The Breakup Mix (15 page)

“Who cares if you do? You work at a local television studio. It’s not like you’re freaking Oprah!”

“Is it still considered battery if I hit you with soft pillows?”

Alissa laughed. “I need you, Chance. We’ll figure it out, but I need you in Florida for six months. That’s it. The rest of your life is yours for the making, but six months is all I’m asking.”

Tony’s face flashed into my mind.

Alissa looked at me sideways. “What was that? What was that look?”

“What look? What?” My stupid face had betrayed me again.

“I know that look. You saw Tony, didn’t you?”

“Maaaybe.” I pursed my lips together.

“Okay, what happened?” she folded her legs under her and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Out with it.”

I sighed. “Nothing happened, really. I saw him this morning then he found me at a coffee shop. But let me tell you about the bimbo he’s got working for him now—”

“Uh uh, I need to hear more about what he said or did. You’re avoiding that little tidbit of information. Don’t make me remind you that I am an attorney and can make you talk.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “It wasn’t much, really.” I filled her in on the details from earlier in the day and showed her the dress I was planning to wear that night.

“Girl, you are on the prowl with that hot action right there.”

I gaped. “What? I am not! I just wanted to. . .”

“Number one, it’s red—his favorite color on you. Number two—you’re glowing when you talk about him. Number three—you’re acting like a girl amped up before prom. Chance, it’s Tony. He broke your heart.”

“We broke each other’s hearts.
Life
broke our hearts. But seeing him today, Lis, oh my God it was fabulous. And he said he missed me.”

“Then why didn’t he call?”

“He couldn’t. His phone told him not to.”

She laughed. “You’re joking right?”

I shook my head and grinned. “You know how I programmed his name as ‘Do Not Answer?’ He programmed me as ‘Do Not Call.’”

“Is that supposed to be romantic?”

I sat down hard on the bed. “I don’t know. See? God it’s good you’re here, because I’ve been going nuts this afternoon trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head.”

“Are you sure he’s not seeing the anchor slut?”

“No, I’m not sure about anything other than the dark shadow that has been hanging over me for the last year has been lifted, and there’s a bright ray of sunshine planted right over my head.”

“If you break out into song, I’m outta here.” She giggled. “But Chance, no. No, no, no. Don’t even consider it. He’s an ethereal being you’ll never get to have. He’s the un-gettable get, and that’s torture for you, I know, but dammit, listen to me. He’s still Tony.”

“Maybe this is what needed to happen, though.”

“Maybe it is! Maybe fate brought you here—”

“Um, actually, no that was Tony. He called the station and lied to Stuart about a possible scandal behind the president’s visit.”

Her mouth dropped open. “He did?” She sat back and tapped her finger on her leg. “Damn, he’s good.”

I laughed. “Yeah, he is. But, he didn’t break his promise not to call.” I sang.

“No, but he cheated because he manipulated the circumstances and got you here, anyway.”

“So now you see my dilemma.”

“Yup. I see your dilemma.” She asked, “Is this why you’re rethinking Florida?”

I frowned. “No, not in the least.”

“God, you’re a terrible liar.” She sighed and stood up to stretch. “Just know if you bail on me over a dude, I will never forgive you and will probably kill your dog in retaliation.”

“I’m not bailing on you, and Chubs is too sweet to kill. Look, right now I’m in Rome doing as the Romans do. When I get back home, I guarantee nothing will be any different than it was when I left Columbia. I’m on his turf. I’m in his territory. The true colors will shine then.”

She frowned. “Do colors shine?”

I groaned. “You know what I’m saying. Quit trying to be funny.”

“Oh I am totally funny. And I’m also going to hang out with you until you leave for the ball, Cinderella, so get ready, go primp, do whatever you have to do except walk around naked. That’s too blech for me.”

“Oh thanks a lot.” I laughed.

“I don’t need to see all that, okay?” she reached for the remote and turned on the TV. “Let’s watch something dumb before you start getting ready.”

