Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3) (7 page)

“Why would she be scared?”

“She’s not the same, I can see it
in her eyes. She won’t understand what she sees…what she feels.”

When Becca said nothing, he met
his sister’s confused stare. “You mean, your feelings for her? Why should that
scare her?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

“Scared?”

He nodded.

“I am scared right now. I know no
one, just as she does not. But I am still curious. I still
want
to
remember. I want to understand the truth…to understand who I am.”

Jake closed his gaping mouth. “You
do?”

Becca nearly smiled again. “It is
hard to predict another person’s feelings, is it not?” She frowned
infinitesimally. “You cannot protect her from what is. You can only help her
understand. If I said such a thing to you…before”—Becca glanced quickly to
Zoe—“then there was a reason, I am certain of it, but it could very well
already have come to pass.”

Jake gave Becca a quizzical look.
“Won’t it be overwhelming for her to learn about
us
if she doesn’t even
remember
me
? I’m a complete stranger to her.”

Becca’s eyes brightened with
understanding, and she smiled sympathetically. “You are assuming she will
reject you.”

“Hell yeah, I am.”

His sister tilted her head. “And
what if she doesn’t? What if she accepts you instead?” she asked fluidly
without her stilted, formal inflection. “Shouldn’t she get to decide how she
feels?”

Jake frowned this time.
When he realized his sister’s eyes were gleaming with an
emotion he couldn’t quite place, he couldn’t help but think she knew something
he didn’t, and the hope that swelled inside him scared him shitless.
Sighing, he leaned forward, knowing that allowing Zoe to
see his memories could create an irreparable fissure between them.

“I should go,” Becca said abruptly
and rose, taking his bowl.

Surprised, Jake straightened and
glanced up at her. He was about to ask her to stay when he noticed Zoe slowly
approaching from the other side of the fire. Her hands tapped at her sides, and
her gaze fixed on the ground. Her face was relaxed, unmarred by the worry lines
he was so used to. She smiled at Becca as they passed one another. Jake watched
her approach with bated breath.

“Hey,” Zoe said, exactly as she
had the day she’d walked into the auto shop at Fort Knox, the same uncertain,
beautifully curious and awkward look on her face. But when she finally made eye
contact with him, Jake couldn’t help but notice that the usual, mischievous
gleam was gone.

Jake smoothed his palms over his
thighs and moved to stand.

Zoe held up her hand to stop him.
“Please, don’t get up.” She shook her head, causing her hair to fall in front
of her eyes. She let it hang around her face like it was a shield and stared
down at the camping chair beside his.
“This is
so silly, isn’t it?” she said and finally met his gaze.
There was something about the look on her face that
prevented him from speaking.

Automatically, she started to
lower herself into the chair beside him, then froze. Eyebrows lifted and eyes
filled with what Jake thought might be embarrassment, she cleared her throat.
“Sorry,” she said, and shook her head as she let out a nervous breath. “Do you
mind if I sit?”

“Of course not,” Jake said. He had
to resist the urge to brush her hair away from her eyes, to pull her closer, to
hold her hand, to do
something
that was
them.

Finally, gathering the loose
strands of her hair behind her head, Zoe twisted them away from her face before
she let them fall and unfurl down her back. She dropped her hands into her lap,
took a long, deep breath, and closed her eyes.

Jake wanted to reach out to her,
to offer her some sort of reassurance. But then she tilted her head to the side
and peered into his eyes, which surprised him.

“You’re avoiding me—” she said as he began, “How are you
feel—”

She smiled at him and licked her
lips as she rested her elbows on her knees. “It’s weird,” she said, blushing.

“Which part?” Jake asked, knowing
everything she’d learned about her life—about the world—was probably equally
difficult to grasp.

Biting the inside of her cheek,
she studied him for a moment. “You’re more difficult to read than the others,”
she finally admitted.

Jake felt a sudden flood of
relief.

“Well, except for Jason. But…” She
waved the idea of her brother away. “Look, Jake…I know I’m not
her
, but
I—” She gazed up at him thoughtfully. “I don’t want you to have to feel like
you can’t be around me. I mean, if you still want to be. I don’t want you to
avoid me like the plague unless you…ya know…”

“I’m not avoiding you, not
exactly,” he finally said. “I want to give you your space…a chance to get used
to things.”

