The Breakup Mix (23 page)

I looked up at him. “I need my charger. My
phone is dead
just like our marriage. I was coming home, Brandon. I was coming home
.
”

A look of shock passed over his face before he stepped into the house and returned with my charger. He waved at the officers and shut the door.

I shuffled toward my car and threw the gifts in the front seat. I climbed in the driver’s seat and put the key in the ignition, but I couldn’t turn it over. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed while thinking of my children in that miserable house without me. I couldn’t turn the key. My hands shook as I reached for it again, but the mother in me couldn’t leave my babies. I knew they’d remember the sight of my car pulling out of the driveway; I could hear their hearts breaking from here. The officer knocked on the window. “You have to go, ma’am.”

I sobbed, “I can’t do it, officer. I can’t leave them. I can’t turn the key.”

He mumbled, “Ma’am, I’ll have to arrest you for domestic disturbance if you don’t leave, and I know he’ll press charges if you don’t leave now.”

“Will you go tell my children that I’m being forced to leave? Or can you at least bring them out so I can hug them and tell them everything is going to be okay?”

“I’ll talk to them. Go on, now.”

“I’m begging you. Tell them I said I love them and I’m coming back and that I’d never leave them if you weren’t making me.”

He sighed and shook his head. “It’s time for you to go, ma’am.”

I reached for the key and groaned as I turned on the car. My hands shook as I put the car in reverse and willed my foot to let off the brake.
God, please make my children understand I’m not doing this on my own.
I promised them I wouldn’t leave them. I promised this wouldn’t happen, and now look at me leaving them. I knew if I made them arrest me, I’d make life much worse for myself when pleading my case to get my kids back, and no one would see my gesture as an act of valor; I’d simply be the unstable mother who made the cops arrest her, and my children would have that image emblazoned in their minds.

I backed down the driveway and pulled onto the street. I stared at the kids’ windows and saw all three of my children huddled together at Martin’s window crying and pressing their hands to the screen. I rolled down the window and yelled, “I love you! Mommy loves you, and I’m coming back for you! Do you hear me?”

They nodded and waved the most pitiful waves I’d ever seen in my life. I put my head on my hands and cried so hard, I couldn’t breathe. I sat next to one of the police cars and stared at the officer behind the wheel. He gave me a sympathetic nod and waved me on. How he expected me to safely navigate a vehicle under these conditions was beyond me, but I knew they’d follow me until they were certain I wasn’t coming back.

I wound up at Chance’s apartment with no memory of how I got there. I knocked on her door and slid to the floor before she answered.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Roar

Chance

I’ve never wanted to kill someone so much in my life as I did that miserable excuse of a human married to Michelle. I listened as she melted into a pile of soggy flesh on the couch in front of me. I kicked up the thermostat and wrapped myself in a blanket but still couldn’t edge out the frigid ball of hate embedded in my core. We called the police station to plead her case, but they had already heard the officers’ stories and determined it was best that Michelle take time to cool off and try to talk to Brandon tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the clock was ticking, because something in me remembered a story where this very situation happened, and the mother was unable to get her children back until after the divorce was finalized—a year later—because technically, she’d left the house and the children, which they considered abandonment. I knew we needed to talk to Alissa and fast, but calming Michelle enough to listen to reason was impossible. She rocked; she sobbed, she paced, she crumpled into the floor, she moved to the couch, she threatened to go back and take care of that bastard herself. She was scaring me.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed my bottle of Xanax and a bottle of water then slipped next to her on the couch. I didn’t ask her permission or approval; I handed her a pill and the water and nodded my orders. She swallowed the pill and water then curled back into a ball with her face buried in the same pillow laced with my own recent tears.

Watching someone I love being so completely broken and inconsolable was on my top three list of things I hated in the world. I’d take my own heartache and troubles any day over watching someone like Michelle take the beatings from life.

Michelle was simple—not cognitively or intellectually—but she’s always been just a simple person. Things were black and white, good or bad, easy or hard; she had her whole life mapped out by the time we were juniors in high school, and while the rest of us were dreaming of fame on Broadway, Pulitzer Prizes, professional sports, and writing our names in ink across history, Michelle would grin and shrug saying, “I just want to be a mom.” We wanted to influence millions, she wanted to raise three. As I stared at her, she was the only one that had her dreams come true and would probably leave a much greater legacy than all four of the rest of us put together. One thing all the greats had in common—they all had mothers.

I watched as the medicine took effect; her breathing evened out and sobs slowed to whimpers. She sat up, wiped her face on her sleeves and reached for the bottle of water I held for her.

I smiled. “Good shit, ain’t it?”

She nodded and stared at the coffee table. “I’m stoned.”

