That Wedding (26 page)

He's all snotty when he says, "Well buying no shoes is cheaper than that. You have shoes in your closet that I've never seen you wear. You could shoe a small country. You can't possibly need another pair of shoes."

Who peed in his Cheerios?

"Well, Phillip, since I'm paying for the condo that you're living in, and since you aren't contributing to the mortgage payment, or the utilities, or the satellite dish, you probably shouldn't have any say in what I spend. But since we're on that subject, let's see what you've spent lately."

I grab his wallet which I know is full of perfectly folded receipts.

He gets an irritated look on his face, but I go on. "Let's see, what do we have here?" I shuffle through receipts. "Beer, lunch, Taco Bell, beer, gas. Oh! What's this big one?"

"Nothing," Phillip smarts.

He tries to grab the receipt from me, but I avoid him and read it. "Wheels for your car? But Philllllippppp, your car already has wheels. Does she really need another pair?"

He shrugs.

"And wow. Her shoes, I mean, wheels, cost $1500. Fifteen hundred dollars! That's a lot of money. Oh, wait, what's this little note here at the bottom?" I read off the receipt. "Call when chip comes in. Who's Chip, Phillip?"

"It's not a who…"

"I know it's not a who. I know
exactly
what you ordered. You bought the horsepower chip you and Danny have been talking about when you thought I wasn't listening." I raise my eyebrows at him. "How much is the chip, Phillip?"

"Four grand."

"Four THOUSAND dollars??? You know, I'm having a hard time understanding how you can give me shit for spending one hundred and sixty-five dollars on things I don't need when you've just spent over FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS on things your car didn't need. Tell me it was at least on sale."

"They don't go on sale."

"Maybe you should've waited until they did."

Phillip's fuming. It's kinda funny.

He says, "This is a worthless conversation. I'm not having it."

"You started it."

He squints his eyes at me. "Yeah, well then I guess I'll end it too." He walks out the door to the garage and slams it shut.

I'm still holding his wallet and see his car keys sitting on the counter.

I smile, grab them, walk to the garage door, stick my hand out the door to jingle them at him, and then quick shut the door.

I know he can't leave without them. I also know his spare set is at his parents' house. I run into the bedroom and strip down to my lacy bra and panties.

Yes, I finally got over hating lingerie. Me and Victoria have made up in a big way, and she and her secret are my new best friends. I've been spending a lot of time at her house. Shoes aren't the only thing I've been spending my hard-earned money on, but Phillip never has a bad word to say when I walk in the house with that hot pink bag.

In fact, he gets pretty excited about it.

He's always like,
Ohhhh, what's in the bag?

Not once has he asked me how much I spent on it.

I wrap his key chain around the side of my skimpy underwear.

I hear him march into the house. He yells out, "Give me my keys!"

I yell back. "You'll have to come and get them!"

He storms through the bedroom doorway in an angry haze, sees me lying on the bed, and freezes. Well, his body freezes, but his eyes are running down my lace.

"Damn," he states with a shake of his head. "You do not play fair."

"Have I ever?" I ask coyly.

"No," he says madly. He takes two quick strides to the bed, pulls me roughly off it, and takes his keys back.

I thought he was going to take the keys and leave, but he throws them on the dresser, takes off his shirt, and throws me back on the bed.

And there's something really kinda exciting about the way he's sorta manhandling me.

Actually, it's not kinda exciting, what it is, is freaking HOT!

I don't wanna be at couple's counseling. I think it's stupid. Phillip and I are perfect for each other. We get along amazingly.

Like last night was amazing.

The way he sorta threw me on the bed.

How he was kissing me hard. The way he madly stripped off my lace.

It makes me hot just sitting here thinking about it.

And it's a good distraction because I hate the man sitting at the desk in front of me. If it weren't for Mr. Diamond holding my wedding money hostage, I'd never be here.

Write me down as a hostile witness.

Phillip held my hand as we walked in the room, and it calmed me down a bit. He told me in the car that worst case scenario, we'll learn how to deal with each other even better.

Pastor says, "Phillip, JJ, I'm glad you're both here. I understand you weren't very excited about couple's counseling."

I don't say anything. I just fold my arms across my chest.

Phillip says, "I think JJ is still upset about you suggesting that her parents abandoned her."

"I didn't say they did. I said some people feel abandoned. JJ may not realize it, but their death has affected her. It had to affect her. I want to make sure that your wedding lasts. I assume that's what you both want as well?"

Phillip says, "Yes, we do."

I don't reply. I just sit here. No one said I had to do anything other than show up. I probably look like a spoiled little brat, but I don't care.

Pastor nods his head toward me. "Jadyn, is that what you want?"

I roll my eyes. "No, I want an unhappy and miserable marriage just like every other starry eyed bride."

Phillip glares at me, says to Pastor, "She's being sarcastic. Of course, we want a happy marriage."

"We're all on the same page then. Here's what I'd like you to do first." He hands us each a paper and pen. "I want you to write down three things that you love about each other."

I put the paper on my knee.

