Save Me (Elk Creek) (18 page)

             
“My God… I knew she looked nervous, but I just thought it was because I am her boyfriend’s father, not that I scared the hell out of her.” He let out a long sigh.

             
“Don’t swear around her, some swear words can be a trigger also. There’s something else… Someone is sending her letters, creepy letters. Saying it’s time for her to die and such.  I’ve been staying at her house, and working with Mr. Dalton and her brother, Ethan… I pushed for her to come with me, and we’re not even here an hour and what happens? I didn’t protect her,” I said in self-condemnation.

             
“Don’t be blaming yourself, you did save her,” Dad said reassuringly. “Who knows what that nut case girl would have done if you hadn’t pulled her off. I thought it was odd, why Taryn wasn’t fighting back when we first came in. I can see now, she couldn’t do anything to help herself, could she?”

             
“No, it’s like she gets trapped in her own mind. It takes a bit for her to come out, and it’s scary as hell. I can only imagine how terrified she is while it’s happening. But you’re right, she can’t defend herself when she’s like that. She’s too frozen up, and incoherent, to act. It’s terrifying because people could do anything they wanted to her when she’s like that,” I told him.

             
He stood up and shook his head, walking across the room to stare absently at the fireplace. “And you love her?” He did not turn to look at me.

             
“Yes,” I said curtly.

             
He turned and narrowed his eyes on me, then waited a moment before saying, “Okay… okay, I see you do. I have to be honest with you, this won’t be easy. She seems like a great girl, but she comes with a lot of baggage. Are you sure you can handle it?” He was sincerely worried, and I tried to tamp down my irritation.

             
“Yeah, I can,” I replied without hesitation. “My problem now is going to be getting her to forgive me for not telling her about Felicia, and for allowing her to be hurt,” I said glumly. God, I hoped she would hear me out.

             
He walked over to stand beside me. “I think she will, and what Felicia did was not your fault.” He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly, then let out a sigh. “I think I’m going to head home, why don’t you try to get some sleep. There’s food in the kitchen for breakfast.” He had started for the door, then paused. “Just talk to her, Carter. If she’s worth it, she will listen and understand.” I gave him a nod and watched him leave, hoping he was right.

Chapter 14-Taryn

              There was something hard digging into my back. I groggily tried to shift away from it.  Hard arms pulled me firmly against a hard chest, and the poking shifted to my bottom. The thrust into the crease of my bottom had my eyes shooting open, and a screech coming out of my mouth.

             
The hold on me slackened and I turned to see a bleary eyed Carter, blushing. I was stunned from seeing his blush, and tried to think of how to make fun of him when he wiped his face with his hand and lay on his back. All thoughts ceased as I could clearly see what was poking me, and I, too, was blushing. Oh God, that looked big, scary big. My eyes moved back up to his face, and now he was smirking at me. Oh God, he caught me staring at his junk. I felt like I was on fire from embarrassment.

             
I scooted off the bed, and quickly made my way to the bathroom, muttering, “I need the bathroom.” I heard his chuckle as I shut the door. Nice to know I was still amusing him. Holy CRAP!  I wasn’t sure if the heat I was feeling was from simple embarrassment or something else, but I felt like I needed ice, a freezer, maybe the whole state of Alaska to chill the heat consuming me.

             
After I used the toilet, I washed my hands and face, then brushed my teeth. I noticed in the mirror that my cheek had a light bruise, and there were scratches on my neck.  I remembered that woman, his Dad, and that she was angry, also she said Carter was married? I needed to talk to Carter, I had to know if what she said was true, and if he was married what the heck was he doing with me? Kissing me? I was thoroughly confused.

             
I was hesitant to go back in the bedroom, especially after I noticed I was only in a thin t-shirt and panties. Would he see my fat and be grossed out? Would he think I was slutty? What if he got that hungry look again, and wanted to have sex? I had to stop thinking, I was driving myself nuts! Besides, if he was married, he shouldn’t be looking at me anyway, and I definitely shouldn’t be ogling his appendages. 

             
Having spent way too long in the bathroom deliberating with myself, I finally opened the door to find the bedroom empty. It was weird, but I felt let down. Probably from psyching myself out, only to find there was no reason to. I sighed, and grabbed a pair of lounge pants from my bag.

             
After I was decently covered, I walked to the kitchen. I needed some juice, and I hoped there was some in the fridge. Opening the refrigerator, I was happy to see that indeed there was apple juice. I usually had orange juice, but apple juice was great, too. I always hated coffee, even the smell of it gagged me, but my Dad loved it. When he would have his morning cup, he always poured me juice in a coffee mug. It was those quiet moments with him, where nothing needed to be said, but we both felt the common joy of being with each other, that I missed the most.

