Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (36 page)

Shifting my gaze from the house, I look towards the ocean.  The sun is setting, and the sky is filled with purple, blue and orange.  I stake my claim on the beach near the water, pull my knees up to my chest and push my feet into the cool sand.  I wrap the afghan tighter around me and begin my nightly routine.  I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and I let them fall freely.  My sobs are masked by the crashing ocean waves.  This is where I seek solace every night.  I cry because I think I would explode if I didn't get some sort of release.  With pent-up emotions always running rampantly through me, I have to vent somehow.

Nathan forbids me to cry in front of him.  Deep down I think the tears remind him of how much he's actually hurting me, and he doesn't want to face the truth.  I used to cry and scream and yell at him, but I learned a long time ago that it only leads to more punishment, more pain and a hell of a lot more tears.  I'm conditioned to feel numb around him, and it's easier that way.  The only downfall is that I also feel numb around everyone else all the time.

Nathan wasn't always like this.  He was so sweet and kind at first, especially the first night we met at my graduation party.  I quickly fell in love with him.  Thinking back on it now, though, I realize I never knew what love really was.  I think I fell in love with the idea of him.  I was young and inexperienced as to the cruelties of the world.  Nathan portrayed himself as someone completely opposite of who he is now.  The man I fell for was nothing but a carefully crafted façade, a myth, a real-life monster in disguise.  And there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret saying
I do
at the wedding.  Two years, one month and fifteen days later I'm still regretting it.

Things could have been so different for me if I hadn't met Nathan.  I would have traveled Europe, exploring my independence and then headed to college like I had always planned, becoming a teacher instead of a
trophy wife
.  I hated that term with a passion, but that was exactly what I had become.  I was a piece of eye candy hanging on my husband's arm at every event, every party, every social gathering.

I like to think about the possible
what ifs
sometimes even if it hurts me to my very core.  What if I would have met someone in college, someone kind and gentle who wouldn't even think of laying a hand on me?  We would have fallen in love, married, had two-point-five kids and lived in a house with a white picket fence in the suburbs.  I would be happy.

Sighing, I shake my head, dispelling the notion.  The dreams I once had for my life have slowly been destroyed one by one.  I try not to think about how different my life could be now, because it only depresses me further.  As long as I am here in this
prison
with
him
, I will never have a future --- at least not a happy one.

I'm only twenty-three, but I feel like a shell of my former carefree, rebellious self.  And I worry that if I don't get out of this relationship soon, the person that I used to be will never come to the surface again.  She will drown in self-loathing and depression, and I will be broken for the rest of my life, too afraid to leave and not strong enough to fight anymore.

I stand and wipe away my tears.  It's dark now, and the full moon and twinkling stars above illuminate the night sky.  As I straighten my clothes, I can feel my mask falling back into place.  I'm sick of pretending to be happy, but I have no other choice.

Making my way back to the porch, I glance at the house for sale next door and notice a light is on in the living room.  With no blinds on the windows, it's easy to see in.  The room is filled with furniture, and I wonder if the realtor is staging the home for another open house.  Thinking nothing more of it, I climb the steps of our porch and go inside.

I change into pajamas and lie down on the bed as close to the edge as I can.  Nathan stirs in his sleep and reaches for me.  I grimace as he pulls me towards the middle of the mattress and wraps his arm around my waist tightly, crushing me against him.  Even in his sleep he's possessive.

Closing my eyes, I think about today, attempting to focus on something positive.  Dr. Harrison invades my thoughts.  When I saw him today, I felt something; and I haven't felt much of anything over the past two years.  But the fact that he makes me
feel
means I need to steer clear of him.  Until I leave Nathan, until my life is actually my own, I can't bring anyone else into this mess.  Max seems really nice.  It's too bad I'll never have the chance to get to know him. 
In another life
, I tell myself.  In another life, I could fall in love with someone who loved me back and have the future I always wanted.

Eventually, sleep takes hold of me.  I find peace within my dreams that are permeated with Max's dark gaze and kind smile.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

MAX

I sit in the living room nursing a beer in a comfortable oversized recliner that the saleswoman at the furniture store picked out.  She said I would love it, and she was right.  I do love it.  It's the best piece of furniture I've ever owned.

I take a swig of beer and sigh.  The house is quiet.  Too quiet.  The satellite company is coming tomorrow, so at least I'll have TV for the upcoming weekend.  Chuckling to myself, I shake my head.  I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to watching television on the weekend instead of going out, but I pretty much left all my friends behind when I moved from Chicago to Nags Head.

My fingers dance around the screen of my cell phone.  I consider playing some music to break the silence, but then decide not to bother.  After this beer, I'm hitting the sack anyway.  It was an exhausting day.  The hospital isn't as large as the one I left, but I had a routine there.  It was familiar.  It was home to me.  I did my residency there and was hired into a full-time position right away in the pediatrics department.  I knew my way around.  I was comfortable.  Now I'm completely out of my element once again, attempting to learn all new protocols and procedures and trying not to step on any toes in the process.  And if I didn't have a pretty brunette distracting me, maybe I could learn everything the first time around.

