Solitary Man (24 page)

She shrugged. “Go for it.” She might as well humor him because he seemed comfortable and relaxed and she didn’t think he’d be leaving any time soon. Plus the longer he talked, the less time they’d have for shopping later.

“What do you want?”

Her fingers curled into the grass. “What?”

“What do you want? From life, from marriage… from me.”

He’d gone too far. She couldn’t humor him. Not anymore. Not at her own expense. Shopping for the baby was preferable to this. “Obviously you’re in a good mood, Kevin, but excuse me if I don’t want to play along.” She started to rise, but her growing stomach made a quick exit impossible and her sudden move resulted in a pulling pain in her right side. With a groan, she pulled her knees up to ease the sudden cramp.

“Hey, are you okay?”

She nodded. “I’m used to it. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and stretch and I end up feeling like I pulled a muscle I didn’t even know I had.”

“I didn’t know that,” he said, sounding very upset that he had been left out.

She didn’t understand him today. “There’s no reason you should.”

“There’s every reason. Nikki, I…”

She leaned forward until she was too close to his handsome face. Too close to his arousing scent and the warmth of his skin. “You… what?”

“Love you. I love you.”

Her breath left in a whoosh and the pain she’d experienced suddenly returned, but this time too close to her heart. “Don’t say what you don’t mean.” She couldn’t handle it. Tears welled in her eyes and she swiped at them with the back of her hand. “Hormones,” she muttered.

He reached forward and rubbed at the tip of her nose. “Dirt,” he said.

She laughed, though she wasn’t feeling anything that resembled humor.

“You don’t believe me.” Not a question, but a statement. Kevin wasn’t certain what she was feeling, but he knew for a fact she wasn’t taking him seriously.

How could he blame her when he’d never given her any indication of his feelings? Never even tried.

Tears streamed openly down her dirt-streaked face, yet she’d never looked more beautiful to him. He felt as if he were seeing her for the first time. Through his new perspective, perhaps he was.

He felt his future slipping away. He reached out and placed his hand over her rounded stomach. “Have you felt the baby kick yet?” he asked.

She shook her head then obviously changed her mind and nodded. “Sort of. Little butterfly flutters.”

“Can I feel?”

“It’s too soon to feel it from the outside. Why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s past time. And I don’t want to lose you. Have I?” He needed the answer as much as he feared it. Probably more.

“You do know how to drop a bombshell,” she muttered. “You
love
me?”

“Enough to take a look at myself through your eyes. Enough to walk into one of those Al-Anon meetings. Twice. Enough to lay down the law with Max. I told him he has family waiting but only if he sobers up. Otherwise he’s completely on his own.” His gut clenched with guilt again. “I can get through it, but it would be so much easier if I wasn’t alone. Did I jump the gun telling Max he had
us
waiting?”

“Is this another ‘I’ll give it my best shot at being a family’?” she asked.

He spread his hands out in front of him. “Think about everything I just said. Does it sound like an I’ll try or I’ve already done it?” he asked. “I didn’t even think of coming to you before I’d taken all the first steps on my own.” And he’d risked losing her in the process.

He heaved a groan. “There’s nothing else I can say. The rest is up to you.”

He wondered if his heart had ever beat so fast or so loud. As he sat waiting, he got an inkling as to what he’d put Nikki through these past months.
If
, as Janine believed, she loved him.

“The first time I met you I thought I fell in love. At first sight, if you can believe that.” She glanced down as she spoke. “Later, I chalked it up to a crush. I had to, since you never spared me a second glance. Until that night.”

“When everything changed.”

She nodded. “I didn’t come to your apartment for that, but I didn’t wake up with regrets, either. If anything I woke up with a sense of hope despite the fact that I’d just lost my brother. I thought, really believed I had a chance. That we had a chance.”

“And then I took off.”

“And reality set in. It’s taken months, but you finally convinced me—you couldn’t come around, couldn’t be part of a family. And now…” She pounded the grass in frustration. “I can’t read you, I don’t understand you, and I’m afraid if I let myself believe, I’m setting myself up for more pain.”

And that pain was more than evident, in her eyes and in her drawn expression. In the recent past, as recent as yesterday, he’d have agreed with her and walked away. But no more.

He reached for her, grasping her shoulders and turning her to face him. “I can’t do any more than promise, and remind you that the things I’ve said to you today, I’ve never been able to say to you bef—” He didn’t get to finish.

Nikki threw herself into his arms, pushing him backward onto the grass.

“So this means… what exactly?” he asked once he’d caught his breath.

“I love you too. I always have. Those dreams never died; they just got a little tarnished, you know?”

He brushed long strands of hair out of her face. “I thought I drove you away for good.”

“I never went far. Not really. And as for Max, I’m the one who told you we were a family.”

At the mention of his father’s name, he exhaled a long groan. “I nearly went back to his apartment about ten times today.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was, but you did the right thing. And I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”

“I always knew that, in here.” He pointed to his heart. “But in my head, I knew I’d tested you too many times to deserve forgiveness.”

