Save Me (Elk Creek) (21 page)

             
“Well, come on in,” she said as she moved aside, holding the door open. Carter ushered me through the doorway, where we waited for Grace to lead us. We followed her through the entry and into a large great room bordered by windows. There was navy and peach floral furniture throughout the spacious room with a round coffee table, and a stone fireplace adorned with pictures, most with dogs in them. The room gave off a feeling of warmth and welcome, its ambiance soothed my frazzled nerves.

             
“Have a seat, I will be right back,” Grace offered. Carter and I both sat on a loveseat and watched as Grace left the room.

             
“You’re doing great. I am so proud of you,” Carter whispered, then smiled.

             
“What are we doing here, Carter?” I whispered back, but before he could answer, Grace came back, and she had a huge German Shepherd with her. I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of the dog. He was formidable looking, but there was a striking beauty, and keen intelligence in his eyes. He was tan and black in color with a long coat. He sat at Grace’s side, and seemed to be studying me as intently as I was him.

             
“Taryn, this is Barlow. Would you like to come meet him?” Grace asked me.

             
“Uh, is he friendly?” I hesitated. “I mean, of course he is, or you wouldn’t have asked me.  Sure…Yes, I’d like that,” I rambled. I heard Carter chuckle, and Grace was smiling an understanding smile. I stared at Barlow for a few moments. He panted slightly but otherwise was silent, sitting attentively beside Grace.

             
“Taryn, it might be easier if you come over here to meet him,” Grace said kindly.

             
“Oh, right.” I stood and slowly walked to Barlow and Grace, not taking my gaze from Barlow. He didn’t stop watching me, either. When I reached him, I paused, unsure of what I was supposed to do. I looked to Grace.

             
“Just hold out your hand, let him smell you,” she instructed. I held my hand out, and was pleased to note how steady it was. At the first touch of his cold nose, I gasped, and he cocked his head to the side, studying me. He must have decided I was safe, because his tongue gave a quick swipe to my palm, and I giggled.

             
Grace put her hand on the top of Barlow’s head, and said “okay,” which must have released him from sitting. He was on all fours and sniffing every part of me, nudging me gently with his snout, while I was petting him. I kneeled down, and he began snuffling my neck and licked my cheek. He was such a cool dog—I had always loved dogs. 

             
After a few minutes of petting, sniffing, giggling, and tail wagging, Carter joined in, and after Barlow’s initial sniff of Carter, he gave him a lick and on it went until Grace cleared her throat. “Let me tell you about Barlow,” she said. 

             
As we sat on the floor with Barlow laying his head in my lap, Grace told us that Barlow was trained in protection. She went through the different commands, his care, and his previous vet visits before it finally dawned on me why we were meeting Barlow.

             
“Barlow is for me!” I blurted, cutting off Grace. Carter laughed. Him and his darn chuckling, this was serious. I glared at him. He let out a sigh.

             
“Yes, Barlow is for you,” he confirmed. “He will be able to go with you wherever you want to go, and he will help keep you safe.”

             
“Wow, a dog,” I said aloud to myself, letting this information sink in. “Barlow, do you want to be mine?” I looked down at him, gently scratching underneath his chin. He responded with a lick to my fingers. A dog—a big dog, a big scary dog—that liked me. This dog could probably eat the balls off of anyone who came near me. The effort behind finding him, flying here, the research it must have taken, arranging to meet with Barlow—all of it hit me harder than a ton of bricks. The lengths Carter would go to, for me to be safe, were mind blowing. 

             
I turned and wrapped my arms around Carter’s neck, buried my face into his neck and snuffled a “thank you,” before returning to Barlow. It took all the willpower I possessed to not break out in sobs. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude and love that for the first time in my life, I wanted to be with someone. I wanted to be part of every aspect of Carter’s life. I wanted a life together, and was finding I was brave enough to have it.

After we spent two more hours with Grace, she demonstrated Barlow’s abilities to attack an assailant. I tried really hard not to piss myself. I mean, in the comfort of her great room, he was like a sweet teddy bear. Yet at a command he transformed into a terrorizing, snarling beast with extremely huge, sharp teeth. He scared the crap out of me.

             
After he had attacked a man named Robert, who was dressed in a thick burlap suit, Barlow returned to my side and nuzzled into my thigh. It was hard to describe what I felt: relieved, saved, fearful, but mostly humbled. This regal creature, who just met me, would put his life in harm’s way to protect me. I couldn’t not love this dog, and I didn’t care how pathetic it made me sound.

             
When I felt comfortable enough with Barlow’s commands, we said our goodbyes, and loaded all the “dog stuff” Carter had pre-arranged for Grace to get for Barlow. The three of us drove back to San Diego, where Carter had reserved a dog-friendly hotel room. 

             
“I assume since you have carefully planned everything so far, you have a plan for getting home with Barlow?” I asked as we were sitting at the small table in our room, eating pizza.

             
“He’s flying with us,” he said simply.

             
“Where?” I asked as he chewed a strip of crust from the last slice of pizza.

             
“First class, where else?” he mumbled with his mouth full.

             
“He’s going to sit with us?” I was surprised. I didn’t know dogs could do that, not that I had much experience flying.

             
“Honey, he goes wherever you go, and I mean anywhere. He is trained to keep you safe, as well as guide you away from danger. He is considered a service dog, and therefore he goes where you go,” Carter explained. He smiled before reaching down to pet Barlow’s head.

             
I wasn’t sure how to feel after that statement. Relieved, for sure, knowing I had this scary-as-sin dog to ward off anyone who could hurt me. But I also felt weak, like I was disabled or something. I didn’t want anyone to see me as weak, even if I was. But, the possibilities I had conjured in my mind, the thought of going into town on my own, of driving a car by myself, of possibly going to college, excited me, and the more I thought about it, the more comfortable I was. I decided I didn’t give a hoot what other people might think. It wasn’t as if I had any friends to impress, anyway.

