Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3) (25 page)

Jason began pacing, running a hand
through his hair. “Yeah, I can null her.”

“Okay, so I’ll go find her, then?
Bring her back here so we can talk to her together?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said.
“I’ll go.” He started striding back toward the carts.

“I think she’s by—” I started to
say.

“I know where she is,” he said
over his shoulder. “Meet me in the shack.”

Ten minutes later, I was leaning against
a stack of Rubbermaid tubs of food and cooking utensils when Jason and Dani
entered through the open doorway. Dani seemed more than a little surprised to
find me waiting inside.

Pausing in the doorway, she looked
at me, her eyebrows drawn together. “Did you figure out who the Monit—”

“No, Dani,” I said. “This isn’t
about that.”

After a brief moment, shock and
betrayal played on Dani’s exhausted features, and my guilt thickened. I felt
like I was a horrible friend.
She
needs
our help,
I reminded myself.

Jason tried to pull her further
inside, but she dug in her heels, glaring at him and me in turn, suspicion
emanating from her. “What is this?”

“We came up with a plan…a plan to
help you stop drifting,” I said.

Her eyes flicked up to mine,
little more than narrow slits of emerald, and she pulled her hand free from
Jason’s grasp.

I cleared my throat, trying to
ignore the hurt and anger and shame radiating off of her. “I couldn’t
not
tell
him, Dani. I’m sorry.”

“So this is—what?” Again, she took
the time to glare at each of us. “An intervention?” She laughed, harshly at
first, though it quickly became high-pitched and despondent. “It won’t help.
Nothing will.”

Jason reclaimed her hand. “Red…”

“No!” Dani shook her head rapidly
and shoved him, or
tried
to shove him. “You don’t get it. I’m
trying
.
I can’t
make
it stop!”

“We know, Dani,” I rasped, stunned
by the feral sound that had emanated from her. Her desperation and fear brought
tears to my eyes. “Jason…” I looked to him, unable to speak.

He stepped forward and took hold
of her upper arms. “I’ll null you for a while, help keep your mind with you
instead of drifting.”

She stared at him, her eyes wide.
“You—you’re sure you should do that? What about everyone else? What if they
can’t use their Abilities—”

“We’ll make it work, Red. I’m
stronger now, I can control it more. I’ll make it work…”

