Save Me (Elk Creek) (14 page)

             
“I tried to help him, I didn’t really know what to do, but blood just kept pouring out of him. I tried to stop it. He looked at me the whole time. He couldn’t say anything, but I knew he was telling me goodbye. I miss him so much, it makes my chest burn.” She sniffed, and I knew she was crying again. “For a while, I used to hate it when Ethan would come home from school. He looks just like our Dad, and I used to hate looking at him because it would make me miss my Dad more. I would get so angry, I would yell at him, or ignore him. He never gave up, though. He always pushed, until one day, I broke apart and told him I hated him for looking like my Dad.  I told him I wished I would have died, too. Then I wouldn’t have to be reminded of how much life sucked.

             
“I was selfish, and a rotten sister. I only saw what was happening to me, not once before that day did I think about what Ethan had gone through, or how he felt. I don’t deserve him, he has only ever loved me… all he ever thought about was me.” She finished in a whisper.

             
I didn’t say anything, just held her and rocked both our bodies from side to side. My chest hurt from the pain she was in. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to make her happy, to see her smile and hear her laugh. She was so kindhearted, and I knew she really felt she didn’t deserve Ethan. The thought that she felt unworthy of anything only made me more determined to help her heal.

             
After a time, she wiped her face with her hand then reached down to where my hands were wrapped around her belly. She gave me a gentle squeeze.

             
“Thank you, Carter. I think I needed that.”

             
I kissed the top of her head, “You’re welcome, baby.” 

             
I realized it was starting to get late, and with wet asses and the evening breeze, we were both chilled. I rubbed her arms. “I think we better go in, your brother is probably wondering where we are,” I said.

“Yeah
,” is all she said as she scooted forward and pulled her legs under her, but I was already up and hauled her into my arms. With my arms around her and her head on my chest, I felt what I could only describe as peace.

             
“Are you okay?” I asked.

             
“Yeah, actually I am,” she replied, looking up into my eyes. “That was really insightful… and it was very therapeutic.” She grinned.

             
“Good,” I lowered my head until I could feel the heat of her breath on my lips. “I’m going to kiss you now.” I didn’t give her a chance to respond. My lips met hers, and I loved how soft she felt. She let out a little moan, and the fire I had managed to suppress earlier rolled in like an inferno. 

             
I pressed harder, running my tongue along the seam of her lips, until she opened. God, she was sweet, I couldn’t get enough of her mouth. I knew she was inexperienced, but I think that just made it better. I explored every space in her mouth with my tongue, tilting her head so I could go deeper. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled at my hair, which elicited a growl from me. 

             
If I didn’t stop, I was liable to swallow her whole. With a groan, I pulled back, resting my forehead against hers. We were both breathing hard, and with every breath her breasts pushed into me. I was harder than granite, and I seriously thought my dick had turned to lead. Jesus, she undid me. I had no control when it came to her, and if I wasn’t careful, not only would Ethan kill me, but I could ruin whatever this was between us.

             
I pulled her hands from my neck, keeping her right hand in my left. I caressed her cheek, and melted a little more when she turned into my hand.

             
“You are so beautiful, Taryn,” I whispered. And she was, even more so with her flushed cheeks, swollen lips and a slightly dazed look in her eyes. “You’re perfect,” I whispered, then dropped a kiss to her forehead. If I got anywhere near her lips again, I’d have her naked and giving a whole new meaning to the term “mud bath.”

             
“Let’s go, before I do something that will get me killed,” I muttered as she giggled.

After walking her to the house, only to meet a worried Ethan, who gave an eloquent speech about the use of cell phones, I drove home. I needed to get some clothes and talk to my mom, who was due home today. I had been going home every morning to shower and change. With how much time I was spending at the Daltons’ house, it would be easier if I had some of my own stuff there.

             
I drove to the driveway, stopping at the mailbox to pick up the mail that had piled up since Friday, and continued on to the house. I noticed my Mom’s car was still gone, and figured she hadn’t quite made it home yet. I dropped the mail on the table in the entry and made my way upstairs. In my room, I grabbed a bag and filled it with a clean set of clothes, a toothbrush, deodorant, and my laptop. I had only been gone for maybe fifteen minutes, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Taryn. It was sad, really, how one woman seemed to occupy every brain cell I had. Every minute I spent with her just made me want to spend more, like no amount of time would ever be enough. Sad is what I thought, but maybe pathetic was a better description.

             
I carried my bag down the stairs, dropped it by the door, and walked into the kitchen. At the counter, I started sorting my mail from my Mom’s and throwing away the junk when I came across a large manila envelope addressed to me, from a lawyer’s office out of Tallahassee. I opened it. 

