Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance (39 page)

“When did Cory get here?” Mason asked, trying not to show his jealousy.

I smiled. “He’s been here a while. We were all drinking; him way too much. I told him to sleep on the couch.”

He nodded. “And I take it Mimi and Tiny are in your room?”

“Yeah, I felt really weird having them sleep in here. But now that I’m in here, I feel weird. I see her face everywhere in here, and her smell is everywhere.”

I sat on the bed and looked at the floor. I felt the bed dip next to me, and I heard a bag rustling. I looked up and found Mason pulling out a Cheesecake Factory box and a fork. When he opened the box, I saw a huge chocolate and cream cheesecake. I looked in his smiling face.

“I can’t stay long. I still have some things to do. But I wanted to bring this to you. You want it?”

He forked a piece out and brought it to my lips. I freaking love, love cheesecake, especially from Cheesecake Factory. The fact that he remembered my favorite flavor was making me hot for him. I took the cake and, when it hit my taste buds, I moaned in pleasure.

“Oh, that is good,” I drawled out.

He chuckled.

“Yeah, I thought you might enjoy this.”

He took a few bites. But for the most part, he fed me the entire rather large piece.

We talked a little while he fed me the cake. Even after the cake was gone, we still talked. We were lying on the bed with me in his arms. He was stroking my hair as I talked to him—just listening to me blabber on and on. I told him that we mapped out the arrangements for Kat, with Mimi and Tiny’s help. We had an idea where we wanted to have the services and what funeral home we were going to use.

“We have a meeting with them tomorrow to go over everything.”

“Did you call AB?” he asked me.

“Yes, Cory called him yesterday. He’s meeting us at the funeral home tomorrow. He sounds awful. Mason, have you seen or spoken to him?”

He took a deep breath, and I sat up and looked at him. He had such sadness in his eyes.

“Yeah, I saw him earlier today and…I mean…he’s broken, Max. He lost the woman he loved and an unborn child. I can’t imagine going through what he is feeling right now.”

My eyes grew big. “He told you about the baby?”

He nodded. “Yeah, he said she was only about four weeks pregnant, and they were going to the doctor in a few weeks. He blames himself a little. He thinks he should have stayed or maybe taken her to the doctor.”

“He blames me, doesn’t he?”

He sat up. “Hell no, he doesn’t blame you.”

My shoulders slumped. “Well, I do.”

Mason put his hands to my face. “Allura, this wasn’t your fault. No one could have foreseen this would happen.”

I felt the tears forming before they fell from my eyes. “Mason, I’ve been trained to be a nurse. I should have seen the signs that she was in distress, and I didn’t. I could have taken her to the hospital earlier. But I didn’t, and she died. If I…”

“Allura Maxine Shaw, you listen to me. You are not to blame for this. Nobody blames you, either. Baby, this is a fucked up thing that happened. But I’ve learned that there are so many things that go on in our life that we can’t control, and death is one of them. Kat suffered from migraines all her life, right? Did this time seem any different?”

I shook my head no, and looked in my lap. I knew where he was going, but it wasn’t making me feel any less guilty.

“AB told me that she would even throw up and would be in horrible pain, but she would never let anyone take her to the doctor. She would just ride it out, and the next morning she would be fine. Was anything different this time that gave you warning bells?”

“No, Mason. But I still should have known this was different. She was so tired and groggy, and she couldn’t take her meds because of the baby. So, I told her if the pain doesn’t subside I was taking her to the hospital. I was going to tell her we needed to go and make sure she was okay, but she got up and did the strangest thing.” I sniffed, wiping the wetness from my face with my shirt. “She looked back at me and told me she loved me and that she was glad I was here. It was like she was telling me goodbye, like she knew what was going to happen.”

“Maybe she did, and she knew that when she did go, you would take her passing the hardest. So, she wanted there to be no doubt in your mind how she felt about you. But baby, do you think she would want you to second guess yourself this way?”

He moved closer to me and pulled me into him. He tilted up my head to where our eyes met.

He said softly, “You know I haven’t done well with Alex’s death. I blamed myself for years. I wondered if I would have been able to save him if I was there. But, baby, it took me a long time and I will admit that I still have a hard time accepting that it was just his time to go. It fucking sucks that the people you love can be taken from you at any moment, and we can’t do anything about it. I know there’s a difference where people die by the hands of someone’s bad decision or bad actions. But there are times where things just happen, and this is one of them. Just think about the fact that you were here with her…that she knew she had you. Maybe she was scared but couldn’t express that feeling to you. But knowing she had you could have made everything better for her.”

I hugged him tight. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

When I realized what I said, I pulled back from him and shied away.

He had a sly grin on his face. “It’s a gift.”

I smiled and pushed him. “You are so full of yourself.”

His smile slipped slowly from his face, and he looked at me intently. Finally, he cleared his throat and looked away.

“Listen, I have to go. What time is your appointment tomorrow?”

“It’s in the afternoon at 1:30 p.m.”

“Oh, okay. I have a bunch of meetings tomorrow, but call me when you guys are done. Maybe we can go have a late lunch or something.”

I nodded, and he stood. He put his sneakers back on and gave me a chaste kiss on my lips.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

During the next few days, I made preparations to bury my best friend. Cory and AB were pivotal parts of the process. When the time came for the actual service, it was beautiful. Mimi sang two songs for me, and I managed not to cry too much. AB was a mess, but he was being held together by two of the most thoughtful and caring men I had ever seen. Mason and Marcus never left his side. The problem I realized is Diane never left Mason’s.

