Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3) (40 page)

I struggled to reconcile the two
versions of the woman in my arms—trained, dangerous Sarah and bubbly, naive
Sarah, who I’d grown to love almost like a sister. Having known it was
possible, even likely, that she wasn’t who we—who
she
—
thought she was didn’t
make the realization any easier as I watched each memory of our experiences together
fuse with those of a Sarah I didn’t recognize, a Sarah I didn’t trust, a Sarah
who was frightening.

A Sarah who was trained to kill
me.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed,
clutching onto me desperately. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, I don’t
understand—” She let out an agonizing cry and clutched her stomach. “Oh my
God!” She struggled for breath. “The babies…something’s wrong with the babies…”

“Shit,” I hissed. As she knelt
beside me, gasping in excruciating pain, I let the impending truth of her betrayal
fall by the wayside, and my instincts took over. “Come on, Sarah. We’ve got to
get you inside.”

She screamed again as I tried to
lift her. “I can’t move, Zoe. I can’t—” Another piercing scream echoed through
the late morning, and I hoped that by the time I could get her to her feet, the
others would be there, ready to help.

“Hold on, Sarah. We’ve got to get
you inside—”

“I can’t,” she breathed. “It hurts
so bad, I—” She let out another bloodcurdling scream.

Squeezing her shoulders, I stared
into her eyes. “Sarah, you can’t have your babies in the dirt. You would never
forgive me. We have to get you up.”

Biggs and Harper barreled around
the corner of the shed, horror filling Biggs’s eyes. They were still dressed in
their gear from going into town to scavenge, but their jackets and gun holsters
didn’t inhibit them—especially not Biggs. He fell to his knees on Sarah’s other
side.

“Babe,” he gasped. “Are you
alright…is it the babies?”

Sarah let out another wail in
answer, and Harper helped Biggs lift her up to take her into the house.

“Sarah, you have to relax,” Harper
said. “It’s just like we practiced—”

“I can’t relax!” she snarled.

“Deep inhale, Babe. Please,” Biggs
begged, smoothing her hair back from her face.

She did as she was told, but the
pain from the contractions made it difficult for her to concentrate for long.

“Zoe, we’ll need the blankets and
towels from the trunk in the cart, and I need my medical bag. Hurry—we don’t
have long.” Harper’s voice was controlled as he and Biggs made their way toward
the house with Sarah propped between them.

I nodded, staring into Sarah’s frightened
eyes, before turning to run toward the barn.

“Zoe,” Harper called. “Get Chris,
too; we’re gonna need her.”

“Okay!” I said and picked up the
pace.

“What can I do?” Dani asked as I
sprinted past her and Annie.

“Get Chris, and we’ll need water
and soap for anyone doing any handling.” Dani nodded and hustled away, leaving
me to gather Harper’s medical bag and the towels and blankets.

When I finally arrived back at the
ranch house, out of breath, Chris and Biggs were helping Sarah settle on the
makeshift delivery bed consisting of carefully arranged couch cushions on a
small kitchen table. Dani straightened as she finished laying the sheet over
it, and I nearly flung myself at her in gratitude. Her work at the ranch years
ago, combined with her more recent, temporary use of it as a safe haven mere
months ago, provided her a familiarity with the place the rest of us lacked.

Dani glanced from me to Sarah and
back, her face scrunched in sympathy. I had to fight the urge to run to her, to
cry into her arms and tell her what I’d seen—that I was finally certain Sarah
was a Monitor. But Sarah’s screaming diverted my attention, sobering my
thoughts and bringing me back to the urgent task at hand.

Becca ran inside, the screen door
slamming behind her and a wide-eyed look on her face. “Here are more pillows,”
she said.

I pointed to Dani, who grabbed the
pillows, layering them behind Sarah’s head to prop her up a bit more. Sarah
offered Dani a brief, tight smile of thanks, and my stomach knotted. As
harmless as Sarah appeared to be in the midst of giving birth, I couldn’t
ignore the unease I felt at seeing my best friend standing so close to someone
so dangerous.

