Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (35 page)

Victor
     Make him take his pills.

Nadia
     Why aren’t you taking your pills?

Tim
     Because I don’t want to.

Nadia
     But you’re doing so well. They’re brilliant these pills. They’re what you’ve been waiting for. This is . . . this is a happy ending. You told me that. So . . .

Tim
     I hate it. I hate being well. I can’t do it.

Nadia
     You feel you don’t have a right to be happy.

Tim
     I don’t want to hear all that stuff. All that stuff we keep telling ourselves. I’m happy, you’re happy. We’re okay. I don’t want to hear it.

Nadia
     So, what? All the old stuff people used to programme themselves with – I’m a victim, I’m poor. Same old patterns?

Tim
     I don’t know. I envy people who can’t get medicine.

Nadia
     Come on.

Victor
     Then you are very stupid.

Tim
     Don’t speak to me like that, you trash, you slave / you Russian doll.

Victor
     Stupid, stupid.

Nadia
     Take the pills. Please. I love you. Victor loves you.

Don’t you, Victor?

Tim
     No he doesn’t. / Just leave both of you. Go. Go.

Nadia
     Victor, tell him what you feel.

Victor
     No.

Nadia
     You told me you were upset and you told me that you really care about Tim.

Victor
     All I can think about is you. I think about you all the time. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do. I hope . . . I think. Let the trash music take it away, let the trash . . . the dumdumdum . . . let it fill up your head. Dumdum. But I can’t do that any more. And I can’t hear the music any more.

Tim
     Maybe it’s not loud enough.

Victor
     I want you to be alive.

Tim
     For your sake?

Victor
     I want you to take them for me. For my sake.

Tim
     Weak. You’re a weak person. What’s a person? What’s a death? Millions of people out there. Millions of people out there to fuck and dance with and be with – so don’t be so fucking weak. Get out there – dum, dum, dum. Because I don’t want you here and I don’t want to be alive.

Nadia
     But being alive is great.

Tim
     And what’s so great about your life? Nothing. Nick’s left you. Everyone’s left you. You’ll never hold on to anyone.

Nadia
     But I’ve learnt from that / I’ve grown. I have.

Tim
     Shite. Shite. Shite. You deserve each other. Cling together, you little weak people.

Victor
     Yes, maybe we do that. Come. Come.

He begins to caress
Nadia
.

Come on. Feel me. I have a good body. Better than Nick, I think, yes? Better than Simon. I like women. I’m not afraid of women. I can fuck women.

Nadia
touches
Victor
’s body.

Victor
     How does this feel?

Nadia
     Good.

Victor
     You could fuck this body?

Nadia
     Maybe.

Tim
     Go on – fuck each other.

Victor
     Yes. Fuck these gays, yes? Scared of the woman’s bodies.

Nadia
     Yes. Scared.

Tim
     If that’ll stop you being lonely, fuck each other.

Victor
and
Nadia
dance suggestively together.

Victor
     Gays are . . .

Nadia
     Ill.

Victor
     Ill and . . .

Nadia
     Frightened. Frightened people.

Tim
     Are you enjoying that?

Victor
     I want your pussy.

Victor
goes down on
Nadia
.

Tim
     Happy now?

Victor
     Sorry. You speak to . . . ?

Tim
     Is that fun?

Victor
     Very much. We’re having fun.

Tim
     My hospital room. My illness. My body. My death. My choice.

He takes the pills.

Nadia
     Well done.

Victor
     Thank you, honey. Thank you.

He kisses
Tim
.
Tim
cries.
Victor
holds
Tim
.

Come on, honey. Come on.

Nadia
     Alright darling, alright.

Tim
     I didn’t want to do that. Why did you make me do that?

Victor
     Please, honey . . .

Tim
     This is . . . I can’t stand this.

Nadia
     You’ve done the right thing and you’re alright.

Tim
     I want communists and apartheid. I want the finger on the nuclear trigger. I want the gay plague.

Victor
     Honey . . .

Tim
     I want to know where I am. Since I was nineteen, I’ve known that, you know? I knew where everything was heading. And sure, it was a fucking tragedy. My life was a tragedy and that was frightening and sad and it used to do my head in. But I knew where everything was going. Bit by bit my immune system would break down until . . . no fixed figure. Five years, ten years, some amazing freaks even took fifteen years.

Victor
     Honey.

Tim
     And you could imagine each step before it happened because you were told what it would be. You start off feeling completely knackered.

Nadia
     Darling.

Tim
     Oh yes, that’s happened to me. Now, I’ve started feeling completely knackered. I’ve reached the first step. Now I’m on the same path as the others. Better start resting. Wait until stage two. Skin problems. Dry skin, warts. Short of breath. Waiting until . . . lesions. Here they are. This thing is taking its course. We’re moving forward. And now you can see everything all the way down the line.

Nadia
     Darling.

