Safe & Sound (32 page)

I was standing in the dark and I could hear voices all around me. Panic set in and I was suddenly running through a maze, twisting and turning. Every turn lead to a dead end. My mom appeared, telling me it was okay and that I just needed to let go, but I kept running. My dad was at the next turn, staring at me and trying to say something, but I couldn’t hear him. I felt as if something was closing in, causing me to run faster.

Up ahead I saw Harry and he was beat up and bloodied with a wild look in his eye. He whispered to me in a hollow voice. “I’m gone too. You have to let me go. You have to let us all go.” He kept repeating it over and over as I screamed at him to stop. He finally disappeared and I could see up ahead a small clearing that I tried to run to.

I thought I saw Ross ahead and I tried calling to him, but he didn’t hear me. When I looked again, I saw Stella and Lanie huddled together, whispering something. I yelled at them as I had at Ross and nothing happened. They couldn’t hear me and walked away. The more I moved forward, the harder it became. When I turned around, I saw Jay holding onto my arm, keeping me back. “What are you doing?” I asked him, trying to reach out and touch him.

He stared blankly at me. “Join us.”

When I looked down, my mom, dad, Harry and Jay were all pulling at my legs, pulling me into a dark abyss, and I started to scream.

“Jill!” I heard Ross call my name as I struggled to break free. “Jill, are you awake?” He shook me slightly.

I opened my eyes and looked into his panicked face. “I remember,” I whispered, leaping off the sofa into his arms.

CHAPTER 35

R
oss convinced me that I needed to call Lanie and tell her the entire story about all the nightmares as well as my newly developed fear of the dark. I agreed and finally phoned her shortly after dinnertime, replaying my nightmares and panic over the dark. At first she was upset I hadn’t been honest with her over the weekend. I defended myself, telling her I didn’t think that the two things were related. She calmed down and then expressed some concern over the uncertainty of everything. While she didn’t feel comfortable officially diagnosing me, she referred to my nightmares and fear as night terrors, which could induce my panic attacks and cause my new fear of the dark. Lanie said that, normally, treatment included medication and therapy. However, she also said that some current methods included detailed journaling of all events to help the brain process everything, especially in my situation in which so much had happened in a short period of time. I agreed to try the journaling method as medication. Therapy wasn’t appealing to me.

By the time I had gotten off the phone, Ross had finished making dinner and was waiting for me at the kitchen table. I told him about my conversation with Lanie and he nodded occasionally, asking very few questions.

“Are you okay? You’re very quiet for someone who just got back from tour,” I asked after a few moments.

“I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t go back out on tour.”

“Why? Didn’t you enjoy it?”

“No. I really enjoyed it. But I just don’t think you should be alone.”

“Not you too! ... Ross …” I reached over and took his hand. “The last year has been hard on me. I’m not even going to try and pretend I handled it gracefully because I didn’t. But going through all that drama doesn’t come without its own problems. Surely you can relate to that.” I looked at him and he nodded in agreement. “But this is something I need to sort through and this is my battle to fight on my own. Yes, you can support me, but you cannot and will not jeopardize your career because of it. You have this amazing opportunity and you’re going to see it through,” I said as fiercely as I could.

“You’re amazing,” he said and leaned over to give me a kiss.

“I know.”

We quickly fell into a comfortable routine, similar to the one we had before Ross had left for L.A.. Instead of going to work, he now sat and wrote music all day long, preparing for the tour. I tried to stay out of his way as much as I could, but I was drawn to the music. I would sit on the sofa and listen to him play and write in my own journal. In the evenings, we would walk along the beach or join his friends there.

“Jill?” Ross asked on the night before he was scheduled to leave.

“Yes?” I said, looking up from my journal to where he sat on the sofa with his guitar in his lap. He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and his hair was messed up from constantly running his hand through it in frustration.

“Come with me.”

“Sure. Where are we going?”

“No. Come on tour with me.”

“I don’t think I can just go on tour with you.”

“Why not? What is keeping you here? You’re not tied down to a job or family. Come with me,” he pleaded slightly.

“Why?”

“Why? Isn’t is obvious?” he asked.

I got up from my spot and sat down beside him on the sofa.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

“I know you love me and I will visit you on tour. I actually can’t wait to be sitting in the front row cheering you on.”

“But—”

“But I don’t want to just follow you on tour. I don’t want to be a groupie. You need to do your own thing, develop yourself as a musician and person without me around.” I hoped I wasn’t hurting his feelings.

“I get that, but I worry about you here all alone. What if your nightmares get worse? What if Harry gets out and comes looking for you? What if …” He was rambling.

I teased him. “I’m glad you haven’t been overthinking this.”

“Jill, I’m serious.”

“I know and life doesn’t have any guarantees. What if I go on tour and you miss out on some opportunity because I’m always around. What if I smother you? What if we break up?”

“That’s not possible.”