             
I was so infuriated with what I was reading, my hands began to shake. That stupid, conniving bitch! I flinched at the word “bitch.” I really needed to not think that word. Knowing the pain it caused Taryn, I didn’t ever want to make the mistake of saying it in front of her. With the thought of Taryn, guilt assailed me. I demanded honesty from her, yet I was too much of a coward to tell her about Felicia.

             
I didn’t have a choice anymore—I had to go to Tallahassee and finish this bullshit. I needed to tell Taryn; hopefully she would still want to see me and not hate me. Fucking Felicia!  I should have never hooked up with that crazy cow.

             
I heard the front door open, and walked toward the entry.

             
“Hey,” I said to my Mom.

             
“Hey, sweetie, you have dinner yet?” she asked as she put her bags down next to mine.  She looked at the bag then to me. “Are you leaving?”

             
“Not exactly. Um, I need to talk to you, you want to sit down? It might take a while,” I said, noticing her worried expression. She walked into the kitchen, sitting down at the table.

             
“Talk!” she demanded as she kicked off her shoes and rubbed at the sole of one foot with her thumbs. I took the chair across from her, and proceeded to tell her everything about Taryn. Well, I didn’t go into great detail, just kept it as simple as I could. I felt some guilt over telling my Mom, but in the end I decided it was better for her to be aware of what we were doing, and why.

             
“Oh my God, that poor girl,” she said in a half-state of shock. “All of them, dear Lord, how horrible.” She looked directly at me. “And you feel okay with being responsible for her?”

             
“Yes, I do,” I said. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. She is really smart, and fun to hang around. Don’t be thinking she’s an invalid or something,” I snapped.

             
“And are you just helping out, or is there more of a reason you want to stay there?”

             
Okay, this I didn’t really want to get into with my mom. It was bad enough being questioned by Ethan. I knew she suspected I had more reason than just to help, so I told her the basics again.

             
“Um, well, I really like her,” I said. Mom glared at me. “Okay, I like her a lot,” I corrected myself with exasperation. 

             
She grinned. “Okay, let me know what I can do to help,” she said as she got up to leave.

             
“That’s it?
Okay
?” I asked in disbelief. 

             
“Mmm hmm,” is all she said as she retreated, and she was gone. 

             
Okay, I wasn’t sure what exactly that meant, but I certainly wasn’t going to make an issue of it. My momma didn’t raise no fool and all that. I grabbed my mail on my way to the door, where I picked up my bag. 

             
“Bye!” I hollered, but I didn’t wait for her to answer. I had a lot to discuss with Ethan, and I wasn’t sure how he was going to take what I suggested. I pulled the door closed, locked the deadbolt, and made my way to the truck.  It was time to get back to Taryn.

Chapter 10-Taryn

“So, what exactly were you guys doing?” Ethan asked the second Carter left.

“We were down at the lake, and he was showing me how to meditate
,” I said, but I could feel the blush infuse my cheeks. Would I ever not blush? I swear, since Carter had been around, my cheeks were in perpetual menopause.  

             
I could tell Ethan caught the blush. His eyes narrowed and there was a smirk on his lips.

             
“Uh, huh, right,” he replied, folding his arms across his chest. “You want to try that again?”

             
“No, that is what we were doing, and frankly it’s none of your darn business!” I snapped.

             
His gaze grew stormy, and I could see that he was grinding his teeth. “Whatever happens to you is my business, Taryn. I want to know what is going on between you two. I know you have feelings for him, but I want to know if he has hurt you, or taken advantage of you.” 

             
Oh, he called me Taryn. He only called me Taryn, not Tare, when crap got critical. Well, this is one thing that I had control over, and I was not going to give that up for anything. What happened between Carter and me was private and special. I would always cherish what he did for me today. He not only gave me peace, but showed me how to find it myself. So, I had no compunction about putting Ethan in his place this time.

             
“Good God Ethan, what? You want to know if I’m still a virgin? You want to know if we had sex? Is that what you’re after? Because if it is, let me tell you, it is not your business! When have I ever questioned you about who you screw? When have I asked you what you’re doing with a girl? NEVER! Why? Because it’s none of my business! I might be screwed up in the head, maybe even crazy, but what I choose to do with my own body has nothing to do with you!” The words burst out of me with even more force than I intended. I was brimming with anger.

             
His eyes were wide, and he looked incredulous. I didn’t blame him—I had never discussed sex with him, EVER. And this conversation was as close as I was getting to it. 