             
I was sitting at the table, thinking of last night and trying to piece together what exactly happened, when Carter walked in. He was only dressed in pajama bottoms. My gaze zoned in on his naked chest, and my mouth went dry. He was muscled, with a smatter of dark hair across his chest that trailed toward his belly, disappearing under his pajamas. I felt myself heat up again, and tried not to look, I did, but great balls of fire! He was beautiful. 

             
At his chuckle, I finally tore my gaze away from his chest to his face. I doubt that smirk had left his face since the first time I ogled him. “Don’t you have a shirt?” I snapped, tired of feeling like I was the butt of a joke.

             
He stepped to me, lifted me out of the chair, then put his hand to my cheek and ran his finger down to my jaw. “And miss this pretty blush? Nah, feel free to look your fill, baby.” My jaw dropped at what he said, and then he lowered his lips to mine. Taking advantage of my open mouth, he covered it with his and thrust his tongue inside. He wasn’t waiting for a response from me, he was just taking, and I loved it. All too soon, he pulled his mouth away, then drew me to his chest.

             
He held me for several minutes, not saying a word. I was fascinated by the feel of his bare chest against my cheek, although I could feel the tension radiating from him. I knew he was worried about last night, and so was I. I needed to know who that woman was, why she attacked me, and if he was married. That last thought had me pulling away from him.

             
“We need to talk,” I said quietly, not looking up to see his face.

             
“Yeah, we do. Let’s go sit in the living room,” he said, and led the way to the couch. I sat down next to him, afraid of what he was going to tell me, needing the comfort he provided, even if this was the last time I would have it. If he was married, I was going home, alone if I had to. 

             
He grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Look, I’m just going to tell you everything. I need you to just let me get everything out, then we can talk about it. Okay?”

             
I nodded, squeezing his hand, encouraging him to continue.

             
“I met Felicia, the girl who was here last night, my senior year of college. We dated for several months. We were… intimate.” He looked at me warily, and I felt an intense pang of jealousy in my stomach, imagining him with another woman. But I smiled, urging him on. “She became real clingy and demanding. She always wanted to know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. She knew I had money, and wanted me to buy her things all the time. I was fed up, and tried to break things off with her. I was just a couple months away from graduating when she told me she was pregnant, even though I had always used a condom, and she was supposedly on birth control.” 

             
I wasn’t sure I liked hearing about him with her—actually, I knew I hated it. I had never been with a man, so the feelings of jealousy and propriety about a man were new to me. They sat in my stomach like a rock. Carter took a deep breath before he continued. His voice was level and even.

             
“My Dad always seemed to like her, and I didn’t want a child of mine to grow up in a split home like I did, or be labeled a bastard. So, I married her that next week at the courthouse.  Right away, she tried to take control of my house, my money, hell, even the car. I found reasons to stay with my Dad so I wouldn’t be around her. We were hardly even speaking. After a couple of weeks, I came home. When I walked in, the house was a mess. There was trash and empty liquor bottles strewn throughout the entire house. I was pissed, and was going to tell her off, but when I opened my bedroom door, she was in my bed with her ex-boyfriend.”

             
He was quiet for a moment, rubbing my hair between his fingers. 

             
“I didn’t know what to do, they hadn’t noticed me, and so I went back outside and got into my car. It was filled with belongings of hers—clothes, papers, shoes, make-up. I drove to the lake. I was so furious, I felt like I had just thrown away everything I had been working for to do the right thing, and she was living it up, partying and screwing someone else.

             
“I just needed to get rid of her, so I started throwing all her crap out of the car, making a pile on the ground. I thought I could burn it. Then I was going to get all her stuff from the house and burn that, too. But, in a pile of papers I was rummaging through, I saw a piece of paper that said
Patient Care Instructions
.” 

Carter
paused, looking like he was trying to get control of his emotions. I just waited.  “She had aborted the baby, two weeks before… She aborted the baby and I didn’t even know if it was mine. I didn’t understand how she could go from getting rid of a baby to having sex and act like nothing was wrong. I mean, who does that, Taryn? Who lies and takes a baby, the baby she claimed was mine, and just throws it away without a care, without even discussing it with me, her husband?”

I didn’t know what to say, not sure he was really looking for an answer anyway.
I just listened.

