Seek Me With All Your Heart (24 page)

Tonight she’d offered to take her car. It wasn’t new. No need for a new one since hers worked just fine. But it was at least twenty years newer than Arnold’s. No matter. Arnold was happy carting her around. And as of late
.
.
. when Arnold was happy, Martha felt happy.

Eing. She knew it had to be especial y upsetting to her mother, but as usual, MILY MISSED HAVING Jacob at home on Christmas morn
Mamm
carried on with a smile on her face. Jacob was spending his first Christmas morning with Beth Ann and her family.

Emily thanked her mother for the black sweater
Mamm
had made for her, and she was about to thank her father for the cedar trinket box he’d made when Betsy squealed.

“Betsy, please don’t scream.”
Mamm’s
scolding was less severe this Christmas morning, and it was hard not to smile as Betsy held up her present, a large backpack fil ed with books.

“Look, Emily!” Betsy flopped down beside Emily on the couch and began to dump the books on both their laps. “These are al the books I’ve been wanting!” Betsy covered her mouth with her hands and bounced up and down for a moment. “I can’t wait to show Anna and Elizabeth!”

“They wil be here tomorrow,”
Mamm
said as she picked up the present from Martha. “So nice of Martha to send us a gift.”

Levi grunted. “Probably a dead critter.”

“Levi,” their father warned. “It is Christmas Day.” He pul ed down his glasses and glared at Levi. “None of that today.”

Levi was sitting on the floor near the fireplace. “Isn’t she coming here tomorrow?”

“
Ya
, she is. And she is bringing Arnold Becker.”
Mamm
was peeling the wrapping from Martha’s present. “And Martha might not always be the friendliest of folks, but I expect you al to treat her with courtesy and respect.” She narrowed her eyes at Levi.

“I know,” Levi mumbled.

“I know,” Levi mumbled.

Daed
stood up from the rocker, went to the wood stacked by the fireplace, and tossed another log on the fire, orange sparks shimmying up. Emily helped Betsy stuff her books back into the backpack, and when she was done, she glanced at her mother.
Mamm
held Martha’s opened box on her lap and was just staring inside, her jaw dropped.

“
Mamm
, what is it?”

Her father gave the fire a final poke, then edged toward their mother. “Vera, what is it?” He leaned down and looked in the box. His eyes widened.

Mamm
grabbed the lid, slammed it on top of the box, and jumped from the chair. She faced their father. “I wil return this the minute I see Martha tomorrow!”

Emily stood up. Whatever was in the box,
Mamm
was not even trying to mask her anger like she normal y did. “What is it,
Mamm
?”

“Don’t worry about it. We are returning it.”
Mamm
stomped to the kitchen.

DAVID BREATHED IN the smel of bacon cooking from downstairs. Lil ian always got up extra early on Christmas morning to cook a big breakfast before everyone got up. She wanted them to have their own family traditions, and this had been the first one she’d incorporated when she married his father.

He grinned when he thought about how fast Anna and Elizabeth would shovel their food, anxious to open their presents. Gifts were never fancy, but each year David made the girls and Lil ian a special wooden trinket, and usual y he made his father a little something too. But this year, with the move and lack of time, he’d purchased them al a little something with the money he’d made working at the furniture store in town. He’d even bought a new kitchen clock for
Onkel
Ivan and
Aenti
Katie Ann, since theirs got broken during the move.

His
daed
said they wouldn’t discuss Ivan’s departure, mostly for Anna and Elizabeth’s sake, but a dark cloud hung over the family. Katie Ann refused to leave the house, even for Christmas. Al of them were worried about her. Lil ian checked on her daily to make sure she was eating wel , and Katie Ann insisted she was, though the family suspected otherwise. Lil ian said she would go see about Katie Ann later, but she wanted Anna and Elizabeth to enjoy their day. David’s father turned red in the face every time Ivan’s name was mentioned, and David shared his father’s sentiments. He couldn’t understand how Ivan could do this to Katie Ann. Unless Ivan changed his mind, returned, and confessed his wrongdoings, he would be shunned, and the family would have nothing to do with him.