I flipped through the things in my suitcase and asked, “So do you want to tell me why you’re really here?”

Alissa surfed the channels. “Nope.”

I nodded. “I can probably guess—”

She interrupted. “I saw Mark.”

I stopped and studied her face as she trained her eyes on the television screen. I saw flickers of the TV stars in the reflection of her eyes, but nothing could mask the pain she was choking on now. “I stand corrected. How did that go?”

She shrugged and started to speak a few times, but her voice betrayed her. I watched as she bit her lip and played with her hair—the tell-tale signs from our youth that she was on the verge of losing it. “There’s nothing on this tub of crap.” She threw the remote on the bed. “Think we have time to go get coffee or something?” She stood up and walked to the window. “Wow, what a shitty view.”

I chuckled and plugged in my curling iron. “I hadn’t gotten that far.” I walked over to stand beside her and stared at what she was trying to avoid. She pointed at the traffic below. “Look at all those people trying to get somewhere but held back by all of the other people trying to get somewhere.”

“That’s very prolific, Lis. To me, it just looks like St. Louis traffic.”

“Looks like mass chaos to me,” she muttered.

“Again, I say—”

She chuckled and paced the room inspecting every average hotel item with great interest. “These rooms are so small these days.”

“Well, I didn’t see any reason to get an apartment-sized room when I’m only going to be here for a few days.” I grabbed her arm and made her look at me. “Talk to me, Lis.”

She threw her arms around my neck and buried her head in my shoulder. “He was so mean, Chance. He thinks I did this on purpose. ‘I thought you were trying
not
to be like your mom and sisters.’ He said he wants me to end it because he doesn’t want to be tied to ‘my crazy ass’ the rest of his life.”

He’d hit her in the two areas that could take her to her knees. I instantly hated him more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life. I swallowed hard to hold back the verbal assault I was about to unleash, but she was finally talking, and she needed to get all this out.

“Chance, he was the most normal guy I’ve ever dated. I was even on good behavior with him, and he still thinks I’m crazy. God, will I ever shed these family ties? That’s it—next time I date, I’m not telling them anything about my family. I’ll be like you with no family.”

I chuckled. “Well, I had a family; it’s not like I hatched in the wilderness. But yeah, you might have to let that one stay hidden until you know you’re with your permanent beau.”

“Maybe I should just stay single. Maybe I’m not meant to be in a relationship.” She pulled away from me and wiped her tears. “I even started studying how normal people should act in a relationship so I could have a fighting chance next time.”

“Lis, is it possible you’re trying so hard to be something you’re not already—like your family—that you’re completely losing that which makes you awesome? I don’t have any problems with you, the other girls don’t have problems, but when a penis enters the equation, you start trying on your best Alissa suits to see which one fits best for that man.”

“Maybe I should try hypnosis. I hear that works like a reboot of sorts. Maybe whatever is wrong with me can be fixed like that.”

“Well, let’s wait on that until you deliver the private guest. The last thing we need is some subliminal message planted in your head about men then find out you’re pregnant with a boy.”

Alissa laughed and the spell over her was broken. She circled back around. Her face and shoulders relaxed, and she no longer appeared to be like a bird in a cage. She looked over the room again. “I like the colors they chose here. Maybe I’ll consider that for the living room.”

“Oh, no way, dude. You need something more livelily, I think. This is too sterile for you.”

“The appointment this morning was kind of neat. Dani was completely enamored with the ultrasound. I didn’t have any clue what I was seeing, but she had the mom lenses, I guess. It’s neat to see her baby’s heartbeat, though. She totally ugly-cried. It was fabulous.”

