Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3) (28 page)

Although I knew it was my mom
who’d taken me to the abandoned house, my mind had been hazy that night, and
only bits and pieces lingered in my memory. “It was Dr. Wesley—my mom—but I…”
There were only splotches of memories, nothing connected or coherent.

Details. I needed to remember
details.

I latched on to what I
did
remember:
the feeling of the cool, night air against my skin when I first awoke and the
sound of my mom’s footsteps behind me as we walked—no, ran—into Colorado
Springs.
What did she say to me in the forgotten moments?
I feared it
was something important, but I couldn’t remember. All I could think about was
the fact that the woman who’d saved my life, a stranger, was also my mom. For
the first time since I’d learned of it, I felt sad.

I was back at the golf course,
kneeling on wet grass. Someone stood beside me, their warm body shielding me
from the nighttime chill. The person was humming.
She
was humming. I felt cool fingertips against my skin,
followed by an excruciating pain that lanced through my head, making me gasp
for breath. But I couldn’t gasp for breath. I couldn’t move.

Unable to open my eyes, I began
to panic.

It wasn’t the first time I’d
panicked. I wracked my brain, trying to remember why such an acute, helpless
feeling felt so familiar. I had been afraid before, but not for me… “Dani,” I
breathed.

“Is Dani still there with you,
Zoe?” Gabe asked. Although his voice was faint, it was warm and soothing in the
swallowing darkness of my mind.

I felt something wet on my
cheek, but still felt paralyzed, unable to move. A set of triumphant blue eyes
flashed in my mind’s eye, along with blonde hair and pale skin…

There was sickening sweet
laughter and an eerily calm voice whispering nonsensical things in my ear, and
a deep, innate sense of terror consumed me. When I realized I still couldn’t
move, I tried to scream, but nothing came out, and I felt hot tears burning
down my cheeks.

“Zoe,” Gabe said quietly. “Where
are you? What do you see?” I could barely make out Chris and Gabe whispering as
my mind tumbled with confusion and fear.

“I can’t see anything,” I croaked.
“I can’t move…”

I heard Dani’s voice echoing
around me, and my heart raced. I needed to help her. She was afraid, she was
alone, and she needed me.

Emotion bubbled up in my throat.
“I’m on the golf course…Dani…”

“Dani wasn’t with you, Zoe.”
Concern deepened Gabe’s voice.

I shook my head the barest amount.
I was confused. “But I can hear her. I can hear her voice, it’s all around
me…she’s hiding.”

“It’s only a memory, Zoe. Don’t
let it scare you. It’s not real. Dani is fine.”

Part of me knew it was a memory, a
distant part of me that was overshadowed by a fear I didn’t understand but was
impossible to ignore. “I was trying to find her.”

Another sharp pain shot through my
head, and this time, my body tensed. I felt gentle fingers against my wrist,
alleviating some of the panic and emptiness that swelled inside me. I could
still hear Dani’s voice, crying out to me, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do
anything. I was frozen.

I felt the pressure of Chris’s
hand squeezing mine, and it helped to keep me grounded. “Zoe, are you okay?”
she asked, and with those four words, my trembling ceased.

“Zoe, are you okay?”

I opened my eyes to see a
woman—a doctor—crouched down beside me. She reached out for me tentatively, her
eyes filled with sadness and longing and unshed tears. Seeing her tears made my
heart ache.

“She’s mine!” the blonde woman
shrieked beside me.

The doctor took a few forceful
steps forward. “I’m warning you, Clara,” she said.

Clara. I knew she was familiar.

“Get your fucking hands off my
daughter or I’ll—”

My insides knotted. I’m the
doctor’s daughter…

I gasped and doubled over as a
clawing pain seized my heart.

“Shhh…they’ll find you. You’ll
be safe.” My mom reached out and cupped the side of my face with trembling
hands. Tears spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I
couldn’t get here fast enough…I’m so sorry, Zoe.”

A barrage of images and emotions
assailed me, and I tried to stifle a violent sob. I fought for breath as they
overtook my senses, unable to stop them.

