Undead and Underwater

“What can you say about a vampire whose loyalty can be bought by designer shoes? Can we say, outrageous?”

—The Best Reviews

UNDEAD AND UNDERMINED

“Fast-paced and highly entertaining.”

—Bitten by Books

UNDEAD AND UNFINISHED

“[Davidson] proves she can skillfully combine creepy and chilling with numerous laugh-out-loud moments.”

—Bitten by Books

UNDEAD AND UNWELCOME

“Packs a chic coffin.”

—The Denver Post

“Outrageously wacky.”

—RT Book Reviews

UNDEAD AND UNEASY

“Breezy dialogue, kick-ass action, and endearing characters.”

—Booklist

“When it comes to outlandish humor, Davidson reigns supreme!”

—RT Book Reviews

UNDEAD AND UNPOPULAR

“Think
Sex and the City
—only the city is Minneapolis and it’s filled with demons and vampires.”

—Publishers Weekly

UNDEAD AND UNRETURNABLE

“No one does humorous romantic fantasy better than the incomparable MaryJanice Davidson.”

—The Best Reviews

“MS. DAVIDSON HAS HER OWN BRAND OF WIT AND SHOCKING SURPRISES THAT MAKE HER VAMPIRE SERIES ONE OF A KIND.”

—Darque Reviews

UNDEAD AND UNAPPRECIATED

“The best vampire chick lit of the year.”

—Detroit Free Press

UNDEAD AND UNEMPLOYED

“If you’re fans of Sookie Stackhouse and Anita Blake, don’t miss Betsy Taylor. She rocks.”

—The Best Reviews

UNDEAD AND UNWED

“Sophisticated, sexy, and wonderfully witty book.”

—Catherine Spangler

AND PRAISE FOR THE WYNDHAM WEREWOLF NOVELS

“JUST WHAT YOU WANTED: A WEREWOLF SPIN-OFF TO DAVIDSON’S WACKY VAMPIRE SERIES . . .

. . . That offers serious sexy-heroine competition to Minnesota vamp queen Betsy Taylor.”

—Kirkus Reviews

“Hilarious, fast, excellent read . . . Brilliant . . . [It] has it all!”

—Fresh Fiction

“A riotous romp.”

—Booklist

Titles by MaryJanice Davidson

UNDEAD AND UNWED

UNDEAD AND UNEMPLOYED

UNDEAD AND UNAPPRECIATED

UNDEAD AND UNRETURNABLE

UNDEAD AND UNPOPULAR

UNDEAD AND UNEASY

UNDEAD AND UNWORTHY

UNDEAD AND UNWELCOME

UNDEAD AND UNFINISHED

UNDEAD AND UNDERMINED

UNDEAD AND UNSTABLE

DERIK’S BANE

WOLF AT THE DOOR

SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES

SWIMMING WITHOUT A NET

FISH OUT OF WATER

Titles by MaryJanice Davidson and Anthony Alongi

JENNIFER SCALES AND THE ANCIENT FURNACE

JENNIFER SCALES AND THE MESSENGER OF LIGHT

THE SILVER MOON ELM: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

SERAPH OF SORROW: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

RISE OF THE POISON MOON: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

EVANGELINA: A JENNIFER SCALES NOVEL

Anthologies

CRAVINGS

(with Laurell K. Hamilton, Rebecca York, Eileen Wilks)

BITE

(with Laurell K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, Angela Knight, Vickie Taylor)

KICK ASS

(with Maggie Shayne, Angela Knight, Jacey Ford)

MEN AT WORK

(with Janelle Denison, Nina Bangs)

DEAD AND LOVING IT

SURF’S UP

(with Janelle Denison, Nina Bangs)

MYSTERIA

(with P. C. Cast, Gena Showalter, Susan Grant)

OVER THE MOON

(with Angela Knight, Virginia Kantra, Sunny)

DEMON’S DELIGHT

(with Emma Holly, Vickie Taylor, Catherine Spangler)

DEAD OVER HEELS

MYSTERIA LANE

(with P. C. Cast, Gena Showalter, Susan Grant)

MYSTERIA NIGHTS

(includes
Mysteria
and
Mysteria Lane
, with P. C. Cast, Susan Grant, Gena Showalter)

UNDERWATER LOVE

(includes
Sleeping with the Fishes, Swimming Without a Net
, and
Fish out of Water
)

DYING FOR YOU

UNDEAD AND UNDERWATER

THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

USA / Canada / UK / Ireland / Australia / New Zealand / India / South Africa / China

Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

For more information about the Penguin Group, visit penguin.com.

