The Breakup Mix (19 page)

I gestured toward the fireplace. “Well, go ahead and do the honors! Hang ‘er on up there.”

I’d placed a stocking holder in between Dani’s and my stockings that eagerly awaited the little stocking. She slid the loop over the holder and giggled. “That’s just too precious.”

We stared at the stocking until my stomach growled. “I hope you’re hungry, because your baby is.”

“It smells delicious.”

We made small talk over dinner; Dani told me about her last day at work, and when I couldn’t stand it anymore, I said, “Something amazing happened today.”

“You mean more amazing than Santa’s elves overtaking your house?”

I giggled. “Yes, even more amazing than that.” I set down my spoon. “I felt the baby today.”

Her eyes widened as her face erupted in a grin. “You did?”

“Mmhmm. . . like a lot. These teeny-tiny little flutter-tickle things. It was the most precious thing.”

She sat back in her chair. “Aww dang it, and I missed it.”

“Well, I was going to call you, but I knew you wouldn’t be able to feel it on the outside.”

She grinned. “So it’s real, then. This isn’t a dream we’re going to wake up from. You felt it!” She sighed as a new level of love washed over her.

“We’ve just got a few more things to do tonight to get ready for the party tomorrow. I’m very excited.”

Dani grinned. “I know that look.”

I winked. “Indeed, you do.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Wrecking Ball

Michelle

Three months and six days have passed since I lost my job at the daycare—it’s one week before Christmas, and we’ve only got two presents apiece for the kids. I finally put up the Christmas tree last weekend but only because my children were bothered. Normally I put it up the weekend after Thanksgiving, but this year I just couldn’t find that holiday spirit. Personally, I’d rather skip the damn holiday altogether and get this stupid year over with.

Del Ray, Martin, and Gibson have these huge wish lists for Christmas, and I’ve managed to cross a few things off thanks to a few gently-used items off a swap shop on Facebook. On a normal year, the tree would be overflowing with gift-wrapped packages that the kids would fondle over and over dying with anticipation. This year, though, that tree is a reminder of how I’ve failed my family and myself.

The job hunt proved to be more crippling to my self-worth than I ever imagined as no one wants to hire someone who can’t type and doesn’t know what an office suite package means or whatever they call it. It was slightly embarrassing when one lady laughed at me when I suggested I could file. I guess most documents are saved on computers these days. Then I found out I’d been blacklisted with the other daycare providers in town, which guaranteed I’d never work in that field again.

On the bright side, my time at the gym has really paid off. I’m down another three pounds this week making it thirty-two pounds total. I’ve asked my parents for money or gift cards to clothing stores since I can’t wear any of my old clothes successfully anymore. Not that I need a wardrobe outside of my yoga pants and T-shirts, but it would be nice to have something decent to wear to church or the kids’ school functions. I did find some cute stuff at Goodwill last week. I snuck twenty bucks from the gas budget and didn’t go anywhere else that week to make up for it. I don’t think Brandon noticed the missing money or the clothes, so that was a plus.

I slipped out of bed and snuck down the hallway to pee and get ready for the gym. The classes were challenging at first to say the least, but once I got the hang of it, I looked forward to going and was actually pretty good at it, and that felt awesome. Brandon still has a burr up his ass that he’s out “slaving away” to provide for his family while I’m at the gym “dancing and having a good ol’ time.” God forbid I actually enjoy one hour of my day.

I pulled up to the gym and buried my face in my coat to fight off the bitter wind that swept across the parking lot. We still hadn’t seen our first snow of the season, but the air felt like the skies could open up and dump buckets on us any minute. I sure hope Alissa, Chance, and Dani considered this when they decided to hop in a Navigator and drive halfway across the country. I’m going to have to come up with a really good reason for avoiding all of my friends for the last three months, and somehow I don’t think jealousy-to-the-point-of-depression is going to be a valid excuse. Basically I couldn’t go on with life as usual and pretend that all of it wasn’t about to change. I couldn’t stand to listen to one more conversation about the “totally awesome trip” they’re about to take and the “freedom of not having to work” when I was trying to decide between buying basic toiletries and groceries or paying the electric bill.

I huffed and tried to shake the cold off my body when I entered the gym. I waved at the front desk attendant while I swiped my membership card and headed toward the classroom. Everyone was standing around waiting for the instructor to show, so I took my spot in the back and stretched. The ladies in the class fell into their lines and nervously stared at the clock.

