Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex (55 page)

248n22

National Survey of Family Growth (U.S.), 4, 244n5, 244n12, 245n31

Netherlands: assassinations in, 200; economic rebound of (1980s–1990s), 247n19; foreign aid of, 239n19; ge- ography and imperialism of, 238n16; United States compared with, 213–16.
See also
adolescent sexuality: Dutch; polity: Dutch;
and specific topics

Newman, Katherine S., 249n34 Niek (pseud.), 137, 146, 175, 176

normalization of adolescent sexuality: basis for, 181–82; boys’ view of love and, 175–77; concept of, 3, 17–18, 233n2; conservative religious members op- posed to, 16; control through connec- tion in, 20; cultural process of, 41–43, 77–78, 104–6; girls’ desires in, 173–75, 246n33; girls on, 132–34; homosexual- ity in, 235n18; immigrants and, 201; in- terdependent individualism underlying, 18–19, 232n78; as largely gender neu- tral in effect, 48–49, 134–35; lessons

for U.S. of, 205–12; limits of, 43–46; as mode of power, 188–90; normal sexual- ity conceived in, 33–36; parent-teen negotiations in, 11–12, 29–31, 139–40; relationship-based sexuality in, 36–38, 48–49, 170–71, 179; safe, shared space in, 142; self-regulated sexuality in, 38–41; sexual ethics of, 182–87; sexual

experience validated in, 21–22, 171–72;

sleepovers accepted in, 31–33, 138; “slut” label for girls, 169, 245n27;

normalization of adolescent sexuality (
continued
)

social control (disciplinary) mecha- nisms in, 13; summary of, 49–51; textbook cases of, 132–34; welfare state and conditions for, 194–99.
See also
control through connection; interde- pendent individualism; psychology of incorporation

Norwood (pseud.): conversations about contraception in, 67; description of, 11; use of data from, 230n53, 259n18

Oderberg, Bonnie (pseud.), 61, 63, 241n35

Otten, Nienke (pseud.), 38, 42, 88, 100

parents: on autonomy, 82–84; boys’ ease of talking with (statistics), 243n7; characteristics and demographics of, 2, 181, 219–21; ethical work of, 186–87; interview questions for, 217–18; self and social change concepts of, 78–81; summary of differences, 104–6, 205; youths’ moving out from home of, 83– 84, 91–92, 93–94, 240–41n30, 241n38.

See also
parent-teenager relationships; sexual revolution

—Dutch: on adulthood measures, 92–96; aspect of teenage sexuality of concern to, 183; economic security of, 194–95, 250n43; effects of interdependence

on mothers, 81; likelihood of working mothers, 258n12; management by ne- gotiation of, 239n20, 247n11; mothers as responsible for emotional work of, 252n52; on past taboos and pres-

ent openness, 233n9; realities facing, 77–78; as sex educators, 235n21; on teenage drinking, 82, 87–89; “vigilant leniency” of, 135, 147–49.
See also
con- trol through connection; normalization of adolescent sexuality; parent-teenager relationships: Dutch

—U.S.: on adulthood measures, 89–92; adversarial individualism template of, 19; ambivalence about gender relations, 197–98; aspect of teenage sexuality of concern to, 183; discussions with boys,

114–18; discussions with girls, 112–14; economic insecurity of, 194, 250n39; powerlessness of, 74; realities facing, 77–78; secrets withheld from, 122–24; similarities and differences among, 56–57; on teenage drinking, 82, 84–87.
See also
connection through control; dramatization of adolescent sexuality; parent-teenager relationships: U.S.

parent-teenager relationships: adolescent rights and responsibilities in, 2–3; comparative studies of, 242n5, 257n29; connection key to, 24; dramatization vs. normalization of sexuality in, 11–12; girls’ first romance and, 5; legal, politi- cal, and institutional context of, 22–24; socialization gap in, 19–20; time to- gether vs. apart in, 238n14

—Dutch: conflicts in, 146–47, 243n8; consultations and negotiations in, 102–4, 239n20, 247n11; disagreements in, 99–102;
gewoon
manner of talking about sexuality in, 33–36; interdepen- dent individualism template in, 19,

51; limits in communications, 43–45; mandates of
gezelligheid
in, 142–47; normalization process in, 41–43; nudity accepted in, 34, 233n8; relationship- based sexuality frame in, 36–38,

48–49; self-regulated sexuality frame in, 38–41; sleepover discussions in, 29–31; smoking and drinking discussions in, 147–52; teens as comfortably connected in, 135, 242n2; trust in, 51, 133–34.
See also
control through connection;
gezel- ligheid
(cozy togetherness)