After we laid my friend to rest, we ended up at AB’s restaurant. He had a home-going celebration there. All of Tiffany’s family and friends went there to eat and extend their condolences to her family. Cory, Mimi, Tiny, and myself made the stage and the piano our home. We sang all types of songs that night in tribute to my friend.

Everyone drank a lot too. But for some reason, I wasn’t in the mood to do that much drinking. My heart was aching with loss on all fronts of my life. I watched Diane stare at her fiancé for most of the night with this look in her eyes. I could see how much she loved him, and I could see he loved her too. He stayed with her, which made me feel even lonelier. It also made me really evaluate everything in my life. These past few months have been something that I wasn’t ready or proud of, especially the times I was with Mason. I felt lost and empty, and as much as I wanted a life with Mason, I honestly didn’t think it was in my cards.

He had asked someone else to marry him. I think if he was lonely and miserable like I was, maybe things would be different. But he moved on. Me, hell, I was stuck in the past. I hadn’t found what I wanted and needed. I felt Mason’s eyes on me, and he smiled. I smiled back. But inside I was scared half out of my mind.

Tiny and Mimi stayed with me for a few more days after the funeral before they went home. I had promised them I would see them very soon, and we would catch up correctly.

Tiny asked, “So, what are you going to do with Mr. Wonderful?”

I shrugged. “Really let him go.”

“Is that what you want to do?” Mimi asked.

We were saying our goodbyes at the airport by security the day they left.

I shook my head, “No, but I just don’t see a happy ending with him happening.”

“Well, I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can definitely see how he feels about you. I think you’re wrong about him. Try and give him a chance to explain everything to you.”

“How can you say that? Did you see how he was with his fiancé? I know I did.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know what I saw. What did you see?”

I looked at Mimi. “I saw two people in love.”

She scoffed at me and folded her arms.

“That’s not what I saw. I saw two people going through the motions of being in each other’s presence. I saw a man who watched you like a hawk all day today. I saw a man apprehensive about how to be with you wondering if you would reject him or not.” She grabbed my hand and said, “I hope you don’t give up on him. You two belong together, and I think he finally got it. Let him make it up to you for the rest of his natural born life. Life is too short to waste it.”

I heard everything Mimi said. I knew she always had a soft spot for Mason. God knows, I wanted to believe her. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe in him anymore. Call it “time” or call it “coming to my senses,” but I needed to separate myself from him…and now.

It was a good two days later when he finally called me. He asked if I could meet him at his brother’s house, and he sent me the address. His brother lived in McKinney off of El dorado Parkway in a huge red brick house that I instantly fell in love with. I parked my car and was met by an angry conversation between Mason and Marcus, ending with Marcus telling Mason that he was no longer wanted around him or his family.

When Mason saw me approach, he put on a brave face. But for the first time, he didn’t mask his pain.

“There you are. I was wondering if you were going to show.”

He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“What’s going on? And what was that all about?”

I pointed to the direction of Marc’s house.

Mason sighed and looked at the house for a few minutes before replying, “He’s kind of pissed at me.”

I scoffed, “Kinda? Mason, he pretty much disowned you. What did you do?”

“He’s upset because I’m going with Roland to do a job, and he’s worried.”

I looked at him and frowned.

“And you blame him?”

“No, I don’t blame him. I just want him to understand, that’s all.”

“Come on, Mason. You can’t be serious. You can’t believe that it would be easy for him to, considering.”

“No, I didn’t mean to downplay everything. I just want him to…never mind. Look, I wanted to talk to you before I left. I want to make sure that we are still on for that talk.”

I looked down at the ground and didn’t reply.

“Allura,” I heard him call to me, and I knew it was now or never.

“Look, Mason. I really don’t think it’s a good idea we talk at all.”

“What?” He blanched and sort of moved back from me. “No, Maxine. Don’t…”

“No, Mason.
You
don’t. These last few months have been very hard on me. Seeing you again after all these years to find out you are getting married was the most painful things I ever went through. And now, God, I lost Kat. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I’ve never in my life behaved the way I have with you. I’m not the type to sleep with someone else’s man, and I did it three times. I feel like a whore and a home wrecker. Most of all, I feel lost.”

Mason approached me, and he grabbed me by my arms.

“Allura, wait, okay? Just hear me out. I know I fucked this up royally. Hell, if I knew before I saw you at the beach that I would have a chance with you, I would’ve…Please just…Can you just wait until I get back? Can we just talk about this? About us? I don’t want to lose you again especially now since…” he didn’t finish as his phone started ringing.

He pulled it out and looked at the text message he got.

“Baby, I have to go, but, please…When I get back, promise me we can just talk. There are so many things I want to talk to you about, and I just want to have that chance. Please promise we can talk?”

Man, he looked so helpless and vulnerable I couldn’t say no. So, I lied and nodded. He hugged me tight and kissed me on my cheek, leaving me in his brother’s driveway. I stayed there and watched him drive off, never noticing Marie come out and stand next to me.

When I saw her, I asked, “Do you know where he’s going?”

“Marc said South America and something about ‘keeping you safe from your dad.’”

My breath caught instantly. If my skin was lighter, you would probably see that I paled considerably. I grabbed onto the car next to me to keep me from fainting.

“Max, are you alright?” I heard her ask.

But I didn’t remember anything else because the next thing I saw was black. I heard someone faintly calling my name, and I opened my eyes. Marie and Marc were next to me. Marie was putting cold compresses on my forehead. I was inside Marc and Marie’s, house lying on their couch.

“Jesus, Maxine, are you okay?” Marc asked.