ON AIR (17 page)

“It’s tough being an internationally acclaimed designer.”

She scoffed, but lightly shoved me. “Exactly.”

“No, I’m not joking,” I chuckled. “Art is such a versatile career, but it’s a race that you’ll never win. A person has to truly love what they do to survive, especially if they desire recognition for it. Other than that, you better be happy with the standard money you make—if you’re so lucky.”

She eyed me carefully. “And for you? What do you aspire to?”

Thinking back to my earlier thoughts, I kind of found an
ah-ha
moment for myself. “I love what I do. And it comes easy to me. Your mom had a point, and even though I know she was acknowledging her own shallow interests, we’re all that way now and then. Yeah, I have some pretty wealthy clients. Your aunt and uncle included. And yes, they allow me to open up a bit more and get creative, to give them something that’s unique but suited toward their lifestyle.” I shrugged. “But I think I love the first time homebuilder the most; the ones who are so excited to build their own home just the way they want it; the ones who have to stick to a strict budget and weigh and measure where they can splurge and not splurge.” I nodded resolutely. “Yep, those are my favorite clients.”

And it was true. Not everyone had the money to build whatever they wanted. And honestly, I respected those first time builders who were so excited it was written all over their faces. They’ve purchased land to build a home, and I get to help them achieve their dream.

“Hmm, I like it,” Sasha nodded. “You wanna get out of here?”

Fuck yes I did.

23

“S
o you didn’t even go back to her place?” Chris asked as we had breakfast at an IHOP near his work. Chloe was working at the café, but we both needed more than just a scone and coffee.

“Nope, didn’t even try.” I shoveled a heap of hash browns into my mouth.

I’d been recapping my Saturday night with Sasha. I’d walked her to her car where she literally changed from a formal gown into a sweatshirt and jeans right in the parking garage. Funny thing, though… I barely even saw any skin. She performed that pants-under-the-dress /straps-down-but-shirt-over-the-top kind of thing.

Very impressive. All I could do was ditch the tie and untuck my shirt.

We walked to a sushi joint nearby, and I have to admit, it was probably one of the most easygoing interactions I’ve had with a female in a long time. She loved sports, but since she grew up in Southern California, was a die-hard Dodgers fan. I guess I couldn’t hate her for it. I was raised in San Francisco but moved to Oregon when I was nine. Couldn’t exactly dump the Giants just because I moved. I was pretty much a third generation fan. On my grandfather’s deathbed, he made me promise to never betray him with another team.

Family joke, but it was the truth.

“So she’s older than you, huh,” Chris snorted. “How’s that gonna work out for you?”

Honestly her age hadn’t even come to mind. “I might have to reconsider. I mean she’s fucking hot—a 9.5—and she doesn’t look older. She’s kinda feisty. A lot like Nat but not so brutal, you know? I mean Nat’s not brutal but—”

“Yeah she is,” he cut in, mumbling over a hunk of sausage. “She’d be a pretty great catch if she could just simmer down the bitchiness.”

I shrugged, not sure if I agreed or disagreed. Chris was usually neutral when it came to Natalie. I think he tolerated her because she was my sister’s friend.

“You just have your mind on sex,” he added, shaking his head. “I see that indecision in your head about her. But I told you before and I’ll tell you again… Natalie Denman is trouble, man. Yeah she’s a pretty girl. But Dane, she’s not the type you settle down with.”

I eyed him for a few seconds. Chris had made a few remarks here or there about Nat in the past year, but I’d never heard him be so firm. “Since when are you so anti-Natalie?”

He chuckled. “Hey, I try not to stick my nose in people’s business. Chloe loves Natalie but…I think she gets her feelings hurt more often than she needs to.”

“Well, Nat is a bit blunt and my sister is super sensitive. I’m actually surprised they’re friends.”

He eyed me over his glass as he took a drink of orange juice.

“What?” I asked. “What am I missing?”

He set his glass down. “You really think Natalie is friends with Chloe because they’re a good match?”

I considered his words. “You saying Nat uses her to get to me?”

He shrugged dramatically. “Ya didn’t hear it from me.”

“That’s ridiculous. Natalie and I had been hooking up for almost a year before she even met my sister.”

“And how many times have you tried to brush her off in the past few years?”

“Natalie?”

“No, Oprah Winfrey. Yes, dumbass. Natalie. You’re always the one who distances yourself from her.”

“I don’t even think she cares since she does it too.”

“Just so you don’t reject her for being clingy.”

