The Breakup Mix (21 page)

Her eyes sparkled as she gasped, “Are you serious?”

I nodded. “I promise, I won’t miss it as conceited as that must sound, but it’s true. I’ll give you the money and keep the kids so you can go shopping today. And get yourself some damn clothes while you’re at it, okay? Don’t make me review your receipts when you get back.”

She giggled and slid across the table to hug me. “I would never take you up on this if I wasn’t desperate.”

“Well that’s your own damn fault.”

She laughed. “Maybe so. Oh my gosh, I’m so excited! Chance, you don’t know what you’ve just done for me. I feel like the world just lifted off my whole body and I can breathe again.”

“Come on, let’s run to the bank real quick before they close. It’s just up the street, so the kids will be fine here by themselves.”

She stood up and pulled on her coat. “Guys, we’ll be right back. Don’t move, and don’t break anything.”

I laughed. “And don’t flush the dog.”

The boys grinned and shook their heads. Del Ray rolled her eyes and came into the dining room. “Where are you going, Mom?”

“We’re just going to run up to the . . . store for a minute. Need anything?”

“No, thanks. You’re coming back, though, right?”

“Of course. Give me ten, maybe twenty minutes, and we’ll be right back.”

I made Michelle stay in the car while I went into the lobby and withdrew fifteen hundred dollars from my savings account. While I knew that was complete overkill for Christmas, I hoped to give her a cushion to hide from Brandon in the event she went back to him and got put on lock-down for her erratic behavior. It was really bugging me that three of us were about to be hundreds of miles away from her during this time. Katie was probably closer to her than all of us, but after our phone conversation today, I wasn’t sure she was wearing the Team Michelle shirt, and that bothered me.

I got back in the car and handed her the envelope. “Don’t bother counting it. Just spend, okay?”

She took the fat envelope. “You’ve got to be shitting me, Chance.”

“Just take it and be quiet,” I giggled. “You might need some of that later, so just make sure you get yourself some clothes and give your babies an awesome Christmas. Sounds like they’ve had a shitty few months, so you can make it up to them. But you cannot tell Brandon you have that money, you hear me? Next thing you know he’ll have a new guitar or golf clubs and you won’t have beans.”

She nodded and stuffed the envelope in her purse. “I don’t think I’ve ever held that much cash at once. I’m all nervous and shit.”

I laughed. “Well if you want to leave some of it at the house while you shop, that’s up to you.”

“Yeah, I probably will. Thanks again, Chance. I can’t . . .”

“You are loved. Deal with it.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Say My Name

Alissa

Saturday morning, I stayed in bed rubbing the bump I fell in love with yesterday. Eighteen weeks pregnant, nearly half-way over, and I finally found that feeling that Michelle and Katie had warned me about. The maternal instincts I’d tried my damnedest never to feel again after my sisters turned on me slammed like waves against my shore. I curled into a ball and giggled as the flutters and bumps of an active baby tickled my insides.

“So, you’re a morning person, huh baby?” I mumbled. I waited for the Morse code response and envisioned the little person looking around wide-eyed trying to figure out where that voice came from. I didn’t even know if the little feller had eyes yet, but the more I thought about it, the funnier it got. I jumped up and raced to my bathroom to pee before I let loose in my bed. I washed my hands and did my daily belly check. Yep, there was no denying that a baby was growing in my belly. To people who don’t know me, they’d never notice; to my friends and family who are used to my six-pack abs, it would be evident.

Dani knocked on my door. “Lis? You awake?”

I shouted, “Yeah, I’m in the bathroom.”

She came in. “I heard you laughing in here. Well, laughing or crying—I couldn’t tell.” She looked at me in the mirror as I admired my baby bump and grinned. “Yep, there’s definitely a baby in there.”

I smiled. “I had flutters when I woke up, and something struck me funny. I think this baby is definitely a morning person.”

She pointed to my belly. “May I?”

“Sure.”

She placed her hands on my belly and leaned over to speak. “Good morning, beautiful child. I can’t wait to meet you and hold you in my arms.” She wiped a tear from her eyes and looked at me. “I’m not even going to pretend this isn’t awkward.”

I laughed. “Well, if you wanted to ruin a beautiful moment, you did a good job.” I clenched my teeth to stop the tears swelling in me. I rubbed my belly. “Eighteen weeks, Dani. Just twenty-two more to go, and it will be baby-day.”

She sighed and leaned against the wall. “I still can’t believe this is real. I keep thinking I’ll wake up and my world will still be shattered and vacant.” She touched my belly again. “And then I see this, and I’m reminded that dreams come true and prayers get heard.”

I smiled and turned on the shower. “I’m, uh . . . I’m going to shower and get this day started.”

“Okay. I’ll bring you some juice.”

“That’s fabulous, wifey.”

“Oh shut up,” she chuckled as she left the bathroom.

The tears I’d choked on rolled down my face as I undressed and stepped into the shower. I needed to talk to Chance. I needed to talk to someone and get all this out of my head so someone could talk some sense into me. I know it must be natural to be pregnant and actually like the little critter, but it shouldn’t be like shredding razors going through my heart to think about giving it up when this pregnancy is all said and done.

But, I’ve never had anyone one-hundred percent on my side, and now I’ve committed to giving up the one person on this whole earth that would always be my champ, always be in my corner, and would always love me.

Or am I? Look at me and my mother. I couldn’t wait to get away from her and leave behind our life of lunacy and neglect. And that right there was why I couldn’t take the chance that my offspring would ever feel that way about me. No one but the women coming to dinner tonight had ever been devoted to me. Hell, my own family thinks I’m a nut case. Yes, letting Dani take care of this baby was the best thing for everyone. Even if it meant leaving a permanent vacant hole in my soul for the rest of my life.

