Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex (54 page)

245n27; “soulless sex” label for boys, 15, 165–68, 179; summary of, 177–80

General Social Survey, 4

Germany: sex education campaigns in, 236n4

Gert-Jan (pseud.): on attunement with family members’ needs, 144; on eating dinner together, 143; on love, 176; on prostitutes, 173; on sleepovers, 138; on

smoking and drinking, 149, 150; on talking with parents about sexuality, 136, 137

gezelligheid
(cozy togetherness): adulthood, moving out, and loss of, 94–96; alcohol consumption in, 87–89, 150; chal- lenges to, 201; cultural concerns about, 16–17; freedom circumscribed by,

135; as ideal mode of being, 186–87; Karsten (pseud.) on, 131; mandates of, 142–47; parties as home-based forms of, 149–50; politics of accommodation in, 190–92; prostitution in context of, 248n25; regulation of sexuality and public underlying, 198–99; sleepovers as, 137–39; teenage access to spaces of, 151–52; teen sexuality and, 134; time apart in United States compared with, 238n14.
See also
psychology of incorpo- ration; sleepovers: Dutch

Giordano, Peggy C., 256n12 Gogh, Theo van, 255n69

“going to bed with,” as phrase, 29, 41, 173,

174, 225n2, 233n1

Gonzalez-Lopez, Gloria, 256–57n18 Goodin, Robert E., 249n33

Gorski, Philip S., 248n26

Graaf, Hanneke de: on boys on love, 256n13; on contraception use, 246n34; on girls’ desire, 246n33; on homosexual youth, 234n12; on intercourse in vs. out of monogamous relationship, 237–38n2

Graaf, Nan Dirk de, 230n50

Groot, Dirk de (pseud.): on child’s moving out, 94; on openness about sexuality, 33, 40; on parent-teen agreements, 103; relationship-based frame of, 37; on teen drinking, 88

Groot, Hannie de (pseud.): on child’s mov- ing out, 94; on openness about sexual- ity, 33, 35; on parent-teen agreements,

103; relationship-based frame of, 37; on

teen drinking, 88

Groto, Alicia (pseud.), 86, 90

Guttmacher Institute, 7

Haak, Kees van der, 229n39 Hagedoorn, Louk, 254–55n69 Hamilton, Laura, 247n14 Hans (pseud.), 135–36, 146 Hardon, Anita, 229–30n42 Hart, Joep de, 243n4, 246n8

Health Behavior in School-Aged Children Survey, 243n11

healthcare: countries compared, 10, 228n23; providers of, 5, 40, 171, 205, 209–12, 228n23.
See also
birth control and morning-after pills; condom use; contraception; medical perspectives; policymaking; welfare state

—Dutch: comparative ranking of, 200, 253n63; legal parameters for twelve- to sixteen-year-olds, 229–30n42; moral rules institutionalized in, 7–8; sex as fun for both girls and boys (message in), 171–72

—U.S.: abstinence-only programs, 6, 8, 159, 228n27; policy recommendations for, 204–5; sex as dangerous in, 11, 58–59, 114–15, 156–61, 178, 243n1

healthcare reform act (U.S., 2010), 208, 228n27

Heidi.
See
Doorman, Heidi (pseud.) Herder, Loek (pseud.), 34, 36, 92, 94–95 Hermerijck, Anton, 247n19

HIV/AIDS: adolescent sexuality and, 8; comparisons and statistics on, 204, 234–35n16; conservative turn in United States and, 73; normalization in Neth- erlands despite, 73; safe-sex campaigns and, 171–72, 234n15; sex education on, 203, 233–34n10; teen fear of (U.S.), 160

Hochschild, Arlie Russell, 231n69, 240n28 Holt, Katinka (pseud.), 39, 93–94, 101 homosexuality: acceptance of, 229n37,

