Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3) (12 page)

“So, what’s on Sarah’s Roadside
Menu this morning?” I asked. “The boys came back empty-handed last night…that
doesn’t mean we’re having, like, roadkill or something, does it?”

“I would’ve considered it if we’d
seen any that was fresh, but nope, we’re going with spam in our breakfast
burritos this morning.” Sarah sighed. “Honestly, Zoe, I’m beginning to run out
of ideas. There are so many of us now, I think I’ve exhausted all of my
sort-of-quick-but-good ideas, at least if I want to feed everyone before it’s
time to start preparing lunch.”

“We’re traveling, Sarah. No one
expects a five-course meal. We’re lucky we have you cooking for us at all, and
besides, I’ve never heard anyone complain.” I put a scrubbed potato on the
cutting board Sarah had delivered to me before reaching for another potato.

“Thanks. I guess it’s just that
cooking is really the only thing I can contribute at this point. I just don’t
want to disappoint.”

From my periphery, I watched her
pour oil into three cast-iron skillets and carry them one by one to the campfire,
placing them beside one another on the metal grate Biggs had set up for her.

As she waddled back, wiping her
hands off on her apron, she glanced around. “Where’s Becca this morning,
anyway? Is she getting tired of me already?”

I laughed. “No, I don’t think so.
She’s probably with Mase and Camille. She was gone this morning when I woke up,
so don’t take it personal.”

“I’ll try not to.” She bustled
around behind me for a while, leaving me to my thoughts as I scrubbed one
potato after another.

“How are things going with Jake?”
Sarah asked after a few minutes.

I felt my body tense. “They’re
good,” I said as nonchalantly as possible.

Lazy footsteps, followed by a sigh
and Sarah’s shadow approaching, brought my scrubbing to a stop. I looked over
to find her staring directly at me, head tilted to the side and hands on her
hips. “Tell me,” she demanded. “What’s wrong?”

Giving in, I sighed. “Nothing’s
wrong
.”

“Something’s…something. You’re
lost in thought, which is more of an old Zoe thing than a new Zoe thing.”

My head snapped toward her. “Is
it?” I couldn’t help feeling a burst of hope.

With a curt nod, she crossed her
arms, resting them on her belly. “Now spill.” The curious gleam in her pale,
brown eyes betrayed her hard-set features.

Rinsing off the newly scrubbed
potato in my hand, I set it aside and turned to face her. “It’s the dreams.” I
wiped my wet hands off on a towel haphazardly draped over the edge of the chuck
boxes. “You know…about Jake?”

Sarah grinned. “I remember. Does
that mean you finally did something about it?” Her eyebrows danced
suggestively.

“No,” I said, exasperated.

Sarah’s excitement vanished,
replaced with sympathy. “I’m just teasing you, Zoe.”

“What’s wrong with me, Sarah?” I
leaned against the fold-out work table, rubbing my temples as if it might help
the answer form.

She sighed heavily. “You haven’t even
talked to him about your dreams?”

“God no!” I blanched. “What the
hell would I say?”

“Okay, well”—she threw her hands
up—“this situation is clearly bothering you,” she said flatly, shielding her
eyes as she squinted into the sun burning through the morning fog. “If you
won’t
talk
to him about it, what
are
you going to do?”

I threw my own hands up, feeling
foolish and naïve. “Haven’t you ever been so scared that you’ll fail at something,
that you’ll be rejected? I know it sounds silly, but—”

“It doesn’t sound silly.” Sarah stepped
closer to the wagon, into the shade, and the tension around her eyes lessened.

“What if taking that next step
makes me feel closer to him, but pushes
him
further away from me? I’m
not the same, Sarah. The next step could easily ruin what we’re slowly putting
back together—”

“Or make it better.” She watched
me for a long moment, clearly considering my situation. “You know what I
think?”

I stared at her blankly.

“I think you just need to take the
chance—not with sex or kissing or anything you don’t feel comfortable with, but
you need to be more open with him. Let’s be honest, it’s Jake, which means he’s
not going to push things between you guys…he’s waiting for
you
.” Sarah
placed both of her hands on my shoulders. “If you want things to change, you
need to make the first move—and soon, by the sound of it, or these dreams are
going to drive you crazy.” Sarah gave my shoulders a squeeze. “You’re torturing
yourself, Zoe. I know it’s scary, but you need to do
something
. You’re
letting your fear get in the way of your relationship with him.”

I groaned, nerves making me feel
nauseous. “I know.” As much as I knew she was trying to help, it was easy for
her to encourage me; she’d been with Biggs for months—they were having a baby
together even. They’d come to know each other organically, whereas I woke up in
a relationship I couldn’t remember ever having been in.

“For what it’s worth…I don’t think
you’ll regret
trying
to be with Jake. I just hope you don’t hurt him in
the process. He’s a good guy, Zoe.” Sarah turned away, smiling to herself as
she ambled to the food trunk.

Multiple images of her and Biggs
flashed through my mind. Although I’d gotten a bit better at distracting myself
so I wasn’t solely focused on everyone’s memories and emotions all the time,
some were more difficult to ignore than others. And sometimes curiosity got the
best of me, and I couldn’t help but pay too much attention.
What’s it like…really
being
with someone?

Refocusing on
Sarah, I realized that she was watching me intently and that I’d been thinking
out loud…again. I cleared my throat, feeling like I’d been caught lurking in
the dark corners of her mind. Because, in a way, I had.

“What’s
what
like?”
Her eyes narrowed and then widened. “Are you in my head, Zoe?”

Biting the inside
of my cheek, my hands found their way to my temples again, and I attempted to
rub the swirling questions I had away. “Yes…sorry.”

