Save Me (Elk Creek) (12 page)

             
After everyone was finished, I stood up, gathered the dishes, and carried them to the sink.  When I turned around, all three men were looking at me, all looking serious and determined. My food threatened to come back up; I knew what we were going to discuss. Although I needed to know, that didn’t mean I necessarily wanted to know. I let out the breath I was holding, looked up and met Carter’s gaze. The look of understanding and admiration I saw helped me shore up some courage and determination of my own.

             
Ethan led us all into the study. I sat on the love seat, Carter next to me. Grandpa pulled a chair from the corner closer, and Ethan sat behind the desk. Carter grabbed my hand, gave a gentle squeeze, and began caressing my wrist with his thumb. I felt immensely comforted by the small touch, not to mention the goose bumps that crawled up my arm.

             
“Tare, we all saw the letter, and we need to talk to you about it,” Ethan said, looking pointedly at Carter when he said “we all.” I understood, then, that Carter knew. I wasn’t sure how much he knew, and I wasn’t sure that I was ready for him to know anything. I was afraid that if he knew too much, he would look at me with pity, or revulsion, and I couldn’t stand to see that from him.

             
“There are more letters,” Ethan said, and all my thoughts on what Carter knew or what he thought were gone. I sensed the panic start with my rapid pulse, and my breathing turned shallow. I registered Carter’s hand squeezing mine, and felt his breath at my ear.

             
“You can do this, sweetie. YOU ARE SAFE,” he said, and gently brushed his lips against the lobe of my ear. The panic started to recede, and I was able to grasp the calm. I slowed my breathing, and felt my body start to relax.

             
“There you go,” he whispered.

             
Ethan must have sensed I was all right, so he continued. “We didn’t want to hurt you, but we didn’t think you would be able to handle them.” He looked so repentant, and I understood why they would hide them from me, but it did hurt. “We called the police after the first one, and they have been involved with each one.”

             
“H-how m-many?” I stammered.

             
“There’s fourteen so far, honey,” Grandpa spoke up. “It can’t be Maddox, and Malcolm is still locked up in prison. We don’t know who is doing this, but you are safe.” His face revealed a deep sadness.

             
Just hearing their names made bile rise to my throat. I realized then that Carter must have known everything. If Grandpa was throwing out their names, and Carter didn’t seem surprised about anything so far, he had to know. I felt saliva pool in my mouth, and scrambled to get off the couch, thrusting Carter’s hands from me. I reached the trash bin on my hands and knees, just before the first spasm hit. I felt someone pull my hair back. I knew it was Carter when he started rubbing my back. Funny how I could decipher his touch while I was puking out my guts. 

             
After I wretched the last contents of my stomach into the trash, I stayed there with my head hung low.

             
“You know,” I rasped.

             
“Yeah, baby, I know,” Carter said.

             
I let out a sob, and began to cry before he scooped me up and carried me to the couch.  He sat with me settled on his lap, and I thought it was a good thing he was so big, because I did not have a small bottom. The fact that I thought something so stupid during such a screwball moment made me laugh. Well, it turned more into a snuffle snort kind of laugh, which only made me laugh more. I was still laughing when Ethan started wiping my face with a wet cloth. I took it from him, not wanting to be more pathetic by having him wash my face, and excused myself to the bathroom. 

             
After I cleaned up, brushed my teeth, and put my clothes back to straights, I tried to put my thoughts in order. Oddly, more important to me at the moment was what Carter thought. Not the letters, or who was behind them. I didn’t want Carter to see me as weak, or look at me with pity. I didn’t want him to be repulsed by the ugliness that Maddox left on me. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much what he thought, but I did.

             
I made my way back into the study, and sat down on the love seat next to Carter. I had barely sat down when Carter grunted, and before I could question what was wrong, he pulled me with ease and gentleness back to his lap. I caught looks of amusement from Ethan and Grandpa, causing me to blush. I ducked my head so my hair would shield my face.

             
“I like you right here,” Carter whispered in my ear. Well, I liked it too, but his boldness was shocking. I glanced up at him, and saw his devilish smile, and that hunger was back in his eyes. I was relieved not to see the look I was expecting, and that he didn’t mention my moment in emesis. I started to feel a little more assured. Although, I still wasn’t sure what all he knew, I wasn’t looking forward to finding out.

             
“Are you all right?” Carter asked while rubbing my wrist.

             
“Yes,” I answered in a whisper.

             
“What has you looking so worried, besides those letters? I know it isn’t just those that had you reacting like you did.” Well, so much for not mentioning the barf episode.

             
I looked up to him. “It’s nothing, really, just the letters. I’m afraid.” It was the truth, just not all of it. I heard the study door close, and looked to see that both Grandpa and Ethan had left.  Why would they leave?

             
Carter lifted and spun me so that I was straddling his lap and our eyes were level. When I noticed the position, there was no stopping the blush or the bubbles in my belly. He placed his hands on my cheeks and pulled me closer to his mouth. When I thought he was going to kiss my lips, he diverted and kissed the tip of my nose.

             
He pulled back. “Let’s get a few things straight. First, don’t lie to me. You are the worst liar I have ever met, so it’s pointless. More importantly, it pisses me off. If there is something you don’t want to talk about, tell me and we can discuss it.”

             
I started to rebuff his domineering command when he put his finger to my lips, effectively silencing me.

