Safe & Sound (12 page)

“I don’t know what the hell Jay ever saw in you. I always told him he could do better. He was just always attracted to these poor weak women,” he shouted back.

I stopped in my tracks as my blood boiled in rage.

“He could do better than me? Maybe. He deserved the best. But what about you? I know he deserved a better best friend. You proved that last night,” I said, still trying to walk away. I heard the front door open and soon I heard Lanie and Stella in the driveway as I continued down the sidewalk.

I returned to the house 20 minutes later, coffee in hand. I saw that Harry’s car was gone and I sighed in relief. I made my way into the house where Stella and Lanie were sitting on the sofa, glaring at me.

“What the hell?” Stella asked, getting up.

“Pastries?” I asked as I held up the peace offering I had bought at the bakery.

“You better start talking,” Stella said as she came over and took the pastries from me. We settled back in on the sofa and I told them everything from Harry’s strange behavior in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, his advances the previous night and the whole conversation in the driveway.

“Did he say anything when he came back into the house?” I asked when I was done.

“Oh, he didn’t come back in,” Lanie said.

“What? That means his stuff is still here?” I asked as a little bit of panic set in.

“Well, it’s in a box,” Lanie said. “Stella packed it all up after he left.”

“I was going to throw it out on the street, but Lanie stopped me.” Stella pouted. I burst out laughing over the absurdity of the entire situation.

Lanie left the next day and Stella settled into the office to catch up on some work. I decided to do some housework and set about cleaning the kitchen. It took me hours to scrub every surface, but it felt refreshing. When I was done, I took the trash bag out through the garage to the trash bin. On my way back in, I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at the vehicle in the garage. I realized I hadn’t been out to the garage in months. I usually parked my Jeep in the driveway, never bothering to pull it all the way in. Jay always stored his car. I dashed back in the house, calling Stella’s name.

“I’m in here. What do you need?” she said, emerging from the office. Her Bluetooth was clipped to her ear and she was holding papers. She looked so formidable.

“Jay’s car,” I stammered.

“Yea. What about it?”

“It’s still here,” I stated, confused.

“Yea, it is,” she said, looking at me, equally confused.

“It just caught me off guard. I forgot about it.”

“Okay?”

“What do I do with it?” I asked.

She held up a hand, signaling me to hold on a minute, and walked back into the office. She came out a couple minutes later without her Bluetooth and papers and sat down next to me on the sofa.

“What do you want to do?”

“With the car?”

“With all of it? What are you going to do with all of Jay’s things?” she asked again.

“I don’t know,” and I didn’t. I hadn’t thought about any of his things. Over the previous couple of weeks, as I cleaned up, I would always avoid touching anything that belonged to Jay.

“Well, before you decide, we should talk to his lawyer. He might have had some wishes for some of his things,” she said and I nodded my head in agreement. “I will call him first thing tomorrow morning. Why don’t you just sit and read or something. Try and take your mind off of it until then,” she said and I agreed. She walked back toward the office to work, leaving me to my own thoughts.

I was sitting at the table Monday morning, enjoying my yogurt and granola, around 11, when Stella strolled into the kitchen.

“Late morning?” I asked.

“No. I actually have been up for a while, just working.” She made her way over to the coffee I had just recently brewed.

“So, I spoke with Paul Wellon,” she said, grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

“Oh yea?”

“He is pretty adamant that we meet with him in person to go over the specifics of the estate. We arranged a date in January, after the holidays.” She looked at me to make sure that was okay.

“Sure. Sounds fun,” I said sarcastically.

“But he was able to tell me as far as the physical items in this house, Jay’s car, clothes and personal items are all up to your discretion,” Stella said in a questioning tone.

“What?”

“It’s just the way he said ‘this house.’ It makes me wonder. That’s all.” She shrugged.

“I can promise you there isn’t anything else.” I laughed at the nature of her inquisition.

“What are you doing today?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I’ll look at going through the house and Jay’s things.” I sighed at the thought of the big task ahead of me.