He continued to eat but glanced at me intermittently. I always thought Natalie was a female version of myself, but with all these people “filling me in” on certain things, I was beginning to feel like a clueless idiot.

I told Chris about the most recent bullshit with Natalie. He listened intently, unaware of most of it. Finally he shook his head and said, “Well there ya go. She made her move and you rejected her. Close the book.”

“What? I rejected jack shit. She twisted my arm, so I gave it a try. Then she jumps down my throat about her brother and…”

“What about her brother?”

I waved it off. “Nothing. I tried to be helpful and it was apparently the wrong thing.”

He accepted that and continued to eat. But yeah, what about Davey? I still needed to figure that out.

When we paid the check and left, we headed separate directions. I ran some errands and returned home, and speaking of Davey, he was sitting on my front porch. I stopped my truck in the driveway but maybe I shouldn’t have. Upon stepping out to see what he wanted, he pretty much attacked me at the first opportunity.

“The fuck did you do!?” he shouted at me, shoving me against the door after I’d shut it. “The fuck, man! I trusted you!”

He was about to take a swing at me, but I caught his arm just in time and used my hand to lower his head. From there I grabbed him and threw him on the ground, holding him down with my knee.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Davey, so you’d better use your fucking big boy words and
tell me
!”

“Get off me!”

“Tell me what the hell is going on!”

“Get off me, fucker!”

I dug my knee into him harder and pressed his face into the cement. “You’re at
my
house, in
my
driveway! Grow the fuck up and talk to me like a man!”

He only groaned under the pressure I was applying against him, but he didn’t talk back. I let him up, giving him a nice shove for good measure as I rose to my feet. I was fuming and could have knocked him the fuck out if I’d chosen to. But first Nat had been mad at me, and now this. I needed to know what the hell was going on.

He was clearly pissed off, so I didn’t take my eyes off of him just in case. However, I did notice nosy Ned Flanders on his porch. Who knows how long that jackass had been standing there, but he certainly didn’t care about me seeing him staring at us and just continued to do so. I was surprised he didn’t call the cops.

Without words, I motioned Davey into my house. He refused at first, but I left my door open and told him he’d better get his ass inside.

“What the fuck is going on?” I asked when he shut the front door.

His arms were stiff at his sides and his hands were balled into fists. If he thought I was going to fight him inside my house, he was mistaken. I’d throw his ass out onto the lawn before I risked damaging anything indoors.

“You’re the only one who knew,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Knew what?”

“About Zig and his crew. About me rolling with ‘em.”

I stared at him for a few seconds to let his words register. “And? I have a family friend who’s a cop. I asked him to keep an eye on you and he said the crew had already been busted. That wasn’t me, Davey.”

He didn’t respond right away. I think he was trying to decide whether or not he could believe me. “This cop. Who is he?”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t matter, man—”

“It does! Who is it?”

It was my turn to decipher his meaning. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Not ‘til you tell me who you got involved.”

“I didn’t involve anyone! I only asked… Hell, I don’t even remember what I asked. Definitely not to bust your ass! I said you’re a good kid or some shit like that. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I don’t want you to ruin your life, Davey. You’re involved with a pretty serious group of guys.”

“Was. I
was
involved. Now that’s gone to shit.” He exhaled and seemed to let down his guard a little bit.

“And that’s something you’re … you’re disappointed about?” I asked with disbelief. “Jesus Christ, you should be thankful!”

He looked at me with cold eyes again. “I grew up in the Bronx, bruh. You think guys like that scare me?”

“You were
five
when you moved here,” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Quit acting like a fucking white ass thug. And I don’t care who scares you or not, but your sister was worried about you. This is the thanks I get for taking her concerns seriously, huh? Really?”

His jaw tightened, but his eyes were glaring at the floor instead of me. “My sister sticks her nose in everyone’s business, thinking she knows everything; likes to push her opinions on people and make ‘em think they’re slackin’ somehow.”

Yeah, that was Natalie. But I never felt like she meant any harm with her brother. “Well I agreed with her when it came to you. You shouldn’t be mixed up in shit like that. There are better opportunities for you out there.”

“Oh, like an office boy?” he smirked. “How far is that gonna take me?”

“As far as you fucking want to go,” I growled back. “Jesus, David. Stand there and make all the excuses you want, okay? I really don’t have time for it though. All I’m guilty of is caring about your future. No one wants to see you behind bars. Emmet checked in on that crew and—”

“Greene! I fucking knew it! Well
fuck
!”