             
“You had sex? You barely know him,” he spit out.

             
Dear Lord, help me. If ever there were a time when I would have liked to beat the hell out of him, right now would be it.

             
“Seriously? Ethan, your existence is total proof that God has a sense of humor. Would you just listen to yourself? You obviously have Teflon covering your brain, because nothing I say is sticking. I don’t know how to say this any plainer for you. If I want to have sex with a whole blasted town, then you have no say in it. If I want to stay a virgin and join a nunnery, you have no say. When it comes to what happens between Carter and me, YOU HAVE NO SAY!  Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?” 

             
I was a little calmer when I finished my tirade, and honestly, the lost look on his face was really endearing. I knew he loved me and that was what drove him to ask, but in this, I would not relent.

             
He was quiet for a long time, and I knew he was processing what I had said. Shock, disbelief, horror, anger, guilt—they were all shown on his face. I just waited.

             
“Uh Tare, well…yeah, okay… um…” He cleared his throat and paced, while I was trying not to laugh. “I just wanted… well… just to make sure… you know? That you were okay?” he finally got out.

             
“Ethan, I am fine,” I said, trying to calm and level my voice. “I would tell you if he did something to hurt me. He hasn’t, and honestly I don’t think he could. You’re right though, I do have feelings for him, and this is something you have to stay out of. I love you, but this has to be just for me,” I said.

             
He was still pacing, and when he finally stopped, he turned to me. “You know, all things aside, that was impressive. I think I might be proud of you.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help but go to him. I grabbed around his middle as he wrapped me up in a bear hug. I knew the conversation was over, and he understood me. That was what I loved the most about Ethan, he never held a grudge against me. Even with his hot temper, if he was wrong he would relent and always smile about it.

Blood, so much blood. Why can’t I stop the blood?I see his beautiful brown eyes, love, I love him. Pain, so much pain. Blood is seeping down my back, burning. “Stupid bitch.” God, someone help me! Wood, I smell wood, or forest, it smells clean, it smells safe. I can’t breathe. Choking, I’m choking. Big hands are around my throat. God, I can’t breathe! Warmth breezes across my lips, breath, I have breath, I count my breaths. I feel water rushing against my feet and warm arms around me. I hear his voice. “Taryn.” I love that voice.“Taryn.”

I bolted awake, and heard my name.

“Taryn?”

I blinked so my eyes would focus. Carter was sitting on the side of my bed, his hand was on my chest, and his face was inches from mine. I let out a shuddered breath. 

              “I’m okay,” I heaved out. “I’m good, just a dream.”

             
“You were moaning in your sleep, I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or if you were in pain.”  He said as he rubbed his thumb against my cheek.

             
“It was… different. I wasn’t as afraid, it was like every time something horrible started to happen, something would save me.” I was trying to piece together the dream—it was so different from what my usual dreams were. I felt safe and protected during parts of it, and I didn’t understand why.

             
For the past three years, the same dreams had haunted me. There had never been any deviation in my visions, in these flashbacks that came to me in my sleep. Always the same horrifying images were there, again and again every night until I screamed myself awake in a pool of tears and sweat. But during this dream, something changed. A sense of comfort and protection came over me—almost like when I was sitting with Carter at the lake the day before.

             
“Hey.” I looked up to see a concerned Carter peering down at me. “Are you sure you’re all right? You look a little unsettled,” he said.

             
“Yeah, I am. I was just thinking, trying to remember what was different.”

             
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

             
I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to talk about it, but with what happened at the lake, I knew I could trust him. I felt connected to him in a way that I had never been with another person before. I loved my brother and Grandpa, but this was different. It was like he could see the person I was, not the person made from circumstance, and he valued me. He was interested in me, it made me irrevocably bonded to him.

             
“Carter, would you lie down with me?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t sure how to start, but I knew I wanted to feel the comfort he gave when he held me. He didn’t say anything, just got up and walked to the other side of the bed, and lay down on top of the comforter. I turned to face him, and with the bedside lamp on, I could see he had his hungry stare, but also one of acceptance. I knew that whatever I told him, he would still be there afterwards. That gave me courage.

             
“I’m not really sure where to start, or what it is you want to hear,” I stated. He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips before kissing every finger, then my palm.

             
“I want to hear everything you have to say,” he replied. “I can tell you’re nervous, so why don’t you start with your dreams. What are they of, Taryn?” he asked before tucking my hand to his chest. The beat of his heart soothed me with its constant rhythm, with each beat a chunk of armor fell away, and for the first time left me open and willing to share.