—U.S.: absence of positive narrative about sexuality in, 73–75; battle between sexes frame in, 57, 59–62, 65, 236n7; battles in, 96–99; contraception and sexuality discussions in, 67–68, 108, 112–14, 244n5; disengagement in, 242n3; frames in, summarized, 56–57; hor- mone-based sexuality frame in, 57–59, 65, 69; love discussed in, 66–67; nega- tive stipulations in, 54–57; parental past in discussion of, 53–54, 70–73; parental regulation and expectations in, 64–66;

parental responsibility for regulation in, 62–64, 69; relationship discussions in, 68–70; revisiting developmental ideas underlying, 210–11.
See also
connection through control; freedom

Pascoe, C. J., 5

Patrick (pseud.), 115, 162, 165, 166, 167

Paul (pseud.), 136, 176

Paula (pseud.), 121, 162, 164

Pauline (pseud.): on drinking, 150, 151;

on first sexual intercourse, 169–70, 172,

178; on love and relationship, 168–69,

175; on mandates of
gezelligheid
, 144; on parental dictates, 148; on sexual desire, 173–74; on sleepovers, 142

peer groups and networks: different types of pressure in, 61–62; parental views of, 147–49, 250n40; pressure to drink in, 157; pressure to have sexual intercourse in, 157; “slut” label in, 5, 156–57,

162–64, 169, 173, 243–44n2, 245n27;

sociological focus on, 2; “soulless sex” in, 15, 165–68, 179

penal system

—Dutch: cannabis decriminalized in, 248n25; recent changes in, 248n24, 254n66; regulation and tolerance in, 23, 192, 199

—U.S.: culture of control in, 80; puni- tive and harsh nature of, 22, 105, 129,

193–94, 199

Peter (pseud.), 137, 138, 145, 146, 147, 172

Peters, Els, 239n20 Petersen, Larry, 4

Petra (pseud.), 140–41, 144, 147–48

Phillip (pseud.): eighteen as turning point for, 117; on following rules, 120, 129; girls’ pregnancy feared by, 161; on love and teenage relationships, 167, 168; on mother’s lecture, 115; on parental collusion, 124

Phillips, Derek, 241n38 Picavet, Charles, 234n12

place of residence: Dutch and U.S. com- pared, 215–16, 220; overview of, 10–11.
See also
Corona (pseud.); Eastern City (pseud.); Norwood (pseud.); Tremont (pseud.); Western City (pseud.)

Planned Parenthood, 236n1

pleasure: ambivalence about girls’, 162, 164–65, 175; balanced approach to,

210; danger and, 75, 129, 155, 243n1; discovery of, 175–76; factors in healthy, 257n20, 257n27;
gezelligheid
linked

to, 16–17, 139; girls on trouble with, 245n29; lack of, 4–5, 12, 163; normal pursuit of vs. distancing from, 22, 177, 184, 195; parents’ acceptance of, 36, 147; physical focus and emotional distancing in, 165–67, 174–75; punish- ment for, 194; responsibility linked to, 46, 152; sex education’s inclusion of, 9, 33–34; sex education’s lack of inclusion,

6. See also
gezelligheid
(cozy together- ness); lust; sexual subjectivity

Poel, Yolanda te, 233n9, 235n21, 252n52 policy: abstinence-only, 6, 8, 159, 228n27; birth control prescriptions and pelvic

exams, 5, 40, 171, 205, 228n23, 236n1;

media (Dutch), 229n39, 235n24; recommendations on, 203–12; zero- tolerance, 98–99, 129.
See also
health- care; immigrants, Dutch; legal issues; medical perspectives; gender dilemmas; penal system; pregnancies; sex educa- tion; welfare state

policymaking: culture’s role in, 15–16, 73, 81, 198–99; equalization as result of (Dutch), 81; implications for sexual health policy, 209–12; implications

of types of individualism for, 22–23, 84; influence of Dutch Association for Sexual Reform on, 229n38; in response to AIDS crisis, 73; risk assumptions in (U.S.), 11; sex education professionals heeded in (Dutch), 9; sex education bat- tles in (U.S.), 6, 258n6; style of Dutch vs. U.S., 191–94, 213, 239n21, 240n24, 252–53n58

politics of accommodation: concept of, 23, 232n81; consensus democracy and, 80; in Dutch response to sexual revolution, 233n3, 233n8, 240n29, 240nn23–24;

integration and, 190–92; negative potential of, 247–48n20; pluralism and pillars of, 238–39n17, 249n35

polity

—Dutch: commercial elites in, 213, 258n4; discourses of control and power in, 187–90; egalitarianism of, 250–51n45, 251n47; ideas underlying, 240n23; ideology of motherhood in, 196; inter- dependency in, 80–81; interest groups in, 191, 239n18; labor agreements

in, 247n16, 247n19; management by negotiation in, 239n20, 247n11; moral revolution in, 7–8, 229n37, 229n38; as “perfect contraceptive population,” 245n25; poverty in, 200, 253n64, 256n9; recent changes in, 199–200; state’s constitution of individual and collectivity in, 194–99; trust in elites and professionals, 9, 215; women and “public power” in, 252n51; working women in, 199–200, 252n50, 253n62.