I bent down to wash my legs and felt the baby wiggling again. Soft, deliberate, delicate, and consoling. I swear it was trying to soothe me. I choked on a sob as I stood up and whispered, “Thank you, but you just don’t understand, baby. This is the only way you’ll ever have a chance at something awesome and normal. If my family ever gets wind that you exist, or god forbid your father . . . you’re better off with Dani.”

A soft knock rapped on the door. “Lis? Here’s your juice.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“You okay?”

I cleared my throat. “Yep. Just finishing up.” My heart stopped. Oh God, did she hear me? Did she hear me talking to the baby? How would I ever make her understand what’s going on in my thick, selfish head? “What time is it?”

“A little after eight; are you hungry?”

“Yeah, oatmeal sounds fabulous right now.”

She chuckled. “I’m on it.”

“Do you think people will think we’re lesbians? In Florida, I mean.” I had to keep her talking to feel out the situation.

She sighed. “Ya know, I wondered that same thing. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter, because we won’t be there long enough for it to make a difference either way.”

Okay, she’s good. She didn’t hear me. If she’d heard me, her response would have been much shorter and she’d have left. I shut off the shower. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen unless you want to see all this.”

She giggled. “I’ll be seeing more of you than I ever wanted to soon enough. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

A few hours later, both of our phones chimed with texts from Katie.
Have you heard from Michelle?
We came out of the rooms we were cleaning to stare at each other in confusion.

“Did you get the text from Katie? Have you heard from Michelle?” I asked Dani.

She shook her head. “No, but why is Katie trying to find her?”

“Maybe she needs a recipe.” I typed a quick response and waited for Katie to elaborate. She didn’t. “Did she reply to you?”

Dani looked at her phone again. “Nope. Oh wait . . . she said if she shows up here to call her.” She shrugged.

“Think we should call Michelle?” I asked.

“Nah, if it was serious, someone would have called us and not sent a text. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

I eyed my phone. “Chance wasn’t on the text. So Katie must have already talked to her.”

Dani chuckled. “Sheesh, listen to your attorney investigative skills coming through. How can you tell, anyway?”

I winked. “Because I have an iPhone and it tells me who is on the text. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist, genius.”

“Then Sherlock Holmes, you are not.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes it’s the obvious that’s overlooked. I’d say Michelle’s at Chance’s apartment but Chance isn’t telling Katie. Which means there’s trouble with Brandon.”

Dani interjected, “So nothing new, then. I’m sure we’ll get to hear all about it tonight.”

I spent the next few hours finalizing everything for the party and while Dani busied herself making playlists for our trip to Florida. I adjusted the gift bags under the Christmas tree and felt the anticipation of my gifts to Katie and Michelle swelling in my heart. I’d never done anything like this for them, and I couldn’t wait to see their faces when they opened them.

Dani said, “I think we should keep the conversation about Florida to an absolutely minimum.”

I frowned. “Why? Dammit, I can’t get these ornaments to sit right.”

She glanced at me. “They look fine just like they are. It’s got to be difficult for Michelle and Katie to know we’re hightailing it out of life for months at a time. And, they’re going to miss so much.”

I grinned. “Au contraire.”

Dani looked at me sideways. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, I might have gone a little overboard at Christmas. But I got them each something that will help them stay connected to us while we’re in Florida.”

“This outta be good. What’d you do?”

I grinned. “You’ll see. By the way, I didn’t get you or Chance anything for Christmas since we’re going to be on vacation until May.”

Dani laughed. “Girl, if you think I expected gifts this season, you’re nuts. You’re already giving me the gift of a lifetime.” Her eyes glistened before she turned her attention to the laptop in front of her. “Okay so far I have about six hours of music on this playlist.”

I chuckled. “You’re going to need four times that since it’s about a twenty-four hour drive to Naples.”

“My goodness, will you give no opportunity for conversation or repeats?” She chuckled.

I shrugged and fiddled with the ornaments again. “Dammit, Dani, will you come fix this?”

She stood. “What’s wrong with it, Lis? It looks fine.”

“No, it’s not hanging right. It’s not supposed to lean like that.”

She looked at me. “What’s the problem? It’s completely centered.”

I handed it to her. “Just find a place for that one, please. Put it on the back for all I care.” I stomped into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. I took a deep breath and tried to shake off the memory attached to the ornament I’d worked over. It was a popsicle stick ornament made by Adriana in kindergarten and was the only gift I got for Christmas that year—I was eleven, and that was the year I quit believing in Santa and my mother. She’d pulled me into her room a week before Christmas and cried as she explained that the girls, then six, four, and two months old were expecting gifts, but that she knew I’d understand that there wasn’t enough money for all of us to have something. “Be a big girl, now,” she’d said. When Adriana brought me her gift wrapped in toilet paper, I cried. I even kept the paper, because it had her crooked little illegible handwriting on it saying, “To my favrit.” I still have it.

Dani came up behind me and draped her arms around my chest. “I love you, Alissa.”

I wiped my face and whispered, “I love you, too.”

“I fixed the ornament. It’s okay now.”

I nodded and took a deep breath. “Okay, so that’s done.” I looked at the clock. “They’ll be here in about an hour, if I know those impatient heifers.”

Dani nodded. “Yeah, there’s no way they’re going to wait ‘til five o’clock to show up. I’m kind of surprised Chance isn’t here already.”

“Well, if she’s got Michelle like I’m sure she does, then they’re busy solving the Morehead problems.”

We walked back into the living room, and there was Adriana’s ornament hanging perfectly and grinning like she did when she gave it to me. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Dani, if anything ever happens to me, bury me with that ornament in my hand.” I looked at her. “Promise me.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she nodded and whispered, “I promise.”

I clapped my hands. “Okay, what else?”