“Maybe you should have let me slip you one of these when I threatened.” Humor was my only ally.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she looked at me, her eyes swollen and her face covered with red spots. If this was any other day, I’d take a stab at her ugly-cry face, but I had no idea if she’d roll off the deep end again. She stared at me with her chin quivering. “Katie helped him, didn’t she . . .”

Her statement slapped the air with a new realization I hadn’t considered. “Oh God, no, Michelle. There’s no way she would have helped him carry out a plan like this.”

She looked sideways at me. “You sure? She was awfully interested in where I was.”

I shook my head. “No way, girl. I guarantee she was a nervous wreck worried sick about you. There’s no telling what line of bullshit Brandon fed her to try to get her to talk.”

She returned her gaze to the table in front of us and nodded. “That’s true. I’d hate to have to kill two people today.”

I chuckled. “You’re not going to kill anyone today.”

She shrugged. “Well, maybe tomorrow, then. I
am
kind of tired.”

I looked at my watch. “Think I should call Alissa and tell her we aren’t coming tonight?”

Michelle shook her head. “Is Katie still going?”

“Far as I know.”

“Then we’re going. I want to see her face when I tell her what she helped Brandon do today.”

I swallowed hard and put my hand on hers. “She’s been our friend for over twenty years. She didn’t help him do anything.”

She stood up and mumbled, “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Helping a drugged-out, weak-from-sorrow woman down three flights of stairs proved to be an interesting adventure. I considered wrapping her in a blanket and rolling her down the stairs, but knowing the luck we’d both been having lately, she’d either break her neck or knock out a wall. She freaked out when she saw her car in the parking lot and insisted we take all of the kids’ Christmas presents upstairs and lock them in my apartment before we left. She was certain Brandon would take them and return them. With the story she’d just told me, I could believe it. I left her in my car and loaded the bags in my arms; by the time I got to the car, she was crying all over again telling me about the conversation she and the kids’ had on the way home.

I wanted to warn our friends about what was heading their way, but I never got a chance to make a call or send any texts. And the last thing I needed Michelle to think was that I was in any way a questionable ally. As we pulled into Alissa’s driveway, I leaned over. “Now, they have no idea what’s happened today, okay?”

“I know.”

Everything else I wanted to say seemed harsh and insensitive, so I left it to her to decipher what I meant by that. Honestly, I didn’t know either.

I held her arm as we walked to the door and was greeted by a glowing, pregnant woman who resembled my friend, Alissa. She squealed, “My friends! Come in, come in!” Her cute sweater dress revealed the secret she’d been desperate to conceal; it was an odd choice for her, but she’d be among friends, and we already knew her story.

I gasped, “Oh my gosh, Alissa, look at you. You look fantastic!”

She beamed. “Thank you. You too!” She looked at Michelle and did a double take. “Holy cow, woman, you’ve lost weight!”

Michelle offered a weak grin and mumbled, “Thirty-two pounds . . .”

Alissa’s eyes widened as she clapped her hands. “Bravo! That gym membership is working out well, I see.”

Michelle turned to hang up her coat and hide the tears brewing in her eyes. Dani took her turn at greetings and ushered us into the living room.

Alissa had really outdone herself. The room was filled with meticulously placed Christmas decorations, and one step into the room brought us face-first into a wonderland. It was breathtaking. I reached for Michelle. “Can you believe all this?”

She wrapped her arm around me. “It’s beautiful. Alissa, you really did a great job.”

Katie appeared in the hallway, and a cloud fell over Michelle. Katie’s jaw dropped, and a grin spread over her face. “Look at you!” She started toward Michelle with open arms who sidestepped her and headed to the kitchen.

Katie looked at me in shock. “What the hell was that?”

I waved her off and hugged her. “Good to see you, Katie. Alissa, have you turned this into a dry house now that you’re hosting another human?”

Alissa rubbed her belly and giggled. “No, girl, I have plenty of wine for our celebration this evening. Come on into the kitchen, and I’ll get you fixed up.”

Michelle was tipping back a wine glass while facing the window over the sink. Her fingers tapped to a rhythm only she could hear. Dani, Alissa, and Katie were filling their glasses with their beverages of choice and chattering about Alissa’s bulging belly. I stood next to them but watched as Michelle went for her second glass of wine. I’d convinced her to put on one of her new outfits for the party before she and the kids left. She looked like a completely different person than I’d spoken with three months ago. And after today, there was a good chance she was.

I winked at Dani and went to Michelle. I put my arms around her. “Go easy on that wine, kiddo. You know Alissa doesn’t buy the cheap stuff, and I’d rather not dig your face out of the mashed potatoes at dinner.” I leaned in to whisper in her ear. “You okay?”