234n12, 234n15, 235n18; educational film about, 200, 255n70; ignored by parents, 58; opposition to, 256n17; parent-teen communication about, 33–34, 43; sexual readiness and, 39;

sleepovers and, 137

hormone-based sexuality frame: battle between sexes frame linked to, 59–60; boys’ resistance to, 165–68; examples of, 57–59, 65; of girls’ view of boys, 157; love and, 69; “raging hormones,”

as term in, 17, 24, 57–59, 64, 65, 66,

165, 183, 206

Huckabee, Mike, 252n56

humor: about condom use, 40, 43–44, 64; about parent-teen discomforts, 43; of girls about sex, 163

immigrants, Dutch: challenges brought by, 200–201; demographics of, 253n61, 257–58n1; entry exam for, 255n70; hostility of and toward, 254–55n69; integration required for, 249n35; policymaking and, 239n18; sex educa- tion implementation and, 231–32n77; teenage pregnancies and births among, 255n6

independence: in conjunction with others, 93–94; Dutch vs. U.S. measures of, 82–83

individualism: cultural language of, 14, 231n70; cultures compared, 82–84; expressive type of, 236n8.
See also
adver- sarial individualism; interdependent individualism

interdependent individualism: adversarial individualism compared, 82–84, 104–6, 206–8; attainment of adulthood in,

92–96; challenges to, 199–201; concept of, 18–19, 232n78; cultural tenets underlying, 181–82; exercise of author- ity in, 99–104; gender differences in, 21–22; negotiations possible in, 25; pa- rental encouragement of, 32–33; policy implications of, 22–23; politics of ac- commodation in, 190–92; self-control and alcohol consumption in, 87–89; self-others relationship in, 80–81; soci- ety strengthened in, 239nn19–21; state’s constitution of collectivity and, 194–99; trouble addressing differences in, 207.
See also
control through connection; normalization of adolescent sexuality; psychology of incorporation

interviewees: characteristics and demo- graphics, 10, 213–16, 219–21; motiva- tion in choice of groups, 16; recruit- ment and questions for, 216–18.
See also
methodology

Irvine, Janice M., 258n6

Isaac (pseud.): eighteen as turning point for, 116–17; on gender differences in punishment, 119–20; on girls’ sexuality, 163; on meanings of rules, 122; on prevalence of sex in culture, 165, 166; on “slut” label, 162

Janine (pseud.), 127

Jeff (pseud.), 124–25, 129, 167

Jesse.
See
Lawton, Jesse (pseud.)

Jill (pseud.), 114, 118–19

jobs: interviewees compared, 215, 220; U.S.

teens, 120, 121

Julia (pseud.), 141, 143, 144, 145

Kaiser (Henry) Family Foundation, 244n5, 246n4

Kampen, Fleur van (pseud.): on drinking, 148; on girls vs. boys with multiple partners, 174; on mandates of
gezel- ligheid
, 144; on normal sexuality, 50; parties of, 149–50; readiness for alcohol consumption, 88; on sexual readiness, 46–47, 48, 175; on talking with parents,

102–3, 140

Kampen, Ria van (pseud.): adulthood de- fined by, 93; on daughter’s sexual readi-

ness, 46–47, 48; on moving beyond conflict, 49; sleepover negotiations of, 252n55; status concerns of, 49; on teen- age drinking, 88, 89; teen consultations

with, 102–3

Kaplan, Robert, 238n16

Kaptein, Ada (pseud.), 35–36, 50, 92, 100

Kaptein, Madeleine (pseud.), 35, 143, 145,

150

Karoline (pseud.), 143, 150

Karsten (pseud.), 131–32, 138, 175, 177 Katy (pseud.): on getting caught, 125; on

girls’ sexuality, 163; on love and teenage relationships, 164; on prevalence of sex in culture, 165; secrets of, 122; on “slut” label, 162

