Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance (41 page)

“Do you think I give a shit about outing my brother in law and making my sister look like a fucking fool? If you think that, you really don’t know me as well as you think. Hell, I’ve warned her multiple times about that son of a bitch, but she just doesn’t listen.”

“You’re a heartless bastard.”

“No, I’m sick and tired of this shit. I’m asking you to bow out gracefully, but you’re the one that wants to play games. Well, I don’t have time for the fucking games. So sign the god damn papers, so we can be done with this shit!”

I didn’t mean to raise my voice and show how she’s affected me, but I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of playing games, and most of all, I’m tired of being away from Maxine.

We sat there for a minute before she finally said to me, in a voice I could barely make out, “You have to give me some time to at least get everything together. I need to find a place to live.”

I took a few deep breaths and said calmly, “As I said, that’s all in there.”

Diane absently picked at her dress to remove an imaginary lint ball.

She said not looking at me, “You have to allow me to leave with at least some dignity. While I’m looking for a place, we will slowly reveal our break up. It doesn’t have to be messy.”

“That’s fine with me. I would prefer we part on amicable terms.”

We talked a little more, setting up her exit strategy, which she completed while I was away thankfully.

As I pulled on my shirt and grabbed my wallet and keys, my focus shifted to my next challenge. I thought about how I was going to get my woman back.

Please don’t let me fuck this up!

****

It was cold as shit in Philly, and I didn’t miss this shit for nothing. I opened the door to the gym and strolled inside. I saw a few faces that I remembered from the last time I was here, but there were a lot of new faces too. As I walked further inside, I saw Lou standing on the side of the boxing ring in the middle of the gym.

“Still at it, old man?” I smiled, as he turned to face me.

He smiled too and walked down the side of the ring. We embraced quickly with manly pats on the back.

“What brings you here? Coming back for the shot at the title?” He grinned.

I laughed, “I think your memory is lacking there, old man. If I was coming back, it would be to defend my title. No one has taken it from me yet.”

Lou looked me up and down.

“Yeah, from the looks of it, they probably could.”

I frowned.

“Is that a challenge?”

Lou gave me a rare laugh.

“What can I do you for, Reaper?”

I heard a few whispers around me when my name was used.

I ignored them and said, “Have you seen Maxine?”

Lou studied me before he answered. I was hoping he would talk to me. But the look on his face told me if he did say something, I would have to work for it.

“Yeah, I’ve seen her.”

My eyes lit up.

“Really? When? Where? Did she come and see you here? At The Bar? Where?”

Lou raised his arms.

“Whoa there, cowboy. I won’t talk about that here. We can meet at The Bar later for a drink in a few hours.”

“Yeah, of course. No problem.”

“In the meantime, you wanna go a few rounds? Show me if you still got it?”

I knew this was a set up. I looked around at the guys. Some were still boxing around and working out, but there were a few that stood and watched our exchange. I took my jacket off.

“I don’t see why not. Do you have someone worthy of being in the ring with me?”

Lou laughed again.

“You have something to change into?”

I smirked…Yup, I’m not above smirking.

“Of course I do. What do you think I am? An amateur?”
Three hours later, I was nursing a bruise on the side of my cheek with a Scotch in my hand at Lou’s bar. Lou was sitting there telling me about the different men he had trained over the years.

I was on my third drink when he finally said, “So why are you looking for Max?”

“I’ve come to bring her home with me, express my undying love for her, and beg for her to give me a second chance.”

Lou scoffed.

“Yeah, good luck. That woman is hard to crack.”

I nodded.

“Yeah well, I plan to try for the rest of my life to get her back.”

Lou sighed, and then he then spoke more than I have ever heard him say since I met him.

“Maxine’s grandfather and I were great friends. When Max moved in with him, I took her under my wing. I looked out for her through all of her life since then. I’m not sure what happened to you two, but I will say she went through a lot when you broke up the first time. What makes you think you deserve a second chance?”

“Lou, I know I screwed up big time. But I will do anything and everything I can to make this up to her. Maxine is the complete reason for my existence. I love her. I want to protect her and keep her safe. I want to make sure that no one ever lays a hand on her and is able to live and tell about it. She’s my world, my earth, the love of my life. I’m just not whole without her. One thing I know, Lou, is that she was made for me, and I was made for her.”

Lou took the last of his Scotch.

“Well, I hope you can remember to say all that babble you just said to me to convince her. You’re right, though. I think you two belong together. But…If you hurt her again…
I will kill you
.”

I nodded my head solemnly. “I have no doubt you will.”

It’s been a week and a half now, and I still haven’t found her. I have Sammy, Roland’s guy, looking all over for her, but he hasn’t found her yet. She hasn’t used any credit cards on hotel rooms. There are no apartments in her name and no bank accounts with her name showing up. Lou told me she came to see him a few times, but he wouldn’t give up where she was staying. I haven’t lost hope that I would find her. I’m glad it’s taking a while, so I can plan everything I need to say to her. I have to put on my best salesman game face to win her over. If not, I wasn’t above fucking begging.

