Safe & Sound (4 page)

“I thought all lawyers were pretentious, nerdy and no fun.” I smiled as I thought back to that moment.

“I resent that!” Stella exclaimed as she entered the room, followed by Lanie. They arranged themselves in the various hospital chairs that cluttered the other side of the room.

“If I remember correctly, I invited both of you.” Stella looked at Lanie.

“You know I couldn’t make it. I was in the middle of exams at UNC,” Lanie said.

It was true. Lanie had graduated, as Stella and I had, from Wake Forest and been accepted on a full scholarship into an accelerated doctoral program at UNC and she was buried with finals and papers that week.

“I remember you talking about it the next day,” Lanie added. “You were so bubbly over this handsome guy that you had met at the party. But you were so sure he was never going to call you.”

“That’s right. Didn’t you spill your drink all over him?” Stella laughed, pointing to Jay.

“Yea, I did. I got so nervous. Here was this tall, fit lawyer with dark brown hair and baby blue eyes, with the most classic features I have ever seen in my whole life, and he spent nearly the whole party talking to me, mostly about baseball. Then, at the very end, I was leaning forward to hear something he said and I spilled my whole drink on him,” I said, squeezing Jay’s hand. The three of us burst into giggles.

“Remember what we did the next day?” Stella asked mischievously.

“No. I don’t think I ever told Jay that,” I said, looking at Jay and back at them.

“What?” Lanie asked.

“Well, Miss Jill here was determined not to let her Prince Charming escape. She remembered he had mentioned that a group of them had a standing Sunday brunch at this small restaurant downtown. So, Jill got us out of bed that morning at nine!” Stella was still agitated about that incident, all these years later. “Mind you I was hung over and all I wanted to do was spend the day in bed, but instead we sat in that restaurant until one in the afternoon,” Stella exclaimed.

“I had never drunk so much coffee in my life,” I interjected.

“Oh, that’s right. Jill felt bad we were occupying a prime table in this waitress’s area all morning, just ordering coffee, so she left, like, a fifty dollar tip,” Stella added.

“You did not!” Lanie laughed. “I don’t think you ever told me.”

“Well, we finally left and I was sure I was never going to hear from him. I mean I didn’t just spill my drink. I dumped the whole thing all over him. He had this huge red stain right in the middle of his shirt for the rest of the evening. Anyway, by the time Stella and I got back to our apartment, I was sure that was it. He was going to graduate in a couple weeks and I would never see him again.” I said.

“But …” Lanie added, motioning for me to continue. She must have heard this story a thousand times, but she loved it for whatever reason.

“But when we got back to our apartment, there was a single yellow rose and a card waiting for me.” I smiled sweetly.

“What did the card say?” she asked.

“Like you don’t already know,” Stella said, mocking her.

“I don’t care. Tell me anyway.” Lanie motioned again.

“The card said to meet him at seven o’clock that night outside this real trendy restaurant. But when we both got there, we realized it wasn’t our thing, so we ended up getting a pizza and sitting out on the patio of this random bar, talking and drinking beer,” I said.

“He brought her home at 11 o’clock and I swear that was the last night she spent alone … They were inseparable after that,” Stella said.

“Until now,” I whispered, instantly changing the mood in the room.

“Until now,” Lanie repeated, her face scrunched up and showing the sorrow she felt but wouldn’t express around me.

“It’s still an epic story,” Stella added, “that just doesn’t happen to anyone anymore.”

“How did he know where you lived?” Lanie asked.

“Haven’t I told you?”

“I don’t remember.”

“While I was trying to stalk him at the brunch place, he had Harry, who was already established on the force by that time, run Stella’s information.”

“Which he got from a law school friend of his, whom I had dated earlier that year,” Stella said, finishing the sentence.

“Sneaky,” Lanie said.

“Yea. He has always been good at getting exactly what he wanted from whomever he wanted. I remember that first night he was so charismatic and charming. I remember thinking he could have sold ice cubes to a polar bear,” I said.

“Seriously … you are so corny,” Stella said.

“I think it’s sweet,” Lanie said.