I saw evil.

Clara.

She laughed and simpered and
schemed…and she poisoned me.

I saw the fire…she killed
Stacey and Dave and Tanya, and nearly killed Jake.

Now she was gone…I hit her over
the head with a branch. Once. Twice. She didn’t get back up.

I killed her.
I
killed Clara…

“…can you hear me?”
Is that
Gabe?
I couldn’t tell anymore.

Jake was holding me, an embrace
so protective and warm I thought I’d never feel so loved again.

He saved my life—the men in the
woods—the poison.

But then he was leaving—he was
going to break my heart and leave me empty and alone.

“Jake…” I rasped. Arms were around
my shoulders, someone holding me against them.

“Zoe, can you hear me?” Gabe asked,
his voice earnest.

“You need to answer him, Zoe.”
It was Chris holding me, I vaguely realized. Her voice was
like a warm blanket I wanted to wrap around myself.

I tried to nod, to reassure them,
but I couldn’t.

I could hear Chris whispering and
feel her voice reverberating in her chest. The deafening pain and emotional
onslaught was muted by her touch, but not gone. It thrummed through me,
impossible to avoid.

More memories suffused my mind,
and I lost myself within them.

I saw my friends.

Sarah flashed in my mind. She
was laughing and grinning from ear to ear.

She was my only constant in the
ravaged, lonely world we lived in. She trained beside me, faster and
stronger…and pregnant. She was my friend now, the days when she’d been a thorn
in my side long gone.

…she brought me comfort in
Dani’s absence.

Dani was in my arms, her wild
hair clinging to my tear-dampened face. Her wide, shrewd green eyes luminous
with fierce love.

I’d thought I had lost her. I
thought I would never see her again. But there she was, standing in front of
me.

…she was upset.

“I know about the box, Zoe.”

Familiar whispers danced around my
ears, talking about getting help and finding someone, but I couldn’t pay
attention…all I could see was the box.

Dad’s box…Mom’s letter to Dad.

Jason and I opened it. We
learned the truth.

She’d left us. She’d abandoned
us and Dad had lied. We’d been cheated out of the truth for so long…we’d been
cheated out of a real family.

There was so much pain, so much
misery and loneliness. I cried out as I remembered the desperation I’d felt to
learn the truth of what happened to her, to have closure. I cried out at the
realization of what our lives had become—nothing but a patched-up quilt with
tattered emotions and relationships hanging on by mere threads. There was so
much strain, so much distance…

I was lying in bed, a little
girl, scared after a bad dream—the bad dream about the faceless woman I wanted
to know so badly.

I saw my disheveled dad trying
to explain to me why I couldn’t see pictures of my mom…that she was gone.

Now
he
was gone. I would never see my dad again.

My mom’s face appeared in my
mind again. Her eyes boring into mine, the emotion now so clear, so haunting.

She was real.

She was the creator of the
Virus.

She was the mother I never had
and the mom I’d always wanted.

She was alive.

She had
another
family.

I had met her, but…

I’d never felt so near to
bursting. The heartache and anger and despair were alive and gnawing inside me,
overwhelming me until I felt hollow and raw. My throat burned with each violent
sob. My chest ached from lack of air.

Chris’s arms were around me,
holding onto me as if I was about to crumble away.

I saw her boys, and I saw me in
her arms.

I felt her fear melding with mine,
her regret tasting sour in my mouth, and her concern, that which a mother might
have for her daughter, made it impossible to breathe. I wanted my mom. I was
angry and
afraid
of my mom.

I grasped onto Chris desperately,
tearing my eyes open, needing to see light in the darkness. Blurred trees and
brightness filled my vision.

“Take a deep breath,” she
whispered, and shakily, I did. The softness of her voice soothed me as my mind
began to settle, each memory falling back into place as if it had all simply
been a bad dream. But it was real, all of it. It was my life.

I had Dani and Jake and Jason. But
my mom was out there, a stranger who’d abandoned me in order to save me—more
than once. I’d met her.
I wasn’t even
me
…
A new sense of
desperation and regret sprouted inside me, but I buried it away.

