Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (31 page)

Nadia
     And how does that make you feel?

Nick
     Just . . . ancient.

Nadia
     You’ve got a great face. It’s a face with character.

Nick
     I used to look a lot better than this.

Nadia
     You are where you are.

Nick
     I mean I was never Steve McQueen . . .

Nadia
     Steve McQueen?

Nick
     Yeah. I was never . . .

Nadia
     Who’s Steve McQueen?

Nick
     He was . . . he must have been before your time.

Nadia
     You’re not trapped by your face though, are you? You’re not going to let that trap you.

Nick
     I’ve never been bothered with appearances.

Nadia
     Yeah. It’s what’s inside that counts, isn’t it? And I only have people in my life who’ve got really beautiful insides. Because I’m a nice person, you attract nice people, you know?

Nick
     Really?

Nadia
     Which is why you’re here now.

Nick
     Simon didn’t seem like a very nice person.

Nadia
     Simon’s alright.

Nick
     He was hitting you. And I think he would have gone on hitting you . . .

Nadia
     It was good that it happened. Really. Because if Simon hadn’t got frightened . . .

Nick
     Frightened?

Nadia
     Yeah. If Simon hadn’t got frightened then I wouldn’t have met you.

Nick
     I don’t think Simon was frightened.

Nadia
     Oh he was.

Nick
     I think Simon is a person who hates women. I think Simon is the sort of bastard who likes to beat up / women.

Nadia
     But if you look inside . . . Simon is frightened and Simon was expressing his fear in the only way he knows how.

Nick
     He cut your lip.

Nadia
     I don’t remember.

Nick
     You must remember.

Nadia
     That’s in the past.

Nick
     There was blood.

Nadia
     Was there?

Nick
     Of course there was. There was a lot of blood.

Nadia
     I’m not holding on to that.

Nick
     No?

Nadia
     I’m letting that go. I’m not going to hurt myself by holding on to those feelings. That would be hurting me.

Nick
     Maybe I’ll do something. Maybe I’ll kick the shit out of Simon.

Nadia
     And that would hurt you.

Nick
     I’m gonna do it. Where does the bastard live? Where the fuck is he?

Nadia
     Hey. Hey. Hey. Easy.

Nick
     You’ve gotta fight back.

Nadia
     No.

Nick
     You can’t let them walk all over you.

Nadia
     Them?

Nick
     Men. You can’t let them . . . you’ve got to make a stand.

Nadia
     Hey. Don’t generalise. Don’t label people like that. ‘Men’. What does that mean? ‘Men’. Simon is a person.

Nick
     Simon is a sexist bastard.

Nadia
     He is a child inside. And we’re all children inside.

Nick
     I’m not. / I’m not.

Nadia
     Oh, you are.

Nick
     I’m a great big fucking angry adult, that’s what I am. I’m someone who doesn’t let the bastards get at me.

Nadia
     I don’t think Simon / was getting at you.

Nick
     Someone who gets the bastards before they can get me.

Nadia
     No one’s getting at you . . . you’re projecting . . .

Nick
     Oh come on, come on. There’s loads of them. Yeah . . . The police, the . . . multinationals . . . . The arms dealers . . . the dictators. / They’re out there and you and me, we’ve got to stand up and . . .

Nadia
laughs.

Nick
     What? What?

Nadia
     You’re funny.

Nick
     Funny? Funny am I?

Nadia
     Yeah. All that anger. It’s . . .

Nick
     It’s not funny, it’s not . . . it’s not funny when . . . because Simon is a symptom, Simon is . . . when all the time they can smack you in the mouth.

Nadia
     Don’t generalise . . . / don’t . . .

Nick
     You’ve got to do something, you’ve got to . . .

He starts shaking
Nadia
violently.

It’s like you’re sleepwalking. / You’re a sleepwalker. Come on. Wake up. Wake up.

Nadia
     Hey. Off. Off. Off me.

She pushes
Nick
away.

Pause.

Blood’s starting again now. You’ve made the blood start again.

She applies the towel to her lip.

Pause.

Nick
     Listen. I’m . . . I’m sorry.

Nadia
     Yeah. Well . . .

Nick
     Fuck. I’m . . .

Nick
moves to exit
.

Nadia
     What are you doing? Why are you going?

Nick
     Because I think I should.

Nadia
     Well, don’t do what you think you should . . .

Nick
     I think I’m a bastard and I don’t think I should be here.

Nadia
     Do what you feel. What do you feel?

Nick
     I don’t know.

Nadia
     Well, get in touch with what you feel, okay?

Nick
     Okay.

Pause.

Nadia
     And . . .

Nick
     And . . .

Nadia
     What do you feel?

Nick
     I think you’re really attractive.

Nadia
     Thank you.

Nick
     And I think I’m really attracted to you.

Nadia
     Well, that’s good. Because I’m really attracted to you.

Nick
     Right. So . . .

Nadia
     So I want you to stay. What do you want?