See also
gezelligheid
(cozy togetherness); interdependent individualism; politics of accommodation; welfare state

—U.S.: commercial elites in, 213, 258n4; conservative turn in, 73; discourses of control and power in, 187–90; poverty and financial fragility of families in, 200, 249nn33–34, 250n42, 253n64,

256n9; self-others relationship in, 79–80; state’s constitution of individual and collectivity in, 194–99; winners, losers, and change in, 192–94; worker representation ineffective in, 251n49.
See also
adversarial individualism; freedom; risk perception and manage- ment

popular culture, U.S.: ambivalence about girls’ sexuality in, 162–63; Dutch media influenced by, 244n3; “soulless sex” in, 15, 165–68, 179.
See also
media: U.S.

pregnancies.
See also
abortion; birth rate

—comparisons and statistics on, 42, 77,

161, 172, 204, 226–27n16, 237n1,

242n7

—Dutch: of first- vs. second-generation immigrants, 255n6; rarity of, 42, 203; state’s mitigation of risk of, 194–95

—U.S.: attitudes toward adolescent sex based on concern for, 4; crisis centers for, 159, 244n7; disruptions of, 58–59,

204, 255n2; parental lectures on avoid- ing, 110, 114–15; percentage unplanned,

246n9; teen fears of, 158–61, 203–4; unintentional but usually carried to term, 178, 204, 245n32, 255n2

prostitutes and prostitution: Dutch state response to, 192, 200, 248n25, 254n66; Dutch teenage boys on, 173; U.S. ag- gressive control of, 194

psychological perspectives: adolescent sexu- ality as viewed in, 2; cultural frames of, 17–18, 24; Dutch and U.S., compared, 11–12; individuation process in, 225n4; psychoanalytic view of, 230–31n56; se- quential view of, 63–64, 65–66.
See also
adulthood, attainment of; autonomy; connection through control; control through connection; individualism; psychology of incorporation; psychol- ogy of separation; self-control and

self-regulation

psychology of incorporation: agency in, 188–89; concept of, 20; control through connection linked to, 134–35; domestic patterns underlying, 152–53; ethical work in, 185–87; openness and agree- ments in, 131–34; politics of accom- modation and, 190–92; regulation of sexuality in, 184–85.
See also
control through connection;
gezelligheid
(cozy togetherness); interdependent individu- alism

psychology of separation: adult person- hood defined in, 74–75; agency in, 188, 189; connection through control linked to, 111–12; double standard and sex-stereotyping in, 21; dramatiza- tion of sexuality based in, 57; driving as facilitating, 120–21; ethical work in, 185–87; gender differences in, 111,

112–14; girls’ elaboration of, 119; mov- ing beyond cultural limits of, 209–12; parental regulation and teen autonomy in, 62, 65–66; regulation of sexuality in, 183–85; self-reliance linked to, 117–18, 225n4, 230–31n56; sexual exploration based on, 107–10; sleepover acceptance linked to, 63–64; winners vs. losers in, 192–94.
See also
adversarial indi-

vidualism; connection through control; dramatization of adolescent sexuality; freedom

puber
and
puberteit
, 99–102

Rademakers, Jany, 230n46

“raging hormones,” 17, 24, 57–59, 64, 65,

66, 165, 183, 206

Randy (pseud.), 117, 161, 167, 168 Ravesloot, Janita: on attitudes toward

adolescent sexuality, 6, 8, 242n1, 243n4; on girls’ sexual experiences, 252n54; on mothers and emotional work, 252n52; on parental negotiations, 239n20; on parents as sex educators, 235n21; on past taboos and present openness, 233n9; on sexual negotia- tions, 230n46

Reed, Jennifer (pseud.): adulthood defined by, 89; battle between sexes frame

of, 60; on college away from home, 91; hormone-based frame of, 58; on parent-teen battles, 96–97; on teenage drinking, 84, 86

Regt, Ali de, 250–51n45

“regulated love,” 17–18, 24, 197, 201.
See also
self-control and self-regulation

Reinarman, Craig, 240n25

relationships.
See
parent-teenager relation- ships; peer groups and networks; teen romantic relationships

religiosity: Dutch vs. U.S., compared, 9–10, 199, 213, 216, 221, 230n50; premarital sex attitudes linked to degree of, 4, 7, 9–10, 16

religious conservatives: opposed to premar- ital sex, 4, 7, 9–10, 16; sex education

policy under, 6

religious moderates: identification of, 214–15, 258n10; interviewees as, generally, 2, 10, 11, 16, 213, 221; Jewish attitudes compared, 258n5

religious organizations, Dutch: conflict of, 200; moral revolution broadly sup- ported, 7, 229n37; progressive views of Catholic, 7, 229n37; segmented

pluralism and “pillars” of, 238–39n17, 249n35; self-discipline emphasized