Reggie walked in. “Looks like Gwen isn’t going to make it today.” Several of the ladies sighed and started toward the door when he asked, “Michelle, will you lead the class today?”

I stopped mid-stretch and looked at the other ladies to see if one of the skinny-minis bounced to the front of the room. I looked at him and pointed to my chest. “Me Michelle?”

He chuckled. “Yes, you Michelle. Will you lead the class?”

I stood up and wandered to the front of the room. “Well, I can give it a shot, I guess.” The music cued up, and we started the warm-up routine.

I felt like I was standing in front of the girls in high school all over again and waited for someone to try to spike a volleyball at my head just for fun. We worked through warm-ups and headed into stretching when I realized after this, the instructions had to come from me. I don’t know how to lead an exercise class, hell I haven’t ever been the leader of anything. I yelled out, “Do you care if I just make something up?”

A few ladies grinned. “Just wing it today! Show us what you got, Michelle!”

I grinned. “Okay, four to the left, GO! One, two, three four; to the right, one, two, three four. . .”

Forty-five minutes later, over thirty women left the classroom gasping for air and drenched in sweat. Every muscle in my body was screaming, and I couldn’t wait to get home and go back to bed. I tossed my sweat-soaked towel in the hamper by the door and headed to the coat rack.

Reggie called after me, “Hey Michelle, wait!”

I turned to look at him. “I’m sorry, Reg. I’ve never done anything like that before.”

He stopped in front of me and grinned. “Michelle, the ladies are saying that’s the best workout they’ve had in months. Great job up there. You really have a knack for that.”

I’m pretty sure my smile wrapped around my head. “Thanks, Reggie!”

“Would you be interested in working for me? Gwen just quit on the spot this morning, and I need someone to run the classes.”

“Are you serious? That would be awesome! Thanks, Reggie!”

“It’s just a part-time position, and the classes are staggered throughout the day, but I could also use some help cleaning up, washing towels, that sort of thing. Are you interested?”

I chuckled. “Are you kidding? Yes, I’m interested. I would hug you if I knew I wouldn’t cover you in sweat!”

Reggie laughed and held up his hand. “No need for all that, now. I need to figure it all out, but how about I call you later today and give you the lowdown?”

“Sounds great! Thank you so much!”

I left the gym floating on a cloud and giggled my way back to the house. I had a job! I had a paying job at the gym doing what I already loved to do, but more than that, someone saw value in me. It didn’t take long for the tears of gratitude to spill over my cheeks as I whispered, “Thank you, God,” over and over. I started calculating what my possible income could be and how maybe I could get a partial paycheck before Christmas. Just maybe this Christmas wouldn’t be a bust after all.

I slipped into the house and listened to see if anyone was up yet. The coast was clear, so I pulled off my coat and headed into the bedroom to gather my clothes for the day. In the shower, I thought about the possibilities of routines set to certain “get-up-and-moving” songs and even caught myself flipping through a few of the moves while soaping up my arms. I had a purpose, a reason, and permission to be good at something for the first time in my life. And for the first time in months, I was looking forward to Brandon waking up.

In the kitchen, I slipped my ear buds in my ears, cranked up some tunes, and set to the task of making a big Saturday-morning breakfast for my family. My steps were intentional, my movements choreographed, and I whispered words of encouragement to the mock class in front of me as I scrambled eggs, rolled out biscuit dough, and monitored the frying crumbled sausage. Even the coffee pot seemed to gurgle in time with my routine. I grinned with the idea of seeing my friends for the first time thirty pounds lighter and finally on a path that had a light shining at the end. I finally had something worthwhile to share with them that wasn’t bragging on the accomplishments of someone else. It was mine—all mine!

I tugged at my yoga pants and wiggled my hips to bring them back to where they belonged. That only added to my feelings of elation that even my workout clothes were hanging on for dear life. Today I might even stand before a mirror naked and see the results of my hard work for myself. Maybe. We’ll see.

I wheeled around and came face-to-face with Martin’s sleepy eyes and sideways grin. I yelled then laughed, “Oh my gosh, child, you scared me to death.” I pulled the ear buds out of my ears and wrapped him in a one-armed hug with the bowl of gravy swaying in my other hand. “Hi, bud. Sleep well?”

He scratched his head and mumbled, “Smells good in here. I love you, Mom.”