Shit, I hadn’t meant to divulge that information. But how did he know who Emmet was?

“Man, I don’t know what kind of shit you’re into but—”

“Dane, shut up for a sec, alright? I know he’s a friend of your fam, but you can’t trust him.”

“I’m supposed to believe you over someone who has been in my life for almost fifteen years?”

He looked at me for quite a while before running his hands over his head. He paused with them up there and exhaled. “Word is, Zig’s got a crooked cop on his side. I’ve heard Greene’s name more than once.”

24

I
’m not sure how you’re supposed to process the questioning of someone’s loyalty. I thought Davey was just throwing smoke to distract me, but the longer we stood there in a faceoff, the more I realized he wasn’t shitting me.

“That’s not much to go on,” I finally said. “Just because you’ve heard someone’s name… I mean there could be a lot of reasons why. Maybe they were talking about the color of the goddamn grass. That is a huge accusation.”

He relaxed his shoulders and sighed. “I’m trusting you with everything I have, Dane.”

He wanted me to believe Emmet was a dirty cop? I considered myself to be a pretty fair and reasonable guy, but that was asking a lot of me. “I don’t know. I mean honestly, I’ve only known you a few years. And not very well, even.”

“But have you ever known me to be a troublemaker?”

I reflected on all the things Natalie had said about her little brother. Maybe I really was overlooking the obvious. “No,” I answered truthfully. “It’s why I was so willing to help your sister out. She thought if she could put a stop to what you were doing, then you wouldn’t end up like Ollie.”

Davey made the sign of the cross and then took a moment before he spoke. “I’m doing this for Ollie. Because of Ollie. In spite of Ollie. Hell, I dunno. I’ve never blamed them for Ollie’s death, but a few of ‘em were close to my brother. I guess I was curious what caught his interest so much he couldn’t be there for us, ya know?”

I didn’t know at first, but I nodded automatically. Then I really pondered that thought and felt I could understand it. People make mistakes. Sometimes life catches them in a way they aren’t expecting, or maybe they were looking for something to fill a void. But maybe having people in your life who truly wanted to understand you…maybe that’s where the real relationships were at. A brother’s love… I could identify with that. I’d do anything for Chloe.

“Nat wouldn’t understand,” he sighed. “I don’t know how to talk to her. I can’t get her to see where I’m coming from. It’s different. A brother losing a brother is different than a sister losing a brother.”

I frowned at him. “I can’t understand you on that either. I have a sister who I’d die for, Davey. You can’t think Natalie wouldn’t do the same.”

“She wasn’t close to Ollie like I was. She’ll even tell you that. Ollie wasn’t just my brother, but like the father I didn’t have. He was six years older than me. I looked up to him. Nat didn’t need that like I did.”

“Maybe not in the same way, but she was missing out too. You can’t assume what’s important to someone and what’s not. Don’t play that gender shit, David. Your sister cared about Ollie, she cares about Ben, and she cares about you. Don’t underestimate her. Maybe Ollie was your go-to sibling, but he’s gone, man. And I’m sorry about that, but you’ve got Ben and Nat. I know you guys weren’t close to your mom before she passed away, but
you’ve still got family
.”

“Ben’s in Sacramento for a girl. Can’t really compete with that, can I? And you just don’t get it. What did they have for Ollie that we didn’t?
Why
, Dane? Why did he find a home with them and not us!? My ma moved us here to get away from that shit, right? So why did I have to lose my brother to it anyway!”

I didn’t have an answer. But I couldn’t see how chasing a ghost and trying to recreate his last steps was going to help Davey. I told him that. He didn’t respond for an entire minute. Maybe I’d just destroyed his entire reasoning behind his actions.

“If something gave you closure, wouldn’t you do it too?” he finally asked.

I considered that for a few seconds. “And is it going to? Give you closure? What needs to happen in order for you to feel like you have closure on Ollie’s death?”

Again he didn’t answer right away. Maybe he didn’t even know what it was himself.

“You feel like Ollie pushed you aside for other people? You feel like he should have been spending time with you instead of them?” I paused. “Well now you know how Natalie feels.”

He looked up from the floor and met my eyes. I hoped to God that hit him just right because I felt totally unequipped to play family shrink in this situation.

David pushed away from the door and took a couple steps toward me. “Be careful of Emmet Greene. You gotta believe me.”

Change of subject, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that topic either.

“What proof do you have? He’s been like a father to me and Chloe for a lot of years now. And besides, he wouldn’t even bend a tiny rule to help me out with something the other day. I highly doubt he’s wrapped up with lowlifes.”