I had just gotten out of the shower around 9 p.m. on a cold fall night, and I was heading downstairs to see what was going on in the sports world. I haven’t sold or rented out my apartment for a few months now. I was thinking about selling it, but as I walked in the place I hadn’t seen in years I felt at home. I know the reason for that was Maxine. We’ve spent so much time together in this apartment, cooking together, watching television, making love. We’ve christened every part of the apartment, which is probably why I stayed away so long. The memories consumed me when I walked in, and as I came down the stairs it consumed me once more.

I sighed heavily, and when I turned the corner to head to the kitchen, someone was standing by the island.

We stared at each other; stunned, I’m sure, that we were both here. I then smiled and walked toward her. She, on the other hand, stepped back

“I see you’ve made it back in one piece,” she said without an ounce of sincerity.

“Yes, I have. Thanks for your concern,” I said dryly.

I know sarcasm isn’t probably the best decision but I couldn’t help it. Asshole, remember? Anyway, one thing about Max is that sarcasm rolls off her back with ease.

“What are you doing here?” she asked me.

I walked closer to her.

“I came looking for you.”

She scoffed.

“Yeah, really? And you thought I’d be here?”

I shook my head.

“No, I’ve been here in Philly for a while. I’ve been hoping you would show up somewhere eventually.”

“And what if I didn’t?”

I shrugged.

“Then I guess I’d be here until you did.”

She put her hands on the counter, and I said quickly, “I thought you were waiting for me to get back, so we could talk.”

“Yeah well, you took too long. So I figured I’d move on.”

I put my head down.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t expect it to take that long.” I moved closer still asking, “Do you think you could stay for a while so we could talk?”

“Um, no. There’s really no need, Mason.”

“I beg to differ. I think there is every need.”

She frowned.

“Why? Because you say so? You disappear to do God knows what for three months, and what do you expect me to do? Why aren’t you talking to your fiancé? I’m sure she misses you.”

“I don’t have a fiancé anymore.”

“Really? I hope that wasn’t for my benefit.”

She folded her arms.

“Well, it was for the both of us.” I looked in her eyes, and she couldn’t meet my gaze. I said softly, “Allura, talk to me, please. Just for a little while.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mason.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m seeing someone,” she blurted.

I stepped back. “What?!”

She frowned with her whole face. “What? You think I’m not good enough for someone?”

I shook my head. “No…I…”

“What then? You think no one would want me or something? Well just because you threw me away like I was shit doesn’t mean someone else would.”

She started rambling on and on, but I didn’t hear her. All I heard was she was seeing someone else, and my world was collapsing around me.

I closed my eyes and said firmly, “Maxine, for fuck sake…”

I ran my hands through my hair to try and get a hold of my anger. To think someone was holding what was mine, touching, kissing her. Damn it.

“I need to go!” Maxine announced, and I snapped out of my misery.

I need to make her see we were meant for each other.

“Wait, please. Can you just give me twenty minutes? I have so much I want to say. Can you just give me a chance to tell you a little bit?”

Damn, I sound like a pussy. But if this is what it takes.

She turned and moved closer to the island.

“You have fifteen.”

I stared at her; hypnotized by the dismissiveness in her eyes. I tried to move closer to her, and she put her hands up, so I stopped.

“Allura, never did I imagine I would be able to get this chance with you. I never thought I would see you again. I never thought I would still feel the way that I do. I still love you.”

“Are you kidding me? You think its love you feel for me? No, I beg to differ. What you probably feel is the fact that you have been replaced by someone else. You felt upstaged by Cory the day you met him, and you feel the same way now. There’s no way you could feel anything for me.”

“And how do you figure?”

“Because if you did love me, you wouldn’t have treated me the way that you did, you wouldn’t have thrown me away. I’ve been lonely and miserable for four fucking years—unable to allow men to touch me or to get close to me. And here you were getting fucking engaged. And you stand here and tell me you love me. That’s bullshit.”

“So that’s what you think? You think it was easy from me to walk away from you back then?”

“Oh yeah, I do.”

“You have no idea.”

I ran my hands through my hair and kept them on top of my head, looking at her and trying to keep from punching the wall next to me. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

“I can’t begin to tell you the shit I did in the name of revenge. I’ve done things that would give you fucking nightmares at night. I unleashed something in me that took me years to put back in its cage. I didn’t want to bring that kind of man back to you, Allura. I was void of all emotions. My heart was black as coal. Darkness consumed every part of my soul. If I would have come back to you that way, I would have ruined you.”

“You destroyed me, Mason,” she yelled.

“Allura, are you listening to what I’m saying? God, when you saw me at the beach, you were pissed at me. Hell, you probably hated my guts. But you stayed there. If I would have come back to you, the aftermath would have been much worse.” I shook my head. “I would have annihilated you, leaving nothing left. You would have tried to stay with me because you loved me. I would have fed that and used it and crumbled you. So yeah, I figured leaving you the way that I did would have broken your heart. But it wouldn’t have broken your spirit and crushed everything that’s good about you.”

“How do you know that would’ve happened?” she said softly.