Without warning, she flung herself
at Jason, clinging to him as her body shook. She was crying, but all I could
feel coming from her was a sense of overwhelming relief.

~~~~~

Lying in my sleeping bag that
night, warm and cozy beside Jake, I stared up at the stars through the netted
top of our tent, succumbing to every thought that filtered into my head. My
mind failed to do what my body so desperately wanted—to rest.

If I wasn’t thinking about my
secret electrotherapy sessions with Gabe and Carlos and the dwindling hope that
my memory would return, I was thinking about what had happened with Dani a
couple hours earlier. Or I was thinking about my mom and the danger we were all
in, or about Jason’s anguish and Sanchez’s and Carlos’s and Camille’s
traumatizing pasts. I didn’t want to be the one who knew so many disturbing
secrets, but I had to keep quiet because they weren’t my secrets to tell, they
weren’t my problems to fix. At the moment, I just wanted my Ability to go away.

With an audible exhale, Jake
rolled over to face me.

I looked at him, finding his
shadowed eyes in the inky darkness.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly,
his hand clasping both of mine, which were folded on my chest. “Are you worried
about Dani?”

I turned onto my side to face him
completely. I could’ve lied, I could’ve told him that I just couldn’t sleep.
After all, he would never know what I was really thinking. But I didn’t want to
pretend nothing was bothering me anymore. “I’m thinking about secrets,
actually, and how much I hate them.”

“Secrets?” He said it with a hint
of intrigue.

“Not the good kind,” I clarified.

Jake was quiet for a moment. Over
the last few nights, we’d been slowly slipping into a routine that was familiar
to him, but was strange to me, and, at times, awkward for both of us. Although
he was happy enough being with me, I knew it wasn’t the same for him. Still, he
tried, and he did love the new me in his own way, which was as much as I
could’ve hoped for.

“I know things about people, too
many things,” I whispered, not wanting to think about
me
a moment
longer. I wanted to get the corrosive thoughts out of my head…I needed to get
them out in the open.

Jake was quiet.

“Dani’s losing herself to drifting.
Jason’s going to try to help her overcome it, but…” I listened to Jake’s deep,
even breaths before I continued, hoping that airing out the haunting thoughts
in my mind would make me feel better, lighter. “Dani’s contact at the Colony,
the woman who saved me back at Colorado Springs, is my mom. She created the
Virus, and that night you found me in the house, she’d left me with a letter
for Jason and me.” I balled my pillow up underneath my head, wanting to be at
eye level with Jake. “She has another family now…she says we’re in danger, that
some of the people we trust might try to hurt us…”

I knew I shouldn’t be telling him
any of it—these were dangerous secrets, private, powerful secrets, and the more
people who knew them, the more danger Jason and I were in—but simply voicing
them made it easier to breathe, like my lungs could finally expand fully and
the tension in my mind could ease.

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

Jake squeezed my hands and wrapped
his arm around my back, pulling me closer to him. “I won’t,” he promised. I
entwined my legs with his, feeling more solace lying in his arms than I’d ever
felt before. “But if you’re in danger—”

“There’s nothing you can do.
There’s nothing any of us can do. We just have to pretend we don’t know.”

“But, Zoe…”

“I’ve got my feelers out, and
Jason and Dani and Gabe are on the lookout, too. I’ll be fine.”

Although I could sense Jake’s
extreme dissatisfaction, could feel the tension it caused in his body, he left
the topic alone, his touch soothing me despite his internal struggle.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I
shouldn’t have told you. There’s nothing you can do about it, and it’s not your
burden to bear.”

“Shhh,” he murmured. “I’m glad you
told me. I just wish I could do
something to help…”

After an hour of us lying there
silently, Jake comforting me, my mind finally relented, and I drifted to sleep.
My dreams were a patchwork of nonsensical images—images of Becca surrounded by
an army of Re-gens mixed with images of Dani and Jason, and of Jake and me, the
other
me…

In a barn filled with morning
sunlight streaming in through cobwebbed and broken windows, Jake and I lay on a
bed of sleeping bags, laughing uncontrollably. I wriggled in his arms, trying
to get away from his relentless tickling. His baritone laugh and my squealing were
an ear-piercing chorus, but I savored the sound nonetheless. Our combined
laughter resonated painfully deep.

“Seriously, Jake, stop! I’m
going to pee my pants!” I pulled at his arms, trying to pry them from my body,
but he tightened his hold and buried his face into the crook of my neck.

“You’re mine today…all day,” he
said, his voice held a hint of promise, and my insides warmed. I ceased my
wiggling and looked over my shoulder at him. Jake’s amber eyes were gleaming.