Tim
     Of course, you can’t say exactly when. You can’t announce a date. You can’t choose the hospital. But you control what you can. And you can even imagine the funeral. You can get a clear picture of it. What people will feel, what they’ll say to each other. How all the people who liked you will say nice things and how all the people who never liked you will say the same nice things. I used to know everything and that’s what those fucking pills have taken away from me.

Victor
     So, get used to it.

Tim
     I am trying.

Victor
     You get used to it and you find a way of carrying on.

Tim
     What way?

Nadia
     It’s over now, come on, come home. Let’s find a doctor and tell them we’re taking you home.

Nadia
exits.

Victor
     I can’t be with you if you don’t take the pills.

Tim
     Alright then.

Victor
     You stay with me and you take the pills?

Tim
     I don’t know.

Victor
     You’ve got to promise me you’ll take the pills.

Tim
     I can’t do that.

Street.

Jonathan
is washing blood away from
Nadia
’s face.

Jonathan
     Yes. Yes. You’re going to be alright.

Nadia
     Hurts so much.

Jonathan
     There’s a lot of blood, but actually the wound . . . the wound is pretty superficial.

Nadia
     Right.

Jonathan
     You’re not actually disfigured.

Nadia
     Well, that’s good.

Jonathan
     Just incredibly bloody.

Nadia
     Thank God you were there.

Jonathan
     I was passing. Couldn’t just walk past and see a woman being attacked like that. Although now of course so many do.

Nadia
     It was very . . . noble.

Jonathan
     It was human nature.

Nadia
     You’re quite a strong person, aren’t you?

Jonathan
     Do you think so?

Nadia
     Spiritually. And you’re quite a powerful person, aren’t you?

Jonathan
     None of us really has any power, do we?

Nadia
     You’re at ease with your authority. That’s very attractive. It’s an attractive quality.

Jonathan
     Well, thank you. Are you going to be alright?

Nadia
     I don’t know.

Jonathan
     If I leave you now, are you going to be alright?

Nadia
     You’re going to abandon me?

Jonathan
     I’m going to leave you. There must be someone. Who could look after you?

Nadia
     Well, no actually, no. There’s nobody.

Jonathan
     All alone in the world?

Nadia
     All alone in the world.

Jonathan
     But surely . . . a friend.

Nadia
     Yes. A friend. I have a friend. But he’s very ill. He’s in the hospital. So I look after him. So he can’t look after me when Simon . . .

Jonathan
     Simon?

Nadia
     When Simon attacks me. When Simon gets frightened.

Jonathan
     You don’t believe Simon gets frightened. You don’t really believe that, do you?

Nadia
     Well no. Not any more. Simon . . .

Jonathan
     Yes, come on, find the word.

Nadia
     Hates me. Loves me in a hating kind of way. Hates me in a loving kind of way. Something. Hates me.

Jonathan
     And do you love Simon?

Nadia
     No.

Jonathan
     But you love someone else.

Nadia
     No.

Jonathan
     You’re lying to me. Goodbye.

Nadia
     No, please. I don’t want to be alone. Please.

Jonathan
     I can’t stand a liar. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an untruth.

Nadia
     Do you want to go to bed with me? I’ve got a great body. And I bet you’ve got a great body too.

Jonathan
     I’m not really interested in bodies.

Nadia
     Everyone’s interested in bodies.

Jonathan
     Maybe there’s something unnatural about me.

Nadia
     Everyone’s interested in my body. Men pay just for a few minutes near my body. Even when they’re not allowed to touch.

She takes off her top.

What do you feel?

Jonathan
     Nothing.

Nadia
begins to dance.

Nadia
     You must be feeling something now?

Jonathan
     It doesn’t mean anything to me. You’re a very powerless person, aren’t you?

Nadia
     Am I?

Jonathan
     Oh yes. You are a very powerless, lonely, unfocused person, aren’t you?

Nadia
     No. No.

Jonathan
     Lying to me.

Nadia
     There’s a path. I’ve chosen a path and every thought is creating my future.

Jonathan
     Lies. Lies. Lies.

Nadia
     And if I can just look at the world in a positive way –

Jonathan
     Deceiving me. Deceiving yourself. / Please just be honest.

Nadia
     I . . . I . . . I . . .

Jonathan
     Find the words. Think before you speak. Don’t just mouth . . . speak.

Nadia
     Everything is terrible. Nothing means anything. There’s nobody out there. I’m alone in the universe.

Jonathan
     Excellent. Excellent. How do you feel?

Nadia
     Dead.

Jonathan
     Yes. That’s normal.

Nadia
     It’s horrible.

Jonathan
     For a while you think: ‘I’m dead.’ But then you pass through that and . . . something else emerges.

Nadia
     What? What?

Jonathan
     I really think you have to discover that for yourself.

Nadia
     Tell me.

Jonathan
     We each have to learn for ourselves.

Nadia
     Tell me. Tell me. You can’t just fucking leave me to . . . Sorry. Sorry. Please. Tell me.