Nice Guys Don't Finish Last (21 page)

I
sat on the back of the ambulance truck, while the arson team & police interrogated me about the fire. But I was just as lost as they were. Nico did not answer my calls or texts, so I didn’t know if he was in the house during the fire or not. How could something as severe happen in an hour?

I shook uncontrollably, and this is the longest I’ve ever stood without my cane. I guess when you’re in shock; the human body is capable of doing the impossible. My mind traveled in different places asking if my boyfriend and dog are in the loft? But Nico had plans to go out, so he couldn’t have been in there.

All I could think about was Milo, imagining his barks as the apartment gone up in flames. I remember when Nico & I first bought him at the pet store in Delaware. Initially, Nico wanted to buy him, but I was resistant about getting a puppy because I didn’t think he was responsible enough to have a pet. I would be the person stuck with taking care of the dog.

“Baby, please… can we get him? He is so cute, I always wanted a Shihtzu,” he begged me to buy it for him for five hundred bucks. I thought it was ridiculous to spend that much money for a dog that would only weigh about seven pounds. But I stared at the cinnamon brindel for two minutes, and fell in love with him because he tried to hump another Shihtzu he shared a cage with. I knew right away he was special. So I agreed to buy him for Nico, and became closer to the dog than he did. He always acted like he was jealous of the relationship between Milo & I.

“We didn’t find a dog or a body in the house. So maybe they were gone before the incident. Do you have any idea how this fire was caused, sir,” a firefighter asked.

“No, I don’t. Did the fire reach anyone else’s apartment?”
“No thankfully! Since you guys have brick in the home, it didn’t burn through,” he said while I sat there trying to allow it to sink in that I no longer had a home.
How in the hell was the fire caused? Where will I live? Because I will live in a homeless shelter, before living with Nico’s mother! That’s some shit I won’t even put myself through. It would be like living in boot camp. His mother would have us doing some off-the-wall shit, and I refuse to live under someone else’s rules. I haven’t been told what to do since the Marines, so who would really like put up with the bitching and complaining.
I’ll be in the bed, anticipating for her to knock legs off with a sledge hammer like the crazy bitch from “Misery”.
“Have you gotten in contact with the other guy who lives with you,” the firefighter asked.
“No,” I shook my head thinking about when we first moved in the loft about a year & a half ago. We were both ecstatic about living together because it was the first time he’s ever been on his own, and it was my first time ever moving with someone I was in a relationship with. So many things happened in that apartment, I don’t know whether to be sad about it going up in flames or if I should be happy that those memories are now melted away.
I mean, we have shared some great moments, but I don’t know what I’m trying to say right now. I’m just shocked and lost for words! This year just seems to get worse & worse… man, give me a break.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you have a Shihtzu?”
“Yes, I do,” I answered with a bubble in my throat. My face began to crack a smile.
“Well, I’m sorry. He didn’t make it through the fire; we found his body under your bed.”

Rose
Royce’s “Love Don’t Live Here Anymore” played on Magic 95.9, as Tony drove me home in his lavish Honda Accord. He sang along to the song glancing at me every chance he could get. Tony probably had the idea I was smitten by his attempt to sing for me, but I would have rather had plugs to rescue the death of my ears. He sounded like a tone deaf ‘American Idol’ reject who believe they can actually sing. In fact, I think a suffocated cat could hit those notes better than he did.