I grinned. “I love you, too. Are you hungry?”

He nodded and ambled toward the bathroom. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“You’ve got a good ten minutes before breakfast is ready. Take your time.” I slipped my ear buds back in my ears and returned to the preparations. I rehearsed how I was going to tell my family about my new opportunity and chuckled with the thought that the last time I was this excited was when we found out Gibson was a boy. On any other day, I would have been deflated that eight years ago was the last time I was excited about anything, but today was a new day, and I felt like a new person.

Brandon came in the kitchen and slid his arms around my waist. I grabbed the ear bud that popped out of my ear and dive-bombed for the scrambled eggs as I giggled. “Well good morning to you, too.”

“This is a nice way to wake up. Smells delicious.” He kissed me on the neck. “How long has the coffee been on?”

“Just made it, so it’s fresh. How’d you sleep?”

He rubbed his face. “Like a rock. I feel like I could go back to bed and sleep all day. I was having crazy dreams, though, so I’m glad I woke up.” He poured a cup of coffee and shuffled to the table. “Man, you’re pulling out all the stops today. Biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs . . .” I turned to look at him and hiked my pants up again. He frowned and looked sideways at me. “Have you lost weight, Michelle?”

I gaped at him and chuckled. “Are you serious? As of today, I’m down thirty-two pounds, Brandon. Is this the first time you’ve noticed?”

He recovered well. “Well no, I mean I could tell you looked different but wow, thirty-two pounds? That’s impressive. Your pants look huge on you.”

I sighed. “Yeah all of my clothes fit like this. I’m going to need some new clothes soon.”

He scoffed. “I sure hope you plan to wait til after Christmas for that.”

I leveled my eyes at him. “Ugh, don’t remind me.” I nodded toward the nearly bare Christmas tree and whispered, “We’ve got to do something about that, Brandon.”

He sighed. “There’s not much to be done, honey. One income limits stuff like Christmas.”

I ignored his jab and scraped the eggs into a serving bowl. Pricks of guilt stabbed at my mood as visions of my disappointed children on Christmas morning played in my mind’s eye. And it would be all my fat mouth’s fault. I had a good chance of making Del Ray understand, but the boys would be devastated. Both my and Brandon’s families got used to not getting Christmas gifts from us years ago, and we usually only had to bring one gift apiece for the white elephant exchange, anyway. I planned to try my hand at a Pinterest creation this week in hopes of saving those dollars for another gift apiece for the kids.

Del Ray, Martin, and Gibson followed the scent of breakfast to the table and took their places while giving mumbled greetings to their father and me. I poured orange juice for the kids and warmed up my and Brandon’s coffee before taking my place at the table.

We all bowed our heads, held hands, and prayed over our meal before the free-for-all began. I looked over my family and felt my spirit chomping at the bit to tell them about my exciting news, but I waited for everyone to fill their plates and begin eating before I started with my lead-in.

“So, how did everyone sleep last night?” I asked.

All four of them nodded or gave me thumbs-up as they chewed and stared at whatever held them captivated in the center of the table. It took me back to being a kid and reading the box of Honey Nut Cheerios as I ate my cereal every morning. I looked at Brandon’s bed-head and avoided watching his bouncing temples as he chewed. I still can’t figure out why that bothers me so much.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I set my fork down and reached for my coffee. “Well, I have some good news.” I grinned and took a drink of coffee before I continued. Four sets of stunned eyes were on me; no one was used to me making positive declarations, apparently, and I pretended that didn’t sting a little.

Del Ray said, “Oh god, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

I exclaimed, “Ha! No, bite your tongue.”

Brandon mumbled, “No kidding. No chance of that, anyway,” as he tossed an annoyed glance my way. Guess it’s time to give it up again.

I took a deep breath. “So this morning, I went to the gym for class, and the teacher didn’t show up. Reggie asked me to lead the class then offered me a job afterward.” I beamed and bit my lip as I waited for the family to erupt in accolades.

Brandon frowned. “You got a job at the gym?”

I grinned. “I know! Isn’t that so awesome? He’s going to look over the schedule and let me know when the classes are scheduled and he needs . . .”

“Michelle . . .” Brandon groaned. “That’s not a real job. That’s not what you’re supposed to be doing! You’re
supposed
to be finding a job working full-time with benefits and normal hours, not dancing with people who have nothing better to do.”