Resolution (Saviour) (21 page)

“
God, Germoline, the pink stuff right? I remember that, anyway, you’re still not nicking the gloves, or the wipes put them back, Lauren will go mad.”

“
I can hear you know. Whatever you’re thieving mother, put it back.”

I open my eyes to my
Mum and my sister arguing and my Mum emptying my room’s medical supplies into her handbag.

“
Well that bang on the head hasn’t changed you much then; you never did miss a trick.”

My
Mum stands from her chair and brushes my fringe off my forehead and kisses it; she sits as my sister stands and gives me the biggest hug, saying into my ear, “Sorry, I tried to talk her out of coming but she was having none of it.”

“
Don’t worry, I’ll just ask for more drugs while you’re here,” I reply.

“
I can hear ya, you pair of bitches.”

Vickie and I both laugh, my
Mum knows we’re joking, it’s a tradition that we gang up on her whenever we are together but she knows we love her, don’t always like her but she’s our Mum so our love is unconditional.

“
You don’t look very sick Lauren, I thought you would have had your head all bandaged and look at ya, you look like you’ve just stepped out of a beauty parlour, not just had a near death experience, look at ya, hair all nice and sexy pyjamas on; who’s all this in aid of, is the doctor good looking or is it your new fella, the one with the gay name.”

My sister and I try to contain our smiles as my mother rambles on
.

“
You do actually look great Lauren, how are you feeling, what have they said?” My sister asks.

“
I feel okay, the knock was to my temple, there’s not really even a bump, it’s just the Jet Ski caught me in the wrong place and rattled my brain in my head, apparently the body’s response to this is to shut down your brain until it has recovered.”

“
Oi Mum, you must have had a knock to the head at some stage, coz your brains been shut down for years.”

My sister and I burst into laughter at my sisters observation, my
Mum flips us her middle finger.

“
What were you doing on a Jet Ski anyway Lauren, ain’t you a bit old for all that malarkey now?”

I glare at my
Mum but inwardly smile; I love the sound of her cockney accent, it’s just as strong as the day we arrived, it tugs at my heart, reminding me of happy times, family times, we used to be such a close family, my Mum and Dad, my sister and my two brothers, we were close in England but grew even closer when we moved here, we had to, we didn’t know anybody else. My brothers had both messaged since I had been in the hospital and so had all my nieces and nephews, it would be so nice to see them all, just to have one day, where all of us could be together; I can feel tears threatening at the backs of my eyes and I swallow down the lump in my throat.

Vickie and my
Mum stay until after lunch and then go off to do some shopping, Gabe has arranged for them to stay at a nearby hotel and has apparently paid for everything up front, he has done all this for me, for my family, but he hadn’t even called to say goodnight or good morning and I can’t help the tears once I am alone and they start to fall just as Andrea walks in, she stops in her approach.

“
You ok darl? It’s the meds, they make everyone teary after a couple of days, plus all that’s happened, you have a good cry, it’ll do you good, doctors about to come and see you though, so you might want to hold off for a minute.”

I smile at her
weakly, I really wanted Gabe here when I got these results, what if there’s something wrong.

“
Has Gabe called?” I ask hopefully, he hasn’t called or text my mobile so perhaps he has called the ward.

“
Yes, he called last night and this morning but you were sleeping both times and he said not to wake you.”

Well that’s somethin
g I suppose. Dr Anderson breezes in with his doctor posse in tow.

“
Good afternoon Lauren, my you are looking much better, all good news, nothing to worry about with the MRI scan and your blood pressure has come down nicely, I think we can let you go home tomorrow if all is well in the morning.”

He shines his torch in my eyes and takes my blood pressure as he talks
, “Perfect, I’ll make arrangements and you can go in the morning.”

I don’t even get chance to speak and he breezes out again
, Sam comes through the door minutes after, she looks almost as tired as Gabe. Without saying a word she comes towards the bed and hugs me.

“
Thank god you’re okay Lauren, this, all of this has just been too fucking awful.”

“
I know, it’s surreal; How is everyone, how’s CJ, what’s the latest on Ava?”

She frowns at me
, “Have you not spoken to Gabe?”

I chew the skin on the inside of my lip as I shake my head and try not to cry.

“CJ’s fine, he’s upset about you and Ava and obviously devastated about his pops but physically he’s fine. Ava’s okay, they were going to start bringing her around but she’s had a reaction to one of the drugs she’s on and her temperature shot up last night, causing a bit of panic, she needs more tests today, I can’t believe Gabe hasn’t been in touch to tell you all this, has he not been to see you?”

I let out a long breath that I had been holding while Sam spoke
, “He came yesterday, Jay was here, he walked in just as Jay kissed me, he walked out and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“
Shit.”

“
Yeah shit,” I actually couldn’t think of anything else to add to that.

Sam told me Charlie’s cause of death was a massive heart attack; the funeral wa
s being delayed until the following week because of mine and Ava’s conditions, Jackie had spent a couple of days in the hospital and was parading about in a neck brace, despite being told to only wear it if she was in pain. We chatted about me being allowed home, I asked Sam if she would come and collect me in the morning and take me to Ava’s hospital, which she agreed to do. My Mum and sister returned and I made the introductions, we sat and chatted for a while before Sam left, my family leaving a couple of hours later. They were leaving in the morning to go back to their own lives; I thanked them for coming, disappointed that they hadn’t got to meet Gabe.

