On My Own (23 page)
Authors: Melody Carlson
Then he showed me some snapshots he'd taken in Mexico. And we talked and laughed some more. And when it was all said and done, I felt as though our friendship was probably more secure than ever before. It's like we'd weathered the storm and come out stronger for it. And only God knows what lies ahead for us. I can trust Him with that.
“I'm so glad you came,” I told Josh as he walked me back to the dorm.
“Me too.” He squinted up at the morning sun. “I didn't want to, but I knew God was telling me to clean this whole mess that I'd made up.”
“Well, at least we can learn from our messes. Right?”
“Yeah. Hopefully I'll learn not to keep repeating them.”
I stopped by the steps in front of my dorm and really looked at him. “I think you've changed, Josh.”
He frowned slightly. “Like how?”
“I mean for the better.” I studied him. “It's as if your spirit seems softer or more humble or something. I'm not exactly sure, but for some reason you seem …” I struggled for the right words. “More like Jesus.”
Now his old smile came back, only this time there was more depth to it. “Thanks, Cate. There's nothing you could've said that means more to me than that.”
I could feel tears glistening in my eyes just then, but they were happy tears. “Is it okay if I hug you–just as a friend, I mean?”
Then we hugged–like friends–and I told him I loved him. “Like a brother,” I said as I stepped back.
“You take care, Sis!” he called as he headed for his Jeep. “And don't forget to stay in touch!”
“Don't worry.” I waved. “You know how I love to write.”
Saturday, April 26 (sigh of relief)
I spent the day alone
with God today, and it was totally great! First I rode my bike to a park on the other side of town, and then I sat by the river and just read my Bible and prayed and mediated on how amazingly gracious God has been to me. I think it's good to take times like this (I should probably do it a whole lot more!) to get a better perspective of who God is and what He's doing in your life. But when you do, you should always be prepared to be amazed! Because God is like that. He totally blows me away with His love and His mercy and His grace. I can't even wrap my mind around it. And yet it's good to try.
My first year away from home has certainly had its ups and downs, but now I can clearly see God's hand in it. And I'm totally thankful for the way things have gone. I remember how I was all upset when I first realized I had
to go to the state university. But now I can see that it was the right thing for me. I've made some really great Christian friends, and my relationship with Liz is better than ever. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't actually come to church with me tomorrow–she's mentioned that she wants to “give it a try” before the end of the term.
And then there was that whole thing with Josh. Even though it was painful, it was probably one of the best lessons on obeying God that I've ever had to learn. I can see now that nothing is more important for me than to know how to hear God and to obey–
quickly!
So, here I am, with almost a whole year of college under my belt, on my own, and feeling really good about life. And you know what? I feel as though I could follow God anywhere now. Whether it's Mexico or Somalia or Nepal or my own hometown …I'm totally willing to go wherever God leads me. I feel like I don't
need
my parents anymore–I mean, not like I used to need them. I suppose I'll always need them in some ways. And I don't
need
my old best friends (Beanie, Jenny, and Anna) always constantly by my side–although I still love them dearly. And I don't even
need
Josh to lean on–but I'm glad he's my friend. And like I said, who knows what God has in store for us. But the thing is: I finally understand that I will really and truly be
just fine
on my own–
as long as God is with me.
Because with God, even when I'm on my own,
I am never really alone.
I can always count on Him. No matter what else happens in my life, He will
always
be with me, He will never leave me or forsake me or betray
me–ever.
He will always be my best friend–forever!
A poem I wrote on the riverbank:
I'll never be lonely
Even if I am alone
For I've a precious Savior
Who'll come take me home.
But while I'm here
His servant I will be
With one foot on earth
And one in eternity.
And I'll gather His crops
To populate His land
And if I feel weary
I'll cling tighter to His hand.
The publisher and author invite you to check out the Diary of a Teenage Girl website at:
doatg.com
Dear Friend,
Do you feel like God is nudging at your heart to make a commitment to Him–any sort of commitment? It's best not to put it off, you know. Hey, remember what happened to me???
So …I invite you to sit down right now before God and consider how He may be leading you. Is He asking you to give Him your heart today? Is He asking you to dedicate your body to Him first and abstain from sex until after marriage? Can you hear His voice speaking to you?
Sometimes it helps to write this kind of promise down. You can do that in your diary like I did, or you can write it down here. Then hide it away if you like, but just don't forget it. Because a promise like this is important–both to you and to God. Because you're His child, and He's always listening.
Blessings!
HE
D
IARY OF A
T
EENAGE
G
IRL
S
ERIES
DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL, Caitlin book one
Follow sixteen-year-old Caitlin O'Conner as she makes her way through life–surviving a challenging home life, school pressures, an identity crisis, and the uncertainties of “true love.” You'll cry with Caitlin as she experiences heartache, and cheer for her as she encounters a new reality in her life: God. See how rejection by one group can–incredibly–sometimes lead you to discover who you really are.
ISBN 1-57673-735-7
Caitlin faces new trials as she strives to maintain the recent commitments she's made to God. Torn between new spiritual directions and loyalty to Beanie, her pregnant best friend, Caitlin searches out her personal values on friendship, dating, life goals, and family.
ISBN 1-59052-053-X
As a high school senior, Caitlin's relationship with Josh takes on a serious tone via e-mail–threatening her commitment to “kiss dating goodbye.” When Beanie begins dating an African-American, Caitlin's concern over dating seems to be misread as racism. One thing is obvious: God is at work through this dynamic girl in very real but puzzling ways, and a soul-stretching time of racial reconciliation at school and within her church helps her discover God's will as never before.
ISBN 1-59052-890-6
An avalanche of emotion hits Caitlin as she lands at college and begins to realize she's not in high school anymore. Buried in coursework and far from her best friend, Beanie, Caitlin must cope with her new roommate's bad attitude, manic music, and sleazy social life. Should she have chosen a Bible college like Josh? Maybe …but how to survive the year ahead is the big question right now!
ISBN 1-59052-017-3
Chloe Miller, Josh's younger sister, is a free spirit with dramatic clothes and hair. She struggles with her own identity, classmates, parents, boys, and–whether or not God is for real. But this unconventional high school freshman definitely doesn't hold back when she meets Him in a big, personal way. Chloe expresses God's love and grace through the girl band she forms, Redemption, and continues to show the world she's not willing to conform to anyone else's image of who or what she should be. Except God's, that is.
ISBN 1-59052-018-1
Chloe and her fellow band members must sort out their lives as they become a hit in the local community. And after a talent scout from Nashville discovers the trio, all too soon their explosive musical ministry begins to encounter conflicts with family, so-called friends, and school. Exhilarated yet frustrated, Chloe puts her dream in God's hand and prays for Him to work out the details.
ISBN 1-59052-141-2
After signing with a major record company, Redemption's dreams are coming true. Chloe, Allie, and Laura begin their concert tour with the good-looking guys in the band Iron Cross. But as soon as the glitz and glamour wear off, the girls find life on the road a little overwhelming. Even rock solid Laura appears to be feeling the stress–and Chloe isn't quite sure how to confront her about the growing signs of drug addiction …
ISBN 1-59052-142-0
Redemption has made it to the bestseller chart, but what Chloe and the girls need most is some downtime to sift through the usual high school stress with grades, friends, guys, and the prom. Chloe struggles to recover from a serious crush on the band leader of Iron Cross. Then just as an unexpected romance catches Redemption by surprise, Caitlin O'Conner–whose relationship with Josh is taking on a new dimension–joins the tour as their chaperone. Chloe's wild ride only speeds up, and this one-of-a-kind musician faces the fact that life may never be normal again.
ISBN 1-59052-241-9