That Summer (Part Two) (9 page)

I
thank God for the interfering receptionist who gave us no choice about a second
hotel room and stay quiet, grateful that the proof of this might work in our
favour.

“We
both knew that staying in separate rooms was the right thing to do.”

“Serena,
let’s go back to the question I asked you earlier. Why did you run away with
him? Why would you leave when you knew how much trouble you would both be in if
you got caught?”

“I
loved him.” I admit, meeting her gaze for the first time since sitting at her
desk. “A part of me still does and that’s why I called you this morning. I
couldn’t let him do it to himself and I was terrified about what was going to
happen next. At least this way Cole will be free to live the life he wants to.
I knew there would be no future for either of us on the run.”

“You’re
a sensible girl. I just wish you had been a bit more level-headed before you
left town with him.” She reprimands me sternly. “Look, I’m going to be honest
with you when I say this, Serena. Cole is in a lot of trouble and it might be
some time before you get to see him again. You might even be called to testify
at his trial.”

“His
trial? What trial?” I demand harshly, staring at her in horror.

“As
of this moment, Cole is still pleading not guilty to the numerous charges we’ve
made against him and unless he changes his mind anytime soon… he’s going to end
up in prison for a very long time.”

I
can’t even speak. No words are strong enough to describe what I am feeling or
the guilt that consumes me.

“C-can
I see him?” I ask, faltering slightly. “Please. This might be the last chance I
have to see him and I need to explain things.”

She
exhales slowly, pausing for a moment before answering my question.

“Your
request wouldn’t be allowed under normal circumstances but it’s clear to see
how much this means to you. I can probably get you ten minutes with him and
that’s all I can do.” She says brusquely, standing up suddenly.

“Thank
you. Thank you so much.”

“Come
with me.”

She
ushers me out of the small room we were in and out into the corridor. She locks
the door behind her before we head back to reception where she can make a phone
call. Natalie is only on the phone for a few seconds before she ends the call
and turns to face me.

“Can
I see him?” I ask, struggling to conceal my desperation.

“Yes.”
She responds curtly. “Follow me.”

I
follow her once more as she leads me down a confusing array of corridors and
detours. She comes to an abrupt standstill outside a closed door and turns to
face me.

“Is
he in there?”

“Yes
but he’s behind glass. You’ll be able to converse with him as soon as the green
light comes on the panel which is in front of you at the desk.”

I
stare at her blankly, wondering what on earth she is talking about.

“A
green light?”

“Neither
one of you will be able to hear the other person speak unless that green switch
is activated. Do you understand?”

“I
think so.” I whisper, clenching my fists.

“I’ll
be right outside this door.” She reminds me. “And don’t forget that we can see
and hear everything, Serena. There’s nothing you can exchange with him or hide
from us.”

“I
understand.”

“Good.
Now go on through.”

She
opens the door for me and I take a hesitant step inside. The room is extremely
dark until I enter and then a powerful light turns on, brightening up the dark
corners and daunting shadows. I hear the soft click of the door as it is closed
behind me and that’s when I see him.

A
silhouette of a man is all I can make out at first. He’s cradling his head in
his hands as he leans against the desk he’s sitting in front of. I watch him as
I slowly close the distance between us, nearing the glass wall which keeps us
apart.

The
green switch which Natalie warned me about appears, letting me know that Cole
can now hear me if I choose to speak to him. It takes me a few moments but I
eventually find the courage to reveal my presence to him.

“Hi.”

It’s
a ridiculous thing to say but it was enough to startle him. He lifts his head
and gasps when his gaze meets mine. Utter disbelief is an understatement when
it comes to describing his expression and I can’t help but notice his bloodshot
eyes and how swollen they are. It’s obvious he’s been crying and it physically
hurts me to know I can’t reach out and comfort him.

“Serena.”
He whispers, finding it hard to speak. “You’re really here?”

“I’m
here.” I assure him, smiling weakly.

“Have
they hurt you?” He demands, jumping up from his seat before making his way
towards me.

“No,
they haven’t. I’m ok.” I promise, placing my small hand against the pane of
glass in front of me.

He
does the exact same thing, mirroring my actions so our hands are almost
touching.

