ON AIR (23 page)

34

“No, no, no… Let the old man have the last beer!” Madden laughed, tossing it from the cooler.

I couldn’t believe I was thirty years old. The last few years of my life seemed to have gone by way too fast. I was proud of my accomplishments and who I was as a person, but I felt like so much of my life had been wasted on worrying over the unknown. I needed to stop thinking so hard about things. I needed to spend more time in the present and live my life instead of questioning the future so much.

I’d enjoyed the barbecue my sister and Chris had thrown for me at their house. And when Chloe and I sat down with Emmet after everyone left, we asked him more questions and he answered them. Even with answers and a clearer understanding of my parents and their situation back then, it seemed like everyone had been robbed of quite a lot.

I felt Emmet had lost the most out of the three of them. He truly loved my mother but knew they couldn’t be together. It felt a bit awkward to hear him speak so candidly about it, but they both decided to end things with each other so my mom could be a better wife and mother—because my father was a good friend to him and he couldn’t lie to him anymore. He told himself year after year that it was the right thing to do, but it didn’t hurt any less.

Then he lost them both.

Love was such a bitch for me to comprehend. It’s like people can find it, and have it…but is it ever meant to be fully enjoyed? I didn’t think relationships were supposed to be easy, but I felt like loving someone should be. I realized that I’d never been in love. I’d loved the company of females now and then, but I had never really felt like I couldn’t live without them. To me that signified affection, but not love.

I was still waiting to feel that undeniable spark.

As I left my sister’s house that night, I decided that there were different levels of love that needed to be explored in this life. I’d always been blessed with the love of family and friends. Beyond that, I still needed some reckoning. I’m pretty sure I was approaching that reckoning. The empty space in my chest must have been signifying something because it wasn’t a feeling I was used to.

I’d kept in touch with Natalie the past week because I wanted to; I needed to know she was okay. The night I’d apologized profusely over the phone for standing her up, we talked for about an hour. I didn’t hold anything back. I told her everything about my life that I could possibly tell her. But I stuck to facts not feelings. Those I kept tucked far away. She’d distanced herself from me for a reason and I wasn’t ready to face that yet.

Although it felt right talking to her, I knew it would have been much better in person. Her responses were friendly but calculated. I could tell she was wary. I also knew that I’d hurt her before, and I couldn’t fault her for feeling guarded.

I deserved her caution.

Pulling into the radio station parking lot, I took a few minutes to contemplate. It was after eight p.m. and I was late, but I’d decided to meet with Jessica Holt. I didn’t know what the meeting would entail or what it would resolve, but I told myself to do it and to be okay with whatever came from it.

There was a separate gated parking lot behind the building that she’d instructed me to use. I gave my name and i.d. to the security attendant, and he let me through. I found a space to park in and just sat for a minute.

Jessica was coming out of the building when I stepped out of my truck. I waited until she noticed me. She slowed, but continued my way.

“I thought you changed your mind,” she said as she stopped some distance from me. Maybe she was afraid of me because of the way I’d treated her a week and a half ago.

I didn’t apologize for being late, or explain where I’d been. I just leaned my hip against the driver’s door of my truck and waited for her to take the lead.

She ultimately remained at my tailgate when she sighed and held her hands out. “I’m sorry for everything your family has gone through. I’m sorry for what happened to your parents. I’m sorry for all the media fuss, even though I had no control of that. I’m sure your life has been tough because you lost your mom and dad. But…you have no idea what my sister and I have been through.”

I waited for her to continue but she didn’t. A bit surprised, I scoffed. “Seriously? What you and your sister have been through?”

“My dad left when we were young, my mom died of cancer. We lived with our grandparents growing up.”

Again I paused, waiting for something more. “And? Is that why you wanted to meet with me? To whine about your own life? I don’t really care about the past, okay? I just want to hear you tell the truth for once.”

She shifted her stance. “I wanted to talk to you seven years ago and was told no.”

“So? You committed perjury in front of a room full of people. You
lied
in a court of law about the circumstances behind the death of
two people
. Anything you said to me at that point would have meant
nothing
.”

“I was the first person to go to college in my family. I was the only person who could change the direction of my life, my sister’s life, her daughter’s life… I could change lives!”