“Because that’s how I felt. I didn’t believe I deserved you or your love. The things I’d done for the sake of revenge were unbelievable. I went down there with extreme prejudice and didn’t care who got in my way of finding who killed Alex. That’s why I couldn’t come back to you. And I know what you’re thinking: I should have had the balls to say that shit to your face. I couldn’t do that either, because you would have talked me into staying. You would have told me you could help me, and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to tell you no. I was trying to protect you. Yes, it was a fucked up thing to do, but I never stopped loving you.”

I risked coming closer to her, and she didn’t seem to notice.

I said, “The day I saw you after so many years approach the table at dinner, I thought I would lose my shit right there.”

She frowned.

“Really? Because I couldn’t tell that when you saw me.”

“Really? Well, I thought I was going to faint like a bitch. You took my breath away, and I couldn’t stop shaking. I shoved my hands in my pocket so no one could see how you affected me. The way you smelled, how good you looked. I wanted to fall at your feet and beg your forgiveness right then.”

“Yeah, what stopped you?”

“The look on your face when you met Diane, the sight of Cory hugging you. I didn’t feel right wanting you the way that I had and being pissed off that you moved on. But I wanted you so desperately, I couldn’t think straight. I was pissed off about Cory, but most of all, I was pissed off at myself. I shouldn’t have left you to begin with. I should have stayed with you.” Here goes nothing…“Allura, I’m just asking for another chance.”

“Are you kidding me? So what? So you can break my heart again? Or fall into that darkness you keep talking about?”

I shook my head.

“Allura, I’m not going to lie. I do have those moments. Hell, I was still deep in darkness at the beach. But damn if you didn’t save me again. I was a grumpy and lousy drunk for so long, but just seeing the disappointment in your eyes made a difference. You told me to stop drinking, and I did. Not just because you said so, but damn it, because I wanted to. I wanted to be different for you. I know you wouldn’t have reached me back then, but you did just when I needed you to.”

She shook her head.

“I can’t afford to give you a second chance, Mason.”

“Baby, I know I’ve done some fucked up things but…”

“Mason, you tell me you love me now but it doesn’t change the fact that you are, or
were
, engaged.
You
decided I wasn’t good enough to be your wife. That has fucked with me ever since I met Diane. How can you tell me it’s just over with you and her so easily and think I’m just going to take you back.”

“Diane and I didn’t have what you and I shared.”

“Bullshit, Mason. You fucked her every day and night. You gave yourself to her.”

“The fuck I did. Allura, you have been, and always will be, the one woman I will ever love. I never touched Diane the way I touched you. I’ve never kissed her the way I kissed you—not ever. The way you and I were, how I gave myself to you whole heartedly, I have never ever felt this way for anyone as I do you. Diane and I had an agreement. I wanted her family’s business connections. The only way we could achieve a merger is if they thought we were married. That’s the extent of our arrangement. I had no intentions of making her my wife. There is only one woman that I want to be my wife, and she’s standing right in front of me.”

She frowned.

“So you used her? That’s worse, Mason.”

I shook my head.

“No, I didn’t use her. She came to me, and we just had a mutual understanding. That’s all.”

“Mason, we aren’t a good idea.” She protested, but I moved closer to her.

“Yes, we are. Allura, I’m not complete without you. I need you in my life. I’m nothing without you, baby. You make me feel alive and loved beyond what I even feel I deserve, and I don’t want to let that go ever.”

I made it to her without her realizing my approach, and my hands went to her face. I caressed her cheek and looked in her eyes. I didn’t care she saw the glint of moisture in them. I didn’t care if she felt the tremble in my touch. My heart felt like it was going to bust out of my chest, but I needed her to feel what I was saying.

“Mason…” she said softly but she didn’t move from my touch.

“Just tell me what I need to do, baby, and I’ll do it.”

“You promised me, and you broke it.”

“I know. I had to. But as God is my witness, I’ll never do that again. I’ll never lie to you, cheat on you, or be disloyal to you. I will give you every part of me—good and bad—without hesitation. I’d do anything for you if you just give me a chance. We can take our time, baby, and start over if you like. I’ll court you and call you every night and beg you to go out with me. I’ll wine you and dine you every night when you finally say yes. I’ll do my best to spoil you in every way.” I placed my forehead against hers. “I love you, Allura.”

I moved my hands down her arms and went for her waist, and she pushed me away.

“No, Mason. I can’t let you in anymore. There’s more at stake than just my feelings. You can’t go off and be a hero, thinking you’re saving someone.”

“Okay.”

I put my arms out to her, but she put her hands up to stop me from coming closer. I saw the tears forming in her eyes.

“God, Mason. You have no idea, do you? I just can’t do this again. You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you, that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough.“

“No, baby. God, if anything, I’m not good enough for you. There is no woman that can hold a torch to you. I’m all yours, baby—body and soul. You have so much control over me, baby. I would do anything for you.

I reached for her again, and she shook her head.

“No, Mason. I’m sorry, too. But I can’t afford you to be halfway into this for my own sanity and…”

“Allura, let me prove it to you then. I can’t just tell you how much I’m sorry and how much I need you and love you. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I can only show you how much you mean to me. Let me show you.”