“Yo’ boy got skills, huh,” he asked, while I frowned praying he would eventually stop.
“Oh, so you gon’ to ignore me, hater,” he laughed.
“Hating? I’m the one singing background for your favorite singers & about to get my own deal, boo,” I said.
“Exactly. Singing background, not lead Effie!”
“Is there something you have on your mind, Deena?”
“Yup, you hating on my vocals,” he laughed, biting on his bottom lip. I guess that was his way of trying to ‘invite’ me in his escapades of temptation. I was not engaging in anything that could possibly hurt my relationship. Things are getting better with Abdul, he has even got confident during sex again!
Tony is one of those ‘back & forth’ guys, who believes he can pop up whenever he choose too. I met him during my freshman year in college, shortly after Deja & I broke up and he introduced me to the lustful side of the lifestyle. What I thought was love, was nothing but a year of burdens. He was a ‘man’s man’ who didn’t have any goals or motivations, and just wanted to skip class to smoke weed every day. At first, I was attracted to his brilliant mind, which he wasted that entire year on irrelevant things. Not to mention, he played reverse psychology shit on me, one too many times. Hence, being a Psychology major, but it hardly ever worked on me.
We would break up every week, and make up for it with the roughest sex I’ve ever indulged in. I remember one night, he gutted me so good my head got stuck in the headboard of his bed, and we had to cut the bars off to get it out. If it was one thing he was good for, it was definitely the sex. But he was your typical guy that’d play with your emotions & stomp over them in a quick second.
He tries to convince me on how much he has changed, and Abdul can’t possibly be better than him. But it’s been four years since we’ve been apart, and there’s no mix signals I send to induce him to even think there’s a chance of getting back with me. However, he is so persistent & does not respect my relationship enough to not express his feelings or physical attraction to me.
Yes, there are times when I want to kiss him again or even get my head stuck in a headboard, but I have to be the stronger person in this situation. I don’t see or talk to him much because I don’t want to do anything stupid, although I can control my hormones unlike someone else I know.
“Can I ask you a question,” he asked.
“Go ahead, but it better not be anything disrespectful,” I declared with bass in my voice. I could tell he had a lot on his mind, but was afraid to express despite my reaction.
“Do you ever think about us?”
“Tony, I thought we made it clear you wouldn’t ask me any questions like that. Out of respect,” I pouted.
“I know, but I can’t stop thinking of you. I just don’t see you being with that nigga forever,” he said.
“Well, it’s not what you see. It’s about my happiness, and if you would have had your shit together four years ago then we’d probably still be together.”
“Why do you talk down to me?”
“Because you’re talking down to my relationship, and I told you to respect him.”
“Well, you sure wasn’t respecting him about a week or two ago,” he said.
“Excuse me, what does that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t try to act dumb now, you know exactly what I’m referring to,” he said turning the radio up to tune out my voice. Followed by an utter silence after he turned the radio down, but I refused to allow him to take me out of character. He tried to speak to me, but I didn’t answer.
We were on the main street, and barricades blocked us from attainment to my house, causing Tony to take an immediate detour around the block. I assumed the fire trucks were the same alarming through the block party.
“Damn, I wonder what happened here,” he said.
“Well, apparently there was a fire.”
“Yeah, but where was it coming from.”
“How would I know? I was at the same place you were.”
“I know that smart ass, but wait a minute--- that look like your house,” he pointed as I saw black smoke blowing outside the windows, as if a fire was extinguished.

The
liquor finally worn off, while Ty pulled in front of my door, as I saw the lights in the dining room flash through the windows. It was evident my parents were awake, assuming they were prepping sermons for Sunday’s service. I could not go in the house with my cunt outfit, so I had to change into my boy-ish gear in the car.

“One day, they’re going to catch you,” Ty applied Mac lip gloss to his lips.
“Catch me doing what,” I asked pulling my shirt over my head.
“Doing something gay,” he laughed.
“How you figure?”
“Because you can’t hide forever, even though you are a church boy,” he insisted puckering his lips in the rearview mirror. I heard this shit from elsewhere before.
“Please don’t tell me you’re about to babble about coming out of the closet, like Jeremey.”
“No, but I think it’d be better for you to approach them about the subject before someone else does. You never know who is watching & capable of blackmailing you,” he said as if he knew something I wasn’t aware of.
“What and who are you referring to?”
“Nobody, I am speaking in general. I’ve seen it happen before, and it won’t be pretty.”
“But either way, it will result the same. If I told them versus someone else informing them, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s just a different delivery, but same outcome.”
“I understand that, but if you told them I think it would be better.”
“I appreciate your concern, Ty. I really do, but I’m not forcing myself to tell my family something I’m not ready for. I am not prepared to attend therapy sessions to make me straight either.”
“Well it’s your life, so you’re going to do you regardless. So I’m gon’ leave it alone, goodnight,” he said, withdrawing me from his car. I didn’t know if he was angry because I had a mind of my own & chose not to do what he wanted me to. But coming out the closet is a step I’m not ready for, you must be mentally prepared for the changes that will follow.
Did he know something I didn’t? No one is forcing me to do anything I’m not fond of, if Ty jumped off the Bay Bridge does that mean I will do the same? No. I’m content with my parents being oblivious to the truth about me; yes it’s a hassle hiding who I am. However, I think they’ll disown me if they were aware of the person I hung around, the places I go to & my sex life.
“Well since you are being a friend & giving me advice, I think I should do the same, as well and tell you to lay off on the lip gloss,” I kindly said as I opened the car door & slammed it. He sat there for a good twenty seconds; and finally pulled off.
I silently strolled in the house & saw my parents both sitting at the dining room table with eyeglasses on, writing on yellow pad line paper. I greeted them both in avoidance of small talk because they hate being interrupted while writing their ideas on paper.
“Hey son, where were you,” my father asked.
“I went bowling with a few friends from school,” I lied with an equitable expression hoping they wouldn’t hold a long conversation.
“Hmmm, bowling? Interesting… we both need to talk to you about something,” my mother said.
“Can it wait? I’m really tired,” I asked the both of them.
“No, we need to talk to you right now,” he firmly said. My gut dropped to my feet, and I heard the phrase ‘we need to talk to you right now’ replay in my head about three times in a short second. Maybe, Ty really did feel something was going to happen tonight, which is the reason he told me to be honest with my parents about it.
When they ask me if I’m gay, I am going to tell the truth. There’s no sense in hiding it anymore!