I sighed as I opened my door to leave. “Well I’ll agree with that because you and your sister sure as hell changed mine. Just admit the truth so we can be done here. I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you admit that Hailey was driving drunk that night and crossed the median. I want to hear you say that
Hailey
killed my parents and got away with it.”

She pressed her lips together and remained silent. I was in disbelief at that point. Even though I’d told myself not to expect anything from this meeting, I had no idea that she would still stand there and lie to my face.

“Unbelievable,” I murmured.

“Hailey went through years of counseling after the accident; we both have. She’s a great mom to two beautiful girls; she’s married to a wonderful man now. She volunteers
hours
of her time every week for the school and church. She provided a great life for me back then so I could go to college.”

I almost rolled my eyes. I didn’t understand how all of this had done
me
any good. She’d asked for my time and here I was, listening to her justify how her sister’s life was so much more important than someone else’s.

“What would you do if it’d been Chloe in my position?” she asked me.

“Don’t even say my sister’s name. She lives a good life because she’s a good person; not because her guilt drives her to.”

She didn’t respond.

“And furthermore,” I added, “If you think using your voice to promote her café was your way of making yourself feel better, you can go fuck yourself. We don’t need anything from you except the truth. Nothing else will replace that. So if you’re not going to tell me what happened that night, then I have nothing left to say to you.”

I waited for about five seconds as she stared at me motionless. I guess that was my answer, so I got into my truck, turned the key, and started backing out.

“Wait!” she exclaimed, putting her hand against my driver’s window.

I stopped, took a deep breath, and decided to roll it down.

There were tears in her eyes. She glanced at me once but that was the only time. The remaining seconds she spoke, her eyes were to the ground.

“I know you can’t fully understand someone else’s life unless you’ve lived it, so I don’t expect you to understand mine. But if you want the truth, here’s the truth. My grandfather molested me for the five years I lived with them. I’m not going to waste my time explaining to you what that was like, or what I went through, or how it couldn’t be proven because there ‘wasn’t full penetration’ to back up my ‘allegations.’ –To have your dignity not only ripped from you, but for it to be discarded because there are evil people protecting child molesters!” She exhaled and then finally looked at me again. “I moved in with my sister and it saved my life. She not only cared about me, but she
believed
me.”

She wiped the tears from her face. My pride was forcing me to remain indifferent, but I could feel the anguish and the desperation emanate from her soul. My brain was telling me she was a good actress—could fool a courtroom of people, could convince an entire city what restaurant to eat at—but my heart felt a stab of regret.

“I’ve never shared that with anyone in nine years,” she sighed a shaky breath. “Some things just need to remain buried. But if you need to pick apart every aspect of my life to make yourself feel better, then be my guest. As for issues between you and I… I said I was sorry and I truly am. I’m not willing to tell you what you want to hear because that would mean what I’ve fought for was in vain. And it’s not. I stand by my decision.”

“Your decision was to cover up someone else’s crime. Your sister was a drunk driver who killed my parents.”

“My sister and I had left a ‘family meeting,’” she retorted, using air quotes. “A family meeting where I was called a lying little bitch for the umpteenth time! Family insisting I should be living anywhere but with my twenty-two-year-old sister! Hailey had wine that night.
Wine
! She wasn’t a goddamn alcoholic who got trashed every weekend!
They
made her sound that way! And I was sick. Physically ill from being treated like shit by my own relatives. And for the record, there
was
a fucking dog in the road!”

She’d smacked my truck with that last statement. I’ll admit her emotions got to me. And at that point, it was like so much tragedy and loss had been lurking over everyone…maybe it really was time to just let it go. My parents died. Nothing could change that. Maybe what I thought would make it “right” really wasn’t the answer at all.

“What about your radio show?” Hell, I don’t know why I asked that. And she looked at me like I was a moron. I shrugged. “I’m just interested in your future. You took a risk revealing yourself in person.” And I kind of felt bad that I’d shared her identity with two of my friends. It’s not like Madden or Nat would go out of their way to expose her, but she must’ve not cared.

She smirked at me, but at the same time wiped the remaining moisture from her face. “I knew the risks. I really don’t want the public to know who I am only because I’ll be linked to your parents’ case and all of that will become fresh news again. The past needs to stop having an effect on my life.”

