Bright Purple: Color Me Confused with Bonus Content

bright purple

color me confused

melody carlson

© 2006 by Melody Carlson
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without written permission from NavPress, P.O. Box 35001, Colorado Springs, CO 80935.

www.navpress.com

TH1NK Books is an imprint of NavPress. TH1NK is a registered trademark of NavPress. Absence of ® in connection with marks of NavPress or other parties does not indicate an absence of registration of those marks.

ISBN 1-57683-950-8

Cover design by
studiogearbox.com

Cover image by Jack Hollingsworth/Getty

Creative Team: Nicci Hubert, Arvid Wallen, Erin Healy, Darla Hightower, Bob Bubnis

This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Published in association with the literary agency of Sara A. Fortenberry.

Carlson, Melody.

  Bright purple : color me confused / Melody Carlson. -- 1st ed.

      p. cm. -- (Truecolors series)

  Summary: When Ramona learns that her best friend since grade

 school is a lesbian, she struggles to decide how to respond,

 knowing that people of her community, and even her church,

 have trouble discussing homosexuality civilly.

   ISBN 1-57683-950-8

  [1. Best friends--Fiction. 2. Friendship--Fiction. 3. Lesbians

  --Fiction. 4. Homosexuality--Fiction. 5. High schools--Fiction.

  6. Schools--Fiction. 7. Christian life--Fiction.] I. Title.

  PZ7.C216637Bri 2007

   [Fic]--dc22

2006016237

Printed in the United States of America

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  /  10  09  08  07  06

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IARY OF A
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M
Y BEST FRIEND JUST TOLD ME SHE
’
S A LESBIAN
.
A lesbian!

Just like that, as we’re sitting in the food court at the Greenville Mall, Jess calmly makes this little announcement, then adds, “I just thought you should know.”

“Real funny.” I roll my eyes at her and attempt to turn my attention back to my half-eaten veggie burrito. Jess and I have been best friends since grade school and she’s always had this really wacky sense of humor. “Give me a break,” I tell her. “Can’t you see I’m trying to eat here?”

“I’m serious, Ramie.”

“Yeah, right.” But even as I try to brush her words away, my head begins to feel a little fuzzy, and for some strange reason my upper lip is starting to feel numb. I wonder if it’s something I ate.

“I figured you’d act like this,” she says. “I mean going into total denial.”

“Quit messing with my mind,” I tell her, avoiding her eyes. But at the same time, I can feel this thing way down deep in the pit of my stomach. And I’m getting totally freaked. Is it possible that she is really serious?

“I decided to come out of the closet,” she continues in this aggravatingly offhanded way. Like this is no big deal, like people
make announcements like this every day. “And I need you to believe me, Ramie. Trust me, it’s not easy to say this to you.”

I force myself to look at her now. Her expression is dead serious and I’m pretty sure she’s not joking. But at the same time, she doesn’t really look quite like herself either. Something seems different, and I’m wondering,
Is this really the Jessica LeCroix that I grew up with? Or is this an impostor?
I mean can this really be the same girl who moved in down the street when we were in fourth grade? The girl who taught me how to play soccer and basketball? Can this possibly be the same girl I’ve shared secrets and sleepovers with? Oh sure, she has the same curly dark hair pulled back in a messy tail, those same dark, penetrating eyes, but something about her is different. Maybe it’s just what she’s told me. Can it really be true? Suddenly it’s like I am scared. Really, really scared. I feel frightened of her. And this shockwave of reality shoots through me.

“Do you really mean this?” I manage to say in a raspy voice. My upper lip is so numb now that it feels like it’s been shot with Novocain, and I actually reach up to touch it to see if it’s still there. This is so freaky. So bizarre. Maybe it’s just a bad dream.

Jess nods, her dark brows pulling together in a deep frown, and it almost looks like she’s fighting to hold back tears.

