SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (34 page)

It’s therefore a good idea for a dominant to get specific permission to slap a submissive before doing so. This can be covered in pre-session negotiations, and it’s a very good idea to re-verify that the submissive will accept a face slap just before the first time you give them one. Afterward, watch their reaction carefully. It is likely, for better or worse, to be a strong one.

Obviously, it’s not a good idea to slap someone who is wearing glasses. Not so obviously, it’s also not a good idea to slap someone who is wearing contact lenses. Some folks have had cosmetic surgery on their cheekbones or jaws, and should be slapped carefully if at all. (You did, O Mighty King-Hell Dominant, remember to ask about this during pre-scene negotiations, didn’t you?)

A slap may cause a sudden, sharp rotation of the submissive’s head, and this could sprain their neck. It can also knock their jaw out of alignment. To prevent these problems, place your free hand on the opposite side of their face to cushion it. Be careful to slap only the “meaty” part of the cheek; keep your slap away from the cheekbone, jawbone and, especially, the ear.

Flicking.
Believe it or not, bending the tip of a finger under your thumb, building up tension, and then releasing it so that it “snaps” against the submissive’s skin can create a more than slightly impressive effect. The breasts, nipples, clitoris, labia, and penis shaft all make good targets. The testicles and the head of the penis make targets that are almost too good. (Don’t use full force at the beginning.)

One, two, three, or all four fingers can be used, and the thumb itself can be flicked. You can use one hand or both.

This technique, when used with skill, is much more powerful than it appears.

Paddling

one style of paddle

I define a paddle as a relatively broad, relatively rigid instrument used primarily to strike the buttocks. I think many dominants like paddles because they allow spanking the submissive’s buttocks without hurting their own hand.

Paddles used in the “straight” world are usually made of smooth, varnished wood. SM paddles are sometimes wood or a similar material, or sometimes made of thick leather. The leather ones often have a rigid spine of fiberglass, metal, or something similar, which prevents the leather paddle from being too floppy. Sometimes holes are drilled into the leather. This reduces wind resistance when the paddle is swung, allowing it to gain speed and thus land with more force. (It also increases the likelihood that the paddle will abrade or blister skin.)

I just love doing that to him.

Hairbrushes, ping-pong paddles, spatulas, and other relatively rigid, broad objects are also sometimes used as paddles.

Paddles have their drawbacks:

1. Paddles cause a sharper, more intense pain than a spanking hand causes. A stroke of the same force causes greater pain.

2. Because there is less feedback from the spanking hand, the dominant might not realize how much pain their strokes are causing.

3. Paddles, especially paddles with holes or uneven surfaces, are much more likely to leave bruises and welts than hand spankings are.

4. Sharp edges, sharp corners, or rough areas on the paddle may cause wounds.

5. It’s harder to rub and caress the buttocks after spanking, unless you use your other hand.

Still, for all these disadvantages, paddles have a wide following. Many people have past associations between being paddled and authority. You probably should buy at least one paddle.

Footnote: As a rule of thumb, the broader the striking surface, the more noise it makes and the less likely it is to leave marks. The narrower the striking surface, the less noise it makes and the more likely it is to leave marks.

Nobody wants to submit to a sloppy dominant.

The slapper.
A subset of paddles is an item called a “slapper,” consisting of two fairly stiff pieces of leather sewn together at the handle and left separate at the striking end. These are called “slappers” because when you land a blow, the two loose pieces of leather slap together, making aloud smacking sound. Slappers tend to be only moderately strong in sensation, so they work well for people who want the sound effects of a heavy paddling without a great deal of pain. Slappers are available in stores that sell riding gear, usually at a very reasonable price.

slapper

The Riding Crop

A riding crop makes an excellent whipping toy. You can use it to administer the entire spectrum of strokes, from the lightest to the heaviest, and you can use it almost anywhere on the body. A riding crop costs little, lasts for years, looks sexy, and can localize or spread out the stroke’s force.

Crops emit a sinister “whoosh” as they cut through the air and make a distinctive snapping sound when they strike the submissive’s flesh. These features form part of their appeal.

The most generally useful riding crops measure about two to 2½ feet long. You cannot use shorter “jockey bats” for much but paddling — they are little more than clubs. Riding crops longer than 2½ feet tend to be very flexible, and thus hard to control.

crop

The best crops are moderately flexible. A too-rigid crop is little more than a thin club. A too-flexible crop borders on being an out-of-control flail.

The riding crop’s tip is important. Thin tips (about finger-width) are likely to mark. Broad, square tips are less likely to mark, but may flop around in a clumsy way. Triangular tips make a nice compromise.