She had a point.

“And,” she continued with a shrug, “I think it’s time to do something new anyway. The radio station is twisting my arm to renew my contract, and I don’t like their new terms. They’re being bought by advertising and I just know it’s going to change everything. I’ll no longer be able to choose what businesses I promote.”

I slowly nodded. Big business. Letting their money talk. Again.

“Anyway,” she sighed. “I have another idea I’ve presented to a different station. They’re on board and I know the station manager there. I think it will be a good thing.”

Again I nodded. I still felt the blow of her earlier words, but the storm was settling somewhat. Life was exhausting enough; I didn’t want to keep beating a dead horse.

I held out my hand and said, “Well, I wish you luck on your newest endeavor, Jessica—whatever it may be.”

She eyed my hand with surprise, but ultimately shook it. “Thank you. Best of luck in your life too, Dane.”

I acknowledged that with a bob of my head. No other words were spoken. She turned and walked away.

Exhaling, I ran my hands through my hair and stared out my windshield. I had a lot to learn in this life, but trying to solve every unknown should probably be kept to a minimum.

And right now, I needed to get my life straightened out so I had something to offer the woman of my dreams.

35

“I
t’s come to my attention that this neighborhood is not the best place for myself and Charlotte. Our goals and ambitions won’t be able to reach their full potential if we stay here. I feel it best to part ways on friendly terms in case our paths meet in future endeavors.”

All I could do was blink—the hose in my hand pouring onto my grass—as Peter stood there in my driveway. His need to announce his next step in life was fine, but the way his hands were clasped together as he presented me this plan was ridiculous. He could have been giving a eulogy.

His eyes glanced down my legs, where I realized I’d been unintentionally hosing my bare feet. It was the end of September and had been a pretty warm week in the Northwest, so I’d been in just a pair of shorts for most of the morning.

I pulled the hose along to turn the water off and looped it back into place. When I faced Peter again, he was still in the same position.

“Well good luck to the both of you,” I nodded politely. Inside I was squealing with joy. “I’m sure wherever you’re at, you’ll be happy.”
Happy up someone else’s ass.

Peter hadn’t exactly stopped by to see me much in the past month. I think the last few run-ins with me hadn’t been to his liking. There wasn’t much I could do about that because he kind of dug his own grave with his peskiness.

“Howdy ho, neighbor!” Madden came out of my house shirtless, his pale skin and hairy chest on display for whomever dared to look.

Madden’s voice impersonation and Peter’s reaction made me smile like a fucking idiot. 

“You didn’t tell me this was a block party, Snookums!” Madden added as he linked his arm with mine.

There were other people outside in my neighborhood tending to their own yards, and I just knew they were witnessing this—my neighbor next door and the lady across the street in particular. I guess I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to add to the charade.

“Well, Sugar Buns, Peter here is moving. How sad is that?”

Madden feigned his anguish pretty well. “What? Oh my goodness! We should totally throw him a going away party! Shouldn’t we, Honey Cock?” He squeezed my ass. “We’re so sad you’ll be leaving, Peter. Please, please, puh-
lease
let me be the ‘hostess with the mostest’ and fashion a party for you!”

I’m not sure I can describe Peter’s face properly. He looked like he was just informed that Star Trek never existed and that there was a limit to how many times you could bless your enemies. 

“I think he’s overcome with gratitude!” Madden whispered loudly in my ear.

I almost lost it at that point, and I know Peter heard what Madden said. He seemed to choke out a reluctant laugh when he finally shook his head.

“No, no, no that’s not necessary, good neighbors. Eh, uhhh, Charlotte and I will be on the move pretty quickly and I couldn’t possibly have an opening in my schedule. And besides, no need to trouble yourselves. I’m sure you’re extremely busy too.”

I knew it—I absolutely
knew
it was coming—but Madden smacked my ass and grinned. “Only busy with each other.”

Peter mumbled some sort of departing words and pretty much started speed walking away from my yard. I turned to Madden and just shook my head with amusement. All he did was shrug as if to say, “Hey, took care of that.”

My neighbor from next door came across my driveway seeming amused as well. His name was Vance—in his forties, married with one six-year-old daughter. I liked him. He was friendly when we both saw each other, but kept to himself like I did.