I still hadn’t heard a word from him, so I sent a message telling him I was good to come home in the morning
, he’s reply came straight back:

That’s nice, I’m glad there was nothing else wrong x

That was it, nothing else; it hurts more than being ignored yesterday. I curled up on my side and wrap my arms around myself, if I squeeze really tight, it doesn’t hurt quite so bad, the drugs are wearing off and I have a bit of a belly ache, a horrible dragging sensation like I am going to get a period, I never had gone to the doctors to get myself checked out, I will put an alarm on my phone to remind me to make yet another appointment and will try to keep it this time.

I
climb out of bed to go to the bathroom just as Megan the nurse from last night walks in, she gives me a big smile, “Well look at you, you are looking much…Oh Lauren, sorry, have you got your period? I think you’ve leaked, do you have something? I can go and find you some pads?”

Shit, just what I needed and all over my nice new
pyjamas. “God, thanks, I have nothing with me, I’ll just jump in the shower and change my clothes, how embarrassing.”

“
Lauren, really, we see much worse, I’ll go see what I can find for you, if not I will pop down to the shop.”

I jump into the shower and rinse
the blood out of my pyjama bottoms, pulling on my yoga pants when I get out, the cramps were cranking up now so I ask Megan for some pain relief when she comes back with a box of tampons for me.

I ta
ke my drugs and send a text message off to Gabe:

Plz talk to me Gabe, I feel so alone, I miss you, I hope Ava is doing okay and that you are too. I luv u xxx

I try to stay awake to see if I get a reply but I must last a whole three minutes before I can no longer fight my eyelids.

I feel something gently brush my lips and I take a deep breath in, I can smell him, I can feel him and I want to taste him, m
y hands reach up to his hair so I can I pull him further into me but he’s gone, he was never there, I was dreaming, I check my phone, it’s three in the morning and he hasn’t replied to my text or called me. I curl into a ball and cry until I must fall back to sleep.

I wake the next morning feeling like shit, my head aches and my belly aches, although luckily, the bleeding has stopped, I have a one armed shower and dress myself so that I am ready and waiting to leave as soon as the nurse talks through my discharge notes and what to do if I feel unwell
– blah, blah, blah.

Sam arrives at exactly the moment I am told I can leave and we head to her car
, “Has Gabe been in touch?”

I shake my head, if I talk, I will cry; we get into her car in silence and start the drive to see Ava, I have no idea if Gabe will be there but I want to see her regardless. Sam’s phone rings and the console lights up with ‘Jen’
.

“
Hey Sam.”

“
Morning Sam, look are you going to the hospital today to see Lauren?”

“
No, they’ve let her home, Laurens here in the car with me now.”

“
Hi Jen, I’ve escaped.”

“
Lauren, so good to hear your voice, I’m so glad they’ve let you home, sorry I didn’t come visit, but, well what with everything.”

“
Jen, honestly, I had so many visitors, its fine, really and you know, with everything else, I’m really not top priority right now, I’m fine, other people aren’t doing so well.”

Shit, di
d I make that sound like a ‘Oh don’t any one worry about me’ type of speech? It goes quiet for a second too long, “Jen, you ok?”

“
Lauren, Ava took a bit of a turn for the worse this morning, she’s having all sorts of adverse reactions to some of the drugs she’s being given, Gabe is in a terrible state, could you go to the hospital rather than going home?”

“
I’m on my way there Jen; I wasn’t going home, what have they said? Is there someone there with Gabe now? This can’t be happening.”

I look over at Sam, she’s trying to concentrate on the early morning traffic and listen to the phone conversation
, “Nina has been with Gabe all night but she has had to go home to sort the kids out, she will be back there shortly, Gabe hasn’t left her side for almost two days, he really needs you there Lauren.”

My first thoughts are jealous ones, Nina got to spend all night with Gabe, then I hate myself, they are at the bedside of their sick child and here’s me feeling sorry for myself
. Nice Lauren, nice.

“
Right we’re just pulling into the hospital car park now, we will call as soon as we have news.”

We make our way up to the ICU where Ava is being cared for, I feel weak, dizzy and nauseous, my legs feel like lead as I focus on moving one in front of the other, I will crawl if I have to, I just need to get there, to see her, to see them both.

We are buzzed onto the ward and I follow Sam; Ava’s bed is closest to the nurses’ station, which I know isn’t good; Gabe is sitting in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand.

“
You go, there’s only two to a bed allowed” Sam whispers to me.

My heart is pounding in my ears and I stop for a split second as I think I might pass out, I have this strange pins and needles sensation pass through my body and I feel myself sway
. Deep breaths Lauren, he needs you, you can do this. I reach his side and put one hand on his shoulder, the other over his and his little girls and squeeze them both, his eyes fly up to mine, he looks, broken and my legs give way.

Gabe catches me under my arms and pulls me to him on the chair, I don’t feel faint, I just can’t get my legs to hold me up and I can feel him shake as he cries into my neck and all I can say is
, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I should have been here, I wanted to be here. I wanted to come today and be here for you and be brave and tell you it’s all going to be okay and I am so fucking useless.”

“
Shhhh, shhhh, shhhh.” He repeats over and over as he strokes my hair.

I wrap my arms around his neck and look up at him, his eyes are still on his daughter, I kiss his face, his eyes, his tears and it calms me, calms me enough to be able to stand, I go over to Ava and give her a kiss on her forehead and hold her hand and stroke her hair
.

“
Belated happy birthday darling, I’m so sorry I missed it; did Daddy give you your present? I hope you liked it, sorry we lied, we just wanted it to be a surprise, I bet you knew we were lying really didn’t you? Your Dad would have done anything to get you those tickets, anything.”