“Where’s Gabe?” I asked hoarsely,
trying to control each breath.

“He went to find Dani,” Chris
whispered.

I let out a choked, happy sob at
the thought of having
my
Dani with me. With a steadying breath, I
righted myself, trying to harness the emotions overcrowding me.
I just need
to let them settle again…

21

JAKE

MAY 7, 1AE

Lake Tahoe, Nevada

Jake stood at the supply cart in
the Zephyr Cove campground parking lot, across the highway from the lodge,
ready to take inventory of the weapons in the duffel bag he and Jason had
filled during their morning scavenging trip to Emerald Bay with Hunter and Holly.
The sun was warm on his back, and although the snow was still melting off the
mountains surrounding the lake, making the air crisp in the shade, the sun was
shining intensely enough to stave off the chill.

Unzipping the duffel, Jake rifled
around inside for loose ammo. Against his better judgment, he’d been thinking a
lot more than was productive. Ever since Zoe told him about her mom, Dr.
Wesley, thinking about the doctor brought his anger to near boiling, and the
unfathomable truth about what she’d done turned his anger to rage. Of course
Zoe’s mother would end up being alive and the destroyer of all that Jake held
dear in his life. And Zoe didn’t need to feel that living, churning hatred
every time she was around him. He didn’t blame
her
, not in the slightest,
but he couldn’t change what he felt about her mother, either.

So Jake clung to the few happy
memories he had left of the past, memories of Joe’s farm, of rebuilding tractor
engines, working on cars, and patching fences around the property. But then
Jake wondered if Joe was even still alive, and his thoughts went full circle,
back to Zoe and Becca…back to the doctor.

For months Jake had blamed himself
for bringing Clara along with him when he first left Colorado Springs—he still
did—but he wasn’t the only one to blame. It was Dr. Wesley’s fault that Clara
had been able to manipulate people the way she could in the first place, and
essentially it was the doctor’s fault that Zoe was only half the person she’d
once been, and that his sister was a Re-gen. Jake paused from unloading the
bag, forcing himself to loosen his grip on the hunting knife he held in his
hand.

Hearing hurried footsteps on the
asphalt in front of him, Jake ignored their approach and set the hunting knife
and then a bundle of arrows and a new crossbow he’d collected for Zoe on the
cart bed.

“Jake,” Gabe called, breathless as
he jogged nearer.

Jake looked up, and upon seeing
Gabe’s eyes opened wide and filled with what looked like a frenzy of concern
and excitement, he straightened. “What is it?”

Gabe rubbed the back of his neck
and let out a calming breath. “Ah, I think Zoe’s memory is back. She’s—”

“What?” Jake frowned. That didn’t
seem likely, and he was scared to hope. “How?” With the back of his hand, he
wiped away the sweat beading on his brow.

“I’ve been working with her on
this for a while, and—” Gabe stopped himself and sighed. “It doesn’t matter
right now. I’ll fill you in later.” He pointed across the highway, toward the
beach.

When Jake saw two figures coming
up through the interspersed evergreens blocking most of the lake view, his
heartbeat quickened. Zoe and Chris were walking closely, slowly, with one of
Chris’s arms around Zoe’s shoulders. Zoe’s ponytail was disheveled, and there
was something about the way she walked, like the weight of a wretched lifetime
took the bounce out of her step.

Jake’s mouth went dry. Swallowing,
he glanced back to Gabe, incredulous.

His friend watched the women
approach, hands in his pockets.

Jake’s attention shifted back to
Zoe. The soles of her tennis shoes—not her boots—softly padding against the
pavement, and the black t-shirt she’d been wearing most frequently—not her
favorite purple one—were just a few of the many reminders that she was
different from the woman he’d first fallen in love with. Or was she?

After a few seconds of silence,
Gabe met Jake’s gaze again and shrugged. “It just sort of happened,” he said,
and even though Gabe smiled, it wasn’t cocky and confident like it usually was.