“Boring!” she said, dismissing my ideas.

“Okay. What are you doing?” I asked.

“Going to the law library,” she said, smiling.

“Boring!” I mouthed back at her and we both burst into giggles.

Stella left in the early afternoon for the law library to do some research for a case she had back in New York. I didn’t understand her need to use this library, as if New York didn’t have any bigger or better libraries to use. I didn’t question it further. It was probably just another poor excuse for someone to continue to babysit me. Lanie called several minutes after Stella had left to see what we were doing.

“Stella’s at the law library like a good girl,” I told Lanie.

“What are you doing?”

“Stella talked to Paul Wellon this morning and Jay had no wishes for any of his things, so I thought I might go through some of them.”

“Really?”

“It’s depressing, isn’t it?”

“Do you want help?”

“Don’t you have a full case load or something?” I asked, trying to recall our conversation over the last few days about why she had to hurry back to Raleigh after the holiday.

“I did. Things got shifted around and now I’m free most of the week.”

“Well, if you don’t have anything better to do …”

“Great. I’m already halfway there. See you in a little bit,” she said and hung up. I shook my head at my crazy friends and headed up to the attic to find some boxes while I waited for Lanie’s arrival.

CHAPTER 15

F
or the next week Lanie and I methodically went through every room in the house and we were occasionally joined by Stella. We made several piles in the living room of things that I thought should be sent to other family members, things that would be donated, sent to storage or things that were simply meant for the trash. It felt very therapeutic going through each room. Every item, regardless of whether it was Jay’s or mine, was considered. It was an endless process that left me emotionally drained each night. There were days we laughed, days I cried and days I got angry over everything. Every step of the way Lanie was there to console me and guide me through the process the best way a friend could. By Friday there was just one room left: the master bedroom.

“Last room,” Lanie said as we stood in the doorway of the master suite. I nodded as I carried several boxes in and set them down on the bed. The room was a modest size, painted pale blue, with his and her walk-in closets on one side. In the center of the room stood a queen-sized four-poster bed that was given to us as a wedding gift. On the far side was a large, oversized, floor mirror that was flanked by two tall dressers. On each side of the bed was a small bedside table with two matching lamps and on Jay’s side of the bed was a blue suede chair.

“What first?” I asked.

“Well, it’s mostly clothes in here, right?”

“For the most part.”

“What do you want to do with it all?”

“I think I would prefer to donate most of it. The local Goodwill does a program where they take professional clothes and give them to those who are interviewing for jobs or those who can’t afford work attire. Jay and I had donated a couple times over the last couple of years. I would like to continue that,” I said.

“Okay. Are you keeping anything?”

“I have to keep something,” I said tentatively.

“Why don’t I go and get us some water and snacks while you take a moment with everything,” she said, turning to leave. I stood and stared at the bed for a moment before I made my way into Jay’s closet. Everything hung neatly inside, meticulously organized. Jay had always been a little OCD and everything had a specific place. All his suits hung together on oak hangers, dress shirts were all hung by color on the far wall after they came back from the dry cleaners. T-shirts were hung on wire hangers and jeans were pressed and hung below them. All his shoes were arranged underneath the suits, each pair of shoes still in the original box they came in. I walked all the way in and let my hand carefully glide along all the crisp dress shirts before settling on a particular blue one. I pulled down a couple of worn T-shirts and several sweatshirts that were folded on the rack. I carried the items out of the closet and put them on the bed just as Lanie entered the room with a tray full of snacks and bottled water.

“All set,” I said, helping her set down the tray.

“You sure?”

I thought for a moment of going through a mental inventory of all of Jay’s items.

“I’m sure,” I finally said.

With that, she set to work packing up Jay’s clothes while I went through my own closet. I found it easier not having to physically pack it all up myself.

“What about these?” Lanie called out to me 30 minutes later.

“What?” I asked as I walked out of the closet with an armful of my own clothes to put in a box. She was pointing to the blue suede chair that sat outside the closet. It still held the clothes Jay had laid out for himself the morning he died.