I cocked my head to the side and studied the words “her baby.” Has she completely dissociated herself with this pregnancy and truly sees this as Dani’s baby? I thought back to when we were in high school and how she almost had to repeat ninth grade because she missed too many days. When her sisters were sick, she’d stay home with them to make sure they were taken care of; she couldn’t stand to think of them being like she was at seven years old trying to measure out liquid ibuprofen to kill her own fever. Her mom had to work—when you’re a waitress, there is no time off with pay. Luckily, the principal had mercy on Alissa and let her move on to tenth grade and her mom saw the impact she was having on Alissa’s education. But, by that time it was too late; Alissa had no faith in her mother and worried incessantly about her sisters every time she was away from them. It’s a shame those girls grew up to despise the one person that kept them afloat before their mom got her head on straight.

Chapter Twenty

Because of You

Alissa

I remember when Mom took me to the ultrasound to see Hilary for the first time. I was eleven, I think. Adriana was six, and Ella was four. I felt like a wet blanket had been draped over me as I walked into the room. Mom’s belly was already revealing her secret, and I’d seen the signs before, so I already knew what was coming, but I sure didn’t want to believe it. I’d just gotten Ella out of diapers six months earlier and it was all about to start all over again.

I remember staring at the black, white, and grey blip on the screen trying to find some sort of excitement for the new life growing in Mom’s belly, but all I could feel was the dread of how my life was never going to change. As I stared at Mom’s face, I saw she felt the same way. Things were already bad with her latest man, so I knew it was just a matter of time before we’d be moving again. I didn’t even try to find friends at school that year. Not that I had time for them, anyway.

One of the great things about Chance is she has some kind of weird connection with me where she can read my thoughts. Maybe it’s my facial expressions, I don’t know. But rarely do I have to tell her what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling—she just knows. And for that I’m grateful. Saying out loud what I’m feeling sounds horrible when they become words. Hitting the highway to come see her was one of the best decisions I’d made in a long time. Not that there have been many as of late.

As we stood in Chance’s hotel room lost in thought, I stared at my best friend who stared right back with that same reassuring, sarcastic smile that has calmed me for over twenty years.

“Are you sure you have to go to this stupid gala tonight? I think we should make good use of our time in St. Louis and paint the town. Or I could go with you.”

She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. “You know the rule. Yes, I have to go, and no you can’t come. As much fun as that sounds, I’ve got a job to do, and you will have to find a way to entertain yourself. You’re welcome to stay here tonight, though.”

“Psssht, no thanks. I’d go mad pacing in this little room. I’ll probably head over to Katie’s or Michelle’s when I get back into town. Maybe I can piss Brandon off again. That’s always fun.”

She laughed and glanced at the clock. “Well, I need to start getting ready.”

I eyed her. “You’re really excited about seeing Tony-the-troublesome, aren’t you?”

She grinned. “It will be fun to watch him squirm. And yes, I’m excited to see him. It’s been over a year, and seeing him today—I don’t know- it’s . . . it’s hard to explain.”

I put my hand up. “No explanation necessary, my dear. You can get all giddy all you want, but I’m going to be holding my breath all night.”

She laughed. “Be sure to take pictures when you start turning blue.”

I flopped down on the bed and gestured toward the bathroom. “Move along, Cinderella. Go get dolled up; I’ll sit here and complain about the lack of interesting shows on television these days.”

“You do that. I’m glad you showed up, by the way.”

I shrugged and grinned as the warm fuzzies flew through my chest. “Did the rock-solid Chance need her friend?”

She threw a pillow at me. “You’re such a goof.”

“Hey, did you bring your laptop?”

“I’m a journalist—what do you think?” She flipped her suitcase open and pulled the laptop out of it.

“Sweet! I’m going to research houses in Florida. What do you think—a three bedroom or four?”

Chance shrugged. “Probably just three, I’d say. One for each of us, because I am not sharing a bed with you for six months, I can tell you that.”

“You don’t forgive easily, do you?”

“Sure I do! I just don’t forget shit.” She chuckled.

“Okay, so I’m thinking we leave right after Christmas and will be there through the middle of May.”

“Don’t you think we should stay through May? If you’re due at the beginning of May, I doubt you’re going to want to sit in a car for hours on end, and that will be a long trip for a newborn.”

“Hmmm, good point. Okay, I’ll stay through Memorial Day then we will be Missouri-bound.”