“Everything is possible. You once told me not too long ago we should always have hope and I do. I hope your career takes off. I hope that you never feel pain, loss or heartache ever again and mostly I hope this: us … I hope this might be forever,” I said shyly, looking at him. “But if I have learned anything over this last year it’s that you have to live your own life too so that if something we hoped for doesn’t work out, you still have two legs to stand on, you still have your own path.”

“Profound as always,” he said with a smile and kissed me on the cheek. “A simple no would have worked too,” he said in mock irritation after a couple of minutes. I threw a pillow at him.

I spent the rest of the night listening to him playing songs as he tried to create his own set list for the show the following day in Toronto.

“I have a slight feeling of déjà vu,” I said, looking at Ross as we stood in front of the departure door at the airport.

“So, I will see you in a week?”

“Yes, I will be there for both shows in New York. I know Stella and Lanie are going to join me one night, but it might just be me for the other one.” I shrugged.

“You are all I ever need,” he said, hugging me.

“I love you,” I said into his chest.

“I know … and I love you too,” he said, kissing me.

When I got home from the airport, it had become a warm October day, a stark contrast to what this day was like one year earlier. It was a day I would never forget. I didn’t tell Ross before he left for the airport out of fear he would insist on staying with me. For what? He didn’t lose anything on this day a year ago. I lost everything. Needing to clear my head, I set out for a jog on the beach and, as always, with each step, I was able to work through my stress. As I neared the end of my run, I could see the house in the distance. I looked up at the sky. Purples, pinks and oranges streaked across the horizon and an overwhelming feeling of serenity came over me, stopping me in my tracks. I closed my eyes as the soft breeze off the ocean whirled around me. I could hear the voices of the past: Jay, Harry, Mom and Dad. I took a deep breath and exhaled, letting each one of them go. There was no more guilt, remorse or heavy burden of responsibility. I finally felt free of the past that had tormented me. I opened my eyes and looked at the sky one more time and I felt that someone was looking down on me, letting me know it was okay. I was okay and I believed it.

“Are you okay?” was the first thing Lanie asked when I picked up the phone later that afternoon.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“Well, I know what today is.”

“For the first time in a long time I can honestly tell you that I’m okay. I promise.”

“Okay. If you need me, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Lanie … for everything.”

“Jill, you should have told me,” Ross said when I answered his call.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go onstage?” I asked, looking at the clock.

“Lanie called and told me what today meant to you,” he said, concern in his voice as I silently cursed my friend.

“Ross, I’m okay. This day changed my life not yours.”

“You can’t just keep these things from me.”

“I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you. You want the truth? One year ago today was the worst day of my entire life. I lost my best friend and the man I loved, the man I promised to love until death. It shattered me. I wasn’t able to cope and I carried that with me for a year. But I am a stronger person today than I was then, and I’m finding a way to move on.”

“How?” he asked quietly.

“Hope … you … Stella … Lanie—you all give me hope, hope to keep going and to finally let go of all those ghosts in my life.” I thought of the beach and how peaceful it felt to let go. I heard someone call his name in the background.

“I have to go, but—”

“Go! Have a great show. I’m not going anywhere,” I said and we ended our call.

I cautiously walked through the house, turning out every light along my way. I double-checked all the doors twice and then headed up to the bedroom. Getting ready for bed, I hummed a song Ross had been singing the day before and it brought a smile to my face. I got into bed just as my phone chimed.

From: Ross Powers

I can’t change the past but I can promise this next year will be better.

It always gets better over time.

—R

To Ross Powers

A lot can happen in one year. All we can have is hope.

—J

I turned the light out in the bedroom and rolled onto my side as the glow of the room faded. There were no noises echoing in the house, no ghosts to haunt my dreams, and for the first time in a long time, I fell into a dreamless sleep, finally feeling safe and sound.

- END -

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www.tskrupa.com
to learn about future novels

About the Book

W
hen Jill met Jay Greenfield she knew she had found her forever love. She was a kindergarten teacher, he was a high-powered attorney and their lives were perfect. But when a tragic accident takes Jay’s life, this young bride is left to pick up the pieces.

Jill finds herself a young widow facing multiple decisions she thought she had a lifetime to decide. With support from her childhood best friends, Lanie and Stella, Jill attempts to piece her life back together. With nightmares plaguing her dreams and the struggles of constant grief over Jay’s passing, Stella and Lanie keep near constant vigilance over her.

In the process of settling the estate, Jill learns that her husband was not quite the man she thought he was. She finds herself transported to the small beach town of Oak Island, North Carolina. But the fairy tale ending she envisioned no longer exists. She must face the reality that Jay is gone as she finds herself having a chance at love one more time.

Safe and Sound
follows a yearlong journey of love, loss, friendship, and conquering the unexpected.

About the Author

T.S. K
RUPA
was born in New Haven, Connecticut. Raised in a Polish household with a blended American culture, she is fluent in Polish. She graduated with her bachelor’s degree from Franklin Pierce University, where she also played field hockey. She earned her Master’s from Texas Tech University and plans to graduate with her Doctor of Education from North Carolina State University in 2014. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and dog. This is her first novel.