Sarah’s eyes met mine, and I saw the
roaring emotions and pain darkening them.

“Zoe?” Harper said, making me
jump.

I shook my head and stepped
closer, nearly stumbling on the tangle of clothes and gear that he and Biggs
had shed in the chaos of moving Sarah. I handed Harper his medical bag and
started gathering up the pile of gear from the floor and dumping it onto the
seat of the antique armchair that had been pushed into one corner.

“Thanks, Baby Girl,” Harper said,
distracted as he opened his bag. “Biggs, get her breathing leveled out or she’s
going to hyperventilate.”

Biggs and Chris were murmuring
reassurances and instructions to Sarah, while Becca, Dani, and I stood by,
dumbfounded and waiting for another command.

Becca glanced at me. “I’ll be
outside with Carlos,” she whispered. “Let us know if you need anything else.”
The way she singled me out and squeezed my arm reassuringly made me wonder if
somehow she knew my insides were riddled with fear and sadness—or if maybe
she’d had a vision of what had happened to Sarah, that she knew a war had
broken out in Sarah’s mind. A war Sarah was losing.

I nodded and flashed Becca a
grateful smile before moving closer to Harper.

Sarah shrieked in pain, her
screams coming one after the other.

“Can you give her something for
the pain?” Biggs asked, panicked.

Harper shook his head. “There’s no
way it’ll kick in fast enough. It all happened too fast…”

“What now, H?” I asked, my voice
sounding steadier than I felt.

“The babies are coming,” he said,
pulling on a clean pair of gloves. “Wash your hands and put on a pair”—he
tossed the box of gloves to me—“because you’re gonna help me deliver these poor
kids. Otherwise they might be deaf by the time they get here.” He winked at me,
a Harper gesture of reassurance, but I could feel his fear building as he
readied himself for the delivery.

Even though he hoped Sarah’s twins
would be okay, he knew that her situation was so far beyond normal that there
were no certainties…but then, there never were in childbirth.

Harper scrutinized me with his shrewd,
green eyes. “Stop digging, Baby Girl, come on.”

Steadying my nerves, I did as
Harper said. I took a step closer to Sarah, and once again, her eyes flitted to
mine. Her gaze was filled with pain and fear and hatred that she tried to
quell. Her face was ruddy, her skin covered in a sheen of sweat. Wisps of hair
were matted to the sides of her face, and her eyes squinted shut as she wailed.

Chris stood on one side of Sarah, Biggs
on the other, each squeezing one of her hands while she faded in and out of
bouts of pain. They were doing their best to soothe her, to shift her mood and
mute her overwhelming pain, but their efforts only dulled it slightly.

I did what I could to help Harper,
being another set of hands when he needed it and holding Sarah’s legs down when
she started to move around. After a few more minutes, Sarah’s pain was almost
more than I could bear; it resonated inside of me, bringing the sting of tears
to my eyes.

And then, Sarah let out another
agonized grunt, and Harper had a screaming baby in his arms.

He looked up at me, smiling.

“It’s a boy,” I said, an
uncontainable smile engulfing my face.

“A healthy boy,” Harper said more
loudly.

There was relieved laughter and
whispers as Harper cut the umbilical cord and moved to hand Sarah her baby boy.

She shook her head. “No, I—” She
began screaming in pain again, her body tensing.

Quickly, Harper handed me the baby,
refocusing his attention on Sarah. “Here comes the other…”

She screamed again, her eyes shut tightly as she tried to
clench away the pain.

“I know it’s hard, Sarah, but try
to relax. This one should be quick.”

There was more screaming and Sarah
cursing at Harper, but as Harper predicted, the other baby arrived within
minutes.

“It’s a girl!” I said. “You have a
baby boy and a baby girl, Sarah.” I tried to hand her the amazingly precious
little boy who had begun to fuss in my arms, but again, Sarah pushed him away.