“You would.” Stella laughed and stuck out her tongue at Lanie.

“Very mature,” Lanie said. There were times when Stella and Lanie would struggle over who got the last word in a conversation and I sensed this was going to be one of those. Just as I was about to try and break up their conversation, Dr. Matthews entered the room.

“Jill,” he said, shaking my hand.

“Ladies.” He addressed both Stella and Lanie and I quickly made further introductions.

“Any change overnight?” I asked. I was still hopeful, even if everything I had read told me otherwise.

“No, Jill. I told you yesterday—” he started.

“I know, I know, but a girl has to cling to hope, doesn’t she?” I held up my hands in defeat.

“Fair point,” he said.

“I do have some questions for you,” I added.

“Really?”

This seemed to surprise the doctor and I suggested that perhaps we could talk privately in the hallway. As much as I loved my friends, I needed the doctor to answer my questions without the quips and opinions they often freely unloaded on me. We excused ourselves and left Stella and Lanie in the room with Jay.

Dr. Matthews was patient as he answered all my questions about Jay’s current condition and other possible treatment plans or methods that might have been in the clinical stages. With every option I offered, he crafted a logical and easily explainable reason why that option wouldn’t work or didn’t pertain to Jay’s condition. Seeing I was out of options, I finally took a big breath and asked, “Doc, what can you tell me about organ donation?”

This launched Dr. Matthews into a 10-minute explanation of the impact that organ donation would have on other families. When he was done, he looked at me as if to gauge what my reaction and decision would be.

“If I agree to this, how soon would it be?” I asked.

“After you have completed all the paperwork and release forms, it will be about finding the correct matches, but it all happens really fast.” I mulled this information over in my head. Jay was really gone. The body that lay in that room was a shell of the man I loved. Rationally, I understood that. I sighed and Dr. Matthews must have mistaken my sigh for defiance rather than resignation.

“Jill, I strongly insist you think about this—”

I held up my hand for him to stop. “I’ll do it. I’ll sign your paperwork, but can I ask you not to process it until the morning? I need a little more time.” It was my compromise. Give me one more night and then I would share him with others that needed him. That was all I could control at this moment.

Dr. Matthews nodded, commenting that they would begin to draw up the forms. He then shook my hand and went to speak with a nurse, leaving me alone in the hallway. When I went back into Jay’s room, Stella and Lanie were talking to Jay about the surprise birthday he had thrown for me several years earlier.

“From what I remember, that was one of the best parties I have ever had,” I said.

“I’m surprised you remember that much,” Stella quipped back.

It was true that most of the night was a blur. I had spent a great deal of it getting sick in our hotel bathroom. I sat down next to Jay and told them all about my discussion with Dr. Matthews.

“Are you okay with this?” Lanie asked.

“Not really, but I don’t have a choice. It’s selfish to keep him here hooked up. He needs to be at peace and, just because I can’t cope with it doesn’t mean I should leave him in limbo.”

“And the organ donation?” Lanie asked.

“He made me so happy. He gave me so much. The least I can do is share him in some form or fashion with everyone else.” The more I said it aloud, the more convinced I was that this was the right thing to do.

We talked quietly for a couple more minutes, deciding that Stella and Lanie would say their good-byes that night before we left. Neither friend wanted to come back in the morning, opting, instead, to allow me to say my good-byes in private. I stood and kissed Jay on the cheek and walked out into the hallway.

Dr. Matthews returned with all the paperwork that needed to be completed. I sat down on a bench and started to complete the endless forms, outlining Jay’s medical history as best as I could. I became frustrated and called Harry. After relaying to him what I had decided about Jay’s status, I asked to speak with Peter. When Peter got on the phone, I told him about my plans and he gave me his blessing. I asked him about some of the information about Jay I was not able to complete myself. Almost 30 minutes later, as I was finishing the forms, Stella and Lanie emerged from Jay’s room. Both had tear-stained faces and Lanie was sniffling, wiping her nose with a tissue. I got up and embraced them in a long hug. It was my turn to let them lean on me after they had said good-bye.