Zoe shook her head. “You’re all so
worried I’ll see too much, so you avoid me. It just makes everything
worse…harder.” She bent her knee and pulled it up, hugging it against her chest.
“I want to feel normal, but how can I when everyone acts differently around me,
when everyone tries to censor themselves…their memories?” She stared into the
fire, lost in thought.

Jake watched her as she bit the
inside of her cheek. He’d never thought about it in that way.

When he didn’t reply, Zoe peered at
him, her eyes softening. “I know this must be hard for you, too, and I’m sorry
I don’t remember you or us. But maybe if you just give me some time…” Her
eyebrows pinched together, and her voice sounded near pleading.

Jake studied her a moment. “I
don’t want to rush you,” he said, and he forced himself to say the next words,
wanting, more than anything, to comfort her. “You’ll remember…soon.”

Zoe offered him a weak smile.
“Maybe.”
Her ambiguity was evident.

“You don’t think so?”

Zoe shrugged. “I feel like it
would’ve happened already, but…” She shook her head, her hair falling around
her face again. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to avoid
me…”

Abruptly, she rose, and without
thought, Jake reached for her hand.

When she froze and glanced down at
his fingers entwined with hers, a weak smile tugged at her lips. She cleared
her throat. “Goodnight,” she whispered.

“Goodnight,” he said, and he
thought he felt Zoe squeeze his fingers slightly before letting go and walking
away. He tried not to let his heart swell with too much hope as she returned to
her spot on the other side of the fire, Sam and Tavis laughing with one
another and smiling at her as she plopped down between them.

6

DANI

MARCH 28, 1AE

San Juan National Forest, Colorado

I sat atop the
bench of the chuck wagon, the highest spot in camp, keeping watch by staring
out at the moonlit field of tall grasses and the wooded foothills beyond that.
Not that the “keeping watch” part of keeping watch was strictly necessary now
that my Ability had returned, even only partially; dozens of nocturnal creatures
were linked into my telepathic network, ready to alert me of any incoming
two-legs, and their senses were so much better than mine, even when I was paying
super close attention. Which, I was a little ashamed to admit, I definitely
wasn’t
doing at the moment.

Part of me was
wondering what Jason was doing, since he’d originally been scheduled to be my
watch partner tonight, and part of me couldn’t get enough of basking in the
gentle touch of the non-human minds all around me. It was one of those things I
hadn’t truly appreciated until I’d thought it was gone, maybe forever. I
couldn’t help but dwell on the possibility that my relationship with Jason
might be headed in that same direction.

Apparently I was
paying too much attention to those things, and not nearly enough to my
surroundings. Someone touched my knee—clearly not a “dangerous” someone, since
the animals hadn’t warned me, but that didn’t stop me from being startled. My
left elbow nicked the armrest, and just that small impact sent a shock of pain
branching out along my forearm.

“Owww…” I
scrunched up my face. Which also hurt, thanks to Clara getting a little too
slap-happy with me during my time in one of the Colony’s subterranean interrogation
rooms.

“Careful,” Carlos
murmured as he hauled himself up onto the wagon’s bench seat. He draped an arm
over my shoulders and tucked me close against his side. Since my escape, he’d
been hovering around me nearly as much as Jason had been, but unlike Jason,
Carlos hadn’t built an impenetrable fortress—with a mote and alligators—around
his emotions. Having Carlos around was comforting rather than draining. In the
several months since we’d freed him from the mind-controlling clutches of a
madwoman, he’d become the little brother I never had.

I smiled up at
him. He was a good half-foot taller than me, despite being only sixteen. But
then, pretty much everyone was taller than me. Even Sam was taller than me, and
he was only ten. I sighed my most damsel-in-distress sigh. “What would I ever
do without you?”

“You
don’t
want
me to answer that.” Carlos’s tone was dry, but one corner of his mouth quirked
upward.

My eyes narrowed.
“Smart-ass.” Inside, I grinned, just a little. At least Jason’s sullenness
wasn’t rubbing off on his protégée like his general
mess-with-me-and-I’ll-rip-your-face-off attitude and absolutely filthy mouth
were.

“So where
is
Jason,
anyway? Not that I’m disappointed to have you join me, but he
was
supposed
to be my partner for first watch…”

Carlos gave my
shoulders a squeeze. “He fell asleep after dinner, when you were off with Zoe
and Chris at the creek.” He chuckled softly. “He was just sitting by the fire,
his head hanging down like this.” Carlos’s arm slipped away, and he mimed
nodding off with his chin lowered to his chest. “So I offered to take his
place. He’s passed out in your tent.”

