Safe & Sound (2 page)

“Jill.” I heard my name called from farther down the hallway. I turned around and saw Harry Conner walking my way. He was dressed in his police uniform, his black hair slicked back. I noticed that his normally tan complexion was pale under the fluorescent glow of the hospital lights.

Harry and Jay had been childhood friends and had done everything together since the age of five. Harry was the best man at our wedding and often a semipermanent guest in our spare bedroom, especially when Jay was out of town, traveling. When Jay and Harry graduated from Boston College, they vowed to move around the country together, enjoying bachelorhood and the open road. Plans changed when Jay’s mom was involved in a plane crash and passed away. She was traveling from Boston to the Cape with friends in a privately owned jet when it went down. Jay suddenly felt a sense of responsibility to follow in his parents’ footsteps. So he applied to various law schools and eventually chose to attend Wake Forest University. Harry followed him to North Carolina and decided to join the Greensboro police force.

“Harry!” I turned and ran straight toward him, embracing him in a giant hug. “What’s going on? Where is Jay? Is he alright?”

“Whoa! Slow down. I just got here myself. I was waiting to speak with the officer from the scene or the doctor on duty. From what I gather, Jay was hit by a car this morning on his morning run on Horse Creek Road … Damn him!” Harry said, referring to Jay. “I told him repeatedly that road was dangerous, but he can be so stubborn.” Harry ran his hands thru his jet-black hair in frustration.

“This can’t be happening,” I whispered, letting go of Harry and wrapping my arms around myself. He led me down another hall, and we made our way to a smaller waiting room where several doctors and officers had congregated. As we drew closer, I could see several people shifting their eyes in my direction. An officer pointed at me as I approached.

“Jill Greenfield?” asked a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair and wearing scrubs as Harry and I approached.

“Yes. That’s me,” I replied.

“Dr. Shippling.” He extended his hand to shake mine. I quickly made introductions between Dr. Shippling and Harry.

“Dr. Shippling, can you please tell me what is going on?” I could hear the panic and desperation in my voice.

“Why don’t we sit down?” He motioned toward a set of pale-green chairs by the window.

“No. I would prefer you just tell me whatever is going on,” I said, raising my voice. I could feel the frustration radiate through me as my question seemed to be left unanswered.

“Mr. Greenfield was involved in a serious collision this morning. We have determined that he was struck from behind while he was—”

“He was running,” I added. The doctor nodded that he understood and continued.

“The driver of the vehicle was under the influence of alcohol and was not able to react in time.” He described the scene of the accident, but I felt the room spin around me and my knees start to buckle.

“Maybe we should sit down,” Harry suggested as he held me up and led me over to the chairs.

“Where is he now?” I asked Dr. Shippling.

“He is in surgery. Mrs. Greenfield, try and understand that Mr. Greenfield was in a very serious accident. We suspect possible complications occurring from the accident. It will be several more hours before we know the extent of Mr. Greenfield’s injuries.”

“He’s going to make it, right?” I asked.

“At this point …” He paused, looking me straight in the eyes, “praying wouldn’t hurt. I’ll have more to report when Mr. Greenfield is out of surgery.” He frowned and excused himself. I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks in desperation. My stomach was in knots and a wave of nausea swept over me.

“This can’t be happening,” I whispered to myself, folding my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself. Finally, after several minutes, Harry spoke up.

“We need to call Jay’s dad … and maybe you should call Stella and Lanie.”

I must have looked like a deer in headlights at his suggestion.

“I’ll call Peter,” Harry said and I nodded in agreement.

“Will you stay with me while I call Stella and Lanie?” I asked, my voice trembling.

“Of course,” he said, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

“Stella,” I whimpered into the phone.

“Jill, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Jay … He’s been in an accident,” and with that statement I was unable to continue. As had been the case with the phone call I had tried to make to Lanie, Harry reached over and took the phone from me and relayed the rest of the conversation I had had with Dr. Shippling and what the officers had determined from their assessment of the accident. This time I stood up and wandered to the window, looking out into the hustle and bustle of everyone moving around down below. The day was beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. The air was cool and crisp, a perfect October day for North Carolina. People were smiling, hugging, rushing about, completely unaware of the agony and grief that now engulfed my life, creating my own personal hell. The sensation was maddening. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around. It was Harry.

