Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (3 page)

My father stands and leads me over to a large oak secretary desk.  "I'm going to show you."

"Show me?" I ask in uncertainty.

He opens a drawer and extracts a manila folder.  He places it on top of the desk and opens it.  The folder is full of newspaper articles, and the first heading in big bold print is
CONNOR CRAWFORD KILLED IN CAR ACCIDENT
.

"Oh no!"  Colton's brother is dead.  My hands tremble as I choke back my emotions.  Connor was always like a little brother to me.  I had no idea he even died.

Shaking my head, I try to refocus my attention back to Colton.  Is this why he's so angry?  Because his brother is dead?  But why would he direct that anger towards me?

"What happened?" I ask in a hushed whisper.

My father steps back and says in a soft voice, "Keep reading, Penny."

I'm barely aware that my parents have left the room, leaving me in silence as I study article after article.  Slowly, the pieces begin to lock into place like a jigsaw puzzle finally forming the complete picture.

Colton was driving the car the night Connor died.  A drunk driver slammed into them, causing their car to skid off the road, roll several times and finally land in a lake.  Connor drowned, and Colton almost drowned trying to save him.  Luckily, someone who was driving by got there in time to save Colton's life.

I steel myself.  I'm not sure I can continue reading, but somehow I muster up the courage to do just that.  There is a picture of Colton lying in the hospital.  His head is bandaged, and there are tubes and IVs and bandages everywhere.  I keep reading.  He had massive head trauma from hitting the windshield and was in a coma for almost six months.  The doctors didn't know whether he would ever recover.

Shaking, I slowly close the folder and hold it against my chest.  Fat tears roll down my cheeks as I silently sob.  Connor died, and no one told me.  No one ever bothered to tell me that Colton was in a car accident and that his life was hanging by a thread.  I feel sick.  I feel betrayed.

Storming out of the room, I find my parents in the formal living room.  My mother is drinking a dark amber liquid, and judging from the bottle beside her, it's whiskey.  I've never seen my mother drink anything more than a small glass of wine during Sunday supper.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, my voice breaking.

"You were away at college.  You were living your life.  This would have brought you back, destroyed your dreams, everything you had worked for, Penelope."

I cringe as she uses my full name.  Everyone who knows me calls me Penny except for her.  "College can be put on hold, Mama!  Life and death can't be!  He almost died, and I wouldn't even have known."  I swallow hard as everything hits me at once.  "If Colton would have died, would you have even told me about his funeral?"

She hesitates, and I can't bear to hear another word come out of her mouth.  I turn on my heel and run out of the house with her calling after me.  I jog down the driveway and towards the only place that I know I can go.  It's the place that Colton and I used to go to when we needed each other.  It's at the edge of the property line adjoining our parents' land.  Past a large, open field sits a big, old willow tree with branches hanging over a pond, and the two of us used to go there and sit and talk for hours.  We made love under that willow tree a countless number of times.  And right now there is no place I'd rather be.  I need to feel close to him again.  I didn't realize how much I missed him up until this point.  Knowing that his life was hanging in the balance and I was all the way up in New York makes me feel terrible.  While I was studying for tests, he was struggling to survive.  I'm sure he had years of therapy, and I could have been there for him.  I
should
have been there.

My legs hurt from running at such a furious pace, but I ignore the pain.  The pain in my heart is much worse.  No wonder Colton is so mad at me.  I wasn't here for him when he needed me.  He had to deal with everything by himself.  I was off in college and living a normal life while his was slowly falling apart.

I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness.  When I reach the big willow tree, I collapse to my knees and sob.  The manila folder is still clutched in my hands, and I place it on the ground before me.  I can't bear to look at the articles anymore right now.  It's like putting salt on an open wound.  My soul is just too raw to bear it.

I allow the tears to flow down my cheeks as I weep into the night.

"I hope you're not cryin' because of me," says a voice.

Startled, I turn to the sound of the voice and see Colton walking towards me.  The shadows across his face make him look older, and I'm starting to wonder if it's only been five years since the last time I've seen him.  It suddenly feels much, much longer.  I never stopped thinking about him, never stopped loving him.  He obviously doesn't feel the same way about me, but how could he?  I abandoned him when he needed me the most.  And my excuse of not knowing isn't going to fix anything.  I could have come home.  I could have tried calling friends, neighbors, relatives…anyone.  I was scared.  I was hurt, and I was angry at him.  If I had known the truth…it would have changed
everything
.

Colton edges towards me.  "What are you doin' out here anyway?"

I look up at him and quickly dash away my tears with my fingertips.  "I had a fight with my parents."

His brows knit together in confusion.  "No.  I mean what are you doin'
here
?  How did you even know about this place?"

I stare at him in disbelief.  "So you're just refusing to acknowledge everything we ever shared," I say with a huff.  "I get it.  I would be mad at me too."  I stand and brush my shorts off.  Scooping up the manila folder, I say, "I'll leave you alone.  Maybe we can talk some other time."

I turn to leave, but he grabs my arm.  This time his grip is much gentler than before in the bar.  "Wait.  What's your name?" he asks.

"Seriously, Colt?"

"I am serious," he says with vehemence.

My lips part as I gaze up at him.  He's not playing a game with me right now.  The articles and photos flash in my mind.  Colton had suffered massive head trauma, and he was in a coma.  The articles weren't specific enough for me to get the whole picture, but now it occurs to me that he must have suffered some type of memory loss.  "You really don't know who I am?" I ask him.

He shakes his head.

"Oh."  My face crumbles as I try to rein in my emotions.  "I'm Penny," I say, hopeful that my name will spark some type of recognizable memory with him.