Kelley, Jonathan, 230n50 Kelly (pseud.), 122–23, 160

Kennedy, James C.: on Dutch Catholic Church, 229n37; on Dutch sexual revo- lution, 240n29, 240nn23–24, 243n3; on integration of society, 239n19

Ketting, Evert, 7, 227n17, 234n13 Kickert, Walter J. M., 80

Kiers, Mariette (pseud.): on being in love, 174; on contentious teens, 100; on past and present sexual experiences, 42; on relationship-based sexuality, 36, 48–49; on teenage drinking, 88–89; on teen- parent communications, 43, 103

Kimberley (pseud.): on secrets from parents, 107–9, 112, 127; on sexual

information, 160; on “slut” label, 162; on teenage love, 163–64

Kippen, Jany (pseud.): adolescent experi- ences of, 72, 85; adulthood defined by, 90; on conversations about contracep- tion, 67; on parent-teen battles and compromises, 98–99; on responsibili- ties with sexual intercourse, 59; on teen- age hubris, 84

Klant, Mia (pseud.), 43, 44, 101

Knijn, Trudie: on permission and control, 235n21; on sex education, 9, 40, 233n4, 234n11; on welfare reform, 253n62

Koning, Barbara (pseud.), 41, 42–43, 100 Kooij, G. A., 7, 229n37

Krakauer, Jon, 242n1

Kremer, Monique, 247–48n20, 253n62

Langer, Deborah (pseud.): adolescent ex- periences of, 72, 73, 85; battle between sexes frame of, 61; hormone-based frame of, 58; on love and sex, 66; on parent-teen battles, 97

Lars (pseud.), 143, 146

Laumann, Edward (survey), 3–4, 9

Laura (pseud.), 114, 125–26, 127

Laurie (pseud.), 159, 162, 163

Lawton, Doreen (pseud.): adolescent ex- periences of, 72, 73; adulthood defined by, 90; battle between sexes frame of, 60, 65, 69; opposed to premarital sex,

55–56

Lawton, Harold (pseud.): hormone-based frame of, 57–58, 60, 158; on parent- teen battles, 96, 97; on sex vs. relation- ships, 55–56

Lawton, Jesse (pseud.): on break from parents, 118; on getting caught, 126, 242n4; limited contraceptive knowledge of, 160, 178; on mother’s lecture, 115; on prevalence of sex in culture, 165;

on sex and commitment, 158–59, 167,

168

legal issues: age of consent, 23, 232n84; alcohol consumption, 83, 86–87, 194, 241n31; culture of control (U.S.), 80, 238n13; financial support for child until twenty-one (Dutch), 241n33, 250n44; health care and contraception access (Dutch), 229–30n42; parental management in context of, 22–24

Leufkens, Christien (pseud.), 36, 37–38,

40, 87

LeVine, Robert, 259n16

Lewis, Jane, 9, 40, 233n4, 234n11, 235n21

Lieke (pseud.), 150, 173

Lijphart, Arend, 80, 232n81, 238–39n17 Lisa (pseud.), 123, 124, 159–60

“Long Live Love” (sex education program), 37, 233n4, 233–34n10, 236n4

Longmore, Monica A., 256n12

love: assumptions about teenage, 17–18, 60, 69, 163–64, 173–75; boys’ belief and expectation of, 175–77; boys’ dismissal of, 110; boy’s experience of, 132, 158–59; boys’ hopes for, 167–68;

cultural languages for, 66–67; cultural models for, 179–80; girls’ expectations of, 173–74; girls’ hopes for, 163–64; he- roic myth of, 245n21; marriage assumed measure of, 25, 79; out-of-control po- tential of, 62; sexual relationships based on, 36–38, 108; timing of, 56

love, terms for: absent for teenage, in United States, 57, 236n4; “falling in love,” 36, 60, 67, 74, 164, 175; heroic vs. prosaic, 237n11;
houden van
(long- term), 36.
See also
“being in love”