“That was priceless, you guys,” Vance said. “What is wrong with that guy?”

“I have no idea,” I shook my head. “He defies almost all basic courtesies when it comes to human beings.”

“Yesterday he asked me if I could place my garbage can twelve inches further from my mailbox. I asked him what for. He said just in case the mail truck came early. I told him she comes six hours later than the garbage man, but even if she did, she’s got plenty of room. I mean okay, maybe he’s just being concerned, but seriously? He polices the entire neighborhood.”

“He self-nominated himself for neighborhood watch,” Madden joked.

“Something like that,” Vance agreed.

I told him the nickname I had for Peter was “Flanders.” Vance knew exactly what I was talking about and busted up laughing.

I actually invited Vance over for a beer since we were just going to be barbecuing in my backyard at noon. He let his wife know, but could only stay for a bit since his daughter had a gymnastics event they were leaving for.

“Man, too bad we didn’t know he was cool as fuck sooner,” Madden said after Vance left. 

I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“You’re so fucking antisocial. Grow up, dude.”

He was messing with me, but it was somewhat true. “Maybe in my next neighborhood.”

“Maybe you’ll be Captain of Neighborhood Watch. Only if you’re cool enough. Don’t be a twatface.”

“I’ll try not to be.”

He paused to take a drink. “So…you ready for that?”

“Moving?”

“Well that, and just a different kind of situation.”

I nodded. “I’m very ready for it.”

“You’re Clive’s favorite. I’m not even gonna keep sucking his dick. It’s a lost cause.”

“Nah,” I smiled. “You both like it.”

Madden laughed. “True. I think he gets more out of it though. I mean I’m just sayin’ … But all joking aside, I’m gonna miss seeing you so much.”

“No way you’re getting rid of me though, man. You’ll still see me a couple days a week. And weekends. You gotta come by on weekends.”

“Okay, I’ll do what I can. Oh! Guess what?” he grinned at me. “Remember that round of shots that someone bought for us at Libby’s that night after work?”

I nodded. Of course I did. Again, a mystery that I’d had to slowly let die. “Yeah, what about it?”

“I know who it was.”

The way he was leaning back in his chair, smugly sipping his beer, told me he wanted to dangle the hook for a while.

“One move of my foot and you’ll be dumped on your head,” I told him.

He quickly put all four legs of the chair on the patio. “Eh, anyway… So Angie—receptionist Angie,” he clarified, “—told me a female called the firm to see where we were heading that night. Someone who specifically asked if you were going too. Someone who sometimes lets a bit of New York slang slip out now and then.”

I scoffed with a smile. Natalie. “Hmm. Interesting.”

He bobbed his head in agreement. We sat there in silence for a minute, and while we did, I realized the news wasn’t too much of a shock.

“I slept with Whitney last week.”

I craned my head as my eyes bugged with surprise. “What? Nat’s friend Whitney?”

He pursed his lips as he stared across my backyard. “Yeah, blows me away too. She’s hot.”

I scrambled for the right words as I rotated to fully face him. “Uh, okay, well give me the details, bro. Jesus. I thought you hated her?”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “I mean we clashed quite a bit just because she acts dumb as a doornail but… We kinda got along that night.”

The smile he was trying to hide was ridiculous. I knew Natalie ditched bitchy Krista but was still friends with Whitney.

“Well alright, so what of it?” I inquired.

“Don’t know yet. We text and stuff. I’m her date to her cousin’s wedding next week.” Clearly I was surprised, and upon noticing the look on my face, he added, “She’s a lot different one-on-one. Bootin’ Krista out of the mix was the right thing for Nat to do. That bitch was toxic. Whitney’s…actually really sweet once she lets her guard down a bit.”

All I could do was nod as I considered the possibility. But my dude got laid, so I was happy for him.

“So, uh,” Madden said a minute later. He cleared his throat. “I saw a familiar face on the news the other day.” He paused to look at me. “A certain blonde who belongs to a very famous political family? Weird how she wasn’t a recognizable face before. Now she might not get away with it so easy.”

I slowly nodded my head. Yeah, the presidential campaigns were getting pretty serious and I, too, had seen Holly’s face a couple of times. It seemed she moved back to the east coast to join her family in her father’s pursuit of the White House.