A smile tugs at the corner of my lips.  Avery.  I can't stop thinking about her.  She looks like she stepped out of some sort of fairytale.  I almost expect birds to be flying around and singing and fluffy bunnies hopping behind her at the hospital.  But this fairytale won't have a happy ending for me, because she's married.

Sighing, I slump down in the chair and glance around my new pad in an attempt to distract myself from thinking about her.  The house is huge and on a private beach, to boot.  I still can't believe how I lucked into it.  I'm only renting as of right now.  The realtor worked some magic and convinced the desperate owner that month-to-month rent was better than letting it sit empty.  The rent isn't cheap, but to be able to stick my toes in the sand and swim in the ocean in my downtime will outweigh the cost.  And it's definitely much roomier than the hotel room I've been crammed into for over a week when I first got into town.

The house is still on the market; and if they get a seller, I'm out on my ass.  But I'm going to enjoy it while I can.  I think buying this place would have been a bigger jump than I wanted to take considering the hefty price tag.  And plus the thought of settling down here makes the reason why I left Chicago seem even more real, and I want to live in denial for just a little bit longer.

I still can't believe I actually went through with the move.  I had a lot going for me back home at one point in time.  I had a beautiful fiancée, a great job and wonderful friends and coworkers.  But once I found out my fiancée Gretchen was cheating on me, I decided I needed a change of pace and that I needed to put as much distance between us as was humanly possible.  She broke my heart into a million pieces, and I would never be able to forgive her or my so-called best friend that she slept with.

So I returned to the one place that had always made me happy as a kid.  My parents often took my sister Megan and I on vacation to Outer Banks.  My family still lives in southern Virginia, and Nags Head is a hell of a lot closer than Chicago.  In my mind it's a win-win situation.

I bring the bottle of beer to my lips and take a long pull on it.  I was never much of a drinker, but having one in the evening when I'm alone helps to numb the hurt I've been feeling since I called off my engagement.  Gretchen really turned my world upside down in the worst possible way.  I was going to spend the rest of my life with that girl.  She was the one woman who finally tamed the
ultimate bachelor
, as my friends called me, and she stomped on my fucking heart.

I run a hand through my hair and chug the last of the beer, setting the empty bottle on the end table.  Tired of sitting in silence, I get up and walk out onto the back porch.  I stand in almost complete darkness, having forgotten to hit the switch for the outside lights.  There are a lot of things I need to learn about this house, but so far I just haven't had the time.

I move to the edge of the deck and close my eyes.  The sound of the waves crashing onto the shore is soothing, and it reaffirms my decision to move here.  I most definitely could fall asleep to the sound of the ocean.  It's so damn peaceful.

As I concentrate on the waves, I faintly pick up on another sound.  It sounds like…someone crying.  My eyes snap open and search the beach.  They almost instantly settle on a figure sitting in the sand.  Her long dark hair is whipping in the wind, and her back and shoulders are slouched forward as if the weight of the world is upon her at that very moment.  Her hands cup her face as she sobs into them.

My heart instantly aches for this girl, and I wonder what happened to make her cry like that.  I don't know if she's one of my neighbors or not since I haven't really made a point to introduce myself to any of them.  The realtor was in such a hurry for me to the sign the lease that she didn't really expound on the neighborhood either.

I watch the woman from the shadows of the deck.  She cries for a long time, and I'm unable to tear my gaze away.  It's as if I'm mesmerized.  Her sobs are heartbreakingly sad, and I feel a deep ache inside of me that I have never felt before.

After several minutes, I watch as she slowly stands, carefully wiping the tears from her eyes and straightening her clothes as if nothing happened.  She turns and walks up the pathway towards the house next door.  It's only when she's within a short distance from the porch that I can make out her features under the lamppost.  A small gasp escapes my lips as the realization sets in that I know her. 
Avery
.  Her piercing blue-gray eyes stare in my direction as I say her name in my mind, and I stand stock-still, holding my breath.  I know she can't see me, but I would hate for her to know that I was watching her.  Her eyes float over the outside of the house and lock onto the living room where I left the light on.  Her eyebrows knit together, and then she continues up the steps and vanishes inside the house next door.

Releasing a breath, I lean against the railing and stare out over the ocean.  Avery's life is like a jigsaw in my mind, and the pieces are slowly falling together as I learn more about her.  I find myself wanting to complete the puzzle and see the whole picture, because I think there is much more to her than meets the eye.  I have a compelling urge to protect her, and I have a feeling deep down that's exactly what she needs right now.

If you enjoyed reading
Saving Avery
, you can find it along with all of my other books on my Amazon author page.

http://www.amazon.com/Angela-Snyder/e/B00EVDDTMI