On My Own (17 page)

Beanie got a kind of dreamy look in her eyes. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” I gave her a shove, like to wake her up. “Are you nuts?”

She frowned at me. “Some people get married young and make it just fine.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “I sure don't know of any.” Then I studied her closely. “Just who would you consider marrying anyway, Beanie Baby?” I started to laugh. “Don't tell me you're getting interested in Danny the Drummer.”

She socked me in the arm. “Very funny. No, for your information, we've just friends. And that's how I plan to keep it. Although I can't say the same for Jenny.”

“So are you guys still okay?”

“Sure.”

“So, who were you getting all starry-eyed over now, Beanie? You can't fool me. I know there's something going on under that mop of dark curls.” We'd just put the last batch of cookies into the oven and flopped down onto the bar stools to munch on some leftover cookie dough. “Come on, tell me what's up.”

“If you must know, Zach Streeter and I have been e-mailing each other lately.”

“I thought you'd been doing that all along, as friends, I mean.”

“Well, we stayed in touch for a while, then he had that girlfriend …”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot. Did they break up?”

She nodded.

“And?”

“And we've just had a nice time getting reacquainted is all.”

“And?”

“And–and–and?” She picked up the bowl and took it to the sink.

“Come on, spill the beans, Beanie.”

“And we're going out on Saturday.” She stuck her chin out defiantly.

“You sure that's going to be okay?”

“I
knew
you would do this, Caitlin.” She spun around and glared at me in a way that only Beanie can.

“I'm sorry.” I smiled sheepishly. “Really, I am. It's just that I love you guys and–”

“And you don't want anything bad to happen to me like it did last time.” She rinsed out the bowl. “Don't worry, Caitlin. I've grown up a lot in the last couple years. And so has Zach. If you must know, neither one of us is looking to sleep together–” she made a face–“you got that?”

Thoroughly humbled, I nodded. “I'm sorry, Beanie. It's really none of my business.”

“You're right.” She softened then. “Okay, I really do think it's because you love me.”

Dinner with the girls and the concert was great fun last night. But the highlight of the evening was when Chloe got up there with her guitar and did a solo number singing a beautiful Christmas song she had written. It was so good that a guy who works in the music department at the local college asked her if she's interested in recording it! Well, let me tell you, that girl was ecstatic!

Apparently this guy knows her dad. But he also knows everything about rights to music and is willing to help make sure that no one tries to steal her song. And when he found out that it's just one of many, he was about ready to become her manager. Chloe was absolutely
glowing. Not just with pride, mind you, but also from within. It's like God's light is really shining through her. And it's an interesting look too since she still likes wearing different kind of clothes and wears her hair in interesting styles and shades of colors (lately it's been tinted with magenta). Maybe it's just the artist at work in her. Whatever it is, I have a feeling God is going to use it in a big way!

After the concert, Josh came over to say hi and we chatted for a while. I tried not to act concerned or bothered that he hasn't been too regular with his e-mails of late. And to be honest, this was for a couple of reasons: 1) I don't want him to think I expect it of him, and 2) I keep getting this strong feeling that God is wanting me to put more emotional distance between my heart and him. So I was caught slightly off guard when he asked if I would consider going to dinner with him sometime during Christmas break.

“I …uh …I don't know,” I stammered, feeling pretty silly.

“Don't worry, Cate,” he assured me. “It's not like a date. I just want to talk to you and thought it would be okay to share a meal together, like two friends would do.”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so used to nixing anything that even resembles a date.”

He frowned. “What about Bryce?”

“Bryce?”

“Well, I've heard you still get rides home with him and that you guys go out for coffee sometimes. Doesn't that kind of resemble a date?”

“I guess it might to a casual observer. But I've made it crystal clear to him where I stand. And I think he respects me for it.”

“But he could be in love with you.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I'm sure he's just totally smitten.”

“But you never know.”

I shook my head. “If it makes you feel any better, he's never even tried so much as to hold my hand.”