I had a project—a mission. I had plans to make and people to contact. Mark’s vicious words eventually turned from a bouncing echo to a faded whisper before they disappeared altogether. I studied the pictures of houses and volleyed questions to Chance while she primped in the bathroom.

“I want a house right on the beach. Like no yard, just sand. What do you think?”

“That’s probably going to be pretty expensive, Lis. I know money isn’t a concern for you, but let’s try to at least pretend you’re on a budget, okay?”

“You’re such a killjoy sometimes.” But she was right. Most of the time, I do well at hiding my wealth, but sometimes it pokes its head out and makes its presence known when I least expect it. Last month alone, I got over ten thousand dollars in interest from one account. I never have to worry about paying bills and have no debt; hell I paid cash for my house and cars. I could probably pay off all of their houses and never miss a dime of it, but we all made a pact when I became wealthy that we would all pretend I was just the same old Lis that I’ve always been. Every now and then I like to spoil them for a weekend getaway, and the families of my friends have come to expect it from me about twice a year. Considering I’d love to do it every weekend, I think I’m being pretty damn good.

But if I’m going to have this baby for Dani, I need to do it under my own terms, and since nothing in my life has ever been that way, I think I deserve to be a little selfish when it comes to bringing another life into the world. Maybe I should be a little more sensitive to their concerns about tanking careers and lives put on hold, but I’m the one hosting another human, and I have the money to pay for a six months hiatus for all of us. I win.

If we go away for the pregnancy, I won’t associate anything at home with this baby. There won’t be memories of my growing belly in my home, and I won’t have to face the demons I fought when my mom and sisters left the state. That vacancy in my chest won’t be there, but I imagine this will be the last time I’ll visit Naples, Florida.

“Chance, I have a good idea!”

“Well, good for you, honey. Did it hurt?”

I scowled. “Shut up, ass hat. I have my new mission before I go back home. And because you decided to be a douche, I’m not going to tell you.”

She walked out of the bathroom, and my stomach dropped. She was absolutely stunning. Like, as in I had tears in my eyes—that kind of stunning.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“I think you’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen,” I whispered.

She laughed. “Alissa, are you going to cry?”

I wiped at my eyes and sniffled. “Stupid freaking hormones.”

She grinned. “Aww, that’s so cute that you’re crying. And that reaffirms that this dress was the right dress to buy.”

I nodded. “I’d love to see the look on Tony’s face when he sees you.”

“I told you about the redhead, right?”

I frowned. “No, I don’t think so.”

She gave up the fight trying to put her own bracelet on her wrist and stuffed her arm in my face. “Here, help. Okay, so the lovely Miriam-the-anorexic is his new anchor, and she’s gorgeous. Beyond beautiful, borderline fairytale action, dude. She’s smoking hot.”

“Yeah, but you’re a freaking goddess. In rock-paper-scissors, she’s like the wrinkle on the end of a knuckle compared to you.”

Chance laughed and asked, “Where do you come up with this shit?”

I chuckled. “I don’t know, but that was pretty funny, I admit. Maybe my private guest is a comedian. There.” I patted her arm. “All set.” I stood up and stretched. “You really look fantastic, Chance.”

“Thank you, dahling. Did you find anything promising in Naples?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a few that look like they could work. It’s hard to tell from the pictures, but I’ll call a few real estate agents tomorrow and see if they can help me find a place.”

“You are just planning to rent, right?” she winked at me.

“Oh hell yes. I can’t afford to throw down a million dollars on a house even though the idea of living on the coast year-round sounds amazing.”

“Just promise me one thing, okay? We are coming back, right?”

I laughed. “Yes, we’re coming back. All of us are rooted here, and I couldn’t put that much distance between us and Katie and Michelle permanently. They’re squirrely, but I love them and would miss them too much.”

She looked at me. “I’m really worried about Michelle. Something’s not right there.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I feel it, too. Wish there was a way for her to come with us.”