Would it be bad if I wrote down three very specific parts of Phillip's body? And like how amazing those parts were last night?

Uh, probably.

What do I love about Phillip?

Hmm, I love the way he talks to me. Well, the way he used to talk to me, like every night before I went to sleep. Now we usually just fall asleep after being exhausted from our pre-sleep activities.

I also secretly love the way Phillip has always rescued me. How he always chose me over, well, everyone. When I needed him, he was there.

I also love the way he makes me feel safe. Like I'm where I belong.

Hmm, those are all really good things. I'm really good at couple's counseling.

I can't wait to share my answers with Pastor. I'll show him. They're like the perfect answers. Phillip and I will get an A+. We'll be done with counseling and can get on with the happily ever after.

I try to hand him my paper.

He says, "Oh, no. They're for you to keep. I wanted you to think about it. Get you in the mood, so to speak. I understand you've set a date."

"Yes, everything has fallen into place. We're very lucky," Phillip says.

Pastor replies, "Okay, so tell me about your relationship. How long have you been dating?"

"A little over a month," Phillip says proudly.

I roll my eyes. Pastor John has known us our whole lives. He baptized us both, and he was at our engagement party. He totally knows this already, but whatever. If Phillip wants to play along, I'll let him.

"Wow," Pastor says. "That's not a very long time."

"No, it's not," Phillip replies. "But we've known each other our whole lives, so it's not like we don't already know everything about each other."

"Okay, so how are you handling conflicts?"

Uh, what conflicts?

As usual, Phillip reads my mind and answers, "We don't have any conflicts."

I'm quite proud of this.

Phillip and I are the perfect couple.

Pastor should consider using us a model for perfect coupledom. Phillip and I never fight. And on the rare occasion that we do, I pout, and Phillip gives in. It works really well.

"Hmmm, that's interesting," Pastor says. "So you're telling me you don't fight? You've
never
had a fight?"

Phillip admits, "We sorta had a little fight yesterday about her buying shoes, but we, um, resolved that conflict pretty easily."

"Great. How did you resolve it?" Pastor asks.

Uh. I tricked Phillip into forgetting he was mad at me with a sexy lace bra and a barely there thong.

I give Phillip a worried glance.

Phillip says, "Well, she diffused the situation by making me laugh."

Phillip is good. I diffused the situation. I sure did.

Pastor drones on. "Laughter is a key ingredient in a good marriage. So what will you do if you disagree, but you can't laugh about it?"

"Sex, probably," I accidentally burst out. I didn't really mean to say that, but Phillip has been totally hogging this conversation. Not that I really wanted to be a part of it, but it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut for extended periods of time.

Pastor raises his eyebrows and gives me a pointed glare. I've seen that glare before.

A few times.

Katie and I used to be candle lighters. We'd go in before the service, light the candles, and have to sit behind a column during the service. We were off to the side, hidden from the congregation, but in plain view of Pastor. One time, Katie had me practically rolling down the pew laughing. She and Neil dated most of their sophomore and junior years. She was telling me about the first time she touched his boy part. How it felt, and how she'd screamed when he made it grow in her hand. She thought something was wrong with it! We were clutching our sides, laughing silently, until I accidentally let a laugh escape. It was maybe kinda loud, almost a scream. Pastor stopped in the middle of his sermon, turned, and glared at me. Which totally got me in trouble with my parents afterwards. I should've hated him then. I mean, he's a professional!! He should have better sermon giving concentrational skills.

He says, "I see." Then he does that thing he always does when he's pissed, but he doesn't want to say it. He runs his hand down the sides of his little beard, stroking it. Which I can't help it, I glance toward Phillip and start thinking about a part of him I'd like to stroke.

"Well, I guess we can skip the part about saving it for the wedding night," Pastor says haughtily.

What an asshole.

Seriously.

I wanna rip that little beard right off his face. We're all adults here. Surely, we can discuss sex.

Sex is what keeps a marriage good.

I would assume.

"Sex is a good conflict solver though, right?" I ask because I'm trying to be a good student. Plus, I love answering questions when I know the right answer.

"Actually, no," Pastor says, "I don't think it is. Why don't you tell me about the fight."

I start because I'm going to prove him wrong. "I went shopping right after work because there was a great shoe sale. The sales lady that always helps me called me and told me that they'd just marked down a bunch of shoes, but that the sale didn't officially start until the next day, so I should come in and get like first pick. And I did. It was awesome. I found three great pairs of shoes for what I would normally spend on only one. I wear an eight or an eight and a half. Although sometimes for a really good shoe, I can squeeze into a seven and a half. I don't think either one of you appreciates what a triumph that is. Like if I was a size five or a ten, it'd be easy to find shoes on sale, but I'm the most common size, so that makes finding great shoes on sale really hard. And one of the pairs I got was a designer pair, and, oh my gosh, they're these amazingly adorable orange suede platform wedges. I mean, I don't actually have anything to wear with them yet, but they're like a statement shoe. They'll make a basic outfit look amazing."