That Summer (Part Two) (18 page)

Cole

The
time is eight o’clock by the time I’m able to drop off Liam and I can tell
Fiona isn’t happy by the expression on her face when I hand him over. I refuse
to apologise, struggling to understand why she thinks it’s such a crime for me
to want to spend some more time with my son.

Shared
custody of my child is not my idea of being a good parent but I guess it’s what
I’m stuck with for now. Recognising that my boy needs us both in his life, I
would never separate him from his mother. It’s an unusual situation for us to
split our access to him but it works for Liam and that’s all that matters. I’m
determined I won’t make the same mistakes my own father made when I was young
and made a vow to always be there for him. Days with Liam like this are
precious and that’s why I always make sure I savour every moment with him
before I have to take off again.

“Give
me a minute, will you? I want to say goodbye to him properly.”

I
glance at Fiona, warning her against coming between something so private.

“Five
minutes.” She retorts sharply, leaving us alone.

“Come
here, buddy.”

I
take a seat on the top step leading up to the house, encouraging my small son
to take a seat on my lap.

“Why
daddy sad?” He enquires, watching me closely.

“I’m
not sad, kiddo. What makes you think that?”

“You
look sad.” He replies, still not convinced that I’m telling him the truth.

“Daddy
isn’t sad, Liam. Not when I’m hanging out with you anyway.”

I
force myself to smile, trying my best to pretend that everything is fine for
the sake of my son.

“Daddy
and me best friends forever?” He asks, grinning at me as he take hold of my
hand.

“That’s
right, little man. You’re my number one guy and you always will be.” I tell
him, ruffling his dark hair playfully. “Now listen, Daddy might have to go away
for a little while. I
promise
that I’ll phone you every night before you
go to sleep and you can also expect lots of presents from me while I’m away.
How does that sound?”

“Why
is daddy going?” He demands, turning cross.

“I
have to go and take care of something but I promise I’ll come back and see you
soon.” I assure him, speaking firmly.

“Ok.”
He mumbles, lowering his head. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I
love you too, buddy. Now give me a great big hug before you go inside to
mummy.”

He
throws his chubby little arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly.

“Will
see Daddy soon?”

He
looks up at me with those big brown eyes, pleading with me to make him that one
promise.

“That’s
right.”

I
watch him climb up the steps, trailing the soft toy that I bought him a couple
of months ago behind him. He stops before he goes inside, turning around to
give me one last wave. He grins at me in adoration and warms my ice cold heart
for the first time in years.

I
take the long walk home, deciding to make a journey to the one place on earth
which provides me with some peace...

Our
old house.

I
couldn’t bring myself to stay there after she left, haunted by the memories of
us being there together. I also couldn’t face putting the property on the
market so I deserted it instead, leaving it abandoned and empty.

I
still come here every so often and make sure things everything is alright. I
sometimes choose to take the same walk I made with her and watch the exact same
sunset as it lights up the breath-taking countryside surrounding the house.
It’s almost like history repeating itself except I’m alone now and so is she.

I’ve
been searching for her ever since she ran away from me that night, hunting her
down like a predator would stalk its prey. It’s become an obsession, one which
I can barely control and don’t know how to break. She’s still the centre of my
universe even though we’re not together and I don’t think there will ever be a
time when I stop aching for the girl I can’t have.

I
came pretty damn close six months ago when I managed to track her down. I found
out where Serena was living and also who with. It was the friend she once told
me about, the one who was high up in the police and came to arrest me. I knew I
had to bide my time and waited for the other girl to go out for the night, making
sure my planning was perfect.

I
took my chance and broke in, sneaking into Serena’s bedroom without thinking
about the consequences. I watched her sleeping for a while, fascinated and
entranced by the sight of the girl I’d been searching for. Rage consumed me as
I observed her sleeping so soundly, fighting against the anger which ultimately
forced me to act so impulsively.

