130

NeuroLeadership Institute, 38

neuronal connections, 68

neuroscience, 11

Newman, Paul, 68

New Scholars, 147–49

New York Times,
188

Ney, Marshal, 204

Nicklaus, Jack, 67

nocebo effect, 25–26

nodding, 10, 106, 149, 160, 161, 162, 164

numbers, 189–90

Obama, Barack, 109

Ochsner, Kevin, 22
n

OfficeMax, 184

Onassis, Aristotle, 153–54

open-ended questions, 123

Oracle, 119

oscillators, 146

outgoing personalities, 10

owning the stage, 193–94

oxytocin, 73, 170, 198

Paramount Equity, 109, 215

Parkinson’s Law, 55

patience, 100, 103

pauses, 10, 106, 130–31, 141, 234

pausing, 129

in presentations, 196–97

Pavlov, Ivan, 132

PayPal, 98

Penn, Sean, 68

performance, 53, 58

performance review, 174

Perot, Ross, 216

Persia, 132

personality, 10, 107–10, 113

personal magnetism, 6

personal space, 150–53

Peter Pan,
71

phenylethylamine (PEA), 153

phones, 183–85, 186

physical discomfort, 28–31, 42, 43, 59, 65, 66

physicians, 3

pictures, 136–39, 142

pitch, 140

placebo effect, 25, 26, 36, 55, 74

Play-Doh, 173–74

posture, 21, 91, 97, 147, 149, 150, 156–63, 164

authority charisma and, 106

in presentations, 198

Powell, Colin, 5, 104, 112

power, 5, 6, 13, 18–20, 21, 26, 27, 31, 67, 94, 100, 130, 139, 142, 162, 191, 224, 229–30, 231, 234

praise, 207–11

presence, 5–6, 12, 13–18, 26, 27, 31, 63, 129, 142, 154, 224, 229–30, 235

anxiety and, 32

appearance of, 191

body language and, 21

focus charisma and, 100, 231

techniques for, 15

presentations, 7, 72, 187–200, 215, 232, 233–34

charismatic message in, 188–90

colors at, 191

mid-course corrections, 197–99

Q&As at, 190

rehearsals of, 192–93

supporting points in, 189

warmth in, 194–95

Rao, Srikumar, 53
n

rationalization, 170–71, 186

reality:

mind’s view of, 47–49, 50

rewriting, 51, 52–58, 59–60, 65, 66, 202, 236–37

reassurance, 161, 162, 164

resentment, 57, 58, 75, 130, 207–11

resilience, 64–65

responsibility, 210

responsibility transfer, 34–37, 42, 45, 60, 100, 202, 235–36

Rice, Condoleezza, 5

Riggio, Ronald, 143–44

Rock, David, 38

Rocky III,
71

role-playing, 96

romance, 2, 174

Rome, 120

Roosevelt, Franklin Delano, 136, 194

Saint-Exupéry, Antoine de, 185

sarcasm, 56

satisfaction, 58, 237

Schiro, Tom, 83

Schnabel, Arthur, 130

seating choices, 152–53, 242

Seinfeld, Jerry, 192, 193

self-acceptance, 85

self-compassion, 84–90, 103, 181, 239

self-confidence, 84, 85–86, 94–95

self-consciousness, 199

self-criticism, 38–39, 40, 42, 50, 86–87, 90

self-doubt, 39–41, 42, 43

self-esteem, 84–85, 94–95

self-evaluation, 85

self-warmth, 84

separation distress, 154

shame, 45–46, 50, 90

Sicilienne, The,
196

Sinatra, Frank, 198, 216

situations, 107, 110–13

smiling, 24, 141–42, 184

social comparison, 85

Social Intelligence,
146

social situations, 3

social skills, 23

social smile, 22

soft focus, 155

sounds, 15, 235

Southwest Airlines, 146

space, 158–59

speaking, 131–39, 142, 241

see also presentations

Stalin, Joseph, 104, 220

Stanford Business School, 40

Stanford University, 157, 159

statistics, 189–90

status, 134, 160, 232

authority charisma and, 104–7, 231

stories, 189, 190, 233

Streep, Meryl, 68

stress, 2, 38, 41, 52, 53, 154–55

visualization and, 71

stress hormones, 38, 52, 170

stress system, 170, 174, 202

students, 3

suicide, 73

sympathy, 82

Tan, Chade-Meng, 45–46

teachers, 116

technical skills, 23

tempo, 140, 141, 142

tension, 59–60, 61

Teresa, Mother, 88, 112

Tesla Motors, 98–99

Texas, University of, 116

Thatcher, Margaret, 112

Thich Nhat Hanh, 44

threat response, 38

tone, 140

apologies and, 181

criticism and, 179

Tonight Show, The,
192

Top Gun,
71

traffic, 56

true smile, 24

trust, 2, 152

uncertainty, 32–37, 42, 101, 167

Uslan, Michael, 40

Vangelis, 71

vision, 203–5, 231, 234

visionary, 210

visionary charisma, 98, 101–2, 103, 107, 108, 109, 110, 112, 136, 167, 231

visualization, 67–74, 96, 231, 238

body language and, 68, 69, 73, 97

of funeral, 78–79, 83

of goodwill, 81

of historical counselors, 74

of invisible angel wings, 81, 158, 171, 174, 194

kindness charisma and, 103

before meetings, 72–73

of Metta, 88–89

for phone calls and e-mails, 183

practice for, 69

before presentations, 72

voice, 21, 139–42, 182

volume, 140–41, 193–94

vulnerability, 216–18, 221, 243

Walmart, 198

Walton, Sam, 198, 216

warming up, 93–97, 103, 172

warmth, 5, 6, 13, 18–20, 26, 27, 67, 74, 81, 92, 94, 97, 101, 106, 109, 123, 130, 139, 142, 150, 155, 156, 158, 161, 162, 163, 164, 172, 176, 182, 224, 229–30, 231, 232

anxiety and, 32

body language and, 21, 234

criticism and, 179

focus charisma and, 100

handshakes and, 121