Lucas, Stephen, 258n3

Luker, Kristin, 228n23, 240n26

lust: beliefs about, 178–80; conceptions of, 8, 22, 27, 156, 175–76, 207; love

distinguished from, 36, 177.
See also

pleasure

Madeleine (pseud.), 35, 143, 145, 150 Mallee, Luuk, 248n22

management of adolescent sexuality: modes of power in, 187–90; politics of accommodation in (Dutch), 190–92; sexual ethics, regulation, and modes of being in, 183–87; state’s constitution of individual and collectivity in, 194–99; summary of, 199–201; winners, losers, and change in (U.S.), 192–94.
See also
dramatization of adolescent sexuality; medical perspectives; normalization

of adolescent sexuality; risk perception and management

Manning, Wendy D., 256n12 Marc (pseud.), 114–15, 116, 122

Marcel (pseud.), 137, 148, 151, 177

Margie (pseud.), 140 marijuana.
See
drug use

Marjolein (pseud.): on drinking, 151; on family agreements, 148; on sex and rela- tionships, 173, 174, 175; on sleepovers, 142; on talking with parents about sexuality, 140

Marleen (pseud.), 141, 146 marriage: ambivalence about gender

relations and, 197–98; average age for, 237n17; class-based differences concerning, 37; as key to meaningful

relationship, 167–68; sexual intercourse

limited to, 64, 74–75, 79, 116, 179–80, 236–37n9

Martin, Henry (pseud.), 62, 86–87, 237n13 Martin, Karin A., 4, 12, 257n22, 259n14 Mast, Frank (pseud.), 58, 60–61, 64, 71,

72

Mast, Helen (pseud.), 60, 85

masturbation, 9, 33–34, 136, 230n49 Mears, Deirdre (pseud.): adulthood defined

by, 89–90; ambivalence of, 70–71, 73; battle between sexes frame of, 60; on parental regulations, 69–70; on parent- teen battles, 98; on sexual assault, 70; on sexual readiness, 68–69

media

—Dutch: government regulation of, 235–36n24; moral revolution role of, 7–8; pluralistic system of, 229n39; safe- sex campaigns in, 171–72, 179; U.S. popular culture in, 244n3

—U.S.: Dutch media influenced by, 244n3; sex as prevalent in, 71; sex education via, 5; “soulless” sex in, 15, 165–68,

179.
See also
popular culture, U.S. medical perspectives

—Dutch: attitudinal changes in 1970s, 234n13; moral revolution role of, 7–8; safe-sex message of, 171–72

—U.S.: adolescent sexuality as viewed in, 2; risk assumptions in, 11; sex as

dangerous, 11, 58–59, 114–15, 156–61,

178, 243n1.
See also
risk perception and management

Meier, Ann M., 227–28n22

Meier, Berend (pseud.): on drinking, 148; on faithfulness, 177; on love, 175; on mandates of
gezelligheid
, 146; parents on, 88, 92; on talking with parents, 136,

137, 143

Meier, Karin (pseud.), 35, 39–40, 88, 92 Meijers, Frans, 252n53

Melissa (pseud.), 123–24, 125, 162, 164 methodology: analytical tracks in, 218–19;

choice of countries and communities, 213–16; interview process, 216–18; personal perspective in, 219; settings described, 221–24.
See also
interviewees

Michael (pseud.): “bad boy” behavior of, 109–10, 114, 115, 119, 166; eighteen

as turning point for, 116; on getting caught, 126; on sex as danger, 160

Michelle (pseud.), 113, 127–28, 164

Michiel (pseud.), 137

Miller, William C., 234–35n16 minorities: demographics of (U.S.), 257–

58n1; subsidies for (Dutch), 249n35.

See also
immigrants, Dutch Monique (pseud.), 143, 144, 151, 172 Mosher, William D., 228n31

Natalie.
See
Boskamp, Natalie (pseud.) Nathanson, Constance, 228n23 National Assistance Act (Dutch, 1965),