He scooted over,
putting a few inches between us. “So, um…I haven’t really been using my Ability
since the breakout thing. I mean, I don’t know if you noticed or anything…”

I
had
noticed, mostly because I’d been told about his Ability—that he had some sort
of control over electricity—but other than knowing he’d knocked the power out
during the escape from the Colony, I’d yet to see him use it up close. He’d overexerted
it, resulting in Ability burnout just like me, but his had come back online
days ago. He seemed reluctant to use it, and I assumed it was because he feared
he would burn it out again.

“I noticed,” I
told him with a slow nod, continuing to scan the circle of colorful tents that
made up our camp and the darkness surrounding them. “Sure, I’m totally curious
to see you work your electricity mojo, but I’ve lost access to my Ability a
couple times now, and I get it—losing it, even for just a little while…” I
shook my head. “It’s like going blind or deaf…or getting a hand chopped off,
you know? You think about it—
miss
it—all the time, because it’s not
there.” I sighed.
And sometimes, when it comes back, it’s broken
,
I didn’t say.

Carlos crossed
his arms over his chest and stared out at the horses, who were milling around
in the overgrown grasses. “I guess, yeah, I was scared of losing it again. At
first, I mean. I thought using it might burn it out again, and then I started
thinking…what if something happens and, like, those people take you again—take
any of us—and we have to do it all over again? What if that happened, and I
couldn’t send out an EMP blast?”

I studied his
profile, thinking I should probably say something comforting or wise or
Grams-like. Nothing. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I touched my
hand to the silver medallion hanging around my neck; it had belonged to Grams,
and I was hoping to draw on some of her maternal wisdom through it. Nope; no such
luck.

Carlos shrugged,
still not looking at me. “But then I—” He met my eyes for the briefest moment
and laughed a soft, humorless laugh. “It was like I could hear my sister
yelling at me, telling me I was being stupid, that it was okay to be scared, but
not to let it rule me, you know?”

It was the first
time he’d ever mentioned a sister, but it wasn’t a surprise that he’d never
mentioned her before. Not many of my companions spent much time talking about
the people they’d lost, myself included. Talking about it made it seem that
much more real, that much fresher; it made us really acknowledge the fact that
we would never see any of them again.
Because of Zo and Jason’s mom…

“So I started
practicing again. Turning stuff on, sending out small EM pulses, and, well…” Carlos
turned his moon-shadowed eyes on me, looking at me fully for the first time
since joining me on the wagon’s bench seat. “If I show you something, will you
keep it a secret? I just—I don’t want everyone to know yet.” He smiled and
shook his head and, for once, looked like the teen boy he was. “I’m not that
good at it…
yet
.”

I swallowed,
searching his eyes for some clue of what he was about to share with me.
Finally, I nodded.

“Hold out your
hand?”

I frowned, and hurt
filled his eyes.

“You don’t trust
me?”

My heart felt
like it dropped into my stomach. “No—I mean, yes, of course I trust you. I’d
trust you with my life,” I said in a rush. I held out my hand, palm up, and
forced a smile that I hoped offered him some reassurance. “Please. Show me.”

Relief filled
Carlos’s shadowed eyes, and he returned my smile with a tentative one of his
own. “Don’t move, okay?” When I nodded, he extended his hand, holding his palm
directly over mine. “I found a physics textbook and have been reading up on
electromagnetic fields and charges and Faraday’s Law, and how—” He laughed and
shook his head. “You don’t care about that stuff.”

But he was wrong.
I
did
care about “that stuff.” I cared that he was actively seeking out
information that might help him explore his Ability. Electromagnetic fields,
charges, and something called “Faraday’s Law” sounded like fairly ambitious
research topics, especially for a sixteen-year-old.
He should talk to Gabe…

“That stuff I
read got me thinking,” Carlos continued. “And I tried some different things,
and…well, I came up with this.” He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice
was nearly a whisper. “Ready?”

Again, I nodded.

He took a deep
breath, and a gentle tingling sensation spread over my palm. It felt odd—a
little itchy, but not unpleasant. Gradually, almost like I was dipping my hand
into hot water slowly enough to allow my skin to grow accustomed to the
temperature, the tingling sensation spread, climbing around to the back of my
hand and up to my wrist and higher. When it reached my shoulder and just
started to extend onto my torso, I drew in a shaky breath. “What—what is this?”