She only tossed her head back and
let out a boisterous laugh. “‘What’s it like?’ It’s
amazing
, Zoe.”

I smiled timidly, relieved she
wasn’t offended by my prodding.

“Which is why I think you
shouldn’t run away from whatever you and Jake might still have just because
you’re feeling lost. I think you should try to figure things out. Biggs makes
me feel beautiful and special, even when I’m as big as a whale. He makes me
feel alive.” She smiled, more for herself than for me. “I don’t know how I
would’ve gotten this far without him. Granted, I wouldn’t be like I am now,
near bursting and hormonal as all hell, without him…”

Sarah’s thoughts drifted and she
glanced over to the tents, where Biggs and Sanchez were standing with Jason.
“Being with someone you love makes you feel important,” she said wistfully. “It
makes you feel like everything will be okay because you have someone to face
your problems with. Jake used to be that for you, at least I think he was. But
you won’t know if he still is until you try.”

In spite of my uncertainty, I
longed to have with someone what Sarah had with Biggs. Jake was amazing, I knew
it innately, even if I wasn’t sure how or why I knew it. Determined to find out
if he really was someone I could love, I decided that today
had
to be
that day—the day we would take things a step further, regardless of how small
and seemingly insignificant that step might be. I needed it.
We
needed
it.

~~~~~

“You’re getting faster,” Jake
said, helping me to my feet after our final round of blocking and kicking. I
excelled at the blocking, although any sort of offensive strikes had proved to
be more difficult.

“Yeah?” I said, genuinely curious.
Cooper trotted over to us, and I rubbed his head while he paused from his
exploring.

Jake nodded. “But speed was never
a problem for you.”

I frowned. “What was my problem?”

Jake only chuckled as he took in
my expression. “Let’s just say you weren’t very strong.”

“
Weren’t
?
You mean
not
…?”

“Weren’t,” he clarified and
gestured to my exposed biceps. They were nothing to write home about. “You’re
stronger now. All you need is to remember—” He stopped himself. “You just need
to learn how to use that strength again.”

Again.
The fact that he’d probably spent countless hours teaching
me, doing the same training exercises we’d been doing together the past couple
days, was aggravating.

Luckily, Chris and Harper strode
by, deep in conversation, giving me something else to think about.
Them.
I
smiled. They weren’t overtly affectionate, but they spent a lot of their time
together, and I’d seen Harper come out of Chris’s tent on more than one
occasion.

“We’re heading up to the ledge
after this,” Jake told them. “We’ll be back after sundown.”

Chris nodded. “Have fun.”

“See you in a couple hours,”
Harper said, and they both continued toward camp.

I glanced behind us toward the
canyon below and then back to Jake. “Excuse me…the
ledge
? Are you going
to throw me over?”

Jake took my hand in his, a
gesture I hadn’t quite expected, and we walked toward the mass of boulders at
the southwest edge of camp. “Not exactly.”

“Umm…”

Jake stopped. “Are you afraid of
heights now?”

“Why? I wasn’t before?” That was
surprising.

Jake shook his head. “Not that I’m
aware of.”

“Oh.”

Smiling, he squeezed my hand
tighter in his. “It’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise. Come on, Coop!”

I bit at the inside of my cheek.
Jake wanted to do something special with me today, alone, and I wasn’t about to
complain. “Alright. But remember, Harper and Chris know I’m going to this
ledge
with you, so if anything happens to me…”

Jake laughed softly, and we fell
into step beside one another.

After a few minutes of walking
hand in hand, I lost sight of camp, but I didn’t mind. We really were
completely alone, and I felt strangely at ease about it. Something was
different about us this time; whether it was the fact that I was adamant to
step out of my comfort zone or the fact that this seemed the closest thing to a
date I could ever remember having, I wasn’t sure. But I was both comfortable
and content.

“I found this place last night
during my rounds,” Jake said, leading me up onto a large, lichen-covered
boulder. He stepped up and reached down to help pull me up, too. He was
squinting even though his back was to the lowering sun. “I thought you might
like it.”

“I’m excited,” I said truthfully.
He guided me up onto another large rock, but this time my foot slipped, and I
flailed forward. Jake caught me, his hands gripping mine with a firm,
reassuring hold.

“Are you alright?” His hands were
rough and warm and strong around mine, one small detail to add the list of
things I’d been noticing about him the more time we spent together.

I let out a disgruntled grumble.
“Yeah, thanks. I guess I’m not very good at this hiking stuff.”

“You’ve never been very agile,”
Jake teased and helped me step onto the next rock. “It’s just over here.” He
nodded toward the tallest boulder as his fingers tightened around mine, trying
to keep me from toppling over.

As if they were carried on the
gentle breeze, a stream of memories filled my mind, and I couldn’t shut them
out.

I saw myself on the ground, struggling
beneath a very aggressive and determined soldier as he straddled me, grinning.

I was sobbing and screaming.

A little ways off, Cooper stood
beside Jake at the edge of the woods; Jake’s attention snapped  between the
soldier and me.

In a blink, I watched another,
older military man fall to the ground, a bullet between his eyes, and Jake
leaned against a tree, bleeding and in pain.

Jake had saved me. I could feel
his disgust and astonishment acutely. There was something about physically
touching each other that made our connection stronger.

Another memory flickered to life.

Jake was holding me against his
chest. I was unconscious as we rushed toward a truck, Harper and Sanchez
hobbling along nearby.

“How many Crazies was that?”
Sanchez groaned, limping as she leaned against Harper. Blood covered the front
of her shirt and was all over Harper’s hands and clothes, as well. “The
bastards came out of nowhere…” She cringed. “Ah! Shit!”

“Stop talking and concentrate
on getting back to the truck,” Harper said.