David’s other uncle, Noah, had been shunned years ago, but over time, the family overlooked it. His uncle chose to pursue an education past the eighth grade, which is unacceptable within the Amish community. Noah went on to become a doctor, a cal ing he said was too strong to ignore. He admitted that he should have never been baptized into the community. If he’d only recognized his cal ing sooner and not sought baptism, he wouldn’t have been banned by the community.

Noah ended up returning home, and he built a clinic for the Amish community. Even Bishop Ebersol recognized the good that Noah was doing, and he also eventual y eased up on the shunning. For David, Noah would always be special. His uncle had saved his life when he unselfishly gave David one of his kidneys five years ago. They shared a bond that couldn’t be broken.

As he made his way downstairs, he thought about Emily and the harsh way he’d spoken to her the last time he saw her. Tomorrow they would be spending Second Christmas with her family, and maybe David should tel her why he didn’t want to get close to her. Did he owe her that, since she seemed to have feelings for him?

No, he decided. Then Emily would just feel sorry for him, and the last thing he needed was pity. That was one thing he enjoyed about living in Canaan.

No one knew his medical history or felt sorry for him.

Anna, Elizabeth, and his father were already eating when David walked into the kitchen. David laughed when he saw Anna’s cheeks fil ed like a chipmunk.

“You girls know you can’t open presents until everyone eats.” David grinned as he squeezed in beside Anna.

His sister swal owed, then said, “Hurry, David! Hurry!”

Lil ian placed a basket ful of homemade biscuits on the table, then thrust her hands on her hips. “Anna, let your brother eat. There is plenty of time for opening gifts.” Lil ian scurried around the kitchen, and David smiled to himself. Lil ian was just like a kid when it came to opening presents, and he often wondered if she regretted this Christmas tradition she started because she—like the girls—seemed to do everything hurriedly in an effort to go open presents.

David estimated they finished in about five minutes, and they headed into the den. Al of the boxes from the move were either unpacked or upstairs in the extra bedroom waiting to be unpacked. Lil ian had done her best to make the old place a home, and David figured that once the floors were replaced and the wal s painted, the house would start to perk up. He wondered if he would be around to help with al that.
How can I leave
Daed
with all this work?

He was also enjoying his job at the furniture store.

He thought about Emily again and sighed.

Anna ran to the far side of the room where several presents were wrapped and decorated. She began to eye the tags, looking for one with her name on it. Christmas trees were not a part of Amish decorations, but Lil ian had poinsettias, candles, and wreaths about the house, and the presents were another decorative touch around the den.

David kicked back and watched his sisters open their presents. When they final y got to his, he smiled. “Do you like it?”

Anna and Elizabeth ran to him and jumped in his lap. “You are the best
bruder
in the entire world!” Anna said. Elizabeth kissed him on the cheek. “I love you so much, David.”

David hugged the girls tightly, thinking that this would be the last Christmas he would have with them. Next year at this time, he’d be back in Lancaster County. For some reason, the thought of leaving didn’t seem as appealing as it did a month ago.

Lil ian cal ed the girls’ names. “Let me see what your brother got you,” she said.

Anna and Elizabeth jumped from his lap to show their mother the smal telescopes he’d bought for them.

Lil ian handled them with care, commenting about what great gifts they were. “Now you can see the stars. They’re so beautiful to see in the mountains.”

He hadn’t spent a lot on the telescopes, but he knew the girls would enjoy taking them out and looking at the sky on clear nights.

David swal owed hard. It was going to be tough. But he needed to stick to his plan, leaving after he helped his father ready the fields for planting in the spring. By then, he should have enough money to get back to Lancaster County.

DAVID WAS LAYING on the couch, dozing after their devotions earlier in the afternoon, when Lil ian came running into the room. She slapped him playful y on the leg.

“Wake up, sleepyhead! It’s almost three o’clock. It’s time!” Lil ian jumped up and down, and David grinned. “Go find Anna and Elizabeth. I think they’re upstairs. Your
daed
is already in the barn. Hurry!”

“Okay,
ya, ya
. I’m getting up.” David swung his legs off the couch, rubbed his eyes for a moment, then stood up.