“Stella and Lanie are both making arrangements to be here as soon as possible,” he said quietly. Stella Conner (no relation to Harry) and Lanie Alexander had been my best friends since before kindergarten. We had all grown up on the same block, brought together by our own respective torments of growing up in broken homes. The three of us became our own little family and had been there for each other ever since.

“And Peter?” I asked. Jay and his dad, Peter, had not been very close since his mother had passed away several years earlier, but I knew that Jay would want his dad there, given the circumstances.

“Peter is going to try and catch a flight in the morning,” Harry said.

“He could stay—” I started to say.

“He will stay with me.” Harry finished my sentence and gave my shoulder another squeeze as I nodded. He walked over to greet several other officers who had just trickled into the room. After making the rounds and speaking to everyone, he returned to my side at the window.

“Before you leave the hospital today, you will need to give a statement,” he said.

“What?” I asked. “I wasn’t in the accident. Why do they need to speak with me?”

“It’s just procedure. They need to get as much background information about Jay as they can,” he replied, unfazed by the increased anxiety he had just caused in me.

The next hour dragged on and so did the hour after that. Finally, the doors opened and Dr. Shippling and another middle-aged doctor emerged, both dressed in mint-green scrubs this time.

“Mrs. Greenfield, this is Dr. Matthews. He performed Mr. Greenfield’s surgery,” Dr. Shippling said.

“Mrs. Greenfield.” Dr. Matthews extended his hand.

“Jill, please.”

“Jill, your husband suffered a very severe traumatic accident and you need to know the surgical staff tried everything, but we have determined that Mr. Greenfield is brain dead,” Dr. Matthews paused to let the finality of his words sink in. I felt Harry stiffen next to me and in that moment my world crashed down around me.

“That’s not possible,” I whispered, staring in disbelief at the doctors.

“We would like to discuss with you whether Mr. Greenfield was an organ donor or if that is something you would be willing to consider,” Dr. Matthews continued.

“You just informed me that my husband is brain dead and now you want to know about cutting him up and giving away his organs?” My temper flared at the doctors’ audacity.

“Doc, why don’t we wait on that?” Harry whispered, wrapping his arm around me.

“Can I see him?” I asked, still glaring at the doctors.

“Yes. They are just finishing up after the surgery. I must warn you, Mrs. Greenfield, that Mr. Greenfield will be hooked up to ventilators and other machines that will make him look very much alive. But he has no brain function, so as soon as those machines are removed, his body will not be able to keep its systems going and he will flat-line,” Dr. Shippling said flatly.

“Is there any chance?” I asked again, looking at both doctors.

“I’m sorry. This is an irreversible injury,” Dr. Shippling said. Both doctors turned and spoke to Harry for several more minutes before leaving. All I could do was continue to stand where I was. I felt rooted to the floor, unable to speak, unable to breath as tears streaked down my face. This wasn’t supposed to happen to us. We were still so young, just beginning our lives together. We were supposed to have our whole life ahead of us.

Harry had suggested we go out and grab something to eat and then come back. But I refused to leave until I could see Jay. Not long after, a nurse came into the lobby and informed us that Jay had been brought down to his room and I was now able to see him. Harry motioned for me to go on ahead without him. I walked down the long corridor behind the nurse until we reached room 2357.

“You can go on ahead in,” she said to me when we reached the door. I slowly pushed the door open and walked into the small, bleak, dimly lit room that smelled of antiseptic. I could hear the respirator slowly moving up and down and the low hum of what I assumed to be a heart monitor. As I rounded the corner, Jay’s bed came into full view and my hand involuntarily rose to my mouth.

