Seek Me With All Your Heart (21 page)

Emily shook her head, but smiled. “Betsy, I don’t think today is the day to quiz them about Bible study. Just try to have fun.”

Cold air from outside rushed in as their father came into the kitchen, carrying more chairs. “This is the last of them.” He walked past them and into the den where he placed the chairs in a row behind the others. “There’s a line of buggies coming up the drive. Probably Beth Ann’s family.”

Emily walked to the window and rol ed up the green shade. She counted nine buggies, al black, except for two gray ones. David and his family, she presumed, since Beth Ann’s family was also original y from Ohio. She quickly tucked loose strands of hair underneath her
kapp
, then wiped her hands on her apron.

Emily walked into the den and waited inside the door while the guests tethered their horses and slowly made their way up the steps that Levi had cleared of snow earlier. When she opened the door, Beth Ann’s parents entered, fol owed by Beth Ann’s three sisters, two of whom were married. Her oldest sister, Moriah, held her baby daughter.

“Come in. Let me take your coats.” She peered around Beth Ann to try to see David, but the two gray buggies were stil making their way up the driveway. Bishop Esh came in behind Beth Ann’s family. Emily’s family had only met the bishop once since their arrival, when he stopped by to welcome them to the community. Because of bad weather, they hadn’t yet attended a regular worship service.

“
Guder mariye
, Bishop Esh.”

“
Guder mariye
, Emily.” The bishop moved into the room to speak to the others. Emily stayed by the door, greeting the rest of Beth Ann’s extended family. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw David leading his family up the walkway, toting Elizabeth on his hip.

“Hel o.” She smiled at David, already plotting how she could spend some time alone with him today, something she wouldn’t have even considered a few weeks ago.

“Hi, Emily.” David set Elizabeth down on the floor. “She can hardly wait to see Betsy.”

Elizabeth tugged on Emily’s dress.

“
Ya
, sweetheart, what is it?” Emily leaned down in front of little Elizabeth.

“I know al the answers to the Bible study questions that Betsy gave us.”

Elizabeth was so proud that Emily didn’t have the heart to say anything except, “I’m sure that wil make Betsy very happy.” Then Emily jumped. “Oh no! I promised
Mamm
I’d check the turkey roast. Talk to you later.”

DAVID COULD HARDLY take his eyes off Emily, and as she headed to the kitchen, he thought about how much she’d changed since he first met her over a month ago. He’d thought about her constantly since the last time he saw her, which fil ed him with anticipation and worry, al rol ed into one big desire to do right by her. He could tel when they were together the last time that Emily was starting to care for him. The way she nuzzled against him during the ride, the way her eyes twinkled when she spoke to him—al things that would have pleased him a lot under different circumstances. He just hoped he had the self-discipline not to encourage anything more than friendship. Kissing her forehead and almost kissing her on the lips had been a mistake. Now he constantly thought about how much he wanted to hold her in his arms, kiss her, tel her that he was drawn to her in a way that scared him.

He’d prayed constantly, asked God to give him the strength to walk away from her before they both got hurt. David knew he would be going back to Lancaster County to live out the rest of his life, however long that might be. He recal ed again how he overheard his father and Lil ian talking after his kidney transplant. Lil ian had been crying when she’d said, “But if his kidney only lasts five to ten years, he’l only be twenty or twenty-five.” He took a deep breath and prayed for strength.

After Emily scurried off, David walked around the room, saying hel o to everyone, introducing himself to most of them. He turned his attention toward the door and wasn’t surprised to see Mr. Becker walk in—with Martha on his arm.

He hadn’t seen Mr. Becker since the night of Vera’s accident, but he’d figured it was his car in front of Martha’s house until about eight o’clock a couple of evenings a week. David was happy for Martha. On the outside, a cranky old woman, but inside, she just wanted to love and be loved. He could certainly understand that, and neither he nor Emily were upset about Martha abruptly firing them. He’d felt guilty for taking Martha’s money anyway. Now, with his new job at the furniture store, he could continue saving money to get back to Lancaster County.

“Hel o, Mr. Becker.” David shook Mr. Becker’s hand, then turned to Martha. “Hel o, Martha.”