Jake felt uneasy. If Gabe wasn’t
sure exactly what had happened, maybe it wasn’t entirely a good thing.

“Just go,” Gabe said, pointing
toward her.

Wiping his shaking hands off on
his pants, Jake took long, slow strides in Zoe’s direction. Her eyes were
locked on the ground, and he could faintly hear the sound of her voice as she
chatted with Chris.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away
from Zoe, hope and guilt mixing into a poisonous concoction inside him. If Gabe
was wrong, Jake wasn’t sure he’d be able to forgive himself for hoping she’d
returned to the person she used to be, for letting this Zoe feel his
disappointment.

Fisting his hands at his sides,
Jake stopped in the middle of the highway. He needed more time to process what
might be happening. But the moment Zoe’s gaze met his, her steps faltered
until, like him, she was still. He searched her face for recognition, for some
indication of what was going on in her head, for proof that she’d returned.

His brow knitted together as he
watched her bright eyes widen, her dark eyebrows raise, and her mouth open slightly
as if she were about to say something. Three agonizingly long heartbeats passed
before she moved.

At first, she seemed to hesitate,
like she was trying to compose herself, but she quickly gave up and ran to him.
A choked sob escaped from her throat as she jumped into his arms, wrapped her
legs around his hips, and encircled her arms around his neck, gripping him so
tight, so unrestrained, and with so much emotion he thought he
must
be
dreaming.

Stunned into disbelief by the
woman trembling against him, Jake wrapped one arm around her back, pulling her
away from him slightly with the other. He needed to
see
her to
understand.

Searching her eyes, Jake found the
old spark he’d missed, the determination and tenacity he’d seen only on rare
occasion over the past weeks, but most importantly he found recognition of the
two of them and everything they’d been through.

Her teal eyes, red-rimmed and
swollen, were no longer cast in uncertainty and frustration; instead they were
cisterns of unbridled torment and longing, filling with so much emotion he
couldn’t deny the truth: she was back.

In his silence, her eyes
frantically searched his.

“How…” Jake couldn’t tear his gaze
from hers, didn’t
want
to. “I didn’t even know…”

Pushing against his hold, she
wrapped her arms around his neck again, leaving not a hairsbreadth between
them. “I didn’t want you to know,” she sobbed. “In case it didn’t work.”

For the first time in weeks, he
could feel her,
his
Zoe. She was more real to him now, shaking in his
arms, than she’d seemed in weeks.

Though he tried not to, Jake’s
mind sifted through their more recent time together, some of the memories
knotting up and burning deep in his gut. Suddenly, everything that had happened
between them while her memory had been gone felt…
wrong
.

“Don’t,” Zoe said softly, her lips
brushing against his neck. “Don’t think about it, not right now.”

Squeezing her tighter, Jake
breathed her in, the scent of her hair, the feel of her body against his…
this
felt right, and he let himself revel in the moment.

“I don’t understand how that’s
possible,” Sarah shrieked. “How’d she get her memory back? And if she did, the
last thing she’s gonna want is all of you fussing all over her.” Her voice
echoed among the trees lining the road as she drew closer, the mumbling of the
others drowned out by her scolding.

Hesitantly, Jake opened his eyes,
reluctant to let Zoe go.

She leaned back, a fierce glint in
her eyes as she looked at him. He never wanted to look away, never wanted to
leave the sanctuary he found in her familiar gaze.

“You didn’t give up on me,” she
said, offering him a brief smile before she pressed a hungry kiss to his mouth.
“I’m so sorry I ran off. I didn’t mean to. Clara tricked me. I heard Dani’s
voice, and—”

“Shhh…” Holding her against him
with one arm, he wiped the drying tears from her cheeks with his free hand. “It
doesn’t matter anymore.” Cupping the back of her head, Jake brought her mouth
to his once more, his kiss slow and deep and reassuring, showing her all that
he couldn’t say. But then he stopped and frowned at her. “But please, don’t do
it again.”