“I promised I’d keep her secret,” I said.

“Oh, I ain’t mad. I get it. Just letting you know that I know. And that I’d vote for her daddy-o in a heartbeat.”

I chuckled as I heard my sliding door open behind us. I was shocked to see Natalie step onto my patio. In fact, I think I was so surprised to see her I mechanically rose to the occasion. No, not my cock. My entire body. I stood.

“I’m surprised you keep your front door unlocked with Peter on the loose,” she smiled.

I nodded. I mean I believe I did. You’d think it’d been years since I’d last seen her, not a few weeks. Her long brown hair was draped in a loose braid over her shoulder, and seeing those sexy legs in shorts might have hardened my dick just a bit.

I said
might have
.

But really, it was my heart’s reaction that I noticed the most.

“Hey,” I greeted her.

Madden stood and announced he needed to take a piss. “Don’t fuck it up,” he hissed in my ear.

Once he was gone, Natalie took a few steps toward me. I knew I needed to make things right with her in person, so I motioned her to sit; she set her purse on the table between us as we did.

“I’m really sorry about everything that’s happened between us in the last couple of months,” I said. “I take full responsibility for it, and maybe I have no right to ask, but really wish we could at least be friends again.”

She didn’t respond right away, which made my nerves react. But finally she sighed and said, “We’re still friends, Dane. And you’ve already apologized. You’re also not responsible for all of it. I had a part in it too. I don’t really think anyone was right or wrong. I just feel that we were on different pages and I was too impatient to wait for you to catch up.”

I considered that. “I’ve always been kind of a slow reader.”

She laughed, and wow, I’d never realized how much I’d missed her laugh until that moment. “Maybe so. But maybe I skim too much.” She winked at me.

“Well…five years is a long time, Nat. I’m pretty sure that might be a record for being clueless.”

She smiled as she studied me. “Maybe. But we’ve both changed a lot in five years. We should look at our friendship as success.”

I understood what she meant and was extremely happy to hear her say that. However, it was that
friendship
word that worried me. I’d asked her over a few times and invited her to dinner or coffee in the past couple of weeks. She’d declined each time, saying she needed more time. I was never upset about that—maybe with myself for causing her to feel that way, but never with her.

She pulled a white envelope out of her purse and set it on the table between us. “Happy belated birthday. I was going to mail it but… Anyway, happy birthday, Dane.”

Curious, I picked up the envelope and peeked inside. There were six Mariners tickets inside, three games of two tickets.

“Holy shit, these are Diamond Club seats!” I set them on the table and just gaped at ‘em. At first I assumed they were for next year since there were only three games left in the current regular season, but I knew tickets didn’t go on sale this early. So I looked at the dates on each pair of tickets.

“If you leave now, you’ll get there in time for batting practice,” she said.

I had no idea what time it even was right now, but I didn’t even care. I jumped up from my seat and grabbed her hand. “Well let’s get movin’, lady!”

Laughing, she pulled herself to a stop. “Wait, you want me to go with you?”

I shrugged. “Well…yeah, of course. Why not?”

It was her turn to shrug. “I just figured you’d rather take Madden so…”

“Uh no, let’s go,” I chuckled, leading her to the house.

“I told ya,” Madden said to Natalie, rolling his eyes dramatically from the kitchen. “Hoes before bros this time.”

She flipped him the bird but her sassy smile was adorable. She turned to me and said, “Go grab a bag for the weekend, then.”

“You’re coming, right?” I nodded with insistence.

She paused but shrugged. “Only if you want me to. I wasn’t being presumptuous—”

“She’s got a bag in her car,” Madden interrupted.

Natalie cast him a scowl. “Well fine, I was being a bit presumptuous. But I was only planning ahead for all options. Like if Madden had another case of burning diarrhea and couldn’t quite make this a priority.”

I chuckled. And Madden barely responded because, well, let’s face it… It could have been a possibility. The guy ate whatever the hell he wanted and was hit with the aftermath now and then.

Natalie shoved me toward the hall to pack a bag. I’ll admit I was stoked. It wasn’t just the games, either—because yeah, I was so ecstatic for that aspect of it—but the opportunity to spend a weekend with her felt like a gift I didn’t deserve.