Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (38 page)
Authors: Mark Ravenhill
Nick
Thanks.
Jonathan
And me? Are you . . . ?
Nick
Yeah. Pleased to see you.
Jonathan
Nostalgia’s a tricky bitch, isn’t she? But really now, just at the moment, I feel rather nostalgic about the time we spent together.
Nick
I came to say sorry.
Jonathan
There’s no need for that. You look terrible. Would you like to take a shower? We’ve got a splendid shower just through here.
Nick
I’m alright.
Jonathan
Maybe later. And then how about some clean clothes?
Nick
I don’t think so.
Jonathan
I can send the girl out. It’s not a problem. She enjoys shopping for me. The offer’s there.
Nick
It was much easier. Before. When I hated you. I knew where I stood.
Jonathan
I know. You know the territory and then suddenly . . .
Nick
Lost.
Jonathan
Horrible, isn’t it?
Nick
Wish I had the strength left to hate you.
Jonathan
I think we both miss the struggle. It’s all been rather easy for me these last few years. And I start to feel guilty if things come too easily. But really money, capitalism if you like, is the closest we’ve come to the way that people actually live. And, sure, we can work out all sorts of other schemes, try and plan to make everything better. But ultimately the market is the only thing sensitive enough, flexible enough to actually respond to the way we tick.
Nick
There’s nothing better?
Jonathan
Maybe in a thousand years but for now . . .
Nick
It’s the best we’ve got.
Jonathan
Exactly. So. You can spend your time like Helen. Rush around, regulate a bit. Soften the blow for a few of the losers. All very necessary. Important work. Absolutely. But rather dull. I think it’s made Helen rather . . .
Nick
Dull. Yeah.
Jonathan
Or you can say hey-ho – this is the way things are. So let’s get in there and make the most of it. How about that shower?
Nick
Alright. Thanks.
Exit
Jonathan
.
Nick
starts to undress. Sound of shower starting. Enter
Jonathan
with towel.
Jonathan
Warming up nicely. New clothes and you’ll feel much better.
Nick
finishes undressing, wraps himself in the towel.
Jonathan
Maybe you’d like to join me this afternoon. I’m making a trip. Eastern Europe. I’ve got a foundation. We’re doing some fantastic things. I had rather a run on currencies a few years ago. Governments were behaving in a spectacularly stupid fashion. Western governments. And I made the most ridiculous amounts of money. So, I’m doing what I can in Eastern Europe. Schools and hospitals and rehab centres. We’re really doing things. Oh – little flash of hatred in your eyes.
Nick
No.
Jonathan
Yes. Just for a moment – a flash of the old hatred.
Nick
I don’t think so.
Jonathan
Please. There’s no need to lie. You felt . . .
Nick
Yeah. You cunt.
Jonathan
Schools and hospitals and . . . but still . . .
Nick
You cunt.
Jonathan
Why do you think that is?
Nick
I don’t know.
Jonathan
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. That’s what it’s like out there. I fly in to some orphanage, or college, or festival of new plays and they treat me like god – a demi-god – thank you, thank you, thank you – but still: that little flash of hatred in all of them. And I don’t quite now why that is. But I rather like it. Time for your shower. Then, if you feel like it, you can come with me and look at all the good work.
Nick
I don’t think so.
Jonathan
Think about it.
Helen
’s flat
.
Enter
Helen
. She wears a rosette. Hunts for leaflets. Finds them. Enter
Nick
from shower.
Helen
I forgot these. What do you think? (
Shows him photo on leaflet
.)
Nick
Terrific.
Helen
How do I look? Suitably middle-aged?
Nick
Yeah. No. You’re getting my vote.
Helen
Good. Shall we send a car round? Get you to the polling station.
Nick
It’s alright.
Helen
It’s pissing with rain.
Nick
I don’t mind a bit of rain.
Helen
My hero.
Helen
moves to exit
.
Nick
Thanks for having me back.
Helen
Still time to change the locks, eh?
Nick
Course. Why did you take me back?
Helen
I’m all heart.
Nick
Why?
Helen
I don’t . . . Maybe because I can’t always wake up and think: let’s manage this, let’s organise that. Because sometimes I think . . .
Nick
Yeah?
Helen
This is all wrong. I want to change everything. I want to smash everything up.
Nick
You think that?
Helen
Sometimes. Just for a moment after I’ve woken up and then I think: no. Get on with the day. Do what I can.
Nick
That’s what grown-ups think.
Helen
Yeah. That’s what grown-ups think.
Nick
We’re old, aren’t we?
Helen
Fucking old. But you . . . I want you to be angry.
Nick
I can’t do that any more.
Helen
Nobody does that any more. I miss that.
Nick
I can’t be your memory.
Helen
I want to make you into what you used to be.
Nick
That’s going to be difficult.
Helen
Well I’m going to have a fucking good try.
Nick
Just you try.
He moves to kiss her.
Helen
I’m damp.
Nick
So am I.
They kiss.
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Shopping and Fucking
was first published by Methuen in 1996
Copyright © 1996 by Mark Ravenhill
Faust is Dead
was first published as Faust (Faust is Dead) by Methuen in 1997
Copyright © 1997 by Mark Ravenhill
Handbag
was first published by Methuen in 1998
Copyright © 1998 by Mark Ravenhill
Some Explicit Polaroids
was first published by Methuen in 1999
Copyright © 1999 by Mark Ravenhill
Collection copyright © 2001 Mark Ravenhill
Introduction copyright © 2001 Dan Rebellato
Mark Ravenhill has asserted his rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this work
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Paperback ISBN: 978 0 413 76060 9
E-Pub ISBN: 978 1 472 51555 1
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