“Oh, Brandon would never go for it, and her kids would miss her too much.”

“Katie won’t even consider it, even for a weekend. I already asked.”

“Well, maybe when we’re there for a few months, we can ask again,” Chance said. “The holidays will be over by then, and winter will be in full swing up here. They’ll be ready for a getaway for sure.”

“I guess I should get on the road so you can get one with your huge mistake. Have fun tonight and call me when you get back. I want to hear every detail about your night.”

Chance smiled and hugged me. “Thanks for coming up. I’m really glad you did. Text me when you get home.”

“I will. I have a few stops to make, so it will be a while; don’t mama-bear out on me.”

“I’ll walk down with you. I’m supposed to meet the crew at five downstairs, anyway.” She grabbed her clutch and slipped her room key in the side pocket. “Let’s roll.”

After leaving Chance, I navigated through St. Louis and hit I-70 west—homeward bound. I failed to plan properly for the five o’clock traffic, so I flipped the radio into CD mode and let the voices of the Breakup Mix flood the car and keep me company. Kelly Clarkson and Alicia Keyes represented well and deserved the repeats in rapid succession; they were speaking to my soul.

Mark didn’t have any right to say those things to me. I’ve done nothing but be good to him, and if he didn’t like me or want to spend the rest of his life with me, that’s not because I’m damaged—he’s the one with the problem. Kelly Clarkson said so. I’d love to buy her a vacation home just for her brilliant voice and perfect timing. Maybe I will, just to be nice. Or maybe I’ll just keep buying her music and call it even.

I got back into Columbia around eight-thirty with plenty of time to hit the mall and gather my treasures for Dani. I flew through the stores and avoided the jewelry store where they know me by name. I could hear their cash registers salivating when I breezed through and intentionally looked the other way. I should’ve probably called Dani and told her I was coming by, but I didn’t want to hear her excuses.

I pulled in her driveway, took the price tags off the gifts, and shoved them into the gift bag I’d spent way too much time agonizing over. I was about to knock on the door when it opened and she said, “I wondered how long you were going to sit out there. Come on in.”

“Hi, there. I have something for you.”

“Oh, you’ve been shopping. You have that afterglow about you.”

“Hush up, now. Geez, it’s already getting cold at night. I’m not ready for this.”

“Ah, but soon enough seventy-five will feel chilly to us.” She had a new twinkle in her eye that I’d never seen before, and it warmed my heart to know I had something to do with that.

“I have a few things for you,” I said as I handed her the gift bag.

“What on earth, Lis?” She laughed as she took the bag. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, yet. You haven’t even opened it,” I followed her into the living room and took my place on the couch beside her.

She retrieved the book
What to Expect when You’re Expecting
out of the bag and grinned. “This is kind of bass-ackwards, isn’t it?”

“Well, I figured you could still use it even though it’s not technically your body. That way you’ll know exactly what your baby is doing when you’re apart.”

Her eyes teared up as she flipped through the book and whispered, “I can’t believe this is real.”

“Ha! Be me right now.” I winked. “But wait, there’s more.”

She pulled out the silver picture frame that said “Baby’s First Picture” and gasped as she stared at a picture from the ultrasound today. “When did you get this?”

“This afternoon before I went to St. Louis.”

“You went to St. Louis? Wow, busy girl.”

“I had to do something to kill time. This not working business is already taking a toll on me. I don’t have anything to do and it’s driving me crazy. I figured Chance would be killing time before her big event, so I went to hang out with her for a while. Your face was priceless during the ultrasound, so I thought I’d give you something to stare at.”

She wiped her face and chuckled. “It’s amazing. Thank you, Lis.”

I watched as she ran her finger over the black and white photo and smiled. “You’re going to be such a good mother. That baby’s only got six cells right now, and you couldn’t look prouder.”

She laughed and set the frame on the table beside her. “This is such a dream come true. And you’re so selfless, Lis. You don’t have to do these things, and you’ve already established that this is my baby in your belly. Like this is really going to happen.”