She rested her body on top of his. For the first time in awhile, he felt her heat and her curves flush against him. The swell of her fuller breasts and the curve of her stomach pressed into him. He wrapped his arms around her waist. “You feel good,” he whispered in her ear.

She let out a contented moan. “You feel even better.”

“I can promise you I love you and that I’m here to stay, but I can’t promise I won’t need some guidance on this emotional give-and-take business.”

She brushed a kiss over his lips. “Oh, I think I can guide you. You just need to have an open mind.”

“My mind is open… to lots of things.”

She grinned. “Why don’t you tell me what you have in mind.”

He rolled to his side, taking her with him. “I could spend the rest of the night telling you what I have in mind.”

“What about furniture shopping.”

He held her in his arms, grateful for a second chance. “I think that can wait. After all, neither of us are going anywhere.”

She smiled. “Not for a long, long time.”

EPILOGUE

T
he now-familiar sound of the baby’s heartbeat sounded in the small examining room. Nikki felt the rush of warmth fill her body and when Kevin squeezed her hand, also her heart.

Dr. Molloy moved her instrument over the gel coating her stomach. “Have you two decided on whether you’re ready to know the sex?” she asked.

Nikki’s stomach leapt in anticipation. They’d discussed the possibility last night into the late hours of the morning. Talking and bonding with Kevin had been almost more moving than making love.

Almost. Because nothing could compete with the sensation of joining their bodies together and
knowing
that bond transcended the physical. And always would.

“We want to know,” Nikki said.

Kevin cleared his throat “Are you sure? Because there’s no going back. Once we know, there’s no surprise.”

“I’m sure. For a number of reasons.” Once they knew the sex, they’d know the name and then the bonding process could begin even stronger pre-birth. “Are you sure?” she asked him.

“Absolutely.” His grip on her hand became stronger.

“Okay then, let’s see if this little guy—or girl—is willing to cooperate.” The doctor moved the instrument around her stomach. “Sometimes they get shy. They lie on their side, or they cross their legs.”

Nikki laughed. “That would figure.”

“A-ha. Here we go.” Her hand movements stilled and both Nikki and Kevin stared at the monitor. “Now remember, this isn’t foolproof.”

“How’s your record running, Doc?” Kevin asked.

“Well I don’t want to brag, but I haven’t been wrong yet.”

He chuckled. “I’ll take those odds. How about you, Princess?”

These days, that name made Nikki feel safe and cherished. “I’m dying here. Would you two stop stalling?”

“Want to take a guess first?” the doctor asked.

“Girl,” Kevin said. “With violet eyes and dark hair.”

“Boy,” Nikki disagreed, recalling how certain she’d been for so long. Then sudden doubt assailed her. “Make that a girl.”

At Kevin’s raised eyebrows and quizzical look, Nikki shrugged. “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. Especially a pregnant woman.”

“Okay, Doc. Let’s hear it.”

“It seems that Kevin’s right.” The doctor moved the instrument in small circles. “And so are you,” she said to Nikki.

“So it’s a girl,” Nikki said, envisioning pink and lace and eyelet and Kevin’s dark hair, and his deep, dark eyes.

“Yes. It’s also a boy.”

“Impossible unless we’re talking mutant,” Kevin said, obviously misunderstanding.

Nikki didn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure she wanted to accept the truth either. “You’re joking, right? You do this to every set of nervous parents. We can’t possibly be having twins.”

“Twins?” Kevin sounded as if he were gasping for air.

“I might not be able to predict the sex, but I can definitely predict the number,” Dr. Molloy assured her.

“Where was the other one hiding all this time?” Nikki asked.

“Two babies?” he asked.

“Three, counting you,” Nikki said, laughter in her voice.

“I think I’ll give you two a few minutes alone to digest this information.” The doctor cleaned up and walked out of the room.

After Kevin helped her to a sitting position, Nikki got a good look at his face for the first time. He was pale, and she couldn’t read his expression beyond the fact that he was obviously stunned.

“Think you can handle it?” she asked, suddenly worried that after all their efforts at making things work between them, he’d be overwhelmed enough to back off again, due to the thought of two unexpected bundles instead of the one they’d known about.

He shook his head. She hoped he was clearing his thoughts, not answering no. “Kevin?”

“I’m… fine. I think,” But he grinned then, and Nikki relaxed. As much as she could with the newfound knowledge hanging over her head.

He grabbed her hand. “It’s overwhelming,” he admitted. “But exciting too. We’ll handle it together.”

Together
. She liked the sound of that word. “Do you want to call Max and tell him?” Nikki asked.

Kevin’s father had been admitted to the hospital again a few weeks back and had willingly gone into a rehabilitation center after that. Although Kevin was footing the bills, it would be worth it if he got his father back in his life again.

He shook his head. “He doesn’t need any more pressure. Besides, I’d like to take the time to adjust to this alone with you.”

She looped her arms around his neck. “Alone. I like the sound of that”

“It’s something we should take advantage of now because there won’t be much more solitary time in our lives.”

“No. And I’m grateful for that.”

“Me too. And I’m grateful for you.”

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