She nodded, stil holding Mr. Becker’s elbow. “Hel o, David.”

David heard Martha whisper to Mr. Becker, asking if he’d ever been to one of these Amish weddings. David heard her gasp when Mr. Becker told her that he had, and that the ceremony lasts about three hours. He watched them go find a seat and didn’t notice Levi walk up to him until it was too late.

“You and Emily don’t work together anymore. I reckon there’s no reason for you to spend time with her.” Levi’s stern tone made David look up.

David started to tel Levi that what he did with his time wasn’t any of Levi’s business, but instead, he stated the truth. “I haven’t seen Emily in two weeks.”

Knowing he should leave it at that, he stil added, “But I’m hoping to spend some time with her today.”

Levi leaned forward, his brows pressed so tightly together that a knot had formed between his eyes. “Stay away from Emily.”

David could understand that Emily’s brother might be protective of her, but this response was so aggressive that it went against their Amish ways. Levi walked away before David could defend his intentions—intentions he wasn’t even sure of.

Bishop Esh took his place in the middle of the room, so everyone fol owed his lead and took their seats.

FOLLOWING THE CEREMONY, Katie Ann wanted so badly to latch onto Ivan’s hand, squeeze it, and whisper in his ear— ask him if he remembered their special day almost twenty years ago. Public affection was frowned upon, though, so she sat quiet and stil , watching Jacob and Beth Ann at the wedding table, being served their meal first, as was customary. She swal owed hard, fighting the lump in her throat. Such a blessed day, a new beginning for Jacob and Beth Ann.

But worry about her own marriage almost overwhelmed her. It seemed to be deteriorating more and more every day. After her unsuccessful attempt at intimacy with Ivan, they both seemed to be going through the motions, in an awkward way, but Katie Ann had just enough pride not to set herself up for another rejection. She hadn’t seen the cel phone anymore, nor had she approached Ivan about it. Part of her was afraid he would lie about it.

She knew she would need to go back in the kitchen to help soon, but she wanted to sit with Ivan just a moment longer. She discreetly looked at him from the corner of one eye. It broke her heart to see such sadness in his expression, and she couldn’t help but fear that they would never find their way back to each other. But she prayed constantly, and she wasn’t about to give up. Somehow she was going to heal this marriage. Ivan was al she had.

Right away she realized that her thought was not in line with what marriage was al about. She should want to be with Ivan because she loved him, because he was her husband—not because he was al she had. Even though it was true.

She’d never made much attempt to develop relationships with Ivan’s family, even though they’d always been close by. Without her own family near, Ivan’s sisters—Mary El en and Rebecca, along with her sister-in-law, Lil ian—had tried to create a closer friendship with her when they lived in Lancaster County, and Lil ian was stil trying while they were living in this foreign place. Katie Ann knew that the sin of jealousy had often kept her distant from them.

They al had children, a family to care for. Al she’d ever had to care for was Ivan, and now he was as distant as Lancaster County was, and he didn’t seem to need, or want, her at al . Sadness crept over Katie Ann as she watched the way Jacob and Beth Ann gazed into each other’s eyes.

She silently prayed for God to mend her marriage, to help Ivan see that while she was once in a faraway place, depressed and childless, she had grown to accept her fate, and wanted to be close to him again. Despite what was acceptable, she reached for his hand and squeezed.

Ivan returned Katie Ann’s gesture of affection, then turned to her, the hint of a smile on his face.
What are you thinking, Ivan?

EMILY DROPPED ONE of her mother’s best platters while she was helping the other women clean the kitchen. “Sorry,
Mamm
,” she said as she scooped the larger pieces up with her hand.

“You’re in such a hurry, Emily.”
Mamm
threw her hands on her hips and frowned, but then her lips turned upward. “Are you rushing around like this so you can go spend some time with David?”

“No!” Emily walked to the pantry and pul ed out a broom and dustpan, scanning the room as she did, to see who else might have heard her mother’s comment. Lil ian must have. Even though Lil ian kept her head down, Emily saw her grin. She wondered if David had said anything to her.

Emily squatted and swept the smal pieces of glass into the dustpan, hoping her mother would let it go. She saw David ease his way through the kitchen, nodding with his head for her to fol ow him outside.