“Tell
me the truth… what did they do to you? What did they threaten you with to make
you tell them all of those things?”

“Cole,
I… I’m so sorry.” I apologise, hoping he will be able to understand how much
this hurt me and what it cost for me to bring an end to this nightmare.

“Why
are you sorry?” He challenges me harshly. “You know they’ve been lying to me,
don’t you? They told me that you called them this morning and told them where
we were. I know that can’t be true so I need to know what they said to you and
why you look so scared.”

“Cole…”
I sigh wearily, letting my hand fall away from his. “I did phone them. I told
them where to find us.”

His
mouth falls open with absolute shock and disbelief as I observe him closely. I
despise the fact that I’m the reason behind his dismay and know that things
will never be the same between us ever again.

“You
can’t have.” He murmurs, shaking his head from side to side. “You wouldn’t do
that to me. I don’t believe you.”

He
slams his palms against the glass, causing me to take a step backwards. His
fury is palpable and continues to increase, igniting as the seconds tick by.

“Cole,
I had to. I had no choice.”

“Of
course you had a choice!” He roars, tugging on his hair in frustration as he
paces back and forth in front of me.

“I
want you to be free.” I explain gently. “I want that for both of us and that
wouldn’t have been possible if we were still on the run.”

“This
is because of last night, isn’t it? It’s because of what we did.” He whispers
darkly, refusing to tear his eyes away from my own.

He’s
stopped pacing and now remains quiet, still and frozen as he awaits my
response.

“You
know nothing happened last night.”

My
eyes beg him to go along with what I’m saying, trying to convey what I need him
to know without saying the actual words.

God
knows what the police might do if they find out we had sex last night… neither
one of us can take that risk and I won’t allow him to divulge something so
private between us.

“Ah,
I see.” He chuckles with disdain. “I get it now. I understand.”

He
sneers at me in contempt, refusing to listen or even begin to comprehend why I
had to do this.

“What
do you understand?” I ask him, glancing at the camera which remains pointed at
us both.

“That
you lied.” He growls, pressing his face up against the glass. “You lied to me
from the start, didn’t you? You lied about your feelings for me, you lied about
everything!”

“Cole,
you know that’s not true! I did this for
you
!” I cry despairingly.

“You
know they’re going to lock me up now, don’t you? They’re going to keep me in a
cell for the rest of my fucking life and it’s all because of you! You did this
to me, Serena. Just you.”

The
venom in his eyes is potent. It wounds me beyond belief and shatters my soul. I
can’t believe it has come to this. I can’t believe that I’m the one who is
causing the man I love so much pain and heartache. I’ve destroyed everything.

“How
can you say that to me? You’re the centre of my universe and you know that’s
the truth. I have stuck by you through everything and that’s because I love
you. I only called the police to help you.” I sob, pleading for his trust as
well as his forgiveness.

“Bullshit.”
He seethes, turning red with rage and absolute loathing.

“Listen
to me.” I say firmly, speaking with authority. “Cole,
listen
. I love
you. I’ve always loved and that will never change. No matter how far apart we
are… even if we don’t see each other again, I will still love you.”

“Then
don’t leave me.” He begs, lowering his head as though he’s been wounded.

“I
don’t have a choice.” I say softly, longing to reach out and hold him in my
arms.

His
contempt for me has vanished in what seems like an instant, disappearing into
thin air as though it never even existed.

“Please
don’t leave me, Green. I can’t do this without you. We can’t be separated
because I won’t be able to survive without you. I’ll die.”

His
voice breaks and all I can feel is his pain and sadness. He’s falling apart in
front of me and I no longer have the strength to piece him back together.

“Baby,
I can’t stay. They won’t let us be together and as much as you despise them for
it, you know it’s the right decision. Please don’t make this any harder than it
already is.”

“But
I can’t live without you.” He groans, covering his face with his hands as he
struggles to control his breathing.

“You
will
because you have to.” I say, placing my hand against the glass once
more. “You can do this and so can I. We have to be strong because we have to
say goodbye.”

“I’
can’t let you go, Serena. I just can’t.” He growls possessively, slamming his
hands against the glass for the second time.

“You
have to.”