             
I had to take a few deep breaths before I could start speaking. Even though I was determined to talk, it still scared the crap out of me. I was most afraid of losing the calm and getting lost in my head with the evil that never seemed to leave. 

             
“They are always the same, they never change,” I said. “You would think I would be so used to them by now that they wouldn’t bother me. Kind of like watching a movie over and over again, I know every scene and every word. But, the feelings never dull. I always feel the terror, the pain, the anger, and most overwhelming is the sadness.” I felt tears prick my eyes, and that familiar tightening.

             
“Breathe, baby, you can do this,” Carter soothed. His encouragement helped me focus back on what I was saying, and I clasped his hand. Through him, I felt tethered to the here and now, and no matter how far I went in my head, I had a way out.

             
“We are at the store,” I began with my eyes closed, allowing the film to play in my mind. “It’s a little convenience store. It is technically New Year’s, my
sixteenth birthday, and we stop at a convenience store because I am hungry. My Dad and I make a bet on who can get snacks and a drink first, and I run in before him. If I were paying any attention at all, I would have known something was wrong. I would have seen him before my dad came in, but I didn’t. I was too busy trying to win the stupid bet.”

Carter
was caressing up and down my arm with his fingertips, gently prompting me to continue.

             
“I see him when I get to the counter. He has a gun pointed at this girl, and she is crying and shaking. He grabs her hair so hard, I think her neck is going to break. He points his gun at Dad and me, demanding our wallets. Dad tries to get between him and me, and all of a sudden I’m on the floor with Dad, and blood is seeping all over me. I can see his… eyes… always his eyes.” I ended in a whisper—the knot in my throat was making it hard to get the words out. I felt Carter squeeze my hand, so I concentrated on his touch for a few moments before I could continue.

             
“I try to stop the bleeding but he knows, he knows and he won’t take his eyes away. He just looks at me the whole time before he is just gone. Then
his
ugly black eyes are staring at me, and it isn’t my Dad’s face but his. He’s hurting me, he’s kicking me, punching my face, and throwing me into the wall.” I choked on a sob, feeling hot tears freefall from my eyes, dribbling down my cheeks. I was having a hard time catching my breath.

             
“He rips my clothes… and grabs my… breasts, always hurting me. He throws me onto a couch, and starts choking me, and I… can’t breathe. I always pray someone will save me—that someone will come, but no one ever does. He hits me in the head with something hard, and I feel fuzzy. Before I can move away from him, he turns me over and pins me to the couch, then I feel the burning in my back.  I scream… I always scream, hoping someone will hear me.”

             
I was crying so hard, I don’t even know if he understood anything I said. I kept my eyes pinched closed, I couldn’t look at him. For all my bravery, I was too afraid that I would see revulsion on his face. When he let go of my hand, my eyes shot open. I was terrified I would lose my anchor, that I would be left to flounder on my own. I tried to grasp for his hand, and couldn’t seem to catch my breath to tell him I needed it. I was frantic.

             
“Shh, I got you. I got you, Taryn, you’re safe now,” I heard Carter say, but until he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to him, all I could think about was his hand. As soon as I felt his chest against my cheek, and heard his rapid heartbeat, I could feel the warmth and calm start to seep into me. I continued to sob as he crooned in my ear, until eventually I was able to breathe normally, and felt my pulse slow. 

             
I was beyond exhausted. My head was pounding and I felt ripped wide open, gutted and raw. My mind was a tangled mess of emotion, and the only clear, untangled part was Carter. He had his arms wrapped around me, I could feel his chin on top of my head, and he was running his fingers through my hair.

             
Comfort and safety—how long had it been since I had felt that? I never wanted him to let me go, and I found myself in totally new territory with my feelings. I didn’t know if this was love, infatuation, or obsession I was feeling, but I knew that I wasn’t alone, he felt the same as me. With those thoughts, I fell asleep with hope in my heart.

Something was tickling my face. I tried to brush it away, and God it was irritating! I opened my eyes to kill whatever it was, only to see Carter’s smiling face. I skittered a glance at his hand, and it was my hair. He was using my hair to tickle my face, the rat! 

             
“Time to wake up. You can’t sleep the day away,” he said cheerfully—too cheerfully. I glanced at the clock. It was only 7:30?

             
“What is the matter with you?” I croaked out, my voice scratchy with sleep. “It’s early still, and why are you so darn happy?” I grumbled. Honestly, I was trying not to smile back. His mood was infectious, and I was thrilled to see him. I wasn’t going to let him know that, of course.