Nick
     I want to stay.

Nadia
     Okay. Then . . .

She moves to
Nick
. They kiss.

You gonna stay?

Nick
     Yes.

Nadia
undoes her coat. Lets it drop to the floor. She is wearing table-dancing gear.

Nadia
     Is this what you meant? A little ‘thing’? Is this it?

Nick
     Yeah.

Nadia
     I’d just finished my shift. I was on my way home. You wouldn’t have got me dancing on your table. You would have got some other hussy. Who wouldn’t have been as good as this hussy. Need to ring anyone?

Nick
     No.

Nadia
     Nobody expecting you back?

Nick
     No.

Nadia
     Right. Live with anyone?

Nick
     No.

Nadia
     So you live . . .

Nick
     I’m sort of . . . I’ve been away for a while and so I’m in sort of temporary . . .

Nadia
     I see.

Nick
     Yeah. Temporary.

Nadia
     Travelling? You’ve been away travelling?

Nick
     No. Not travelling. Prison. I’ve been in prison. Since nineteen eighty-four.

Nadia
     A convict.

Nick
     I thought I’d better tell you that.

Nadia
     That’s cool. Are you a rapist?

Nick
     No.

Nadia
     That’s cool. Paedophile?

Nick
     Fuck. No. Do I look like a paedophile?

Nadia
     I’ve never met a paedophile. Well, only my father. But I don’t count him. So not a rapist, not a paedophile . . .

Nick
     No. I . . .

Nadia
     No. I’ll get it . . . murderer? Attempted murder?

Nick
     Well . . .

Nadia
     Yeah. I’m right, aren’t I?

Nick
     Sort of.

Nadia
     A sort of attempted murder.

Nick
     I never wanted . . .

Nadia
     But you’ve moved on. You’re a changed person and . . . that’s cool.

Nadia
moves to kiss
Nick
.

Nick
     You must want to find out.

Nadia
     No. I don’t want to know anything.

Nick
     But you’ve got to want to know. You must want to find out . . .

Nadia
     I don’t want to find out anything. The past is gone, okay?

Nick
     But what if I’m a psychotic / killer who wants to . . .

Nadia
     I trust myself. You’re a good person.

Nick
     No. Let me tell you. I want / to tell you.

Nadia
     It’s safe. We’re safe. Everything’s fine. Sssshh.

They kiss. The phone rings.
Nadia
stops
Nick
from picking up the phone as . . .

Ansaphone
(
male voice
)
, ‘Who is he? Who the fuck is he? I know you’re both there. I know you’re both listening to this. So what is he you fucking slut? Where did you find him?’

Nadia
     Let’s go to bed.

Ansaphone, ‘I hope he’s a fucking serial killer you cunt. I hope he fucking slices you right open. Yeah. And boils you away.’

Terrace of the House of Commons.

Helen
is sitting looking at the Thames. Enter
Jonathan
, dressed very smartly.

Jonathan
     Marvellous, isn’t it?

Helen
     Mmmm.

Jonathan
     Thames always stirs something, doesn’t it?

Helen
     Yes.

Jonathan
     Are you stirred?

Helen
     Oh yes, definitely stirred.

Jonathan
     Are you a regular? Do you regularly take a breather from the business of Government? Take a moment to just stand here and say ‘I may be a very powerful person, I may be holding the nation’s destiny in my hands . . .’

Helen
     No, no, no.

Jonathan
     Oh yes, I know Government can do so very little nowadays. You all say that now, don’t you?

Helen
     No, I’m . . .

Jonathan
     There’s the multinationals, the World Bank, NATO, Europe and there’s the grass roots, there’s roadshows where you listen, listen, listen, but still when all’s said and done . . .

Helen
     No.

Jonathan
     The nation’s destiny in your hands. But you look at the Thames and you feel humbled, yes?

Helen
     The Thames, yes. But actually, strictly day pass, I’m afraid.

Jonathan
     I see, so you’re . . . ?

Helen
     Visiting.

Jonathan
     I see. Forgive me. I really did think . . .

Helen
     Just wanted to say I’d been on the terrace really.

Jonathan
     I could have sworn I’ve seen you . . .

Helen
     No, sorry.

Jonathan
     Weighed down by the burden of the office and snapped at by some media studies graduate on late-night television.

Helen
     No.

Jonathan
     Ah well, you have the air . . .

Helen
     Yes?

Jonathan
     Of someone who . . . Maybe some future date.

Helen
     You think so?

Jonathan
     Oh yes. At some future date the Party will call.

Helen
     Well actually . . .

Jonathan
     Yes?

Helen
     No, nothing.

Jonathan
     Please.

Helen
     There has been talk. My work . . .

Jonathan
     Your work?

Helen
     Yes, my work has been noticed.

Jonathan
     Straightening out the single mothers? Dealing with the dealers?

Helen
     I do what I can. My work in local government . . .

Jonathan
     Normally so thankless.