Sneaky Pie's Cookbook for Mystery Lovers (5 page)

1. In a small saucepan, over medium heat, melt the butter. Whisk in the sugar, flour, nutmeg, and salt. Gradually whisk in the water, whisking until well combined.
   

2. Allow the mixture to cook at a rolling boil for 5 minutes, stirring frequently.
   

3. Remove from the stove and serve while hot over the apple crisp.
   

I
DON’T KNOW
why the dogs like this but they do.

Horses love apples. However, never turn a horse out in a field with an apple tree that’s still producing fruit because the horses will eat apples that aren’t ripe, tearing them off the branches, or they’ll eat the overripe fruit that’s fallen to the ground. Either way, you’ve got a sick horse.

I enjoy sitting in an apple tree in springtime. The activity dazzles me—bees everywhere, caterpillars, and birds chasing after the caterpillars. For a cat, an apple tree is a little bit of heaven.

Makes 1 ⅔ cups

1. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, heat the vinegar and butter together until boiling.
   

2. Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, whisk together the egg, sugar, and dry mustard. Whisk in the flour and salt.
   

3. Whisk the egg mixture into the boiling vinegar mixture. Boil until thick, whisking constantly, about 2 minutes.
   

M
OTHER LIKES TO
eat mayonnaise bread. She piles the mayo on the bread, happy as she can be. I, too, love mayonnaise and if I don’t get a teaspoonful, I steal her mayonnaise bread when she’s not looking. If you’re in danger of getting caught, throw the bread on the floor and blame the dogs.

Serves 6

1. Preheat the oven to 350°G F.
   

2. Sprinkle the salt and pepper inside the cavity of the goose. Fill the cavity with the prepared stuffing. Secure the stuffed cavity with skewers.
   

3. Place the bird, breast side down, on a wire rack in a roasting pan. Add 2 cups water to the pan and cover with heavy-duty foil.
   

4. Roast for 4 hours.
   

5. During the last 20 minutes of baking time, increase the
   temperature to 450°G F.; remove the foil and turn breast side up to brown.
   

6. Remove the goose from the roasting pan and place on a serving platter while making the gravy. Make the gravy by removing the fat from the roasting pan. Place the roasting pan over the burners on top of the stove and add 2 cups water to the brownings. Thicken with the cornstarch dissolved in water. Stir over low heat until all the brownings have dissolved and the mixture has thickened.
   

Makes 6 cups of stuffing

1. In a 1-quart saucepan, bring the water to a boil; add the celery, onion, salt, pepper, parsley, and saffron. Boil approximately 7 minutes, until the celery is clear.
   

2. In a large bowl, lightly mix the celery mixture with the potatoes, beaten eggs, and bread cubes until well combined.
   

3. At this point, the mixture is ready to be stuffed into the cavity of the bird. If used as a side dish, bake in a buttered dish in a preheated oven at 350°G F. for 30 minutes.
   

T
HIS RECIPE HAS
been in the Buckingham family (Mother’s maternal family) since their beginnings in America, 1620. Written first in the family Bible, it was updated when non-wood-burning stoves became popular. As the first Buckingham (Thomas) fled England, we figure it’s an old English recipe. The English consider goose a great delicacy.

You’ve got to love a people who, at the end of the fourteenth century, made Dick Whittington the Lord High Mayor of London because he had a smart cat.

Because it’s special and takes time, we only cook a goose for Christmas, which brings up another Buckingham peculiarity. They always have at least one tabby cat. They believe that a tabby cat helped the Blessed Virgin Mother at Christmas. When baby Jesus couldn’t get to sleep the tabby hopped in the manger and purred the baby to sleep while helping keep him warm. The cat’s reward was to have an M marked on her forehead, Mary’s cat. To this day some tabby cats have the M. They are descendants of Mary’s cat. I have the M on my forehead.

Makes enough filling for 2 pies

1. In a large Dutch oven, bring the meat and cider to a boil over medium-high heat. Skim off the froth and stir in the molasses. Stir in everything else, reduce the heat to low, and stir, and stir, and stir every 15 minutes for 3 to 5 hours, or until the mixture is very thick and jamlike.
   

2. Naturally you can pour in more liquor to suit your taste. Keep tasting, as this is a seat-of-your-pants recipe. When it suits you, it’s done.
   

3. Turn off the heat and let it cool down.
   

Y
OU CAN PUT
it in a piecrust or serve it just like it is. It gets better with time, but do refrigerate it and warm it up when you next serve it, although you can eat it cold. This is Tucker’s favorite recipe.

Mother tells this tale of Juts’s mincemeat (Juts Brown was my mother’s mother). It was the Depression and everything was going to hell in a handbasket. Juts desperately needed a mortgage. She invited the banker to the house for Christmas Eve—the Browns always threw open their doors on Christmas Eve, which meant the folks in town were mixed up worse than a dog’s breakfast and loved every minute of it.

Her eggnog was as famous as her mincemeat. For every egg she added a glass of brandy and a glass of whiskey.

By the time the banker ate her mincemeat and knocked back a couple of glasses of eggnog, Juts had her mortgage.

1. Combine all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl.
   

2. Roll or pat out to ¼- to ½-inch thickness. Cut with a dog bone—shaped cookie cutter or into 1 × 3-inch strips. Place on a well-oiled baking sheet.
   

3. Bake at 300°G F. for 45 minutes.
   

4. Turn off the heat and leave in the hot oven for 30 minutes or more to dry.
   

A
DOG’S NUTRITIONAL
requirements are very different than a cat’s. For one thing, a dog will eat almost anything. If it doesn’t sit well, they just throw it up and look for more food. I think this is absolutely gross.

They love dried smoked pigs’ ears. You couldn’t pay me to eat one of those things. Nor will I eat carrion. This alone proves the superiority of cats—although, I confess, I love Tucker, the Corgi, despite her food habits. We were babies together. People who say cats and dogs don’t get along don’t know what they’re talking about. If we’re raised together, we do.