She smiled and made a disparaging
noise at first, but then she frowned. “My mom—Dr. Wesley came to save me…but I
killed Clara…”

Jake brushed a loose strand of
hair from her face. “I know. Now she can’t hurt you anymore,” he said, trying
to offer her a beacon of light in the darkness shadowing her eyes.

Hearing the others approaching,
Jake released her, allowing her to ease her feet down to the pavement, and was
relieved when he felt her fingers lace through his.

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
“Will you be alright?”

Zoe nodded, eyes lazily blinking
closed as she let out a deep breath. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a lot to take in.”

“Zoe!” Sarah squealed, stopping
short behind Jake, with Harper, Biggs, and some of the others in tow. The click
of Cooper’s nails on the asphalt preceded him as he loped toward them.

Zoe rubbed the top of his head.
“Hey, Coop.”

Gabe called the husky back, giving
Jake and Zoe their last few moments together before the swarm.

Cooper obeyed, and Zoe
straightened, quickly wiping any remaining wetness from her face and taking
another deep breath.

Jake offered her a sympathetic
smile and nodded behind him toward the bickering voices. “I’m not sure I’m
ready to lose you to the mob yet.” He wished he could hold her a little
longer…forever.

Stepping into him, Zoe rose to her
tiptoes and pressed another long, promising kiss to his mouth. “I’m not going
anywhere,” she whispered. “After all,” she added, “we have to make up for lost
time and all that…”
Her eyes drifted to his
mouth as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

Jake groaned and squeezed her hand
tighter. “Jesus, Zoe.”

When she stepped away, she smiled
impishly, making his heart squeeze with extreme happiness. But despite her
playfulness, Jake could still see the tumultuous emotions roiling behind her
stormy eyes.

“Zoe?” Sarah called again.

As the seconds passed, and Zoe
didn’t move past him to greet their friends, Jake leaned down, his lips
brushing against her ear as he asked, “What are you doing? They’re waiting for
you…”

She let out a nervous laugh. “I
don’t want to start bawling again.”

“Zoe! Are you ignoring us?” Sarah
huffed. “You better not be. I’m not as nice as I used to be. I might just freak
out or something.”

Jake smiled and moved out of Zoe’s
line of sight so she could see her friends. “She was just collecting herself,”
he explained as he turned around to face them as well.

“What’s the point?” Sarah asked,
throwing her arms around Zoe. “We’re just going to make you cry again, anyway.”

Jake smiled as he watched the two
women hug, but their interaction was different than he’d expected. It was no
surprise to him that Sarah was sobbing within seconds, but even though Zoe was
trying to comfort her, she seemed a little hesitant
.

“It’s not that I didn’t like the
other you,” Sarah blathered. “But it wasn’t the same, and then I thought about
the babies, and I know Harper needs you, and I need you. I’m…” She let out a
despondent wail and sobbed harder.

“It’s alright, Sarah.” Zoe gave
her another squeeze before pulling away.

Biggs smiled at Zoe, offered her a
nod, and wrapped Sarah in his arms to soothe her.

Jake watched Zoe slowly grow more
and more comfortable around everyone as they bantered back and forth, doing
their best to make her feel at home and welcome once again.

What must it have been like for
her over the past month and a half? He could only imagine how much more
difficult it had been for her than for the rest of them…so much so that she’d
been trying to get her memory back in secret.

Ky wandered up and said hello and
teased her, but only until Harper came pushing through the crowd and swooped
her up into his arms. “It’s about time, Baby Girl. I was beginning to worry I’d
never have you back again. I need another pair of hands.” Harper smiled at Jake
as he spun Zoe around.

Cooper barked and scampered around
excitedly as they twirled, and Jake laughed at the sight of them, feeling like
everything might actually be falling back into place.

With a final squeeze, Harper set
Zoe back on her feet, then smiled and kissed her forehead. “Hurry up and say
your hellos, I have work for you to do.”

“Gee, thanks.” Zoe returned his
smile, but faltered when she noticed Sam and Tavis standing on the outskirts of
the group.

Jake’s heart skittered a bit. He
was surprised when Zoe simply nodded to Tavis, then shifted her attention to
Sam as a broad grin filled her face.