“Jess?” I hear the strain in my voice as I stare at her, making this silent plea with my eyes, like,
tell me this isn’t really happening
. Or that it’s just a lame joke. Or wake me up and tell me that it’s just a horrible nightmare.

She presses her lips together as if she’s afraid to say another word. Then she looks down at the table and lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry if you hate me now,” she mutters. “But it’s true.”

And that’s when I start to feel sick, really sick, like I’m-going-to-hurl sick, like I-better-get-out-of-here fast-sick.

“I gotta go,” I blurt as I stand up and make a mad dash to the bathroom. I nearly knock down an old woman as I blast through the swinging door and race into the closest stall just in time to lose my lunch in the toilet. I close the door behind me, then remain in the stall as I attempt to catch my breath and ask myself what just happened. What is going on? What did Jess just tell me? Was it real or did I just imagine it because my burrito made me sick?

I lean my back against the cool metal door and blankly stare at the bright purple tiles that surround the toilet. I am trying to process what I’ve just heard. Trying to decide whether I’m losing my mind. It is possible that Jess is just pulling a fast one on me. Maybe she’s trying to teach me a lesson, to get back at me for trying to match her up with Joey Pinckney last week. Okay, I’ll admit I was just kidding. The kid is kind of nerdy, and some kids think he’s gay, which I doubt, but I’d seen the two of them talking like they really were interested in each other. Who wouldn’t tease about something like that?

“You left your purse at the table,” she says from the other side of the door.

“Thanks,” I mutter, still unable to emerge from my temporary shelter.

“You okay, Ramie?”

“Must’ve been that stupid burrito,” I say as I flush the chunky remains down the toilet and suppress the urge to gag again. “Guess those beans had gone bad or something.”

“Yeah, I’ve warned you about that restaurant. BJ still swears she got food poisoning from their fish tacos last month.” Her voice sounds a little lighter now. As a result, I experience this faint flicker of hope, like maybe this really is just a hoax. Maybe it’s like that
Tom Green Show
where people get scammed while the camera is running.
G
otcha!
Maybe Jess is wearing a minicam right this minute and I’m going to be on TV next week.

“You were jerking me around out there, weren’t you?” I say as I tear off a big strip of toilet paper and wipe my mouth, then loudly blow my nose. “You didn’t really mean what you said, did you, Jess?”

No answer.

Suddenly I think of something that gives me this tiny twinge of hope. “I mean I’ve heard you making fun of those weird girls at school, Jess, the ones who kiss each other on the lips like it’s no big deal. I’ve heard you saying that they’re sick and just trying to get attention. Remember how we’d both say that they were disgusting freaks?”

Still no response.

“Jess?” I take in a deep breath, steadying myself to go out and face her now, to convince her that this is all just a really, really bad joke, but one that I won’t hold against her—if we can simply forget the whole thing and go back to life as normal.

“I just wanted to be honest with you, Ramie. I thought it was about time I told you the truth about me.”

I lean my head against the door with a dull thud, then tightly shut my eyes. How can this be? How could we have been just sitting there, happily eating our lunch, and then Jess announces that she’s gay? Like who does that anyway? And how is it possible that I never even saw this coming? I mean if your best friend has no clue that you’re gay, then who does? And how can you be sure that you really are gay? Furthermore, what does that suggest about me? I mean we’ve been best friends for years. Is it possible that Jess thinks maybe I’m gay too? That she and I can be lovers now?
Ugh!
I think I’m going to barf again.

Then a worse thought hits me. What if I actually am gay and don’t even know it yet? Is that even possible? And what will our friends at school say when they find out about this? Or our friends at church for that matter? And how can Jess still be a Christian if she’s a lesbian?

Way too many questions go racing around in circles through my head, until I am seriously dizzy. I feel like Dorothy in
The Wizard of Oz
, the scene where she’s trapped in the little farmhouse that’s being spun about by the tornado. Only I’m trapped in this bright purple cubicle that’s whirling around and around as my entire life spins totally out of control.
Help me!