I
was furious with her for appearing so peaceful, curled up in her warm bed
without a care in the world. I envied her tranquillity and wanted to break her
heart like she broke mine. There were things I needed to know, questions at the
forefront of my mind about whether she still loved me or if she ever ad at all.
I needed to understand what made her run from me again and what made her
despise me so much that she would vanish without a word or an explanation.

Even
the birth of my own son failed to bring me true happiness. My world was empty
without her and it still is. I feel like there is nothing and no one besides
her who can complete me and I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.
Is it even possible for someone to carry around this much misery and sadness
for an entire lifetime?

I
still wake up most nights, crying out for her until I end up yelling. She’s an
addiction I cannot beat and I’m absolutely exhausted from trying to fight it.
My soul feels weary and my mind is tired, weakened by the years I’ve spent
hurting, suffering and tormented by the girl who chose to run. I’ll never give
up and I’ll never stop looking for her.

Ever.

That’s
why I’m leaving tomorrow, anxious to move onto a new city so I can start my
search some place new. I don’t stay in the same place for too long, eager to
change my location as often as I can so I’m able to keep on looking.

 I
wish I could tell her that I didn’t mean what I said all those months ago in
her bedroom. I flipped out and let my fury do the talking, threatening her
before her friend came home early and I had to go. She was trembling with fear
and I still can’t erase that image I now have of her from my mind.

She
must have moved out of her friend’s house right away because she disappeared
after that fateful night. I’m always looking for Serena, travelling up and down
the country in my quest to find her. That’s why I was forced to say goodbye to
my son tonight and I’m aware it might be several months until I can get back
here again and see him. I’ve been taking him to the local park most days,
trying to spend as much time with him as I can before I have to take off again.
He loves playing on the swings and the park is fairly close to where he lives
with Fiona, making it even more accessible for me.

A
part of me longs to take him with me but what sort of life would that be for
him? It wouldn’t be fair on Liam and even if it was, Fiona would never let me
take him.

I
pull into the driveway, reaching the entrance to the grand house I once called
home… the home I always had in mind for her. We were only here a short time but
the memories of that summer are inexplicably strong. They pull me back, drawing
me in time and time again, easing a small fraction of the pain I still carry
with me.

I
cling onto the idea that she might come looking for me one day… praying for the
night I’ll open my front door and find her on my doorstep. I don’t think it
will ever happen but it’s all I have now. It’s all I have to hold onto.

“Someday…”
I whisper out loud, sighing deeply.

I
know I’ll find her again, even if it is years from now. I don’t know how and I
don’t know where, all I have to cling onto is that one word… the one which
provides me with that single flickering flame of hope.

My
hopeful
someday
…

Serena

I
don’t know what brought me here or why I chose this specific moment to come
back. I approach the grand house I once called home with caution, narrowing my
eyes when I make out the tall silhouette of a man in the distance.

It’s
starting to get dark but I can see he’s standing right outside the main gates,
staring straight ahead. It’s as though he’s entranced by what’s in front of
him, captivated and enthralled by the house and all its splendour.

I
consider turning back but keep on going, feeling compelled to do so. My eyes
can now make out the stranger’s dark hair and broad shoulders as I draw closer.
His powerful demeanour captures my attention and I gasp when I realise who it
is.

Cole.

He’s
here.

Trembling
uncontrollably, I walk on. He’s still quite far away in the distance but I know
it’s him.

I
soon come to the conclusion that I have a choice. I can simply carry on walking
or I can turn around. Either way, the decision I’m about to make will change my
life forever.

Cole
doesn’t know I’m here yet due to the fact that he has his back to me. He’s
oblivious to my presence, beguiled and entranced by the sight before him. I
remember how content he seemed with his little boy in the park just a few hours
before and compare it to how he appears now. He looks haunted and tormented,
consumed and afflicted by the pain from this past.

I
ask myself whether I really want to disrupt his peace. Do I really want to come
between the relationships he now has with his son and destroy the tranquillity
of his life for the sake of my own selfish desires?