             
“Not yet, wait until I get done. Second, since I expect you to be honest with me, I am going to be totally honest with you.” He took a deep breath. “I have very strong feelings for you, Taryn. I can’t explain why or how I have them, but I find myself completely drawn to you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you are also the strongest person I have ever known.” He ended almost in a whisper.

             
I was stunned, and touched. Never before had anyone told me I was beautiful, and to hear this big, beautiful, alpha of a man say it impacted me beyond description. Only, he was wrong, too.

             
“You’re wrong,” I said. “I’m about the weakest person in existence. Wasn’t what you witnessed last night enough to show you that?” I snorted with derision.

             
“I don’t think I can convince you now, but one day you will see that I am right. Now, can you tell me what had you so upset it made you sick?”

             
I didn’t know what to say, I obviously didn’t want to tell him the truth. He was right though, I was a crappy liar. I didn’t have much practice with it. I could tell by the look on his face that he was serious, and he meant everything he had told me. He wanted honesty, and so did I. I knew hardly anything about him. 

             
“Can I ask you something first?” I asked.

             
“Sure, you can ask anything.”

             
“You are demanding I not lie, but is that for both of us? Will you answer my questions with honesty? Because I have a lot of questions, and I think it’s only fair that it goes both ways,” I rushed.

             
“Yes, I wouldn’t expect you to do something I wouldn’t do.  I am serious, Taryn, I want to know you. I want to be part of anything that is you. I have never been as overwhelmed with feelings for another person as I am with you,” he paused for a moment and licked his lips. “To tell you the truth, it scares the hell out of me, because I can’t reason with it. I can’t diagnose, dissect, and pick apart the way I feel about you. Wondering if I’m alone in this drives me crazy. I am not a guy who loses control, nor am I one who isn’t sure of himself. With you, I have no control, and I question everything. Do you understand?” He looked at me, making eye contact and holding it steadily.

             
“Yes I do, I feel the same,” I answered without hesitation. “I don’t understand why I like you to hold my hand, when almost any other person who touches me sends me into a panic. I don’t understand why I yearn to just hear your scratchy voice. I don’t know why I feel safe when you hold me. I am confused, and scared, but mostly you excite me.” I answered with all the courage I could manage. I figured if he was going to spill his guts, so could I.

             
He let out a long breath, and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes, I could see relief in them. He was afraid of what I was thinking. To know this giant guy was afraid of what I would say was heady. In some way, I felt bound or tied to him; we were experiencing these feelings together, neither of us alone to figure what was right or wrong, or the hows or whys.  Just two people stumbling through a maze of chaotic emotions, finding a way through together.

             
He rested his forehead against mine, our breaths intermingling, then he kissed me. It was a soft kiss, a kiss full of hope, and maybe love? I kissed back, and I initiated him with my tongue this time. The growl of approval had those bubbles back in my belly, and shivers ran from my fingers to my toes. My breathing had started to become frantic as he plundered my mouth, so much I was getting light headed, but it felt so good, I didn’t want it to end. He slowed the kiss, and eventually pulled back.

             
After we caught our breath, he asked, “Are you ever going to answer my question?”

             
I sighed, “I suppose tit for tat and all that.” I smiled. Then more somberly, I said, “I realized that you knew about Malcolm and Maddox. I didn’t want you to know. I don’t want you to pity me, or be disgusted with me. I don’t ever want to lose your regard.”

             
His gaze had turned hard, his full lips were pressed in a thin line, and a scowl marred his brow. He looked rather intimidating, and I wasn’t sure why he was upset. I told him what he wanted to know. I was just about ready to move off his lap, when he placed both his hands on my shoulders and moved them up until he was cradling each side of my jaw.

             
“I do not pity you, there is nothing to pity,” he said firmly.  “And disgust, baby, if you felt what was going on in my jeans right now, you would know there is nothing that disgusts me when it comes to you.” To punctuate his statement he thrust his hips up, and the contact of a rigid erection between my legs made me gasp.

             
He pulled me to him, and kissed me hard. He cupped my head with one hand and pushed my lower back right onto his erection with the other. I was in a whirlwind of indecision. I didn’t know if I should tell him to stop, or to keep going. My body surely wanted to keep going, my hips were undulating of their own accord, and my hands were grasping and pulling at him with a fevered intensity. I was out of control.

             
“We have to stop,” he panted as he gently pushed me back. I was hot, out of breath, and in a lust-filled stupor. It took me several moments before I could rationalize what I was doing. I looked in his face, saw he was flushed, his hair was a mess, and his breathing was just as labored as mine. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

             
When I looked back to him, I saw a smile tugging at his swollen lips, and couldn’t help but smile back. 

             
“I suppose we should probably get up,” I said, not really wanting to move, but not relishing the idea of getting caught in this precarious position, either.

             
“I suppose we should,” he agreed quietly. He positioned his hands on my hips and began to lift me off his lap. I couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped. The position I was in had strained my hip, and trying to move my legs back in a normal position shot sharp bolts of pain from my hip to my knee.

             
“Shit,” Carter muttered. He turned me so I was now sitting on the couch with him kneeling at my right side. “I am going to get you doing some stretches and conditioning,” he said as he started to massage my hip and thigh.  I groaned, but in relief this time.

             
I thought about what he said. “You know that you are really bossy?” I said as he kneaded my hip.

             
He chuckled. “Yeah? I guess that’s something you’ll have to get used to then, huh?”

             
“You could maybe say please, or ask?” I retorted.