Tears were streaming from her eyes
as she tried to catch her breath. Uncertain what to do, I handed the baby to
Chris instead, while Harper passed the baby girl to Biggs. He accepted the
infant, but his gaze was fixed on Sarah, confusion and pain twisting his
expression, nearly breaking my heart.
When he
tried to hand Sarah her baby girl, she pushed Biggs away.

“No,” she snapped. “Get them away
from me.”

Biggs stood there, stunned.

“I said
take them away!
”
The confusion, disgust,
and shame she was feeling greatly outweighed her love and adoration for her new
family.

The room quieted, everyone’s eyes on
Sarah.

“Just get out!” she yelled, and my
heart nearly stopped, fear replacing my concern for her.

After exchanging glances with one
another, Chris and Biggs filed hesitantly out of the room, a baby cradled in
each of their arms. Dani looked up at me, worry filling her eyes, as she, too,
followed them out of the room, leaving Harper and me alone with Sarah. I
glanced over at her; her hands were covering her face, and her body was convulsing
as she sobbed.

“Why don’t you give us a minute,
Baby Girl,” Harper whispered.

“No,” Sarah said, her head
snapping up. “I want to talk to Zoe…alone. Please.” She sounded as conflicted
as I knew she felt.

Harper took a step toward Sarah.
“We need to clean you up and—”

“Later,” she said. “I
need
to talk to Zoe.” She must’ve noticed my uncertainty. Her eyes flicked from me
to Harper and back. “I just had twins. I’m not going to bite you.”

I let out a dry laugh as Harper
squeezed my arm reassuringly and walked out. Part of me wanted to call him
back, but I didn’t. I needed to talk to Sarah about what was happening to her,
about the memories I’d seen. I needed to know how far gone she was before I
told Jason, before he interrogated her or worse.

Once I could hear Harper outside, I
took a step toward Sarah.

She took a deep breath and shook
her head, more tears escaping down her cheeks. “I don’t know what’s going on,”
she croaked. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

I stood a few feet from her,
unable to relax no matter how adamantly I tried to convince myself that she
could never bring herself to kill me. “I know you want to hurt me. I’ve seen—”

“But I
don’t
,” she said
desperately. “At least, part of me doesn’t…”

I could feel Sarah battling with
her own emotions, using her children, her family, to ignore her building need
to put a bullet in my head, to spill my blood. “I know what I’m supposed to do.
Trying to deny my mission is like trying not to breathe.” There was a sharpness
to her voice I’d never heard before. Regardless of Sarah’s determination to
ignore the dangerous part of herself, she was failing, and we both knew it.

“You’re my best friend,” she said
like she was trying to convince herself it was true. Despite her calmness, she
was only holding on by a thread.

When Sarah looked up at me again,
her brown eyes were bloodshot and filled with more unshed tears, but her mouth
was tensed and anger pulsed inside her. “This is your fault,” she bit out.
“Your whole family’s—your mom’s…I wouldn’t be in this situation if it wasn’t
for
you
.” Her tone was scathing.

Almost immediately, Sarah clamped
her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Zoe. I didn’t mean that. I know it’s
not your fault, I—” She stopped herself and shook her head. “I don’t know
anything anymore.”

She was right, it was my fault
that she’d become a tool in the General’s “Great Transformation,” and I thought,
for the first time, that I might actually grow to hate my mom.

“I’m a murderer,” she whispered.

“You’re a mom now, too, Sarah,” I
said, knowing that if she hadn’t been, I would probably already be dead. “I
don’t think he planned on that part. Giving birth changed you. I can feel it.”

Sarah nodded. “Maybe, but my need
to kill you isn’t gone.” Her body began to shake as she broke out in violent
sobs again, and she tried to stifle her cries in the crook of her arm. “What am
I going to do?”

Holding my breath to choke the
emotion building up inside me, I blinked rapidly.

“You need to leave, Zoe,” she
said. Her hands clenched into fists. I could feel her mind swirling with
hatred, her animosity and need for blood—
my
blood—building to a
crescendo.