Sneaky Pie's Cookbook for Mystery Lovers (4 page)

1. In a mixer, cream the butter, then gradually add the confectioners’ sugar until fully blended.
   

2. Stir in the milk or cream and vanilla until smooth and thick enough to spread on the cake.
   

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler, being careful not to let it bubble. Spread (or drizzle) over the cake immediately.

I
LOVE THIS
cake. It’s hard to make. Juts Brown, Mom’s mother, made this every year on November 28, Rita Mae’s birthday.

The trick is to put the cake in the refrigerator so the unsweetened chocolate will harden over the creamy vanilla icing. The combination of tastes is what makes the cake.

However, it’s so slippery that after she spread the
unsweetened chocolate over the bottom layer, Juts put toothpicks in to hold the top layer in place. If she didn’t, the top layer would look like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Once, she spread the vanilla and unsweetened chocolate icings over the entire cake without anchoring it with toothpicks or even putting it in the icebox (Juts never called a refrigerator a refrigerator just like she never said zero; she said ought) and the top half slid off the bottom half, skidded across the table, and then slid onto the floor. Delicious. I’m still waiting for that to happen again.

Juts gave prizes to whoever got toothpicks in their cake slice. Usually the toothpicks were visible because Juts put in colored ones. It’s odd what humans cherish; Mom still has some of her prizes: a little mechanical pencil, a rabbit’s foot keychain, and a toy truck. Aren’t people funny?

Makes 1 dozen

1. Slice the hard-boiled eggs in half lengthwise.
   

2. Remove the yolks and place in a small bowl.
   

3. Add to the yolks the mayonnaise, mustard, vinegar, and pickle relish, if using. Stir until thoroughly mixed and fluffy-looking.
   

4. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
   

5. Pipe or spoon the mixture into the egg white halves.
   

6. Dust lightly with paprika.
   

7. Refrigerate and serve cold.
   

S
OME CATS LIKE
a raw egg mixed into their commercial food.
I am not one of them. Pewter craves eggs no matter how they are served.

Many dogs will eat an egg on the spot, smashing the shell.

I once saw Mom use an egg to train a horse. The mare, four years old, would “get light in the front” when she didn’t do whatever you asked her to do. That means the front two legs come off the ground a bit. It’s not the worst of sins but she’d discovered that this scared people.

Mother wanted her to walk over a log, that’s all, walk over. Maybe the mare decided the log was going to bite her or maybe she was just plain lazy. I don’t know. The first time she went up, Mom was ready with an egg in her hand. She rose up in her stirrups and smacked the egg right between the horse’s ears. Well, that stunned the horse, who stood stone still. And from then on she would walk over that log when asked to.

This proves that horses are dumb.

Mother always takes up for the horses. She says they are grass eaters and their brains are organized differently than ours because humans and dogs and cats think like predators. I still think they’re slow in the head.

Serves 4

1. Thoroughly rinse the chicken pieces and pat them dry.
   

2. Mix the chicken breader mix and Old Bay seasoning in a large brown paper bag.
   

3. Add salt and pepper to taste.
   

4. Heat the oil in a large chicken fryer or deep fryer until hot but not smoking.
   

5. Dredge the chicken pieces in the breader mix and add to the hot oil. Fry until golden brown.
   

6. Drain on paper towels.
   

7. Put on a baking sheet arid bake at 350°G F. for 20 to 30 minutes, or until cooked through.
   

T
HIS SATISFIES YOUR
need for crunchy sounds … and your need for meat. Humans will eat it, too. Caution: Cats and dogs should not eat bones. Those tiny chicken bones can splinter in your intestine and kill you. Ask your human to cut the chicken off the bone.

Mother says there are two ways to make a man fall in love with you. One is to serve him good fried chicken. The other is to wear red and yellow. There’s a folk saying, “Red and yellow, catch a fellow.” I don’t know where it came from or why those colors but Mom absolutely believes it.

She also wishes on stars and carries a lucky rabbit’s foot. Wasn’t lucky for the rabbit, I can tell you.

Humans aren’t rational but since they only talk to one another, they don’t know it.

Some other cherished beliefs of my human:

I could fill a book with these superstitions. There’s no point arguing with a human over something like this. You have to humor them.

Makes 1 large salad

1. Chill the salad bowl while you wash and dry the lettuce and greens.
   

2. Tear the lettuce and greens into bite-size pieces.
   

3. Add the other ingredients and toss gently.
   

4. Serve with Simple Dressing.
   

Mix three parts oil to one part vinegar to taste. Flavored oils, such as lemon or garlic, can add a nice twist to the dressing. If you’re feeling adventurous, try adding a dash of orange juice, a tablespoon of mustard, a teaspoon of shaved fresh ginger, or even a little white wine.

O
CCASIONALLY ONE MUST
serve food to a herbivore. They’re so weird. Nothing could induce me to eat this salad, although Pewter will pick out the bacon and cheese. Humans like it fine, as do rabbits. I knew a turtle once who ate a salad but he also ate a chicken’s foot. It’s probably not a good idea to dwell on his gastronomic feats.

Serves 6

1. Preheat the oven to 375°G F.
   

2. In a medium bowl, toss the apples with the lemon juice.
   

3. Arrange the apples in a greased pie plate or shallow baking dish (8 × 8 × 2 inches).
   

4. In a medium bowl, blend together with your fingers the
   butter, flour, sugar, and spices as for a piecrust. Press this mixture over the top of the apples.
   

5. Bake until golden brown and the juices are bubbling, 1 to 1 ¼ hours.
   

6. Serve with whipped cream or Nutmeg Sauce.