If
Cole has somehow managed to find closure and some sort of completion within
himself then what right do I have to step in and ruin it? He’s obviously
stopped searching for me because I haven’t had to change locations or move
cities for six months now. How can I wreak havoc on his life after the years
we’ve spent apart? It wouldn’t be right and I just can’t bring myself to do it
to him.

He’s
the love of my life and I care more for him than I do for myself. My own
torment means nothing if I know he has found an ounce of serenity and closure.

I’m
not in love with Kevin and I never will be… but that doesn’t mean we can’t make
it work. I know I can get through each day and put on a show, fooling everyone
but myself. I’ll act like everything is fine and keep my broken heart a secret.
I’ll save my tears and cry myself to sleep at night, aching for the man I fell
in love with when I was seventeen.

The
man I can never have.

It
will get easier because I’m used to pretending.

I
hesitate for a single moment before I take a deep breath, making the hardest
decision of my entire life so far...

I
turn around.

My
eyes are closed in an attempt to stop my tears from falling, placing one foot
in front of the other as I walk away from my soul mate. I don’t know if I’ll
ever see him again, I don’t really know if he has stopped searching for me.
What I
do
know is that I have hope and no one can ever take that away
from me. I will hold onto the belief that I will always have Cole, even if we
do spend the rest of our lives apart. I hope we can reunite someday and
recreate the memories that were made long ago, memories which were made that
summer.

Someday…

A note from the author…

If
you are reading this I guess you just completed
That Summer
. Words
cannot describe how grateful I am to you for reading my book and sticking with
me until the end. This novel is close to my heart and after finishing this
story, I hope you can now say the same. I always knew I wanted to write about a
heart-breaking love story and it is not up to me to decide whether or not I
have achieved that. It is up to
you
, the reader.

Some
of us are blessed to find the person who is ideal for us, the one who can
provide us with the happiness and devotion we deserve. However, there are
others out there who might not. Circumstances beyond their control might prevent
them from being with the one they love or the pain of unrequited love might
keep the person we care about the most from loving us back. Regardless of these
circumstances, we have all experienced heartache. We have all loved and some of
us have lost. We have all placed our faith in someone or something whether we
want to or not and sometimes this trust can be betrayed, sometimes it might not
even be returned.

 I
guess what I’m trying to say is… keep on hoping. The key message to be taken
from Cole & Serena’s story is
hope
. By the end of
That Summer
,
these two individuals have lost everything and yet they
still
have hope.
They keep their faith and this is the main message I wanted to be able to
convey to my readers… please keep your faith, regardless of what form that
faith takes. Stay hopeful and remain strong.

This
life is extraordinarily complex. Some days we can feel like we are soaring
amongst the clouds and others… we might wonder how on earth we will get through
another day. I always say that there is a reason the word HOPE exists inside
the negative HOPEless. Take what you are reading right now as your sign and
remain courageous. Whatever it is you are going through… whatever it is you
have already been through… I want you to know that you can do this. I have faith
in you so please try and have faith in yourself. I am eternally humble that you
chose to read my book and that you are reading this right now and this is my thank
you.

Please
know that you can contact me directly at
[email protected]
I love hearing
back from my readers and promise to respond to every single one of your emails.
I am open to answering your questions, providing you with information regarding
my other books and/or future projects I am working on. I also don’t mind if you
just want to say hello or let me know your own thoughts & opinions about
this book and its characters. Did you like the ending? Is there something you would
change? Did you agree or disagree with Cole & Serena’s relationship? Would
you like there to be a book from Cole’s point of view or are you content with
That
Summer
being focused on Serena? Whatever it is… please feel free to get in
touch. Oh, and one more thing… REVIEWS MATTER. No matter how short it is or how
much detail you provide, please spare five minutes of your time to write a
review on Amazon or Goodreads where you can find my author page. I am truly
delighted that you chose to take this journey with me… thank you.

Lauren x