Keeping his eyes on mine, he smiled and placed a kiss on my shoulder. His hold
on me loosened, and I rolled over to face him.

He grinned wolfishly, melting
my heart.

“You’re a bad influence,” I
said as casually as possible. “Who will do my chores if I stay in here with
you?”

Jake shrugged. “You can say I
held you hostage.”

“Oh, I kinda like that idea,” I
said and sat up. Slowly, I pulled off my t-shirt to expose my bare chest and
flung my shirt into the corner of the barn. “But what if we change it up a
bit?” I pushed him onto his back and crawled up on top of him.

“Yeah?” he asked. “How so?” His
eyes danced with a combination of desire and amusement.

“What if it’s
me
who won’t let
you
leave
? I’d be the captor, you the victim
.”

Jake chuckled. “I don’t think
that’s very realistic…sorry.”

I tilted my head, ignoring his
taunt. “Are you sure I’m so innocent? Black widows—”

“I never said you were
innocent,” Jake clarified, sitting up and rolling me over onto my back. “You
definitely
aren’t
innocent.” He pulled
me beneath him, his strong legs entangling with mine, holding me in place while
his gaze trailed from my mouth to my chest and over my exposed breasts. A
salacious grin spread over his lips. “But I’m definitely the captor.”

I laughed eagerly this time,
impatient to feel his lips on mine, to feel his body pressed against me.

Equally impatient, he lowered
his mouth to mine, one hand knotting in my hair while the other slid down the
length of my body to squeeze my thigh.

He groaned in wanting.

My eyes fluttered open. The tent
was still encased in darkness. That hadn’t been
my
dream; it had
belonged to Jake. He’d been dreaming of
her
.

He groaned beside my ear, and my
blood heated to near boiling. I’d never been so aroused. Dreaming about him on
my own was one thing, but sharing a dream was another matter entirely. I wanted
to feel adored and loved and coveted like
that
Zoe. I wanted to feel his
hands on my body and his lips devouring me.

Hearing him groan again was too
much. Feeling what he was feeling as he dreamed about me was too much. I
couldn’t ignore it, not this time. I wanted to reclaim
something
of my
old self.

Rolling over to face him, I tried
to gather the courage to wake him up, to do something—anything—that would
satisfy the emergent, burning need inside me. I trusted Jake more than I
trusted anyone, so why hadn’t I given him this? Why hadn’t I given it to
myself?

“Jake,” I said quietly, not
wanting to frighten him awake. I perched on my elbow, watching him closely.
“Jake.”

He didn’t stir.

I tried again, this time leaning
closer. “Jake, wake up.”

When he still didn’t, I swallowed
my apprehension and did what I thought
she
would’ve done. I leaned down
and brushed a kiss across his lips, hoping that would wake him. It was both
petrifying and enlivening. While part of me feared he would reject my advances,
another part of me felt a thrill of excitement that he wouldn’t. The
possibility of acceptance outweighed my hesitation, and I kissed him again,
this time letting my tongue sample the curve of his soft lips. It was a kiss
that felt different than others we’d shared; it was sneaky and felt dangerous,
but I liked it.

Finally, Jake stirred. His
lingering desire quickly gave way to confusion and then to a hazy curiosity.

His curiosity was reassurance
enough for me. I leaned in further and kissed him again, more fervently, and
this time, he kissed me back. His lips were soft and warm, and the whiskers
around them tickled my mouth as I leaned deeper into him, as I kissed him
harder…more desperately.

In the darkness, with my eyes
flitting open and my heartbeat pounding in my ears, I felt one of Jake’s hands
cup the side of my face. He exuded the barest amount of pressure as he gently
pulled away. The soft pad of his thumb rubbed my cheek, a tender, asking
gesture, before he leaned in and rested his forehead against mine, letting out
a steadying breath.

Not wanting to give him enough
time to push me away, I pressed my mouth to his again, seeking out his tongue
with my own. He needed to know that this was what I wanted—that
he
was
what I wanted.

Placing my hand against his chest,
I let his growing lust fuel my own. The desire to feel his hard, naked chest
beneath my fingertips flooded my thoughts, and I reached for the hem of his
t-shirt.

Understanding what I wanted, Jake
sat up, pulling his shirt off over his head and tossing it out of the way. His
sudden haste was intimidating, and I hedged as he leaned into me. Despite the
fantasy I wanted to play out for him, the dream that was still so vivid in both
of our minds, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt inadequate, and as much
as I yearned to feel him inside me, I was petrified.

Slowly, Jake reached forward,
tucking my hair behind one ear. His tenderness was an unspoken promise that he
understood my fears, that he would be gentle. With another world-altering kiss
that left me feeling lightheaded, I nearly melted into an aroused, malleable
heap in his arms.