“Does it feel
okay?” he asked, his eyes searching my face. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“No, no,” I said,
laughing a little. “It’s just, um, I don’t even know. It’s almost fuzzy…sort
of. Does that sound right?”

The tightness
around Carlos’s eyes relaxed, and he nodded. The tingling sensation started
spreading down my torso and up my neck much faster.

“I got the idea
from you, actually.” A quick smile flashed across his face before it retreated
under his increasingly tense mask of concentration. “I thought, maybe if I
could control it enough, we could do our own version of that electrotherapy
stuff you mentioned, but without the torture part.” His eyebrows drew together
as the tingling reached my opposite arm and my thighs. “You know, so like, a
lot slower and with less electricity and stuff, but still enough to make our
Abilities stronger…?”

I had to stifle
my first instinct at hearing him mention electrotherapy, which was to shudder
and pull away. “I—” I took a deep breath. “I think that’s an excellent idea. I
bet Gabe would love to hel—”

“No.” Carlos
retracted his hand, and the tingling sensation evaporated immediately. “Not
him. We can’t trust him, not after what he did to you.”

That earned
another frown. “Carlos…” I reached over and touched his wrist. “Ouch!” As soon
as our skin made contact, electricity shocked my fingertips, numbing my hand
almost instantly.

Carlos leapt off
the wagon, stumbling as he landed on the ground. “I’m sorry!” He spun around
and stared up at me, his eyes opened too wide. “Shit, Dani, I’m
so
sorry!”

“Carlos—”

“You can’t touch
me when I’ve been doing stuff like that. I forgot to tell you—Jesus fucking—I
could’ve
killed
you!”

Shaking out my
arm, I laughed, aiming for nonchalant, but hitting nervous perfectly. “No
worries. Just killed the nerves in my hand for a few seconds.” I held up my
hand and wiggled my fingers. “It’s already going away.”

Carlos didn’t
look the least bit reassured. “I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you.” He hit his
forehead with the heel of his hand several times. “I wasn’t thinking. It was
stupid. I—”

“It’s fine,
really,” I said as I moved to the end of the bench seat and hopped down. I took
two steps toward him and offered a tight-lipped smile. “It’s better than fine,
really.” Pausing, I looked into his haunted eyes. “This could be a game-changer
down the road. If we can use this to increase our Abilities…” As I trailed off,
I shook my head. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to the undefined period of
having a nonfunctioning Ability that resulted from electrotherapy while my invigorated
synapses settled back down, but there was no denying how badly we needed to be
as strong, as capable, and as dangerous as we could possibly be.
And
,
a tiny voice said in the back of my mind,
maybe this
could fix my broken Ability…

Carlos’s brow
furrowed, uncertainty and hope clear on his face. “You think this could work
the same as the electroshock stuff they did to you?”

I took a deep
breath, exhaling slowly. “I do,” I said with a nod. “But I really think you
should talk to Gabe about—” I held up my hand, cutting off Carlos’s protests as
soon as he opened his mouth. “He knows more about this kind of thing than
anyone else. He’s experienced it—
firsthand
—just like me,
and
he’s
a freaking genius. If you want your non-torture version of electrotherapy to
work, he’s your best bet.”

Carlos’s gaze
shifted to some point low and off to the side. “I’ll think about it.”

“Hey,” I said,
and without thinking, I reached for his arm. “Maybe—”

He backpedaled
out of reach so quickly that I flinched.

“I’m sorry.” I
held my hand up. “That was stupid. My fault, okay?”

Carlos stared at
me with wide, horrified eyes. “You can’t do that shit around me, Dani. If you—if
I—I could—”

“Kill me, I
know.” I sighed, frustrated with myself for upsetting him. He’d already been
through so much—too much for most people to experience and be able to keep
going. And now he had one more problem to deal with—worrying about whether or
not he might accidentally electrocute the rest of us if we touched him at an
inopportune time. There was only one person who could help him with his new
problem. I placed my hand on my hip and straightened my spine. “Do you have any
clue what his job was?”

Carlos raised his
eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Gabe—back at the
Colony. Do you know what his job was?” I repeated.

Carlos kicked a
small rock. “No.”

“He was in charge
of Ability research.”

“He was?” Carlos
looked up, interest flitting over his features.