He gave me a jaded sigh. “Probably because there was nothing in it for him. Or it wasn’t worth his time. I’m sure he’s gotta limit his shade.”

I thought of Emmet’s time looking into Sinclair’s flowers and shook my head. “He’s a good guy, Dave—”

“People. Change.” His eyes turned from tired to intense. “Can you just watch your back? Don’t ask him for any favors or allow him in your life. Swear to God I’ll think over what you said about Natalie if you think on this the same way.”

I slowly shook my head, but it seemed like a fair request. “Yeah, okay. I don’t like it, but I’ll consider it. For now. But answer me this. What happened to make your sister so pissed at me?”

He shrugged matter-of-factly. “Guess because the cops raided Derek’s house. I was walkin’ down the street to my car when they all raced to the house jumpin’ out their cars with guns pulled; took only a few seconds before they busted the door down. I was lucky.”

“They didn’t see you?”

“Nah, man. It was dark, two in the morning. I fucking dove into the bushes across the street and watched it go down. When I had a chance, I took off between a couple houses and hauled ass as far as I could.”

I nodded as I pictured it. “So what about Natalie? Why was she down my throat?”

“Damn, man. I called her. I wasn’t about to go back to my car, even though it was a block over from Derek’s house. Didn’t risk it. But I needed a ride and called her. It was stupid, but at that point, I thought all those guys were busted and I was done too. Thought they’d give my name but didn’t.”

“Oh, what a bummer. No drug running for you anymore. And you called her for an alibi, you little fucker.”

“Hey, you know what? I’m a fucking office boy for you, so shut up. I can’t keep no one happy no matter what I do.”

“Speaking of Nat and not happy… She said she got a weird vibe from you at the shop when she went to pick you up for the game. What was up with that?”

He scoffed. “She’s buggin’. I just don’t like it when she drops in on me. It’s like she’s taking my mom’s place. Dead ma and a pa sent up the river. I’m a born winner.”

From being around Nat, I knew “up the river” meant in prison. And I wanted to make a sarcastic comment about him needing Ollie as a father figure but having his sister care wasn’t as good? But I didn’t because he probably wouldn’t get it.

“Anyways, gotta roll,” he said, jutting a thumb over his shoulder.

“You have a ride? Didn’t see your car, did I?”

“Nah, it’s around the corner.”

“Which corner?” I asked dryly. He pointed to his left and I groaned.

“Why?”

“Nothing, just a nosy ass neighbor I have. He saw you jump me in the driveway.”

“I didn’t jump you,” he huffed. “I shoved you. And then you fucking body slammed me to the ground.”

“You deserved it.” I wasn’t even going to argue about it. “But go out back and hop the fence to the next street. I don’t want to deal with Pervy Peter.”

Davey chuckled but followed my instructions, and then I had to sit down on the couch to catch my breath from all the new information. I must have been there for a few hours because I finished watching one baseball game and was on the fourth inning in another. I was still trying to sort through the last few weeks of my life.

I did get a text from Sasha. She gloated that the Giants lost, but I had barely even watched the game. I checked on her Dodgers and reminded her they were in a losing season. All in fun. On a whim, I asked if she wanted to go to dinner sometime during the week. After a quick consult of schedules, we decided on Tuesday at seven.

My doorbell rang at eight that night. Luckily I had the curtains closed because the second I peeked through the security eye and saw that it was Peter, I lifted two middle fingers to the solid wood door and returned to the couch. He rang it once more before he finally left.

I was seriously ready to move.

The next text message I received was from Natalie. She apologized for being a bitch and accusing me of ratting out her brother. Davey must have had a few words with her, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to. She suggested we talk.

I had two choices. I could tell her yes or tell her no. There was no “how about later” with Natalie. But I was sick and tired of walking on eggshells with her. Maybe I was too passive with her. Maybe the bedroom alpha needed to be more assertive with her in other situations.

Tomorrow after work
I replied.

I assumed she meant right now, like she wanted to come over or wanted me to come over. But I was just too tired. I liked my alone time when my brain didn’t have to think. Sunday evenings were my down time before another week of work.

She responded:
Sure

I waited for a second text to add on to it, but none came. I nodded my satisfaction and dropped my phone on the couch. “Yeahhhh, I’m a man and I make man decisions,” I praised myself.

And then all I could think about was spiders when a thread from the throw blanket tickled my arm and I screamed like a little bitch.