Most riding crops are made of fiberglass covered with leather. Fiberglass is flexible, but don’t overdo testing this. For instance, it’s not necessary when shopping for one to bend your proposed riding crop end-to-end. If it touches, it’s probably too flexible, and if it breaks (a distinct possibility), the clerk will look at you with a very special expression. Bendability of about 45 degrees is all you need.

Pay attention to the cord or wire that is wrapped around the end of the crop to attach the tip to the shaft. If it seems harsh or hard, it may be more painful and/or cause more marking than you want.

Whip the back or front of your own forearm to determine a crop’s intensity. Go for bare skin contact.

Some riding crops come with a leather loop at the junction of the handle and shaft. This loop is for riders to slip their hands through when riding a horse so they don’t drop the whip onto the ground. The loop will do little but get in your way. You can ignore it, tape it to the crop’s handle, or cut it off, but don’t slip your hand through it. It will interfere. I suggest you purchase a riding crop with no wrist loop.

The riding crop is a very versatile whipping toy. Buy one.

I love it when I’m honestly begging for it to stop, and she looks in my eyes and smiles and keeps right on going.

How to use a riding crop.
After the general rules and mood of the scene have been established, you can begin to use your riding crop.

Training tip: One time-honored method of practicing with any of your whipping implements before you use them on a real person is to practice using them on an inanimate object. A relatively firm pillow is an excellent choice. Large stuffed animals can also be used.

Remember, I recommend that a submissive receive their first erotic pain from your own body: spanking, slapping, squeezing, pinching, hair pulling, and so forth. If your submissive reacts well to a hand spanking, then it may be time to introduce the crop. Remember that you should probably defer combining bondage and using instruments to give pain until your third or fourth session together. It is not essential that the submissive be bound. Avoid blindfolds and gags for the first use of a crop. You want maximum feedback from and communication with the submissive.

Pick up the crop and stand holding it, perhaps with both hands, where the submissive can see it. Smack its tip into your palm a few times, letting the submissive hear the distinctive sound-and letting them imagine the sound the crop will make when it strikes
them.

Slowly reach out the tip of the crop and lightly trace it along their body, perhaps first touching it to their upper chest, above and between their breasts. Rub the flat surface of the riding crop’s tip (not the tip’s edge), and the crop’s shaft, lightly across their body, perhaps first stroking their breasts, then work up across their shoulders. Using the crop’s shaft, lightly caress the sides of their neck and their cheeks. Maybe brush the tip across their forehead and under their eyes, then slowly bring the tip to their lips. If they don’t instinctively understand they are to (lightly) kiss and lick the crop, order them to do that. (Submissives should, as ordered, kiss and lick their dominant’s equipment.)

I admit it.
I’m a pain slut.

After they’ve kissed and licked the crop for a few moments (15 seconds is about right), slowly trace the crop’s tip down their throat, chest, and belly to their genitals. Caress their genitals and the insides of their thighs with the crop for one to two minutes, then slowly move the crop around to their buttocks. The actual whipping is about to begin.

If you are right-handed, stand on the submissive’s left side and steady them by resting your left hand on the front of their left hip. Place the tip of your crop slightly beyond the center of their right buttock and rest the shaft of the crop on their skin. Slowly run the crop up to the top of their buttocks, then down to just above the backs of their knees, thus defining and claiming the area to be whipped. Gradually narrow the area of this stroking until you are stroking only the lower half of their buttocks. Reduce this stroking still further until your crop is completely still.

Hold that stillness for a moment, then say to your submissive, “I’m going to start out very lightly and build very slowly. I’ll stop every now and then to give you some pleasure and let you rest. We won’t go further than you can handle. Tell me your safewords.”

Once your submissive has recited their safewords, ask them, “Are you willing to go on?” If they nod or say yes, begin the whipping.

Strike the first stroke heartbeat soft. Strike the second, about two seconds later, the same way. Continue the once-every-two-seconds rate at the same light touch. Cover their entire buttocks. Then return to the center of their buttocks and double the force — still keeping to a light pat — and increase the rate to once a second. Again, cover their buttocks, then cover their thighs. Stop the whipping. Use your hands and mouth to pleasure the submissive. Caress and soothe them. Hugthem. Lightly kiss their neck. (Don’t bite. Stick to giving only one type of pain for now.) Tell them they’re doing well. Ask if they’re all right. Ask if they’re up to continuing.

If they say yes, slowly return to your whipping position. Begin softly tapping again, this time at a twice-a-second rate. Cover their buttocks and rear thighs, then move up onto their back. Slowly and softly work your way up to their shoulder blades and back down, and give them two sudden, sharper strokes on their buttocks. Immediately resume the quick tapping and caress their body with your other hand.