His grip on my arm loosens suddenly.  "Penny."  He moves away from me and towards the tree, his fingers lingering over the carving that we did when we were kids --- our initials inside of a big heart with the word forever underneath.  He whispers, "C.J.C and P.L.P."

"Colton James Crawford and Penny Lane Preston," I whisper.

"Preston," he says the name as if he's tasting it.  "You're the mayor's daughter?"

I nod.

"So that makes us neighbors," he says wryly.  He stares at the carving for a long time, and it gives me a moment to think.  He has no idea who I am.  He doesn't remember me.  I pull the folder closer to my chest, feeling a deep-rooted pain spread through me.  It feels like my heart was just ripped out of my chest.  A whimper escapes my lips, and he quickly turns to me with furrowed brows.  Running a hand through his hair, he sighs in frustration.  "Look…I'm --- I'm sorry about earlier.  I was a complete dick.  And I feel really bad about what I said and did."

I have a feeling that it's very difficult for him to apologize, so I accept his apology earnestly.  "It's okay," I whisper.

He shakes his head.  "No, it's not."  He looks up at the blanket of stars filling the night sky.  "I just get so angry sometimes.  I can't control it."  His head drops as he looks at me once more.  "But if we did know each other, if we were friends or whatever in the past, I'm sorry I treated you like that.  You didn't deserve it."

I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and nod once.  We were so much more than friends, but I can't tell him that right now.  The words alone might kill me.  I feel the tears threatening to fall once more, so I quickly say, "I should go."

"Penny?"

The way he says my name is almost my undoing.  I just want to run to him and jump in his arms like old times.  I want him to hold me and tell me everything's going to be all right and that the rest of the world doesn't matter just like he used to.  I want the past five years to just disappear.  I want my
old Colton
back.

"I'm sorry I can't remember you," he says quietly.

I nod once more and turn away from him.  I slowly walk back to my parents' house, feeling completely and utterly numb.  It's like the entire world, as I knew it, has come crashing down around me.  I feel like I've woken up in an absolute nightmare.  How did so many things change over the short span of five years?  Standing in the driveway, I stare up at my parents' house.  I can't go back in there and face them.  I'm too upset and way too angry, and I know I'll say things I'll regret later.  So, instead, I go to my car and slide into the backseat.  I hug the folder to my chest and fall asleep crying for Colton, for the brother he lost, for me…and for us.

*  *  *  *  *

THE NEXT MORNING, I'm woken up by a rapping sound.  I sit up, startled by my surroundings.  I barely remember even falling asleep in the backseat of my car.  I glance to my left, and my father has a sad smile on his face as he gives me a small wave through the rear window.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

I reluctantly open up the door, and he crawls in to sit beside me.  "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Betrayed," I answer, not bothering to pull any punches with my dad.  He would see right through me anyway.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you.  Your mother convinced me that it was for the best, and I can obviously see now that it wasn't."

We sit in silence for a while before I say, "I went to the willow tree last night.  Colton was there."  I hesitate.  "He doesn't remember me, Dad."

My father sighs heavily.  "The brain injury completely wiped out his long-term memory.  He only remembers the accident and everything after it.  They had to teach him everything all over again, even how to feed himself…how to walk.  It was a long process."

"And I wasn't here," I say, my voice cracking with emotion.

"I know.  I know.  I'm sorry."  He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight.  "Colton's dad passed away last year, so it didn't make matters any better."

That's news to me as well.  No one even told me about William's death.  William was always like a second dad to me.  He always called me the daughter he never had.  He taught me how to fish, how to ride a bike, how to curse --- much to the dismay of my uptight and controlling parents.  My parents were good parents.  Don't get me wrong.  They provided for me.  They clothed me, fed me, made sure I had a good education and almost everything a kid could want.  They just weren't
there
.  So many missed moments and opportunities all for the sake of campaigns and award ceremonies and all the other duties that come along with being mayor.  I always felt like I was put on the backburner with them; and as a kid, I resented them for it.  Maybe I still do.

Colton's family was fun and one of a kind.  His mother taught me how to bake and cross-stitch before she died way before her time.  I was at the Crawfords' house more than my own growing up.  They were my second family.  And now I not only lost Colton, but I lost Connor
and
William.  Connor was the little brother I never had and never wanted, but, God, I loved him more than anything.

Eight years ago I was there for Colton's mom's funeral after she passed away from a long battle with cancer.  Colt and I just held each other almost every second of every day for a week, never wanting to let the other go.  I was there for him.  I was
always
there.

I curl my arms around my waist, feeling even more devastated than I was yesterday.  So many lies.  So many hidden truths.  If only I had come home years ago, maybe none of this would have happened.  Maybe I could have changed things somehow.

My dad holds me tighter when he sees me withdrawing into myself.  "Colton's had a rough go at it over the past several years.  He's lost his entire family."

"He needed me so much, and I wasn't here," I say softly.

"I know, Penny.  I wish I could turn back time.  I would change it all if I could."

And because there's nothing else to say, I simply whisper, "Me too."

Later that day I go to the Willowbrook Cemetery.  I place flowers on all three graves for Colton's family.  There's no sign of Colton ever being here, and I wonder if he ever visits.  I have a feeling the answer to that question is no.  There are no flowers, artificial or real next to the graves, and long weeds are growing up around the tombstones.  I get on my hands and knees and painstakingly pull all of the weeds and clean around the stones.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," I say out loud.  "But I'm here now."  I slowly stand and look down at the tombstones, my eyes scanning over their names and dates of death.  Tears fill my eyes, but I hold them back.  "I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to bring Colton back to me.  I'm not giving up on him."  I swallow hard before I whisper, "I'm not giving up because I know you guys wouldn't want me to."