“Do you need any more help?” Emily faced her mother, bit her lip, and knew her mother had seen David’s nod.

Mamm
arched one brow as she grinned. “No, you go ahead, Emily.”

Emily put on her heavy black coat and gloves, then tied her bonnet atop her prayer covering. She walked out the door and saw David heading toward the barn. She was unsure if he was joining some of the other men in there or expecting her to fol ow. She pul ed her galoshes over her black tennis shoes and decided to take a chance.

When she reached the barn, she peeked in the door. He was alone, leaning against a workbench.

David just stared at her, so much so that she pul ed her eyes from his and looked down at the ground. When she looked back up, he was stil looking at her. “What? What are you looking at me like that for?”

He gave a quick shake of his head.“I—I don’t know. Nothing.”

She moved closer to him. “Are you sure?”

David pushed his coat to the side, then looped his thumbs underneath his suspenders. “Aw, you wouldn’t be interested anyway.” He shrugged, but with a grin.

“Stop playing with me, David Stoltzfus.” Emily playful y stomped her foot. “Tel me.”

“Or what?” He leaned back farther against the bench and crossed his ankles.

Emily moved even closer to him. “Or I wil —I wil
.
.
. Oh, I don’t know!” She slapped her hands to her side about the same time that David stood straight up, leaned forward, and pul ed her to him. It caught her off guard, but the feel of his arms gently around her caused her to feel weak in the knees. She laid her head against his chest, unsure what else to do but enjoy the moment.

David eased her away, then cupped her chin in his hand. Ben Byler had kissed her on the cheek one time after a singing, but nothing like she suspected was on David’s mind. He leaned down, and when his lips met hers, Emily was sure she’d floated a foot off the ground. But it didn’t last. He pul ed back, clutched her arms, then eased her back.

“Emily, I’m so sorry.”

Sorry, why?
She looked down at the ground. It wasn’t a long enough kiss for her to be actual y bad at it. She wasn’t sure exactly what happened, but she was embarrassed.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He paused and let out a heavy sigh. “It’s just that it’s al I’ve been thinking about since the last time I saw you.”

“Me too,” she said sheepishly as she looked up and locked eyes with him.

“Real y?” David smiled for a split second before his expression soured. “Wel , it won’t be happening again. I’m sorry. I know we both agreed just to be friends, and I was out of line.”

Did you not hear me?
She bit her bottom lip, unsure how to mask her disappointment. Her heart ached. She’d final y learned to trust a man after everything that had happened with James. She seldom thought about her attack these days, and she didn’t flinch when David touched her. Now he wants to tel her it wil never happen again?

I guess it’s for the best
. Maybe she didn’t think about her attack as much, but it had stil happened. And the results were stil the same. She was ruined for marriage, and the realization hurt worse than ever before. She felt cheated. A glimpse of what it felt like to be held by a man she trusted, that she cared for . . . only to have him pul back.

Maybe it’s a good thing he has the strength to do that, because Emily knew she didn’t. But why? Why did he kiss her if he only wants to be friends? And while Emily had her own reasons for not wanting to be courted, what were his? What was so wrong with her that David wouldn’t even consider it? Besides the obvious—but as far as she knew, he didn’t know anything about what had happened. Her mind was fil ed with questions as she tried to get him to make eye contact. Final y, he did.

“I—I thought the kiss was fine.” She lowered her eyes, then looked back up at him, wondering stil if she kissed poorly.

David unhooked his thumbs from his suspenders, pul ed his hat from his head, then raked his hand through his dark, wavy hair. “Emily, I just can’t be anything more than friends with you.” His tone was firm, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

Emily swal owed hard. “We are friends.”

David took a deep breath. “
Ya
. And I shouldn’t have kissed you, since we can’t ever be more than that. I could never court you.” He stopped when he saw her eyes clouding with tears. “You’re taking this the wrong way.” He stepped forward, but she took two steps back.

“No, I’m not.” She blinked back tears. “Friends. We’re friends.”

David stepped toward her and reached for her arms. She jerked away, but he stepped forward and latched onto her forearms. “We are friends, Emily.