This book is a dpgroup exclusive.

Copyright © 2013 by MaryJanice Davidson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

BERKLEY® is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

The “B” design is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

ISBN: 978-1-101-61956-8

An application to register this book for cataloging has been submitted to the Library of Congress.

PUBLISHING HISTORY

Berkley trade paperback edition / March 2013

Cover illustration by Don Sipley.

Cover design by Lesley Worrell.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

For Turquoise, the best of dogs;

Marble, the new addition;

and Pearl, who’s all-around awesome.

And housebroken!

Acknowledgments

Thanks as always to my terrific family. (“As always? Then why keep saying it?” “Hey! Do I muscle onto
your
book’s acknowledgments page and make editorial comments?”)

To my editor, the always-awesome Cindy Hwang, and her tireless sidekick, Leis. (
Sidekick
 . . . yeesh. What was that about? Sorry. I know Leis is a person in her own right. I blame the superhero jargon stuck in my brain like a fish hook, and society.)

Thanks are again due to my tireless agent, Ethan Ellenberg, who can leap tall stacks of contracts in a single bound. No, really! I was in his office a few years ago and a stack of paper started to slide, and he sort of hopped over it. It was so weirdly cool I never forgot it.

Thanks also to my parents, who never mind when I tell sex stories about them to hundreds of people at a time. That’s
classy
, man. I’m pretty sure. So far Tennessee, parts of Minnesota, San Diego, and Australia have had to endure me telling sex stories about my folks.

Thanks to my brother-in-law, Daniel, who said of my ghostly pale kids, “Your kids are so white, I can see them, and when I close my eyes, I can
still
see them.” Yeah, yuk it up, you bastard. Sure it was funny, but look how I ruthlessly stole it the first chance I got. That’ll learn you.

Special thanks to my friend Cathleen Carr, who was the inspiration for a sarcastic superheroine who can really pound the brews when she’s not pounding villains. The Irish: love them, yet fear them. Ideally, do both.

Author’s Note

I make no secret of the fact that I’m insanely fortunate and have landed hip deep in a wonderful life. Case in point: this book. Once upon a time, the book you’re holding/downloading was a whim. “Y’know what’d be fun? A novella about a superhero whose most vicious battles against the forces of evil occur within the Human Resources department. Oh, and you know what else would be fun? Having Betsy and Fred team up on . . . I dunno. Something. I’ll work that out later. Oooh, and it’d be super fun to do another Wyndham story, this one about Lara (Michael and Jeannie Wyndham’s eldest child, and the future Pack leader) set twenty-five years in the future.”

“You’re right,” my editor said. “That would be fun. Here’s a contract.”

(Really, once you wade through the dozens of e-mails and meetings, and the offers and the counter-offers, at the end of it all, it’s my editor saying, “Here’s a contract,” and me weeping with gratitude on her neck. Say it with me: insanely fortunate. Wonderful life.)

But you guys are a huge reason why I can pitch all sorts of nutty ideas to unsuspecting editors and, like as not, end up getting paid to do something I love. Heck, thanks to you readers, now my family eats Ramen noodles because we want to, not because we have to stretch my last sixty-eight cents and the best way to do that is to invest in a six-pack of Ramen noodles. Thanks to you guys, my kids don’t have to buckle down and pull straight As in hopes of a scholarship. They can go to a
party
school!

I could cry, it’s so beautiful. So: thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yet Another Author’s Note

I’m almost done with these. I promise. And normally I wouldn’t be wasting your time with this sort of thing; I’d be wasting your time with plot and character development. But this time I accidentally got all deep n’stuff when I wrote these stories (It was an accident! I swear!) and was so surprised I had to share.