Hours
past, the reporters & police were inquisitive about the incident I was incompetent about. All I wanted to do was knock each of them out with my cane, and take the biggest sleeping pill & never wake up again. The nosy bystanders were no help either, witnessing me go through this terrible loss and the only remorse offered was utter stares.

There was Nico, jumping out of Tony’s car in blank confusion. I could tell he was speechless & didn’t know what to say, while he walked towards me with a tear in his eye.

“We still don’t know. But the house was on fire when I walked back here, I’ve been calling & texting you for hours.”
“I didn’t receive anything, my phone died while I was out,” he responded as I looked at Tony standing next to his car in disbelief. I don’t trust that mofo at all!
“And Milo is gone,” I said calmly as he stared at that the pavement, and his arms began to shake.
“And my piano is gone… I invested so much money into that piano,” he said.
“Yeah, but Milo is gone too.”
“I heard you say that the first time, Abdul.”
“Well, you didn’t show any remorse towards me stating it either. Milo was actually alive; we can always replace your piano.”
“Excuse me, that wasn’t just a piano. That was a Yamaha Grand Piano, which was worth as much as your car. I loved Milo, but what am I going to do about the piano,” he yelled as I walked away avoiding a decapitation in front of the cops because I was ready to knock his ass out.
“Why are you walking away from me, Abdul,” he yelled as I ignored him and he chased after me grabbing my arm.
“What do you want, Nico?”
“I want you to talk to me. I am sorry about Milo, I loved him just as much as you. It was just my first reaction that my piano is gone, and you know how important it is.”
“Whatever Nico,” I snatched away from him and bumped into one of the officers on the scene.
“Is this your home,” the officer said.
“Yes it is,” we both responded.
“Well, we’ve been doing some investigation, and we can’t seem to figure out what caused the fire,” the officer said as I looked at Nico with tears coming down his face and mumbling something under his breath.
“What are you saying, Nico,” I asked.
“Oh nothing… I just don’t know what to say right now,” he alarmingly said, continuously shaking his head.
“I bet you were in such a rush to leave with ol’ boy over there,” I said looking over at Tony, shaking my head.
“What does that supposed to mean?”
“It means---,” the white officer interrupted my sentence to ask if we had insurance coverage on the place & or if there was someone we could stay with for at the time. I knew the first person Nico would mention is his mother, and again I would rather go to a shelter before agreeing to stay anywhere with her.
“I want you boys to come down to the station with me, so we can ask more questions,” he said as Nico insisted we could both stay with his mom. I didn’t want to make the situation worse than it already was, so I chose not to debate with him on the scene. However, I decided to express my emotions in private or at least at the station. Then, Tony treaded over to us like the fire deeply affected him, but I knew he conducted an Oscar worthy performance.
“Is everything alright,” Tony asked the both of us.
“No, Tony. Our house was on fire,” Nico answered annoyingly.
“But we will be fine, man. Thanks for bringing Nico back home, you can go now,” I said wrapping my arm around Nico pulling him towards me, and he pulled away as if he knew I did it because Tony stood there.
Tony devilishly grinned like the Grinch after he stole Christmas from the innocent children who thought they were received gifts from Santa. He expressed how sorry he was about what happened, but I didn’t buy his condolences one second. He even had the nerve to offer us a place to stay.
Maybe it was my foolish pride, but I just don’t trust dude! He’d probably try to get us to move in with him, just to get on my good side… but screw me over later by seducing Nico.
“Thanks, but no thanks, bruh. We’ll be okay, we’re going to stay with his moms,” I said as Nico stared with hesitation in his eyes. I’d rather be over his mom’s house than Tony’s any given Sunday!