“Oh those,” I said, staring at the outfit. It wasn’t anything special but symbolized so much more. “Pack it up,” I said after a couple of minutes. Next, I went through the small amount of jewelry that Jay had, mostly watches and cufflinks.

“Where is his wedding ring?” Lanie asked. We had brought it back from the funeral home several weeks earlier and afterward, it had sat in a brown paper bag on the kitchen table for several more weeks. It was only recently I had taken it out of the bag and strung it on my long, white-gold necklace with my engagement and wedding rings.

“It’s right here,” I said to Lanie, tugging on the necklace around my neck.

“I hadn’t realized,” she said.

“It’s okay. I only recently had to strength to look at it again,” I said, tucking the necklace back under my shirt. I decided to send a set of cufflinks to Jay’s father and pulled out a watch that I knew Harry would appreciate.

“Really?” Lanie looked at me when I mentioned Harry’s name.

“Really. Just because he’s an idiot doesn’t mean he won’t appreciate it. Call me crazy, but I was also thinking of giving him Jay’s car,” I said. Lanie stared at me and put down the box she was holding.

“What?” she said, dumbfounded.

“The car was Jay’s baby. Jay and Harry would spend hours talking about that car until the day he finally bought it and then when he did, they spent hours riding around in it,” I explained.

“I still can’t believe he bought that car without asking you.”

“Me neither.” Jay and I were never ones to have big arguments about anything. We could usually settle things pretty quickly with the exception of that car, the Audi A4. He had been out with Harry one night and then just came home with it, claiming they had got a really good deal on it and I didn’t need to worry about the cost. I naturally freaked out about how we were going to be able to afford such a luxury car on our salaries. He assured me it would not be a problem. I didn’t speak to him for days after that and he finally asked me if I preferred that he return it. This only made me angrier. I wasn’t going to be painted as that wife who wasn’t going to let him keep his precious toy. Eventually, the whole thing blew over, and he kept the car, but he never again bothered me about trading in my Jeep for something nicer.

“Stella is gonna flip out when she hears that,” Lanie said, interrupting my thoughts.

“I know. That’s why I have avoided bringing it up so far.” I cringed.

“When you going to do it?”

“Soon. I don’t want to get rid of all Jay’s stuff to get over him, but I need to start moving forward. Does that make sense?”

Lanie nodded and continued packing up Jay’s things. By the time Stella got home that night, we had finished packing up everything. The only things left were the piles in the living room, most of which either needed to be delivered somewhere or mailed out.

We decided to head out to Lanie’s place in Raleigh for the weekend and do some Christmas shopping. What was meant to be a couple of days turned into almost five and it was Wednesday before Stella and I returned to the house in Greensboro. That evening I sat down and told Stella my plans for Jay’s car and several other items. As expected, Stella freaked out and disagreed with my plans. I had to explain my thought process to her several times before she grudgingly agreed. I had only known Jay for five years, but Harry had known him for almost 30 years. They had shared more together than I would ever have the chance to and for that I owed it to Jay to at least leave Harry some memory of him.

On Thursday night Stella followed behind me in my Jeep as I drove the Audi A4 over to Harry’s apartment. I hadn’t spoken to him since that argument in my driveway after Thanksgiving. He had called and texted several times and each time I ignored him. I wasn’t even sure he would be home when we pulled into the parking garage next to his building. Stella would not agree to wait for me in the car and instead followed me into the building but kept her distance behind me as I rang the doorbell to Harry’s apartment.

“Hey Bill, is that you?” he said as he answered the door.

“Not Bill,” I answered.

“Jill,” he said, looking at me. Tonight he was dressed in jeans and a white shirt.

“Listen Harry—”

“I owe you an apology.” He interrupted me and I just nodded. “I don’t know what came over me. It was all very stupid.”

“I’ll say it was,” Stella said from the hallway.

“Oh hey, Stella. I didn’t see you lurking down there,” Harry quipped.