“Oh Jay,” I whispered as I walked closer. He had bandages wrapped around most of his head and several scratches and stitches that covered his once flawless face. I could tell his right leg was wrapped in some type of bandage and perhaps his ribs were also wrapped. I pulled up the hospital chair next to his bed and reached for his hand, careful not to disturb all the tubes and wires he was connected to. I let out a small gasp as our hands touched. His hand was so warm.

“Jay can you hear me?” I whispered. I don’t know what I expected, but part of me thought he would open his eyes and answer me. I remembered once hearing it was good to speak with patients who were in a coma. I wondered if the same principal applied to brain-trauma victims. Probably not, but that wasn’t going to stop me from trying to get through to him. He looked so calm and peaceful, just as if he were sleeping. I don’t know why a particular thought popped into my mind, but it did and I started talking.

“Jay, remember that time on our honeymoon? You had wanted everything to be so perfect. You planned out every last painstaking detail, down to what food we were gonna eat. It had taken you months to get it all down, but instead we both ended up with the flu. We spent the entire two weeks holed up in our beach rental, eating chicken soup and watching reruns of
Friends
. It wasn’t the honeymoon you planned, but it was the most magical trip I had ever been on. You know why? I was with you. I need you to know that.” I squeezed his hand. “My life means so much more because you came into it,” I whispered.

I rested my head on my arms, which were perched on the edge of the bed. Tears started to fall more heavily down my cheek. My chest started to heave and I could no longer contain the sadness that had been building up. It poured out of me and I sobbed into the bed. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I didn’t hear anyone come in until I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

“Jill, it’s time to go,” Lanie’s soft voice whispered, “Say good-bye …”

“How do I say good-bye?” I sobbed and looked up at her.

“Say good-bye for today. We will be back in the morning. I promise.”

She waited for me to stand. I gave Jay’s hand one more squeeze and turned to follow her out. We walked back down the hallway, silently. When we reached the lobby, I could see Stella talking to Harry. I knew that Lanie had had a short drive from Raleigh and would have arrived pretty quickly after my phone call. Stella’s appearance surprised me as she had farther to travel from Manhattan. But in that moment it didn’t matter. The instant that Stella saw us leave Jay’s room, she bounded toward us.

“Jill, I am so sorry,” she mumbled through tears of her own. I felt another embrace and felt Lanie hugging us both. There were no more words. There didn’t need to be. We just stood there, holding on tightly to each other.

CHAPTER 3

A
s promised, before leaving the hospital, I spoke with one of the officer’s working Jay’s case. It took almost 30 minutes for me to collect myself before I was able to speak. Lanie and Stella both stood over me, questioning the officer about the appropriateness of these questions so soon after the accident. Harry, who stood off to the side, assured them it was just a routine procedure. It took another 30 minutes to answer the officer’s questions before we were free to go.

Harry drove me home in silence as Lanie and Stella followed behind in Lanie’s car. When we pulled up to the house, Harry got out of the car to give me one more hug. It was only then that I noticed his eyes were red and swollen. He must have been crying at some point. He said he would get Jay’s dad from the airport in the morning and they would head to the hospital when visiting hours began. I asked if someone had informed him of Jay’s condition and he let me know that he had called and updated him while I was in with Jay. I nodded and headed back up toward the house. Stella and Lanie stayed behind to talk with Harry about further details.

As I entered the house, it felt different, deflated. It no longer felt like home but an empty structure. What once used to hold all my hopes and dreams now just held the physical reminders of my short life with Jay. In reality, we had only been together about five years. We had celebrated our two-year wedding anniversary several months previously, in June. I wandered in and out of the rooms, staring idly at the pictures we had displayed throughout the house until I ended up in our bedroom. The bed was still unmade from that morning. Jay’s clothes were laid out on the chair next to his side of the bed, waiting for him to come home. But he wasn’t coming back. Having no more tears left to cry, I kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed, drifting into a dreamless sleep.

In the morning I stretched out, looking at the clock. It was past seven. I jumped up with a start. I was going to be late for work. I quickly stood and realized I was still dressed in the clothes I had worn the day before. Then, all the events of the previous 24 hours came crashing back and I sat down on the bed.