She slammed her hand on the sink and looked at me. “Do you
think
I’m okay, Chance?” She glared over my shoulder at Katie and yelled, “Hey there, Katie! Did you have a good day? Huh? Did you have a great day with your family, there kiddo?”

Katie frowned. “You wanna tell me where the hell you were today?”

“I was eating breakfast with my children, then I went shopping.”

Katie sassed, “Was that before or after you stormed out of the house with your children acting like you were leaving your husband?”

I stepped between the two of them and faced Katie. If I could have lit her on fire with my eyes, she’d be charcoal by now. “Katie, need I remind you where your loyalties in this group lie?”

Alissa and Dani looked at each other and then at me. Alissa said, “Okay, what’d we miss?”

Michelle yelled, “Oh let me tell ya!”

Dani interrupted. “Wait . . . let’s all go into the family room and talk about this. I’d rather slow this roller coaster down before the claws come out.” She pulled on Katie’s arm as she and Alissa left the room.

I turned to Michelle. “I brought the pills.”

“Give me one. Seriously. I want to rip her face off.” She held out a shaking palm and wiped at a tear that rolled down her face.

“She’s not the enemy here, Michelle. I guarantee her involvement in today ended with trying to find you—”

She interrupted, “Because Brandon—”

“No, because she loves you and was worried you’d flipped out and was wandering around Columbia with your kids on a cold day. Which was pretty close to true,” I winked.

She sighed and shuttered, “If she had anything to do with this . . .”

“If she did, I’ll be the first one in line to kick her ass. But she didn’t. I just feel it.”

“Spidey senses?”

I laughed, “Yes, spidey senses. You know they never lead me astray.”

She smiled and grabbed her wine glass. I took it from her hand and replaced it with a Diet Coke from the fridge. “Xanax and wine—not a good mix. You ready?”

She nodded and sighed. “I can’t tell this story, Chance. Just let me sit there and cry while you tell it.”

I nodded. “I can do that.” I rubbed her arm. “You really do look great. You’re rocking this sweater and those jeans, sister.”

She gave me a half-smile. “It’s hard work.”

“Yes, it is. But you’re doing it one day at a time, right? Tomorrow is a new day.”

We walked into the family room and took our places on the couch. Alissa and Dani were in the overstuffed chairs across the coffee table from us, and Katie was curled up on the floor between them. I pointed at the end of the couch beside me and offered Katie a seat, but she waved me off.

I took a deep breath. “Wow, we’re all together again. It’s hard to believe it’s been three months since we’ve all been in the same room and yet, it seems like a lifetime ago.” I grabbed Michelle’s hand. “Michelle has asked me to tell you guys what happened today. I’ll just hit the highlights for now and say that shit hit the fan this morning at breakfast. As it turns out, our lovely friend has been rocking it so much in the gym that Reggie offered her a paying job this morning.”

Dani frowned. “What about the daycare?”

Michelle whispered, “I lost my job three months ago—right after we found out Alissa’s pregnancy.”

They all gasped and sputtered rounds of “why didn’t you call me’s” and “how awful’s,” but Michelle just waved them off and pointed at me.

I continued, “So obviously this was great news, so she came home and fixed a big breakfast for the family and announced her job offer over the meal. Brandon threw a fit, Del Ray took up for Michelle, and Brandon took her meal away from her and shoved the plate into Michelle’s stomach. The boys were crying, Del Ray was a mess, and Michelle was livid. So, she and the kids left the house to call time-out and go have a normal, quiet meal without drama.”

I watched Katie’s face as I told the truth of the story she’d never heard and tears poured down here face. I told them I’d given her money for Christmas and let her go shopping while I kept the kids in an attempt to let everything diffuse and get her head on straight and how I’d tried to get them to stay with me, but that she wanted to go home for the sake of her family. Katie’s face screwed into horror as I told about the cops and being forced to leave without her children. I glanced at Michelle’s face and cringed when I saw the anguish mixed with hatred as she stared down Katie.

Through a whimper, Katie mumbled, “Michelle, I had no idea that’s what he was going to do.”

Michelle cocked her head to the side. “Really? I’m just not sure I believe you.” Tears poured down her face as she said, “Why would you even help him, Katie? Why even call our friends looking for me?”

“I was
worried
about you! Your meltdowns get pretty serious, Michelle, and this time you had the kids!”

“My kids!
My
kids! I’m a good mother, Katie. Don’t you think I would do what I needed to do for my kids? That I’ve
done
what I needed to do my whole life
because of
those kids? She didn’t mention that he told the officers I’m on six different medications and let them read my rants from my journal. My private thoughts! My only outlet where I could write those things that were dancing in my head.”