“I’ll
make sure I find you.” He promises me darkly. “I’ll never stop looking for you
and as soon as they let me out I
will
find you. I’ll make sure you can
never run from me again and next time I’ll keep you forever. You’re mine,
Serena. You can’t hide from me forever.”

“Cole…”

“I
mean it!” He yells, spinning around before he grabs the chair he was sitting on
when I first came in.

He
grabs it and flings it against the pane of glass between us, threatening to
shatter it completely and that’s when two police officers storm into the room
and restrain him. I watch in absolute horror as they force his arms behind his
back and push him to the floor, one of them forcing his head to the ground and
the other tying his ankles together.

There’s
a horrifying, piercing sound coming from somewhere but I can’t decipher who or
what it is. Its only when I see Natalie’s sympathetic face beside me that I
realise the unnerving scream has been coming from my own mouth.

“Serena,
you don’t need to see this. Come with me.”

She
escorts me out of the room and closes the door behind us, splitting my heart in
two and tearing my soul apart forever.

He’s
gone.

He’s
gone from my life and it will never be the same. He won’t forgive me for this
and I can’t say I blame him. I took our future, destroyed it right in front of
him and now I might not see him ever again.

It’s
over.

He’s
gone forever.

And
things will never be the same…

Chapter Six

Present
day…

I
take a deep breath, trying to compose myself and gather my thoughts. My
therapist watches me closely, observing the excruciating sorrow which still
exists inside of me. It’s been a long time since I spoke about that day and
everything that happened. It’s been a long time since I
allowed
myself
to think about it.

“I
think that’s enough for today.” She tells me, speaking softly. “You look
exhausted and I don’t want to push this with you today.”

“What
am I supposed to do now?” I ask her, wondering how I’m supposed to switch off
my mind after this afternoon’s session.

“Go
home and rest, run yourself a hot bath and relax. That’s all I can suggest for
tonight.” She advises me responsibly, standing up from her seat.

“You
really think a hot bath is going to help?” I snap bitterly. “Something as
superficial as pampering myself will not fix this. It won’t fix me!”

“And
what will?” She questions me. “Cole?”

“Yes.”
I whisper. “Only him.”

“Go
home and sleep. You really need it.”

She
places a hand on my shoulder before opening the door to her office for me.

“I
don’t think that will be possible.” I quip drily, turning my back on her in
anger.

I
leave the building and take the same walk past the park where I saw Cole the
day before. Of course he’s not here and it’s not like he even saw me when I
spotted him twenty-four hours ago. If he had done I wouldn’t even be here…

Today’s
therapy session was particularly gruelling because I had to explain what
happened the day I made that fatal phone call to the police. I had to describe
everything that was said between us before we had to say goodbye and the agony
that comes from reliving the worst day of my life is actual torture.

It’s
not like I always listen to my therapist but I realise she was probably right
when she suggested that I go home and rest. I barely have the energy to put one
foot in front of the other, let alone anything else.

I
come to a standstill as I walk dangerously close to the location where I caught
a glimpse of Cole. It’s nearly six o’clock so the park is pretty empty, reminding
me of a creepy setting of a horror movie or something. I shake the feeling off
and fold my arms across my chest, walking with my head low as I make my way
home.

I
let myself into my small house, greeted by silence. I live alone now and that’s
the way I like it. At least that way I don’t have to pretend. I lived with my
best friend Lisa for about a year when I first came back home because my mum
didn’t want anything more to do with me after I had ran away from Cole. She
pretty much kicked me out and I would have been on the streets if it wasn’t for
Lisa and her family who kindly took me in. I was forced to go back to college
for the remainder of the year and I can’t even begin to explain how horrendous
my final months were as a student. Everyone knew about Cole and the rumours
about us having an incestuous relationship had circulated as soon as I
returned.

I
don’t know how that got leaked but I know it didn’t come from Lisa. I still
trust her with my life and even though I don’t see her as much as I would like,
I still consider her my best friend. She nursed me through those first few
weeks when Cole and I were separated, making sure I ate and taking care of me
when I needed her the most. She was with me through Cole’s sentencing and held
me while I wept the night I found out how many years he would spend in prison.

Three.