             
“I know now, the probability that baby was mine was extremely low, almost non-existent, but even so, I thought that baby was mine. When I pictured the future, I was a dad to that baby.  And then, she just ripped it away, not caring or even thinking it might be wrong. She got what she wanted, and that’s all she cared about. She was using me. She had no loyalty or love for me whatsoever.”

             
My God, I couldn’t believe the horrible things this woman had done to such a kind, gentle man. The pain in his eyes when he talked about that baby, and the carelessness of its mother, broke my heart. I knew tears were sliding down my cheeks. I wanted to comfort him, to hold him, but he asked me to let him get it all out, and so I sat and waited.

             
“That day, I called an attorney, and was told that I could have the marriage annulled based on fraud. We married because of the baby, she misled me, and then terminated the baby.  So, I went through with it, and since I had graduated, I left. I went to South America and Europe for a year. She tried to call, and later she left a message stating I wasn’t the baby’s father and she had relationships with three people while we were together. I knew she said it because she thought it would make me mad, or that I would be jealous. I wasn’t, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything. I just roamed different places with no real direction.”

             
He looked directly at me, and he looked resigned. Resigned to what, I wasn’t sure. 

             
“I didn’t like who I was or the things I was doing, and then you walked into that diner.  Taryn, you took the wind out of me. I felt drawn to you, like you were everything that was missing. I don’t know if it’s too soon to feel what I do, I don’t know if what I feel is normal. All I do know is that… I love you… and I can’t stand the idea of being away from you. You have become the most important thing in my life, the one thing I look forward to seeing every day… I just felt that since I was already going all in with you, you needed to know that I love you and I pray you can forgive me for not telling you sooner.” He looked down to his lap. “I was worried about telling you. There seemed to be so many things that you were burdened with, and to be completely honest, I was afraid you wouldn’t have anything to do with me after you found out.”

He paused for a few moments, before looking back up to me. I drew in a sharp breath. There were tears in his eyes,
with the most sorrowful expression. I squeezed his hands, and felt my own tears as well. I couldn’t stand to see him so sad. 

             
“Taryn, I am so sorry I didn’t keep you safe. You mean the world to me, and your safety is vital to my sanity. I should have never left you alone in the house, if I would have told you about Felicia earlier, maybe you would have had enough warning to get me. I failed you. I don’t deserve any more than you have already given me, but I hope you can forgive me in this too. I don’t want to be without you.” He ended with a whisper, and my heart ached in my chest.

             
I wasn’t sure how to feel about everything, but I knew there wasn’t a need for forgiveness— he really hadn’t done anything wrong. Love? He loved me? I couldn’t tell if my heart pounding wildly in the back of my throat was euphoria, or terror. I needed to say something, and he was just looking at me. The trepidation and worry on his face made me feel like a total jerk. I needed to say something, but what? What could I say?

             
I scooted closer to him. I was always able to speak more honestly when I didn’t have to see him watching me. I snuggled into his chest, and was pleased when he wrapped his arms around me. 

             
“Carter, I want you to know how sorry I am for what Felicia did to you,” I began. “She is a horrible person, and she took advantage of your noble nature.” I halted for a moment. I was absently running my hand across his chest, as he continued holding me and nuzzling his nose into my hair. A question came to my lips, and before I could stop it, I spoke.

“Did you love her?”

“No,” he responded quickly. Then there was a long pause. Carter inhaled deeply into the top of my head. “I thought I did, Taryn,” he said quietly. “At first, I thought I did. But it was based on nothing but a lie. I had no idea what love was or what love felt like.” He stilled, and I knew he was going to defend himself. There was no need. I looked up and put my fingers to his lips, stalling whatever it was he was going to say.

“Nope,
don’t do that,” I said. “Felicia is a horrible person. What she did to you and that baby is unforgivable. You had no way of knowing that she was going to come here, and you couldn’t have known that she was going to lash out at me. You can’t control everything that might happen or not happen to me, Carter. To hold yourself to such an absurd standard would lead to failure. You did save me, you got me away from her. We do the best we can, then we hope for the best. That’s all any of us can do.” I embraced Carter, holding him as tightly to me as I could manage.

“
You are such an amazing man, and I, too, feel tethered to you,” I continued. “I feel like you have become my salvation from my own mind. I don’t know why or how you could love me. I’m half crazy, but if you are willing to love me, I can promise that I will continue striving to improve, to be worthy of the love you’re gifting me. I don’t know how this relationship stuff works, and I’m often not sure what is right or wrong to do or say.” I took a deep breath to steady the fluttering in my stomach before I continued.