We left the hospital shortly after six in the evening. We had given all the completed forms to the nurse, who had paged Dr. Matthews. He came down and discussed some of the forms with me in greater detail. He informed me that once the paperwork was filed, he had no control over the timeline at that point, reminding me that it would probably happen quickly. I nodded that I understood. They had made special arrangements for me to come back early the next morning to sit with Jay until that time arrived. I thanked the doctors and nurses and walked out of the hospital with Lanie on one side and Stella on the other. We didn’t speak. We were all lost in our own thoughts.

CHAPTER 5

M
y nightmare startled me awake. I reached for Jay’s side of the bed and came up empty. Again the realization of everything around me settled in. Looking at the clock, I saw it was just after midnight. I flopped back down onto my pillow. In a couple of hours I would go to the hospital to say good-bye to Jay. My stomach tensed in knots and I felt anxious. There were a million places I would have rather been than there in bed, alone. Slowly forming a plan that bordered on insanity, I got up and dressed. As I wove my way through the house, I grabbed a couple of photos and put them in my purse. After leaving a note on the table for Stella and Lanie, I headed for the hospital.

As I entered the hospital, I saw an elderly man sitting at the check-in desk. He seemed to be reading something and as I approached, I saw a Bible in his hands.

“Can I help you?’

“I need to see my husband,” I said confidently.

“Visiting hours are at 11. You’re a little early.” He tried to joke with me.

“Is there any way I can get in right now?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Please, sir, I’ll do anything,” I begged.

“Are you trying to bribe me?”

“Possibly. Would it work if I did?”

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to call security,” he said after a long pause.

“Sir, are you married?” I asked in one last-ditch effort before I lost my nerve.

“Why yes. Thirty-five years,” he said very proudly. I smiled politely at his enthusiasm.

“Sir, my husband of two years is lying in a hospital bed, brain dead. In a couple hours they are going to take him off the machines and cut him up in small pieces.” The tears streamed down my face, blurring my vision as I continued. “I know I’m not supposed to be here. But I woke up a little while ago from a nightmare and I needed him. This is the last chance I’m going to get for him to be there for me.” I was sobbing. My shoulders were heaving as I reached for a tissue on the counter. The old man stood and looked at me for a minute. He set down his Bible and came around the desk with his arms outstretched. This was not how I pictured this encounter going, but I fell into his embrace until the tears slowly stopped.

“Two years would never have been enough with my Doris,” he stated. He let me go and wandered off down the hallway. I looked around and saw he had left the door open. I quickly followed behind him and ducked down the hallway that led to Jay’s room. When I entered the room, I saw that everything was as I had left it. I approached Jay’s side and took his hand.

“I made it,” I whispered. I kicked off my shoes, curled myself around Jay and the tubes and told him about my nightmare until I fell asleep.

“Excuse me. You cannot be in here.”

I was startled awake by a burly nurse standing by Jay’s bed shaking her finger at me.

“But I’m his wife,” I said defensively.

“I don’t care if you are the pope. You can’t be here.”

“You can call Dr. Matthews. He approved it,” I lied.

“I seriously doubt that. I’m not waking the good doctor at three in the morning to tell him about some lunatic breaking in after hours.”

“Listen, lady. I know you have a job to do and I respect that. But at this moment in time, I’m not going anywhere. This is my last night with my husband and I don’t care if you give a damn about that or not, but I do. We made vows ‘until death do us part’ and I plan on upholding those vows tonight.” I sat up and stared at the nurse as the frustration and anger started to build up.

“Honey, you cannot be in here,” she fired back, motioning for me to leave.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me. I’m not going anywhere,” I shot back. “Don’t you care about this man lying here and his family? Are you blinded by the rules and regulations that you can’t see they don’t make any sense? I’m not hurting anyone and I’m not bothering anyone. Can’t you just move on and forget you ever saw me?” I was pushing it and I didn’t care.

“You leave me no choice. I’m calling security,” and with that she turned and walked from the room. For the second time that night somebody had threatened to call security on me. Sighing, I lay back down next to Jay and waited.

Soon I could hear voices in the hallway and then the nurse returned with security. They both stared at me in my pathetic state curled up next to my husband.