Josh nodded in a knowing way. “But sometimes your heart can get involved even when your hands are in your pockets.”

I felt my face flush and wondered if he suspected that I was dealing with my feelings toward him again. Suddenly I wanted to bail on the dinner and run in the opposite direction, but before I could think of a graceful way to get out of it, Chloe joined us.

“You're amazing,” I said as I gave her a quick hug. “I'm so proud of you!”

“Thanks. I can't believe what a big deal everyone's making over it. it's just a little song.”

“Hey, Sis,” said Josh in a big–brotherly way. “Don't knock it, or it's like you're knocking God. You've obviously got a real gift, and you need to remember that He's the one who gave it to you.”

I glanced uneasily at her, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way, but to my relief she just smiled. “You know what, Josh? You're right. I need to remember to give God the glory when someone compliments me.”

Then we all started drifting off our separate ways,
and I never did get a chance to bail on dinner. Still, we never set an actual date. Maybe he'll get too busy or simply forget. Or maybe I'll come up with a good excuse.

After putting in a long afternoon as an elf (complete with green lights and pointy hat, which I still had on), I arrived home with my mom to see a nice silver BMW parked in front of our house. “Anyone you know?” I asked Mom as I helped her carry a box full of Christmas stuff into the house.

“Nope. Nice wheels though.”

Well, we'd barely stepped into the house when I heard Josh's voice. “Ben let me in,” he explained quickly. “We were just playing a video game, but the phone rang and he got it.” He glanced at my strange outfit. “Cool threads, Cate.”

“Thanks.” I set down the box.

“Hey, Josh,” said my mom as she hung up her coat. “Long time no see. How's it going?”

“Great.” He smiled that bright smile, and I could tell
he had Mom right in the palm of his hand. “Sorry to drop in like this, but I was just passing by, and your daughter promised to go out to dinner with me sometime.” He glanced at me. “And I was thinking about tonight. If you're not too busy, that is.”

“Oh, she's not busy,” my mom answered for me, then laughed. “Sorry, Caitlin, I didn't mean to speak for you. But you've been such a good little elf today, and you already cooked dinner two times for us this week. I think you deserve a night out, don't you?”

Well, what was I going to say? And, besides, it seemed pretty silly to pass up a perfectly good dinner with a guy who I really have enjoyed being friends with. “Sure. But do you mind if I change first?”

“Oh, do you have to?” pleaded Josh with a twinkle in his eye. “I thought maybe I could dress up like Santa and we could get a holiday discount on our meal.”

I laughed. “Maybe at McDonald's. Hey, is that your car out there?”

“No way. It's my mom's latest. My Jeep's in the shop right now; she let me borrow it.”

“Nice.”

So I went up and changed into a burgundy sweater dress that seemed to go with his sports jacket and khakis. Then we drove to the city in his mom's really cool car to a new and rather uptown restaurant that's pretty expensive.

“Get anything you like,” he said after, I'm sure, he noticed my eyebrows go flying up over the prices–and in
some instances lack of prices–on the oversized menu.

“What's the big occasion?” I asked.

“Just two old friends spending some quality time together.”

I nodded. “Okay. I can live with that. Jenny treated Beanie and me to dinner this week. I guess it's nice having all these rich friends.”

He laughed. Then I proceeded to tell him the latest on my roommate (not all the details about the corrupt youth pastor) but mostly about the little lamb and our surprising last–minute reconciliation. I'd kept him posted off and on during the ups and downs of living with Liz, but I hadn't told him anything lately.

“I wonder if it's really wise to keep rooming with her.”

“I know. I was a little worried too. But she promised me that things are going to be different now.”

“I hope so. She sounded a little scary to me.”

“Yeah. She was. But I really think God is up to something in her life. I think she's trying to come back to Him.”

“Well, let's hope so. I'll keep praying for her.”

We continued chatting casually throughout the meal, and I began to wonder what had had me so troubled before. This was, as Josh had promised, just two old friends getting together to talk.