             
“I’m going to take a shower,” I stated, getting up from the table, trying to ignore the hunger in Carter’s eyes as he watched me. Between him and the new hope he had evoked, my emotions were a whirlwind, making my chest hurt. I didn’t think it was possible to love him more, but I did. I wanted to give him as much as he had given me, and I wanted more than anything to finish what he had started in the shower at his apartment. The thought of him caressing me between my legs ignited a tingle deep in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t stop replaying the moment in my mind, again and again, as I showered. I thought of his strong hands massaging the shampoo into my scalp, of his rigid erection pressing up against me, of his fingers dipping inside me, exploring.

             
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, wiping steam from the mirror with my hand. I brushed my hair, thinking about what I should do or say to get Carter to make love to me. I was nearly light headed with fear and overwhelmed with my own feelings of insecurity: What if I didn’t know what to do? What if he rejected me? What if he was just too big for me? I mean, I wasn’t a masochist, and the idea of pain certainly dulled my excitement, but it couldn’t be that bad, right? Men and women had sex all the time; men fit into women, that’s how God made them. Carter would fit, right? I mean, he couldn’t be much different than other men, it’s just that the only penis I had ever seen in person was Ethan’s and that was when he was eight and peed on a tree in the backyard.

             
I could do this, I told myself. I wanted this, I wanted to be with Carter, and I trusted him.  I wasn’t naïve enough to think it wouldn’t hurt at all, but I knew that Carter would be careful and make it special. I knew this would mean as much to him as it would to me. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried not to scrutinize what I saw. Carter seemed to like what I looked like, and I wasn’t going to borrow more worry than I already had. I needed an alter ego, maybe FIERCE TARYN. I practiced my most determined face with my shoulders squared, and was finding it easier and easier to be courageous.

             
“You are fierce, you are a diva, you can do this,” I told myself in the mirror. I slipped on some plain blue panties—they weren’t anything sexy by any means, but they were all I had. I also put on my bra, figuring I was naked enough to show my intent. I wasn’t quite ready to just walk out there buck naked, this was as close as I was getting. I pulled my shoulders back, put on my much-practiced determined face, and walked out of the bathroom. 

             
Carter was reclined on the bed, Barlow lying next to him, watching the television. He turned his head toward me and stilled. His eyes grew so wide they looked like they were going to pop out. If I wasn’t trying so hard not to tremble, I would have laughed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up, and walked over to me.

             
“Taryn, are you okay?” he asked, not taking his eyes off mine. 

             
“Carter, would you make love to me?” I was surprised by how calm my voice sounded; actually, I was impressed. Inside I was screaming and imagining myself running back to the bathroom and locking myself in. He didn’t say anything right away, just studied my face, but that ravenous look was smoldering in his eyes.

             
“Taryn, are you sure? We don’t have to do this,” he said as he glanced eagerly at my chest. Why did he have to talk? Weren’t men supposed to hate talking? I stretched up on my tiptoes, and wrapped my arms around his neck, bumping into the large bulge in his jeans. A tinge of nervousness crept up my spine, and I remembered how fierce I was, and pushed myself harder against his groin. He emitted a growl that sent tingles through my belly.

             
“I’m sure, would you take off your pants now?” I whispered in his ear. 
              “Baby, if you don’t stop doing that, it will be over before we get started,” he growled. I really loved his growly, scratchy voice. He picked me up by cupping my bottom, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pressed his lips against my neck, kissing and nuzzling, as he carried me to the bed, before laying me down next to Barlow.

             
“Barlow, off!” he ordered gruffly. Barlow stood up and hopped off the bed, only to lie in front of the door.

             
Carter rose enough to unbutton his jeans as I ran my hands over his broad chest. He pulled off his jeans and boxers quickly, climbing on the bed and resting his legs between mine.  Heat was blooming low in my belly, causing me to shiver as he lowered his mouth, reaching the swell of my chest. I couldn’t suppress the moan that came out as he cupped my breast through my bra. His touch was setting me on fire.

             
He looked at me, his face just inches from mine. “I’m going to take your bra off,” he whispered, and began pulling one strap down, while reaching under my back to get to the hooks.  He unclasped the back and pulled my bra down my arm, leaving my breasts completely naked.  The sudden coolness from being uncovered made them tighten, and when he ran his thumb over one peak, I shuddered. He began trailing kisses above and around, finally settling on the center of one breast while his fingers caressed the other. I couldn’t seem to hold still, my legs were scissoring and felt like I was going to explode from irritation or need, I wasn’t sure.

             
Soon he was moving lower down my belly, grabbing the sides of my panties before looking at me again. “These are coming off, too,” he said, before pulling them down my legs, never taking his eyes from mine. His constant concern and explanation made me cherish him even more. 

H
e moved his eyes from my face and traveled the length of my body. I blushed—how I could feel even hotter in that moment was beyond me, but I felt my face and chest heat, making me a living incinerator. He lifted my good leg and kissed his way up to my thigh, then lifted my other leg and kissed his way up to right above my knee, stopping at the beginning of my scar.  He caressed the length of my scar with his lips and tongue clear to my hip.

             
“You’re beautiful, Taryn,” he rasped out before he slipped his hand between my thighs, and then I couldn’t think a coherent thought. I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensations he was evoking. They were exhilarating and completely alien to me. When I felt the pressure of his chest on mine, I opened my eyes to see him reaching for his pants, when he leaned back up I saw he had a condom. I watched in fascination as he held himself, slipping the condom over his very large erection. Oh, God it was coming. I felt myself tense up and chided myself for being such a sissy. I tried to conjure up fierce Diva Taryn.