I
couldn’t believe they had given him such a long custodial and fell apart all
over again once the police told me there would be no appeal. Cole had pleaded
guilty and they said he had told his solicitor that he would accept the
sentence which the judge had given.

I
think that broke my heart more than anything because it meant he had given up.
He had given up on his freedom and that’s what broke my heart all over again.

My
fellow students continued to torment me but it no longer seemed to matter. They
would throw things at me as I came to and from school, the girls would call me
a whore and the guys would treat me like one. Everyone despised me except Lisa,
even my teachers seemed to think I was worthless. They seemed to think I had
brought everything upon myself and also disliked the fact that Cole and I had
brought shame to their school and reputation.

I
would cry myself to sleep most nights and lost so much weight because I
couldn’t eat anything. I was aching for someone I could not be with and the
hollow pain inside my chest grew more and more each day. Natalie, the police
inspector was incredible throughout and I would turn to her when I felt like I
could go to no one else. We eventually came friends and she still keeps in
touch which is extremely kind of her but also serves as an unbearable reminder
of the first day that we met.

It
was my eighteenth birthday the day I brought an end to my relationship with
Cole, my eighteenth birthday when my life came to an end. Of course I make sure
I eat enough, sleep enough and make it through each day but inside… I’ve died.
My body still exists but my soul is far too damaged. I struggle to form any
kind of relationship and even when I try to, they resemble something I have no
interest in. No one has managed to fulfil me and awaken that fire which was
ignited in me so many years ago. No one comes close to him and I now realise
this is the reason I’ve stopped looking for someone to replace him.

I
switch on the kettle before I start to run my bath, making sure I add lots of
bubbles and light a couple of candles. I plan on ordering some food later on
because I don’t even have the energy to cook and look forward to submerging
myself in the water before I eat. I haven’t had anything all day and my stomach
rumbles, reminding me that I must still take care of the physical part of
myself.

A
part of me wishes I didn’t have to, a part of me longs for the day I can just
curl up and disappear, leaving this world and everyone in it.

The
sad thing is I don’t remember how it felt before. I can’t remember how it was
before Cole and now that he’s gone, I don’t know how to get that feeling back.
I’m a wreck. I’m a wretched, dangerous, incomplete disaster and I’m pretty sure
that will never change. I’m twenty-four years old but I know my life is over.
I’m nothing and I have no purpose. There is no place for me in this world and
the knowledge which accompanies such dark thoughts is what keeps me awake at
night.

Today
is Friday and I close my eyes, pretending that I have a fun and active weekend
to look forward to instead of the emptiness in front of me. I would give
anything to have a full and active life, preoccupied with dating, friends,
shopping and laughter.

Instead…
I feel nothing.

I’m
a shell of the girl I used to be and now I’m a young woman in her twenties I
have no more excuses. Lisa has a partner and she’s been with him for the past
four years, they’re trying for a baby and I’m sure her life will be complete as
soon as it happens. They’ve been trying to conceive for over a year so I know
she’s a little concerned about why it hasn’t happened yet.

Lisa’s
fiancé is called Stewart and he’s some powerful CEO of a company which I still
don’t know the name of. He’s away often and when he travels my best friend
takes the opportunity to invite me to stay with her for a few days. Their house
is luxurious and big enough for six, let alone two of them. I enjoy going to
stay with her but we don’t talk about the past when I visit. We haven’t spoken
about what happened for a couple of years now and I don’t know whether I’m
thankful or frustrated about that.

I’m
sure Lisa thinks she’s helping me by not mentioning Cole or what happened when
he was released from prison three years ago but she’s the only one besides my
therapist and Natalie who I can speak to about it. She’s the only one who knows
the true extent of my suffering and sometimes I long to share that with her.

I’m
due to see her next weekend when Stewart is away and now that I’ve seen Cole,
I’m grateful it’s not tomorrow. I know I shouldn’t go back to the park where I
saw him and I know I should stay far away from him but I simply don’t have the
strength to.

If
he’s here then that means he knows I’m close by. He follows me whenever I move
and this time it’s not taken him very long to seek out my exact location. I can
feel his presence and it’s enough to draw me to him. That magnetic force which
once existed between us is still present and there’s nothing I can do to erase
it.

He
will come soon, I have no doubt about that and all I can do until then is
wait...