“Josh, this was so great,” I told him as the waiter cleared away our entrees. “Thanks.”

“You don't want dessert then?” He looked hopeful.

“I couldn't eat another bite. But I wouldn't mind some coffee.”

He ordered something I couldn't pronounce and two coffees, and suddenly he seemed to get slightly serious. “You know, Caitlin, I wanted to talk to you about something–” he cleared his throat–“something important tonight.”

“Sure. What is it?” Suddenly I wondered if he was going to launch into a sermon about how it wasn't wise for me to spend time with Bryce, but I kept my face completely blank.

He leaned forward. “I'm not quite sure how to say this, but let me just cut to the chase. There was a custom back in the Bible days where people who were attracted to each other entered into a kind of covenant.”

I could feel my heart rate speeding up. What in the world was he talking about?

“I know, it probably sounds strange–especially in these days–but stay with me for a minute, okay? You see I wrote a term paper on it in my Old Testament class, and it suddenly started to make sense to me.”

The waiter set down our coffees, and I pretended to focus my attention on my cup, although my hand was starting to shake just slightly.

“Anyway, I'll try to get to the point. Caitlin …” He paused as if waiting for me to respond.

I looked up at him. “Yes?” And then I saw it in his hand–a small, dark blue velvet box. And I honestly thought I was going to faint and fall out of my chair. What
was
he thinking?

“You and I are so much alike, Catie, and it's no secret that I've been in love you with you ever since high school.”

I know my eyes must've been about as round as the coffee cup, but I was absolutely and totally speechless. It's like it was all a dream or something.

“And I want to ask you, not to exactly become engaged to me, but to make a covenant with me, that I believe will lead to engagement and then marriage.” He held out the box. And not knowing any better I let him set it in my hand. What in the world do you do in this particular situation? Do you answer the guy? Do you open the box? Or what?

“Go ahead, open it,” he urged. “It's a covenant ring. Like a promise to become engaged.”

So I opened the box to find, not a huge sparkling solitaire, but a simple golden ring with a cross engraved on the front. “I …uh …I don't know what to say, Josh,” I finally muttered.

“Do you need to think about it?”

“I'm just so stunned.” I looked at him, immediately noticing the disappointment creeping into his eyes. Of course, he'd expected a different reaction than this. I studied him for a long moment. “There's no denying that I love you, Josh. I think you've always known it. But this is just so–so surprising.”

Now he smiled just a little. “Yeah, I guess I've had a lot more time to think about all this than you have. But it really makes sense to me. I know we're both too young
to get married right now, but at the same time, I feel totally certain that you're the one for me. And in a way that's become a big distraction to me–thinking of you and worrying that some Prince Charming will gallop into your life and sweep you off your feet.”

I laughed. “Yeah, sure.”

“So what do you think?”

“I don't know what to think, Josh. I'm still in a state of shock.”

“It wouldn't change anything as far as the vows we've made to God. All it does is show everyone that we've been set aside for each other. Does that make sense to you?”

I nodded, a smile slowly growing on my face.

“Are you willing to make this kind of covenant with me?”

“I …uh …I think so, Josh. But I'd like to pray about it first.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Then he slipped the ring from out of the velvet lining. “Do you want to see if it fits? I told the jeweler that I thought you had small fingers.” He laughed. “So he made it in a small size, but he said it could be stretched bigger if necessary.”

“Which hand do I–?”

“Maybe the left, like an engagement ring.”

The ring was a little tight, but it went on. “It's nice, Josh.”

“Well, go ahead and wear it then. And pray about this whole thing, and even talk to your parents about it. I
almost considered asking your dad first, like in Jewish tradition, but since this was a covenant, not an official engagement, I just wasn't sure.”

I could feel tears building in my eyes as I stared down at the delicate ring. Part of me was wildly happy, but another part of me was uncertain and just slightly frightened.

“Was I wrong to ask you this, Caitlin?” His eyes were wide with sincerity.