“Anna! Elizabeth!” Lil ian yel ed, instead of waiting for David. “Come downstairs!”

David had been anxious for three o’clock to arrive, too, but Lil ian was the most excited.

A few minutes later everyone had bundled up, and they met their father in the barn.

“Ready?”
Daed
smiled, holding the phone in his hand that he’d had instal ed just the week before. In Lancaster County, the Amish in their district had been al owed to have a phone in the barn for emergencies or business. It had been that way for several years, although Bishop Ebersol had been one of the last bishops in the area to al ow it. David could remember, as a child, having to hike to the Lapp shanty, even in below-freezing temperatures. The boxlike structure that housed the phone on Ruben Lapp’s farm was shared by six families in the area.

Here in this remote area of Colorado, the bishop didn’t come around too much, and when they did see him, he was much more relaxed than Bishop Ebersol had been. When David’s father had asked their new bishop about putting a phone in the barn for emergencies and business, Bishop Esh had responded, “And I’m sure you want to keep in touch with your family back home in Lancaster County.”

So this Christmas morning, they had no guilt or feelings of wrongdoing, and everyone waited for ber. Lil ian was bouncing on her toes. “Hurry, Samuel!

Put it on speaker. Press that button right there. See, right there.”
Daed
to dial the num David’s father gently pushed her hand away and chuckled. “I got it, Lil ian.”

A few moments later David heard Sarah Jane’s voice.

Lil ian cupped both hands to her chest. “
Mamm
, is that you? I miss you so much.” David saw tears come to her eyes as she said, “
Frehlicher
Grischtdaag!
Is everyone there?”

“
Ya, ya
. We’re al here.” Sarah Jane sounded just as excited as Lil ian. “
Esther
is here too.”

“Hi,
Mammi
,” David said to his grandmother, his father’s mother.

Lil ian leaned closer to the phone. “Lizzie, are you there?”
Daadi
Jonas had married Lizzie after his first wife passed, and Lizzie was as special to the family as Jonas had been. After Lizzie responded, Lil ian, Samuel, David, and the girls individual y addressed the rest of their family—David’s Aunt Rebecca and her family; Uncle Noah, Carley, and their daughter Jenna; their good friends Sadie and Kade, along with their children, Tyler and Marie; and even their
Englisch
friend Barbie Beiler, who was there to wish them al holiday greetings.

“Is Katie Ann there?” Sarah Jane asked.

Lil ian sighed. “No. She stil won’t leave the
haus
. I’l go check on her in a little while.”

“We’re so worried about her,” Rebecca said. “How could
mei bruder
do this?”

“We are praying that Ivan wil make the right choice and return home to his
fraa
.” David’s father shook his head as he spoke. But David doubted any of them believed Ivan would return.

The conversation lasted about thirty minutes, during which David and his family heard al the happenings with their family in Lancaster County. By the time they hung up, David was more confused than ever. Part of him wanted to go back to Lancaster County as soon as he could, but then every time he thought about it, he got an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Fourteen

EMILY SAT ON THE SIDE OF HER BED, BOWED IN PRAYER. She thanked God for the many blessings He’d bestowed on her, and for most recently helping her to function as a normal human being without constantly being in fear and thinking about her attack. She stil had flashbacks, but they weren’t nearly as frequent, and she noticed that with each day, her fear lessened. The smal inner voice that she knew to be God was louder and clearer now, and she tried to seek Him with al her heart every day.

But she struggled with the bitterness she felt toward David. She knew it was her own fault for al owing herself to get too close to him, but he should have never kissed her, never led her to believe that he cared about her. Every time her thoughts veered in this unhealthy direction, she firmly reminded herself that it was for the best, that David deserved a complete woman, untainted and pure. Something Emily was not.

She ended by praying for David’s aunt, Katie Ann. Emily couldn’t imagine how horrible it must be for Katie Ann. It was a sad situation, and she wondered if Katie Ann would be coming for Second Christmas today with the rest of David’s family.

When she got downstairs, she slipped out the front door. She could see her father sitting on the porch, and she wanted to spend a little time with him before she went to help her mother in the kitchen.